


Not Something I Deserve

by LadySlytherin



Category: Toy Story Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Andy/Original Male Character, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Body Modification, Cock Piercing, Communication, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Oral Sex, Sid/Original Female Character, Tattoos, Top!Andy Davis, Underage Sex, bottom!Andy Davis, bottom!Sid Phillips, safe sex talk, top!Sid Phillips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 00:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 94,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySlytherin/pseuds/LadySlytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Andy is assigned Hannah Phillips as his partner for an English project, it never occurs to him that she is his former next-door neighbor. It also doesn't occur to him that her gorgeous older brother is none other than Sid Phillips, psycho-extraordinaire.</p><p>When Andy and Sid fall into a relationship that neither of them is prepared for - or equipped to handle - it's a recipe for heartbreak. Loving someone means risking them hurting you; when they've already done the unforgivable - when you've already lost them - what's left to risk? What's left to gain? Only <i>everything.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [calrissian18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/calrissian18/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so…I apparently really do ship everything I touch. I had this idea a while ago, after re-watching Toy Story for the first time in years with my son. It was half-formed and amorphous, and parts of it were being taken on faith (and fanfiction) because of the fact that I had never seen Toy Story 2 or 3, and so I put off writing it. But my husband bought them for my son and I watched them…and I just couldn’t resist writing this for any longer.
> 
> For the sake of this fic, I’ve made these assumptions:
> 
> Andy and Molly are seven years apart, since Andy is eight in movie one, while Molly is one. This makes Andy sixteen and Molly nine at the start of this story.
> 
> Hannah Phillips – Sid’s little sister – is the same age as Andy, making her also sixteen in this.
> 
> Sid is about two years older than Andy, which puts him at eighteen in this. Note: In the movies, I actually think Sid is closer to four years older (maybe five) than Andy and Hannah, because I don't know any kid under twelve who would be allowed to skateboard around town. But that's a big age gap when one character is only sixteen. So yeah. He's only two years older in this. 
> 
> Andy didn’t move far when he moved in Toy Story. I say this because Andy wasn’t upset about moving away from his friends, which means he must still be close enough to play/go to school with them. Also, the fact that Sid is Andy’s garbage man in Toy Story 3 means he must still be in the same general area, unless Sid is secretly stalking him. Which means that Hannah and Andy go to the same school.
> 
> So…that’s all the little things you need to know about this before starting. I hope you enjoy my take on this surprisingly popular pairing. ~ LS

Andy frowned as his English teacher announced their latest assignment. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the idea of the project; it actually sounded awesome. But this was an AP class and Andy had a GPA to maintain if he was going to get into the college he wanted...and it was a _group_ project. Just partners, but still. Andy didn’t like the idea of relying on someone else for a huge chunk of his grade. And Andy didn’t really know many of the kids in this class, so it wasn’t even like he would get to work with a friend.

 

Though Andy was a baseball player, and quite smart, and very attractive in a wholesome, all-American sort of way, he wasn’t overly popular. It wasn’t that the sixteen year old didn’t have friends, because he certainly did. He was just too quiet - and, really, too nice - to be _truly_ popular. Which was completely okay with him. As was the fact that he didn’t have a girlfriend. Though Andy hadn’t really told anyone, he found most girls to be annoying and clingy and just a little bit frightening. He was in no hurry to date. But that didn’t exactly make him any more popular.

 

While the teacher went on about the finer aspects of the project – all of which were listed in the packet she’d passed out – Andy was mentally preparing his argument for working on this _alone_ rather than having to pick a partner, hoping his teacher would listen to reason. That went out the window when she announced sternly. “I am assigning your partners for this project. There will be no switching, of any kind, because this is not about spending time with one of your friends. It is about _literature_. I expect you to work together on this. A failure to do so will affect your grade.”

 

Andy lowered his head to the desk with a dull _thunk_ as she began calling out names in pairs. He was half-listening for his own name, wondering who he would be paired with. He really hoped that whoever it was actually cared about their grade. Considering it was an AP class, Andy had been a bit surprised by how often his classmates failed to turn in their work. If they were going to slack off, one would think they would do it in a regular class. He sometimes wondered how some of them had gotten into an AP class to begin with.

 

So when the teacher called out _‘Andy and Hannah’_ he lifted his head and began looking around, trying to place a face with the name. The girl in question was quite helpful; she gave a little wave when Andy’s eyes moved over her. She was pretty, in a girl-next-door sort of way, Andy supposed. Her dark brown hair was ruler-straight and framed her face in a sleek little bob with just the faintest hint of layers. Her eyes were a very pretty green and she had a cute little button nose. She was slender, with just the faintest hint of curves under her cotton-candy-pink shirt and light-blue jeans. And she was one of the only students in his class that Andy knew always handed in her work.

 

Which was something, at least.

 

When the teacher announced that they could move around to begin discussing the assignment with their partners, Andy wondered if the polite thing to do was go over to Hannah, since she was the girl. Before he could decide, she’d gathered up her things and practically _bounced_ over to him. She plopped herself down in the seat next to him - which his neighbor had conveniently vacated - and smiled. Her pink lips were slicked with some sort of glitter-gloss that made them look sticky and wet; Andy had never understood why girls thought lip gloss made their lips look _better._ Andy also noticed that her hair was pinned back on one side with a silver-and-pink butterfly hair clip.

 

“Hi! Andy Davis, right?” She asked in a sweet, cheerful voice, holding out one hand. “I’m...”

 

“Hannah.” Andy cut her off, trying to make it seem like he’d remembered that on his own. “Yeah, I know. I guess we’re partners, huh?” He have her hand a little shake, his eyes lingering for a moment on the glittery pink polish on her nails. Girls were _so weird._

 

“I guess so.” Hannah lowered her eyes, dark lashes curling against rosy cheeks and Andy wondered if she was blushing for some reason, or if it was makeup. “So, any ideas for the project?”

 

Andy shrugged, dragging the list of books they’d been given closer. “Well, we’ve got to pick one of these sets of stories to compare, right? Have you read any of them already?”

 

“Mmmm...maybe?” Hannah scooted her chair closer, leaning in towards Andy. The smell of her perfume - something sweet and cloying - made his nose wrinkle in distaste. “Oh, well, I’ve read Dorian Grey...”

 

“Yeah, but since Jekyll and Hyde is so popular, odds are everyone is going to pick that set.” Andy pointed out, frowning again. He didn’t want to do the same thing as everyone else. “What about Nineteen Eighty Four and Brave New World? I’ve read them both.”

 

“And I haven’t read either of them.” Hannah said with a little laugh and a slight shake of her head. “I suppose I _could_ , but it would be easier to work with something I’ve at least read _one_ of...”

 

Andy nodded, waiting silently while Hannah perused the list a little more thoroughly. He did his best not to shrink away from her as she leaned even closer. “Oh, well, what about Gone with the Wind and Wuthering Heights? Surely you’ve read at least one of those. I’ve read both, myself.”

 

Andy cringed; he couldn’t help it. Why were girls so predictable? “Um, well, I had to read Wuthering Heights for an assignment last year, but I really sort of...hated it. So...”

 

Hannah blinked those wide green eyes of hers, then sighed. “Boys are just so unromantic. Why is that, Andy, do you think? Is it genetic?”

 

Sensing this was a dangerous topic, Andy desperately tapped another set on this list. “Have you read The Secret Garden? I know my sister Molly loves it; it’s practically her favorite book. And she’s only nine.”

 

Hannah smiled slightly, allowing the change of subject, much to Andy’s relief. “Well, yeah. Of course I’ve read The Secret Garden. Have you?” When Andy nodded, she looked back at the paper. “What’s this it’s paired with, though? The Door in the Wall...I’ve never heard of it.”

 

“It’s actually a short story.” Andy explained. “H. G. Wells wrote it. It’s really interesting. I can lend you my copy, if you like.”

 

“Oh, sure.” Hannah was smiling widely again. “So, are those the two we’re using then? We should pick a day to get together. Did you want to bring me that book on Monday?”

 

Andy thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “No, I’d rather you read it over the weekend. I don’t like putting off assignments. I can bring it by your house, I guess, or you can come by my house after school to get it...”

 

“Yes!” Hannah said it so forcefully and enthusiastically that Andy actually jerked sideways in surprise, nearly falling off his chair. “Would you mind if I rode with you? I’m not sure where you live...and then I can just call for a ride home from your house. We can even discuss some basics for the project and set up a schedule for when we’ll get together.”

 

Andy wasn’t sure what to make of Hannah, but he did like that she seemed organized and eager to work. If she was even half as enthusiastic during the rest of the project, Andy figured she might not totally screw up his grade. “Sure.” He agreed, since there was no reason not to. “My car isn’t much, though.”

 

“At least you’ve got one.” Hannah pointed out, which made Andy chuckle; she sounded a bit bitter. “My brother’s got one, so my parents don’t think I need one. They say just borrow his. Like he’d let me.”

 

Andy smiled sweetly at her as the bell rang. “Well, just meet me in the parking lot after school then, I guess, and we’ll get started at my house.”

 

Hannah nodded as she stood and shrugged her backpack over one shoulder. “Okay.” She touched his arm as he stood as well, leaning in again and saying softly. “I can’t wait to work with you. I feel like we’re going to be _so_ _close_ after this. You know what I mean?”

 

Andy stepped back hastily, laughing a little nervously. “Ah, right. Sure. I’m sure we’ll be great friends by the time this is done. Gotta go; see you later. Bye!”

 

He practically ran out of the classroom, wondering what he was going to do if Hannah kept trying to get closer to him. She was nice enough, but Andy just wasn’t comfortable around girls. He really hoped they could make it through this project without her trying to kiss him. The last time a girl had tried that, Andy had gagged from the too-sticky texture of her lip gloss and then tried to nicely shove her off of him. It was practically impossible to _nicely_ shove someone off of you, as he’d learned. And the girl hadn’t spoken to him since. Which wouldn’t be too great, considering he _had_ to work with Hannah.

 

As he walked into his math class, he crossed his fingers and hoped she would just keep her gloss-sticky-lips to herself for the duration of their assignment. That was all he asked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments thrill me to death. So pretty please leave me some love? Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

When Andy pulled into the driveway at his house after school that day, he was ready to scream. Hannah had spent the entire car ride chattering away next to him about god only knew what. He’d lost the thread of conversation shortly after they’d pulled out of the school’s parking lot. But Hannah didn’t seem to notice, or else she simply didn’t care. She just kept chattering away, ever-cheerful. It was sort of overwhelming and a little bit annoying. Andy got out of the car and slammed his door with perhaps just a little more force than was strictly necessary.

 

Hannah didn’t seem to notice that either.

 

She kept right on talking as Andy grabbed his bag from the back seat. Finally, Andy gritted his teeth and forced a smile. “My mom usually has a lot of work to do in the evenings, so we’ll need to be pretty quiet once we’re inside. Okay?”

 

Hannah blinked, then smiled again. “Oh, of course! I wouldn’t want to disturb anyone.” She walked around the car and settled her hand on his arm, still smiling. “I can’t wait to meet your mom and your sister. Shall we?”

 

Andy ground his teeth together and resisted the urge to jerk away from Hannah. She was nice enough, really…he just liked his personal space. “Come on.” He muttered, starting towards the door.

 

He used his key to get inside, wondering where his mom was even as he leaned down to give Buster a quick pat on the head to quiet his excited barking. A quick peek in the kitchen revealed a note on the fridge. “She’s apparently gone to the store for groceries.” Andy told Hannah. “She’ll be back in an hour or so. We can get set up in the dining room in the meantime.”

 

“Oh…not in your room?” Hannah asked and her tone was all innocence, but it still made Andy take a quick half-step back. “I thought that would be more…out of anyone’s way.”

 

“I’m not allowed to have girls in my room.” Andy said, which was true. Not that Andy _wanted_ any girls in his room, but that wasn’t the point. “And Molly will be home soon and I’ve got to keep  an eye on her.” He pointed to a doorway and added. “The dining room is in there. I’ll just go get that book for you and we can go from there.”

 

Andy rushed up to his room and snagged the book from its place on his bookshelf. Then he dropped onto the bed, setting the book beside him, and covered his face with both hands. “God, what is wrong with me?” He muttered, scrubbing his palms furiously over his face. “She’s pretty, right? I bet loads of guys would give their right arm to be alone with her! And I’m busy trying to think of ways to get her out of here instead.”

 

Feeling a little silly with himself, Andy let his eyes flick to his toy chest. It was against one wall, under the window, and it was filled with the final remnants of his childhood days. He thought of Woody, and how he’d always made the cowboy kiss Molly’s porcelain Bo Peep, like the two were meant to be together or something. Sighing, he wondered why it had been so much easier to make his toy kiss a girl than it was to do it himself.

 

“Stop being stupid.” He told himself, picking the H.G. Wells book back up. “Give the poor girl a chance, Andy. You might end up liking her.”

 

He walked back downstairs, smiling as he reached the bottom and Molly came bursting through the door like a whirlwind of energy. “Andy!” She cried, rushing over to him with a paper clutched in her little hands, beaming. “Look! Look at my math test!”

 

Andy smiled and knelt down in front of her, taking the paper from her hands. He looked at the _100_ written in red ink and circled with more red that was scrawled at the top. “Wow! That’s great, Molly.” He pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly. “That’s really great. Let’s put it on the fridge where Mom will see it when she gets back from the store.”

 

“Okay!” Molly took the paper back and ran towards the kitchen, calling out. “Buster! I got a hundred on my math test! Want to share a cookie with me to celebrate?”

 

Buster barked and Andy smiled to himself as he got to his feet. Then he blinked in surprise, noticing Hannah watching him with a soft look on her face. “You’re very good with her.” She told him quietly and there was a wistfulness in her voice. “I wish my brother and I were that close.”

 

Andy glanced towards the kitchen where Molly’s cheerful chatter mixed with Buster’s barking. “Yeah, well, it’s been just me and Mom and Molly practically since she was born. That’s when my dad left. So I guess we’re all pretty close.”

 

Hannah nodded slowly, then gestured to the dining room behind her. “Well, let’s get started then. I should make sure I’m home in time for dinner.” Hannah’s voice was quieter now, and less-annoying; it made it easier for Andy to nod and smile.

 

When they were seated in the dining room – and after Andy had checked to make sure Molly was starting her homework in the kitchen – Andy opened the H. G. Wells book to the story in question and showed it to Hannah. “It’s this one. Like I said, it’s just a short story, but it’s pretty interesting. You can take the book home and give it a read. You can read the whole collection, if you want. Just give it back whenever you’re done.”

 

Hannah nodded, flipping the pages quickly to see how long it was. “Oh! That’s not long at all, is it? It’s what, seventeen pages? Gosh, I could read that right now!” She laughed and Andy grinned. “No, I’ll take it home to read tonight, but I guarantee it won’t take much more than half an hour or so.”

 

“That’s good.” Andy said, then he admitted sheepishly. “I wasn’t sure what sort of reader you were, or how good you are at English, so…”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t be dead weight for this project.” She tugged a notebook and the packet from the teacher out of her bag, along with a thick, eight-color-ink pen. “So, we’ve got quite a bit to do with this piece, right? Themes, similarities, differences, writing style, setting, characters…it’s a lot. Did you want to divide the sections between us, or did you want to work on them all together?”

 

Andy watched as she flipped to a clean sheet of paper and began writing in neat, looping letters. He rolled his eyes a little as she dotted each of her ‘I’s with a tiny heart, but it was a forgivable trait. Turning his mind back to her question, he finally answered. “Well, I think we should work on it all together. The final paper will read more consistently that way. Otherwise it’ll be a mash-up of _our_ writing styles.”

 

Hannah nodded, still writing. “That’s true. I hadn’t thought of that. Okay, so we obviously can’t _really_ start discussing this until I’ve read this second story, but…” She flicked her eyes over to him and smiled a little. “What are your initial thoughts?”

 

Andy hesitated a little, then admitted. “I don’t want to say, because I don’t want to color your opinion when you read The Door in the Wall.”

 

“I suppose that makes sense.” Hannah frowned, tapping her pen against the paper almost-absently. “I just don’t like wasting time, you know? I really want to just dig in and get started on this.”

 

“Well, what are you doing tomorrow?” Andy asked before he’d really thought it through. “I mean, I don’t have anything going on and if you’re sure you can read it through tonight…”

 

“I’m free.” Hannah admitted and this time Andy was _sure_ she was blushing, though she also looked a little annoyed. “I had a date, but my brother freaked out my boyfriend because he’s a complete psycho and now I don’t even _have_ a boyfriend, let alone a date.” She glanced over at Andy, and her eyes widened. “Oh god, that…I didn’t mean to blurt that out. I’m sorry.”

 

Andy laughed. “It’s okay. Really. So, did you want to get together tomorrow to discuss this?” Now that she wasn’t babbling on about hair or cheerleading or whatever, Andy found himself relaxing and actually enjoying her company. “You can come here, or we can meet at the library or your house…”

 

“Here or the library. If you don’t mind.” Hannah rolled her eyes. “My house isn’t really conducive to good study habits. It’s always loud and smoky and just…ugh. Yeah.”

 

“Meet me at the library at one, then?” Andy asked. When Hannah nodded, he offered. “Or I could pick you up, if you want a ride…”

 

“No, no.” Hannah shook her head. “It’s fine. Either my mom or my brother will give me a ride. I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

 

Andy heard the door open and his mom greeting Molly as he said. “It wouldn’t be a problem. To give you a ride, I mean. If you ever need one, just ask.”

 

Hannah opened her mouth to reply, then glanced over Andy’s shoulder and smiled brightly. “Hello, Mrs. Davis! You probably don’t remember me, but I’m Hannah. I…”

 

“I remember you.” Andy was shocked to hear his mom say that; when had she met Hannah? “I haven’t seen you since you and Andy were in elementary school! What brings you here?”

 

“She’s in my AP English class.” Andy explained, looking between Hannah and his mom in confusion. “We have a project to do together, so I’ll be at the library with her tomorrow afternoon.”

 

Andy’s mom smiled and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. “Okay, sweetie.” Then she looked back at Hannah. “We’re having pizza tonight; homemade. Would you like to stay?”

 

Hannah’s cheeks went pink and she seemed a little flustered. “Oh…no, I can’t. I’d love to, really, and thank you so much for asking, but I need to be home for dinner tonight. I actually need to call my brother to set up a ride…”

 

“Oh, well, maybe another night. The phone’s in the kitchen if you need to use it.” Andy’s mom was all smiles and charm, though Andy had rarely seen her any other way. “Or Andy has a cell phone.”

 

“Yeah, here.” Andy fished the little blue and silver phone from his pocket and held it out to Hannah with a smile. “Go ahead and call. And my mom’s right; maybe you can stay for dinner another night.”

 

“I’d like that.” Hannah replied as she took the phone and flipped it open to dial.

 

Andy’s mom nodded and headed back to the kitchen to go start dinner and supervise Molly’s homework being done. Andy did his best not to eavesdrop on Hannah’s call, but it was pretty hard since she was sitting next to him. Her tone was prickly and aggressive from the moment she began speaking and it made Andy wonder what sort of relationship she had with her brother. Clearly not a good one.

 

“Hey, it’s me.” Hannah paused and Andy could hear a low growl of a voice just-barely filtering through the tiny speaker on his phone. “Look, I need you to pick me up. I’m at 234 Elm Street and…”

 

 _‘What the hell are you doing there?’_ Andy heard the snarled question from where he was and his eyes widened; he couldn’t imagine taking that tone with Molly. Hannah huffed in annoyance. “I’m working on a project for English, you jerk. This is a major part of my grade. And I’ll need to be dropped off and picked up from the library tomorrow afternoon to work on it again.”

 

Andy’s blue eyes widened further as a stream of loud, colorful swearing burst from the phone. Hannah made a face and held the phone away from her ear for a few moments until it died down. Then she brought the phone back to her head and bit out. “If I fail this project because you won’t take me to the library, I swear I’ll tell Mom.” She paused, then added. “And I’ll tell her about last weekend.”

 

Hannah moved the phone away from her ear again, patiently outwaiting the shouted curses once again pouring out of Andy’s phone. When there was silence once more, Hannah put the phone back to her ear and chirped cheerfully. “See you in half an hour, brother-dearest.”

 

She then huffed and rolled her eyes, flipping Andy’s phone shut and handing it back. “He hung up.” She explained with a little shrug. “Sorry about that. My brother is…well, he’s a bit of a rebel, I guess. I don’t really know him that well since we’ve never been that close, even though he’s not much older than me. But he’s also sort of a psycho. Another reason not to meet at my house.”

 

“Understood.” Andy slid his phone into his pocket and asked. “Do you live on the other side of town? I mean, you gave him half an hour to get here…”

 

“That’s because if I gave him the fifteen minutes it takes to get here, he’d take an hour just to be a jerk. So I give him double the time he needs, and he’ll actually get here when I ask.” She managed a small smile, rolling her eyes again. “Honestly, he’s not that hard to deal with if you know what buttons to push, but it’s still frustrating.”

 

Andy nodded, then glanced over his shoulder to make sure his mom hadn’t wandered into hearing range before asking in a low voice. “So, what did he do last weekend that’s such good blackmail material? If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”

 

A wicked little grin curved Hannah’s lips and she giggled softly. Leaning closer, she admitted in a smug voice. “I don’t have a clue. But _he_ doesn’t know that. It works great as long as I don’t try it too often. I just pretend I know something he did. And he’s always doing _something_ so it’s practically foolproof.” She bit her lip, still grinning, and added. “As long as I don’t do it too much, like I said. Otherwise he might get suspicious and call my bluff.”

 

Andy laughed out loud, unable to help himself. Hannah really was very amusing and Andy found that the longer they talked, the more he liked her. They talked about school, and a little about sports. And just as they were discussing which colleges they were applying to, a car pulled up in front of the house. Rock music was blaring out of the beat-up black car, and the guy driving leaned on the horn for almost a full minute.

 

Hannah made a face and began shoving her things back into her bag. “That’s my brother. I’d better go before he starts cursing or storms up to the door or whatever.”

 

“Oh, you should say bye to my mom real quick.” Andy told her as she slung her messenger-style backpack around her body. “She’s big on manners.”

 

“Oooh, thanks.” Hannah grinned and did a quick half-run towards the kitchen to say goodbye to Molly and Andy’s mom.

 

Just as she stepped into the kitchen, someone rang the doorbell, five times in rapid-succession. Andy quirked an eyebrow and moved the three feet to the door. He opened it, already talking. “She’s just saying goodbye to my mom and...”

 

Andy trailed off, staring in stunned silence at the guy who was apparently Hannah’s psychotic, rude, rebellious older brother. He was standing there, hand poised to ring the bell again, looking completely annoyed. His slightly-long hair was a dark brown, as was the little goatee he had, which made him look somehow sinister. His mouth was curled into a sneer and his green eyes - very similar to Hannah’s, but with a crafty, knowing look - were narrowed dangerously. His jeans were faded and torn, and just a little bit loose, and he wore a black band tee that proclaimed _‘Slipknot’_ in dripping red letters. The shirt was just tight enough to cling to the guy’s slender, but well-muscled frame. Andy swallowed hard; his mouth was suddenly bone-dry and he wasn’t sure why.

 

Andy opened his mouth, intending to say something – he didn’t know what, but _something_ , surely – but Hannah appeared next to him, cutting him off. “God, Sid, could you be a bigger asshole?”

 

Andy’s mind whirled, something about the name Sid tickling a long-ago memory, but the guy’s low growl of a voice cut him off. “Just get in the fucking car, Hannah. I’ve got shit to do.”

 

Hannah gave her hair a little flick with her fingers, glaring at him. “Yeah, cause your life is _so_ full of important stuff. Could you stop being a jerk for two minutes, for my sake?”

 

Then she turned to Andy and, before he knew what was happening, wrapped her arms around his neck to give him a hug. The sweet, cloying scent of her perfume once again made him want to push her away, but he didn’t dare. Not in front of her brother. As she pulled back from the hug, she pressed her cheek to Andy’s and made a soft kissing sound. Sid’s eyes narrowed further as they met Andy’s blue gaze over Hannah’s shoulder and he mentally cringed. Not wanted to show weakness to this guy, though, Andy just raised his chin stubbornly and brought his arms up around Hannah’s waist, giving her a brief squeeze. Sid definitely didn’t look pleased, but Andy couldn’t quite read the expression on his face.

 

Before he could analyze it further, Hannah had pulled back, smiling up at him. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at one, okay, Andy?”

 

“Right.” Andy forced himself to smile back, wondering if the expression looked as wooden as it felt. “I’ll see you then. Enjoy the book.” When Hannah nodded, Andy turned to her brother and said stiffly. “I’d say it was nice to meet you, Sid, but my mother raised me not to lie. So I’ll just say goodbye.”

 

Sid’s sneer stayed in place, but something in his eyes told Andy he was laughing inside. “Not bad, Davis...not bad at all.”

 

Andy wondered how the guy knew his last name as he turned without another word and headed towards his car. Hannah glanced at Andy and gave a little roll of her eyes as she followed her brother. Andy watched them go, feeling oddly as though everything had changed. Shaking his head to clear it – and deliberately pushing Hannah and her brother from his mind – Andy stepped back and shut the front door; he had homework to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay; more Sid/Andy! <3 I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this; I hope you like this chapter just as much as you liked the last two. Comments thrill me beyond words and are prized and cherished duly. Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

Andy and Hannah worked in harmony for two weeks. They met to discuss the project at the library on the weekends, and during the week Hannah caught a ride home from school with Andy and they worked at his house. Andy didn’t mind, since the more time he and Hannah spent together, the more relaxed he was. She hugged him goodbye all of the time, and often kissed his cheek or touched his arm, but he was getting used to it. It wasn’t all that different from when Molly was feeling affectionate. Andy thought it was a little weird that he’d somehow mentally filed Hannah in the same category as his sister, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. And she had stopped hinting that they could be more than friends, so Andy wasn’t too concerned about it.

 

As Hannah was leaving that Thursday – almost two weeks after their initial meet-up – Andy asked. “So, library tomorrow? And Mom wants to know when you’re staying for dinner.”

 

Hannah sighed, looking wary. “My parents aren’t big on me eating at friends’ houses. But...well, my mom said I can if...” She stopped, looking agitated and Andy was immediately concerned.

 

“Hey, look, whatever it is, if you don’t want to it’s fine.” Andy assured her, grabbing her arm loosely to stop her from running out the door. “I mean it. I’ll talk to my mom so she drops it. I didn’t mean to be pushy or whatever.”

 

Hannah looked upset, then she muttered. “She just wants to meet you first, that’s all.” She shook her arm free from his grip, adding. “It’s no biggie. People just...don’t like my brother and end up not wanting to be my friend anymore. So I stopped bringing friends by the house years ago.”

 

As she tugged the door open and stepped outside – Sid was leaning against his car, smoking – Andy grabbed her arm and dragged her back around to face him. “We’re going to your house tomorrow after school. No arguments. Sid doesn’t scare me.” He grinned to hide the fact that that wasn’t entirely true and added. “And then you’re coming for dinner on Saturday, okay?”

 

Hannah’s whole face softened, then she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Andy, so much. I can’t even...god. Just...thanks.”

 

She brushed her lips over his cheek as she pulled back to grin at him and Andy noticed that she wasn’t wearing any lip gloss, which was a relief since he didn’t want his cheek all sticky. Then, before he knew what was happening, Hannah’s mouth was touching his own. It was a feather-light brush of lips and it was over in an instant, but it left Andy feeling sick inside. A cold ball of dread was sitting heavily in his stomach, making him feel like he’d swallowed a huge chunk of ice. He liked Hannah, a lot, but not like _that._ And he really hadn’t wanted to have that conversation.

 

Suddenly the car door slammed and Sid was revving the engine; he’d run out of patience. “Sorry.” Hannah told him, rolling her eyes. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks again, Andy!”

 

Andy watched her go, promising himself he’d talk to her tomorrow about everything. He didn’t want to lead her on, or get her hopes up. He just hoped she would still be his friend afterwards.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

School ended and Andy trudged through the chilly autumn air, kicking at small piles of fallen leaves as he walked across the parking lot to his car. He was unlocking it when he saw Hannah rushing over. He turned, smiling stiffly, and opened his arms for the hug he knew was coming. Hannah didn’t disappoint, winding her arms around his shoulders and giving a good squeeze. Unable to stop himself, Andy’s own arms circled her waist, hugging back.

 

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Hannah asked, pulling back a little and staring up at him with a worried look on her pretty face. “I really don’t want Sid hurting you...”

 

“He’s not going to hurt me.” Andy replied, rolling his eyes a little. “He’s barely taller than me and I’m pretty sure I could bench-press the guy if I wanted to. If he picks a fight, he’s stupid.”

 

Hannah laughed, her eyes lighting up. “God, Andy, you’re like...perfect. You know that, right?” She shook her head a little, standing comfortably in the circle of Andy’s arms as though she belonged there. “Come on. My mom is going to love you.”

 

Andy gave her waist another squeeze. “Don’t worry, okay? I can handle your brother. And Mom wanted me to ask what you want for dinner tomorrow.”

 

“Anything home-cooked is fine.” She replied.

 

She was suddenly rolling up onto her toes and Andy remembered his promise to himself even as he turned his head. Her lips skated over his cheek instead of his mouth and she pulled back, looking confused. “Are you okay?”

 

“Ah...yeah, no. I’m fine. I...” Andy’s mouth moved silently for a moment, then he cleared his throat awkwardly and dropped his arms from around Hannah. “Look, we need to talk.”

 

Hannah laughed a little, still looking bewildered. “I don’t understand. Isn’t that supposed to be my line or something? Andy, what’s wrong?”

 

He turned around and yanked open the car door, flicking the little switch to unlock the other doors. “Look, can we just...not do this in the middle of the parking lot?” He gave her a desperate look. “Please?”

 

Hannah nodded slowly, looking a little worried now in addition to the confusion. She walked slowly around the car to the passenger side, staring at Andy the whole time. Needing to avoid her eyes, Andy got in the car and gave the key a half-turn for battery-power, fiddling with the radio dial and the windows as Hannah got in as well. She tucked her things in the back seat, then got in and buckled her seatbelt, silently watching him the whole time. Andy stared determinedly out the windshield, unable to meet her eyes.

 

“You’re really nice.” Andy’s voice was soft, and he hoped it would help keep Hannah calm during this conversation. “And you’re funny. We get along great.” He flicked his eyes over to glance at her and found her watching him, looking bewildered again. “You’re pretty, Hannah, and smart.”

 

Hannah reached out, touching Andy’s arm. He didn’t look at her, instead gripping the steering wheel with both hands, tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Andy...” Hannah’s voice was soft and sweet. “If you’re trying to ask me out, you should already know my answer.”

 

Andy cringed and finally looked over at Hannah. The apology and regret must have been clear to see in his expressive blue eyes because Hannah bit her lip, looking sad. “Oh. I see.”

 

“Please don’t be angry.” Andy pleaded, turning halfway in his seat to face her properly. “You’re a great friend, Hannah, and I really don’t want to lose that. I just...didn’t want to lead you on at all. I’m sorry.”

 

Hannah’s eyes softened and she shook her head, smiling ruefully. “Oh, Andy, I’m not _mad_. Why would I be mad? I’m just not sure I understand.” Her look turned questioning. “Is there a reason...?”

 

Andy huffed out a little breath that was not-quite a laugh. “A reason I don’t seem to be attracted to a pretty, sweet, smart, funny, awesome girl?” He closed his eyes, letting his head drop back against the headrest of his seat. “God, I don’t even know, Hannah. I’ve never really had a crush on anyone, you know? I just...I don’t find myself thinking of girls in that way. It’s more like...they’re friends. Or almost like sisters. It’s not...I mean, I don’t think it’s you.”

 

“Oh.” Hannah was watching him so intently he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. “Andy, are you asexual?”

 

“What?” Andy almost choked; the word came out hoarse and raspy. “What...why would you...god, Hannah, how can you just ask someone something like that?”

 

She snorted a little, rolling her eyes. “Well, if you’re going to relegate me to friend-slash-sister status, I demand _best_ friend status. Which means I can ask anything I like.” Her face softened again, and so did her voice, as she continued. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you _are_ asexual. Some people just...don’t have those sorts of desires.”

 

“I think you’re misunderstanding what asexuality is.” Andy replied dryly, reaching down and turning the key properly to start the car’s engine. “I don’t seem to have romantic feelings. I definitely get horny.” Hannah giggled and Andy blushed a little, but added. “That’s the opposite of asexuals. They get romantic feelings, but not sexual ones.”

 

“Yeah, but do you get horny for girls?” Hannah asked, as Andy put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. “Or do you just get...you know...directionless arousal? Maybe you’re like...self-sexual. Or maybe you’re one of those people who’s only ever attracted to, like, one person.” She giggled again and added. “Or maybe you’re attracted to _stuff._ I saw that on TV once.”

 

Andy glared at her as he coasted to a stop at the stop sign. “That’s not funny, Hannah. Of course I’m attracted to people! That’s...you’re crazy.” He nodded to the road ahead of them. “Which way?”

 

Hannah gave him a strange look, though he wasn’t sure why, but told him to turn left, promising to tell him when to turn again. Then she added. “Which people?”

 

“Huh?” Andy glanced over at her for a second before turning his eyes back to the road. “What are you talking about? Which people what?”

 

“You said you’re attracted to people.” Hannah reminded him after telling him to turn. “Which people? Like, famous people? Or people in porn? Imaginary people in your head?”

 

Andy really wished he wasn’t driving so he could close his eyes and hide his face against the mortified blush burning his cheeks. He wasn’t paying much attention to where they were going, though everything looked vaguely familiar; he was just following Hannah’s directions. “God, I...I don’t know. People. When I...you know. I think about a person.  Not a _specific_ person, just...eyes, hands, mouth...that sort of thing. And could we _please_ talk about something else?”

 

Hannah sighed, sounding put-upon, but agreed. “Sure. What would you like to talk about?”

 

“The project.” Andy told her as he turned again where she pointed. “Let’s talk about that.”

 

“Fine.” Hannah sounded annoyed now, but she agreed anyway. “It’s like I was saying yesterday, before my brother showed up. The garden in Wells’ story is more ambiguous. We don’t know if it’s real, or if it’s a childhood game, or if it’s a delusion. Does it represent death? A near-death experience when he was a child, perhaps, and wandering on his own? Was it an escape - a fantasy - while something else was happening, like an attack or kidnapping? There’s no solid knowledge; only the belief of the man who saw it that it was a real place and his desperation to return to it.”

 

Andy nodded to show he was listening and she continued. “The garden in The Secret Garden is a real place; an _actual_ garden. It’s an escape as well, mind you, but of a different sort. Turn left.” Andy did, still focused more on Hannah then his driving as she kept talking. “And yet it creates a similar desperation to enter it - first in Mary, then in Colin. Gardens, symbolically, are hopeful and they’re also sanctuaries. I think that’s a crucial point to make.”

 

“I agree.” Andy said, nodding. “And I don’t think it _matters_ if Wells’ garden is real or not, in the truest sense of the word. What matters is the character’s _belief_ that it’s real.”

 

“Right.” Hannah nodded, sounding thoughtful. “Up here, on the left.” She added, with a little wave of her hand.

 

Andy looked in that direction and his heart stuttered in his chest. He slowed down, then stopped. He wasn’t parked; he was still in the middle of the street. But he couldn’t help staring. They were in front of Andy’s old house - the one he’d lived in until he was eight - and Hannah had pointed at the house next door. He couldn’t think; he couldn’t _breathe._ He just sat there, foot on the brake, engine idling, staring. Hannah was saying something, but it sounded tiny and distant below the roaring sound in his ear.

 

Suddenly he turned on her, eyes wild, and demanded. “Your name is Hannah _Phillips?_ ” When Hannah just blinked and nodded, he demanded again. “And your brother...Sid Phillips...he’s the boy who used to blow toys up and shit when we were kids?”

 

“Oh my god, you didn’t recognize us?” Hannah was staring at him in shock, then her eyes sparkled. “Oh, that’s hilarious, Andy! Your mom totally recognized me. And I know Sid realized who you are.” She shook her head, snorting softly, and pointed to the driveway. “Go on and park, then, idiot. We can talk about this inside.”

 

Andy just nodded dumbly and did as he was told.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy smiled tensely as Hannah’s mother studied him critically. “So, you’re the boy Hannah’s been running around with these last couple of weeks.” She tapped her nails on the counter, eyes narrowed. “Well, I suppose she could do a lot worse. You don’t look like drugged-out white trash, leastways.”

 

“Ah, thank you...I think.” Andy glanced at Hannah, who was struggling not to laugh, and added. “Hannah and I are just friends, though.”

 

“Oh.” Mrs. Phillips shrugged, looking unconcerned by her mistake. “Well, whatever. She hasn’t exactly got a ton of those, so again, she could do worse.” She glanced at Hannah and added. “Your daddy is sleeping, so I expect you two to be as quiet as church mice. You wake him up, it’s _your_ ass, are we clear?”

 

Hannah’s laughter was gone in an instant and she nodded solemnly. “We’ll be quiet, Mom. Promise.” She hesitated, then asked. “Andy’s mom wants me to come to dinner tomorrow. Is...is that okay? I mean, now that you met him and all?”

 

Hannah’s mother huffed out an irritated breath, but waved her hand dismissively. “Fine, whatever. Don’t know why I still bother trying family meals anyway when none of you talk to each other, and half the time it’s just you and me anyway. ” Then her lip curled a little, and not in a nice way, as she added. “At least you still _ask_ instead of just doing fuck all whatever, like your brother.”

 

Hannah nodded, dropping her eyes and looking upset. “Thanks, Mom. We’re...we’re going to go up to my room and study now, okay?”

 

“Mhmmm...” She sounded skeptical, but also resigned. Then she added. “You two say you’re not dating, but I’m putting this out there anyway. You get yourself up the duff, girl, and your daddy will put you out on your ass faster than you can blink. Something to keep in mind.”

 

Hannah didn’t say anything; she just grabbed Andy’s hand and dragged him from the kitchen. Not sure what he was meant to say, Andy followed silently as she tugged him up the stairs and into her room. Done in little-girl-pink, despite Hannah’s age, her room was clean and neat and tidy, unlike most of what Andy had seen of the house. He winced when Hannah shoved the door hard, then his eyes went wide when she caught it by the handle at the last second and closed it softly. He hadn’t imagined _anyone_ having that sort of control, let alone a teenager.

 

“You okay?” He asked her softly, touching her shoulder lightly. When he turned her towards him, he realized she was crying and tugged her into a hug, shushing her soothingly. “Hey, shhh...it’s okay. Please don’t cry, Hannah...shhh...”

 

Hannah clung to him, laughing tearfully into his shoulder. “God, she just...she pisses me off so much, you know? This is a huge part of why I don’t bring friends over! It doesn’t matter how nice I am, or how hard I try. I’m still just fucking trash, from a trash family, with a psycho-trash brother and a trashy mom and a drunk dad, right?”

 

She pulled away from Andy, looking heartbroken and angry at the same time, dashing at the tears on her cheeks. “Fuck it. Feel free to run screaming any time.” With a bitter laugh, she added. “You wouldn’t be the first, and I certainly won’t blame you.”

 

Andy grabbed Hannah’s hands, both of them, and waited until she looked up at him. “I am _not_ abandoning you, Hannah. Best friends, remember?” He gave her a smile and waited until she managed a watery one in return to continue seriously. “And I don’t think you’re trash. You are smart, and funny, and pretty, and anyone who doesn’t see that is an idiot. Do _not_ put yourself down. Okay?”

 

Hannah took a shaky breath, letting it out on a little laugh. “Yeah, okay. God, you really are totally perfect, Andy, you know?” She moved closer for another hug, which Andy was happy to give her now that everything was clear between them. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

 

Andy just hugged her tighter.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy left the bathroom after washing his hands, shaking them dry since there hadn’t been a hand towel to wipe them on. He stopped short when he realized Sid was blocking the hallway that led to the stairs, which Andy needed to climb to get back to Hannah’s room. “Ah, hello.” He said, feeling a little flustered now that he knew this was _Sid Phillips._ “Need the bathroom?”

 

Sid snorted softly, shaking his head. “You know, Davis, I thought you were better than this.”

 

“Better than what?” Andy asked, not understanding what Sid was talking about it.

 

“Better than using that innocent face of yours to lie to people.” Sid retorted coldly and there was a mean look in his eyes that made Andy feel wary. “I heard you tell Mom you and Hannah aren’t dating, which you and I both know is a goddamned lie.”

 

“It’s not a lie.” Andy retorted, his spine stiffening at the implication that he would lie to anyone. “Hannah and I are just friends. _Not_ that it’s any of your businesses.”

 

“I saw you kiss.” Sid bit out, still looking mean. “Or did you forget?”

 

“A misunderstanding.” Andy snapped back, moving to walk past Sid. “One that we’ve cleared up. Now excuse me.”

 

He stopped when Sid grabbed his arm. When he turned back to face the older teen, Sid’s green eyes were narrowed and he was snarling. “You think you’re too good for Hannah, Davis? Cause _nobody_ looks down on my baby sister.”

 

“What...no!” Andy exclaimed, giving a glare of his own and shaking Sid’s grip off his arm. “God, why are you such a dick, Sid? It’s not any of your business, but I just don’t think of Hannah that way. She’s okay with it, we’re friends, get over it.”

 

Speculation came into Sid’s eyes, and something else – something heated that Andy couldn’t define – and his lips curved into a feral grin, bearing too-straight teeth. “You a fag or something, Davis?”

 

“Wh-what?” Andy stammered, his heart racing as Sid shifted closer, forcing him back until he bumped into the wall and couldn’t retreat anymore. “Why would you...I don’t...what?”

 

Sid chuckled, and the sound was low and dark but not mean. “I notice you’re not denying it there, Davis. Is that the deal then? Not dating Hannah cause you like cock?”

 

Andy flinched as Sid leaned closer. He wanted to deny the accusation, but the words wouldn’t come. He locked eyes with the other man – blue to green - and brought his chin up a notch. “Why are you so interested in my sex life, Sid?” He asked scathingly. “Is yours that boring?”

 

When Sid’s eyes narrowed again, Andy felt bolder and he asked casually. “Or is it more than that? Do you want my ass, Sid? Like other boys yourself? It would explain all the questions.”

 

Sid’s breathing had gotten shallow and he looked seriously pissed off, but Andy didn’t care. He didn’t like being pushed and shoved into a corner. He couldn’t help flinching, however, when Sid surged forward, slamming his hands, palms flat, against the wall on either side of Andy’s head.

 

“You listen here, you little shit.” Sid spat, and for a moment Andy understood why Hannah always called him _psycho._ “You might be tough-shit at school, but you’re on _my_ turf right now and I will fucking gut you if you mouth off like that again. Are we clear?”

 

Andy’s lips parted in shock at the sheer fury the other boy exuded; it rolled off of him in heated waves and sent Andy’s head reeling. Andy nodded slowly, not sure what else to do, and Sid leaned just a little bit closer, his nose nearly touching Andy’s as he purred. “Good boy, Davis.”

 

Andy took a deep breath, not quite understanding why it shivered. There was just something about the way Sid was looming over him; something about the dark intensity on Sid’s face.

 

When Sid straightened up all of a sudden, Andy jerked back with a start. He hadn’t even realized he’d been swaying forwards. “I...” Andy took another trembling breath, shaking all over, then blurted out. “I need to go study with Hannah.”

 

Before Sid could reply, Andy was scurrying down the hallway, then stumbling up the stairs. Sid watched him go, eyes narrowed consideringly.

 

When Andy staggered into Hannah’s room, she looked up with concern. “Are you okay?” She asked as he collapsed onto her bed after shutting the door behind himself. “You look flushed and kind of...I don’t even know. Shaky, I guess.”

 

“I...” Andy swallowed hard, then locked eyes with her. “I think I know why I’m not interested in dating you. I mean, I think I know why I’m not interested in dating _any_ girl.”

 

Hannah blinked, looking puzzled. “Um, okay. Random much, Andy?” But she folded her legs in front of her and gave a little wave of her hand. “Let’s hear it, then.”

 

“I, ah...” Andy cringed, unable to believe what he was about to say. In a whisper, he admitted. “I think I just almost kissed your brother.”

 

Hannah’s mouth fell open in shock. “Oh shit, Andy, did he punch you?”

 

Andy blinked, then shook his head quickly. “What? No! No, I don’t think he realized....I didn’t _actually_ kiss him, you know? I just sort of...swayed forward.” Andy covered his face with his hands, continuing in a slightly muffled voice. “God, I’m pathetic.”

 

Hannah snorted then reached out to card her fingers soothingly through Andy’s hair. “There, there. You poor thing.” When Andy lowered his hands to glare at her, she grinned and added. “Oh come on. It’s hardly the end of the world if you’re gay. Your mom seems like the sort who wouldn’t care.”

 

“Of course she wouldn’t.” Andy replied, rolling his eyes. “She’d love me no matter what. But...I mean, come on. _Sid?_ That’s like...what the hell is wrong with me?”

 

A small, soft smile curved her lips and Hannah said rather cryptically. “If he decides he wants you, Andy...well, you could do worse.”

 

Andy wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but seeing Hannah’s understanding eyes, and feeling the warm glow of her support, he thought he might like to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this before work, after working all night last night, so I'm tired and sort of cranky and just really sort of blah. I've also not eaten today. And people wonder why I'm not healthy. *rolls eyes* But I'm posting it because people left me lovely comments asking for more and I am helpless to deny you. So here's more. I would be delighted to receive comments while I'm working, so I have something lovely waiting for me when my shift is over.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

Hannah was washing dishes with Andy’s mom when Sid pulled up on Saturday evening. She gave Andy a half-pleading, half-knowing look and asked sweetly. “Would you go tell him I’ll be out in, like, fifteen minutes? He’s early anyway, for once, so it should be fine.”

 

Andy felt his cheeks flush, but he nodded slowly. “I suppose so.”

 

He headed for the front door quickly, hoping to forestall the repeated ringing of the doorbell, which annoyed his mom. Sid was standing on the steps, cigarette between his lips, hand stretched out to do just that. He froze, then reached up to grasp the cigarette between his index and middle fingers. He took a deep breath in through his mouth before pulling the cigarette from his lips, green eyes narrowed on Andy’s face. There was a long, awkward pause that lasted for several heartbeats, wherein they simply stared at each other.

 

“Those things will kill you.” Andy said at last, not sure why the words were leaving his mouth other than that his mother tended to say that whenever anyone even _mentioned_ cigarettes. He stepped out onto the top step/landing beside Sid, letting the door shut behind him

 

Sid arched an eyebrow, then blew out the smoke he’d been holding in, right into Andy’s face. When the younger teen coughed and waved a hand in front of his face to dissipate the blue-grey cloud, Sid sneered at him. “Oh, sorry. Does my bad habit disgust you, Davis?”

 

“No.” Andy snapped, glaring now despite his normally mild-temper. “I just like being able to _breathe_ , is all. It’s a weird quirk of mine. And cigarette smoke reeks.”

 

Sid took another deep drag off the cigarette, then dropped it onto the concrete step he was on, grinding the toe of his boot into it to put it out. Still holding the smoke in, Sid rasped. “In that case, you’d better hold your breath, Davis.”

 

Andy didn’t know what to say to that, but he opened his mouth with the intention of making some sort of reply. Before he could, Sid turned his face, breathed out a long stream of smoke, then turned back to Andy and leaned forward. Instinctively, Andy leaned back. The moment he jerked backwards, Sid did as well, a scowl on his face. Instantly, Andy was cursing himself silently. Hadn’t he _wanted_ Sid to kiss him? Hadn’t he almost kissed Sid himself the evening before? What was he _thinking?_

 

“I…S-sid, I…” Andy stammered, his cheeks heating with mortification. The older teen must think he was such a loser, unable to even make up his mind whether he wanted to be kissed or not.

 

“Shut up, Davis.” Sid spat, glaring as his hands dug into his pockets. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, looking furious. “Fuck, you’re such a…you know what, never mind.” He shook his head even as he yanked a cigarette from the pack. “Tell Hannah I’m in the car and I’m impatient.”

 

“Wait!” Andy took a frantic step forward, looking panicked. “Sid, I…I didn’t mean to…” His mouth moved for a moment as he thought of how to explain, then he blurted out. “You just startled me!”

 

When Sid lowered the cigarette from his mouth, still unlit, Andy could feel his blush deepen and start to spread down his jaw and neck. He bit his lip, then dropped his eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that; he really _was_ a loser. “Sorry.” He muttered, still not looking at Sid.

 

Suddenly, Sid’s fingers were biting into Andy’s jaw and cold green eyes were locked with warm blue. Sid’s gaze was intent and suspicious, but Andy wasn’t sure of what, or how to allay it, so he just stared back with solemn, blushing confusion. Something in his expression must have done the trick, though, because after a moment Sid’s lips curved wickedly. A shiver went up Andy’s spine in response to the heated look. Then Sid leaned down, until there was barely a breath of space between their lips. Damp, tobacco-scented breath puffed in heated bursts against Andy’s lips, which parted on a trembling intake of air. Everything in Andy felt tense; poised and waiting for something to happen. He wanted Sid to kiss him; he wanted to feel those lips against his own. He just _wanted._

 

Sid stayed just like that, lips barely parted from Andy’s, for several long moments. During that time, he smugly enjoyed the way Andy’s pulse jumped under his fingers, and the way Andy’s breath moved in shivery, nervous pants over his lips. Andy wondered whether Sid was actually going to kiss him, or if the older teen was going to back off at any moment, just to be cruel. He had never kissed another boy before – in truth, he had only even had a few kisses with girls – and he _really_ wanted to know what it would be like. And Andy had a feeling Sid had a _lot_ more experience than he did, so he figured it would probably be a really good first kiss; possibly the best first kiss he’d ever have. That thought just made him want it even more.

 

When Sid finally closed the small distance between their mouths, it was nothing like what Andy had been expecting. It was not slow, or gentle, or testing. It was _possessive._ Sid’s lips pressed firmly to Andy’s, then parted almost immediately. Andy’s own lips parted further under the pressure and movement, and then Sid’s tongue was in his mouth. Not seeking; not learning. _Claiming._ Sid’s tongue traced the line of Andy’s teeth, then curled to lick at the ridges on the roof of his mouth, thrusting deep. Sid’s goatee tickled just a little against Andy’s jaw, but it wasn’t weird or off-putting like Andy might have thought it would be.

 

Andy whined softly, his hands coming up to clutch at Sid’s waist, fisting in the black cotton material of the older boy’s shirt. As Sid growled against his lips, Andy’s pulse jumped and skittered. As Sid’s tongue sought out and tasted every bit of his mouth, Andy’s head spun. Then Sid’s tongue moved in light, teasing flicks over Andy’s before retreating. It took a couple of times, but Andy finally realized what Sid wanted; what he was trying to get him to do. So Andy happily used his own tongue to chase Sid’s back into his mouth, not even minding the menthol-and-tobacco taste. When Sid’s teeth nipped lightly at the tip of his tongue, Andy whimpered softly, his hands tightening around the fabric he was still clutching. When Sid sucked on his tongue, Andy felt his knees go weak.

 

He honestly thought he’d have ended up on the ground if Sid’s arms hadn’t gone around his waist, supporting him and yanking him closer at the same time. When he was pressed against the solid wall of heat that was Sid Phillips, Andy broke the kiss, gasping. Sid stared at him for a moment, then smirked. Andy wondered how it was possible for _anyone_ to look _that_ self-satisfied. He figured he must look about as dazed as he felt for Sid to be that smug. He might have been annoyed, except his lips were still tingling and he felt flushed and heated and dizzy. Not to mention, he really liked the way it felt to be pressed snugly against Sid.

 

Then Sid leaned down again and Andy’s breath caught as he tried to brace himself for another searingly hot kiss. But it didn’t happen. Instead, Sid’s lips skated along the line of Andy’s jaw, to the spot just below his ear. Andy shuddered as Sid’s tongue darted out, tasting the sensitive spot above his pulse-point. Sid’s teeth scraped lightly over the skin and Andy jumped a little in his arms. But Sid was ready for that and his arms tightened, pulling Andy more firmly against him.

 

Andy froze when he felt the firm, heated pressure against his belly that could only be one thing. When Sid’s leg shifted forward, attempting to press between Andy’s knees, Andy finally let go of Sid’s shirt and slid his hands up Sid’s chest, between them, pushing firmly. Sid was strong, but Andy was no pushover himself and he had no trouble getting some space; they ended up with several inches between them, though his goal had only been to get some space between their _lower_ bodies. Ignoring the annoyed look on Sid’s face, Andy did his best to catch his breath so he could talk.

 

Before he could, Sid had released him and stepped entirely away. His arms folded over his chest and he was glaring at Andy in the space of a few heartbeats. “I’m not the kind of guy you want to be playing games with, Davis.” He spat coldly, his face blank. “I tend to break the rules.”

 

Andy flinched, though he wasn’t sure why, then said softly. “I’m not playing a game, Sid. But I’m not some sort of slut, okay?” He brought his chin up defiantly, and Sid had the fleeting thought that the stubborn look would have been more impressive if Andy’s lips hadn’t been kiss-swollen. “That’s not the kind of guy that _I_ am.”

 

“And what makes you think I’m even interested in what kind of guy you are?” Sid replied nastily, sneering now as though Andy had personally offended him in some way. “Didn’t Hannah warn you? I take what I want, Davis, and damn the consequences.”

 

“I don’t have a clue what you’re interested in, beyond the obvious.” Andy retorted sharply, his own eyes narrowing with anger. Then, feeling bolder because of his anger, he added. “I take work, Sid. I’m not the kind of guy you get to fuck and leave. I’m the kind you take to dinner, and the movies. I’m the kind you hold hands with; the kind you take to meet your family; the kind whose family _you_ meet. I’m Sunday dinners, and Christmas trees, and anniversaries.”

 

Sid laughed and it was cruel and nasty sound, something Andy _hated._ “Yeah, well, I’m not _any_ of those things, Davis. I’m dark shadows, and drunken fumbling, and smoky air. I’m heated kisses and passion and _need_ , kid, but I’m _not_ the morning after. I’m the guy you pretend you’ve never met, not the one you sit next to at church.”

 

Sid leaned forward a little, making Andy take a quick step back, causing him to bump into the railing behind him. “You can be all the _work_ you want, Davis, but I’m the opposite of you. And in the end, I’m not the one left dreaming of what I don’t have; what I walked away from. I don’t regret the things I didn’t do, because I’ve made the choice to do whatever I want. So don’t act like I’m missing something.”

 

“I never said you were.” Andy said softly, not meeting Sid’s eyes. “I was just telling you what _I_ need if anything is going to happen between us.” Then he looked up, locking gazes, and added. “It’s up to you. I won’t push, or ask. If you want me...you know what you have to do.”

 

Sid sneered again, then snapped. “Hannah, stop eavesdropping and _get in the fucking car._ ”

 

Andy flushed as Hannah came out of the house, blushing more than a little. Andy wondered how long she’d been listening, then decided he didn’t want to know. She gave Andy an apologetic look, then walked between him and Sid and went down the stairs, heading towards the car. As she opened the door, she turned and gave Andy a little wave, biting her lip. Andy waved back, but he couldn’t even try to smile.

 

Sid drew his attention by walking down the stairs. Andy thought for a moment the older boy was going to leave without a word, but at the bottom of the steps he paused and glanced back. In a low growl, he told Andy. “I’ve never wanted anyone _that_ much, Davis.”

 

Andy felt like crying for a moment, before he noticed the indecision in Sid’s expressive green eyes. Then, feeling something warm and hopeful blossom in his chest, he said softly. “If you decide you do, you know where I am.”

 

Then, without another word, he turned and went back into the house, refusing to watch Sid leave. He’d called on Sid’s bet; now it was up to Sid to either ante up or fold. All Andy could do was wait.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

When Andy’s cell phone buzzed later that night, letting him know he had a text, he was surprised. The number was one he didn’t have saved and all it read was **_‘Hi.’_**

 

Frowning, Andy typed back quickly, asking who the person was. A moment later,  his phone buzzed again and Andy read the new message. **_‘Hannah.using mom’s phone.i don’t have a cell.’_**

 

Which Andy knew. He took a moment to save the number as “Hannah’s Mom’s Cell” in his phone, then texted back. **_‘What’s up? Everything okay?’_**

 

Hannah texted back pretty quickly for someone  who didn’t have a phone of their own, but then, she wasn’t typing with the grammar or vocabulary he would have expected so that could have been a factor in her speed. **_‘Yeah just wanted 2 say sorry 4 earlier.’_**

 

Andy winced. “You would bring that up, wouldn’t you?” He muttered out loud, typing quickly. **_‘How much did you hear?’_**

 

 ** _‘Oh, well…’_** Hannah’s first text didn’t tell him much and he was trying to decide whether or not he wanted to push the issue when she messaged again. **_‘I heard when Sid told u not 2 act like he’s missing something.’_**

 

Andy breathed a little sigh of relief at that; Hannah had only heard the very end of their conversation. _‘ **I don’t suppose you’d be willing to never, ever talk about this again?’**_ Andy knew it was a long shot, but he just really didn’t want to get into a discussion about Sid. He didn’t even really want to _think_ about Sid right then.

 

**_‘Sorry.didn’t mean 2 listen in.i think u should give him a little time.he’s not used 2 guys like u.’_ **

 

Andy read Hannah’s message three times before he replied. **_‘Maybe I don’t want him to adjust. I’ve been thinking and maybe he’s right. We’re just not compatible.’_**

 

There was a very long pause, then Hannah finally texted back. **_‘Do u really think that?’_**

 

Andy made a frustrated sound, wishing Hannah would just let it drop. Knowing she never backed off when she really wanted to know something, though, Andy finally answered. **_‘I don’t know. I guess no, not really. I mean, I think we’ve got chemistry, at least. I just don’t want to wait around, getting my hopes up, if he’s going to decide he doesn’t want to bother.’_**

 

There was another pause, even longer than the last, before another message came. **_‘Give him a week b4 u give up andy.plz’_**

**_‘If you promise to stop bugging me about it, then okay.’_** Andy typed back. While he waited for her to reply, he scrubbed his hands over his face in annoyance. Sometimes he wished Hannah wasn’t so pesky.

 

At last, she replied. **_‘Okay.consider it dropped.thx.bye’_**

 

Andy tossed his phone onto his nightstand after typing out a quick _‘bye’_ to Hannah. He wasn’t sure why, but he had a really weird itchy feeling after the conversation. Resolving to talk to Hannah about it in school on Monday, Andy turned off his light and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back to posting chapters while exhausted and getting ready to start an overnight shift. Boo. -_- So, I would absolutely LOVE to come back to pretty, lovely, wonderful comments. That would just make my whole morning. It would make my whole night worth it. *puppy eyes*
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

Hannah plopped down next to him in English, rolling her eyes almost immediately. “Did you know that some of these guys don’t even have an _outline_ done yet for the report?”

 

Andy laughed. “Yeah, I know.” He and Hannah actually had the basis for most of the report finished already, which put them _way_ ahead of the game. “I guess that just means we’re smarter than all of them, doesn’t it?”

 

“Duh.” Hannah rolled her eyes again and Andy found himself wondering if she ever made herself dizzy, considering how often she did that. Then she gave him a nervous look and said. “Look, Andy, about what happened on Saturday…”

 

“What?” Andy jumped in his seat, then he leaned closer and hissed. “Why are you bringing that up, Hannah?” She had _promised_ not to.

 

The confusion on her pretty face was plain to see. “I just figured you’d want to know how long I’d been standing there, is all.”

 

And now Andy was the confused one, because hadn’t they discussed that on Saturday night, when she’d texted him? He got that same itchy, uncomfortable feeling he’d had then and asked slowly. “How long were you there, Hannah?”

 

“Well, let’s just say that was _some_ kiss.” She grinned at him, wiggling her eyebrows for a moment, then she added. “And I totally agree with you pulling away. I’d have done the same.”

 

Andy glanced at the teacher, but she was grading tests for another class. And they were supposed to be talking to their partner; Mondays and Thursdays that was what they did in class now. So he tugged his phone out of his pocket, scrolled through his contact list, pulled up the number that had texted him, and showed it to Hannah. “Who’s number is this?”

 

Hannah’s eyes moved over the digits, then went wide. “Huh. That…that’s Sid’s cell.” She blinked in surprise when Andy began to curse softly. “What? Andy, _what?”_

 

Andy swiftly adjusted the contact name, just for his own sake, then he opened the messages and handed the phone back to Hannah. She read through them, then gave Andy a cross look. “I’m sorry, you thought I type like this _why?_ Give me a little credit, Andy.”

 

“That’s your point of contention?” Andy snapped, taking his phone back. “How about everything else, including the fact that _your brother_ texted me and pretended to be you!”

 

“”It’s Sid.” Hannah replied, shrugging. “You get used to his stunts.” Then she reached out and tapped Andy’s phone, adding. “He asked you to give him a week, Andy. That means he’s thinking about it. I say give it to him.”

 

Andy started to protest, until his brain caught up with what she was saying. Sid _had_ asked for time. And Andy _wanted_ to give it to him. So where was the problem? At least he knew now that Sid was actually interested. Part of Andy wanted to call Sid out for his deception, but the rest of him urged caution. If Sid didn’t step up in a week, Andy could still snap at him over the lie. And if he did…well, Andy could bring it up whenever it seemed like the right time.

 

“Yeah. I guess.” Andy sighed, then slipped his phone back into his pocket. “I just wish I understood him, even a little bit.”

 

“Andy, I don’t think Sid even understands himself half the time.” She gave him a small smile and patted his hand sympathetically. “But I think, if you two both try, that it might work. I get the feeling you two are way more alike than either of you realizes.”

 

Andy didn’t know about that, but he agreed to give Sid until Saturday to decide what he wanted. When he and Hannah went back to talking about their assignment, only half of Andy’s attention was on it. The rest of his mind was busy thinking about what he would do if Sid decided he wanted Andy enough to actually _date_ him. Andy had never dated _anyone_ , let alone another guy. He had no idea what he should expect, or what Sid might expect in return. He didn’t even know if Sid was open about his attraction to guys. If he wasn’t, Andy didn’t know how he felt about being kept a secret.

 

Of course, Andy still had to tell his mom…

 

Sometimes, Andy hated his life.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy waited until Wednesday to talk to his mom. Annie Davis was a no-nonsense sort of woman, and had been ever since her husband had walked out just after she’d given birth to their second child, but she loved her children fiercely. Andy knew that, with the same certainty that he knew that the sky was blue and rain was wet. It was just how it was. It wasn’t that he was afraid of his mom’s reaction, because he knew that she would love and support him no matter what. He just wasn’t sure _he_ was ready for the conversation that his admission was going to start. And he _definitely_ wasn’t ready to discuss it with Molly.

 

Which was why he’d waited until Wednesday. Molly had Girl Scouts on Wednesday evenings, so she wouldn’t be home right away. Which meant that Andy could talk to his mom, just the two of them. He still wasn’t sure he was ready, mind you, but he wasn’t willing to keep putting it off. He and his mom had always talked about everything. Whenever Andy had a problem, he had always gone straight to his mom with it. They were incredibly close. So when he told her they needed to talk, she just nodded, made hot chocolate, grabbed a plate of cookies, and settled at the kitchen table.

 

“All right, sweetie.” Annie said gently once Andy had taken a cookie and bit into it. “What’s on your mind today?”

 

Andy sighed and set the rest of the cookie back down, looking uncomfortable. “I don’t really know how to say this.” He admitted, dragging one hand through his hair. “I know it’s okay, and I know that you won’t be angry or upset, I just…don’t know how to say it.”

 

Annie watched her son with somber blue eyes, then she asked. “Is this about Hannah? Because you know you’re old enough to date. We’ve had that discussion already. And I like her. She seems like a real sweet girl, and smart, too.”

 

“Well, you’re half-right.” Andy admitted, feeling his cheeks heat up. “It’s about dating, anyway.” He looked down at the table, chewing on his lower lip as he restlessly stirred his hot chocolate, watching the little marshmallows melt into foam.

 

“But not Hannah.” Annie confirmed, waiting until Andy nodded before continuing. “Okay, so are you dating someone else, or is there just someone you’d like to be dating?”

 

Andy took a deep breath, then let it out slowly before he answered. “There’s someone that I think I’d like to be dating. Maybe. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but Hannah thinks it is.” His mouth twisted into a wry smile and he added. “I don’t even know if they want to date me. They haven’t decided.”

 

“I see.” Annie was studying her son intently. She knew her son very well, and she could tell when he was being evasive. She wasn’t sure _what_ he wasn’t saying, but she could tell there was something. Deciding he needed a nudge, she asked. “What makes Hannah so sure it’s a good idea?”

 

“She says we have more in common that we realize.” Andy said, and his voice had gone slow and thoughtful while his eyes went soft and considering. “She might be right. I’m not sure.”

 

“But you want to find out?” Annie prodded gently.

 

Andy laughed, still looking thoughtful. “Yeah, I suppose I do.” Then, without thinking, he added. “I’d like to see if we’re as compatible as it seemed like we were when he kissed me.”

 

Annie blinked very slowly as she registered what her son had just said. She didn’t think Andy realized what had just slipped out of his mouth, which gave her a moment to catch up since he wasn’t watching her for a reaction. Then she asked softly. “You kissed?”

 

“Yeah.” Andy’s cheeks flushed a shade darker and he mumbled. “Then I said I wanted a relationship and they said they weren’t the dating type and now I’m waiting to see what’s going to happen.”

 

Annie took a deep breath, then sighed and asked. “Are you going to tell me this boy’s name or am I going to have to guess?” When Andy looked startled, she added. “You said ‘he’ a minute ago, baby boy. Does he have a name?”

 

“Oh…well.” If anything, Andy looked even more nervous than before. Annie waited, wondering what the holdup was. “I don’t…I mean, since he hasn’t decided yet, does it really matter…”

 

Her son trailed off, as though hoping she would leave it at that. But she didn’t need more than that small hesitation to tell her everything she needed to know about who it was her son wanted to date. Having raised Andy and Molly on her own from the time Andy was seven, Annie was quick on the draw. And she had always been perceptive. If Andy was hesitating to tell her the boy’s name, then she knew it had to be someone that he didn’t think she would approve of. Since Annie had always liked all of Andy’s friends, she knew it was none of them. And there weren’t many others that they both knew, regardless of whether they would be someone Annie would approve of. Except, of course, for one.

 

 “Oh.” Annie puffed her cheeks up for a moment, then she pursed her lips thoughtfully, and finally she sighed and shook her head. “Hannah’s brother. Sid. He was always a bit…wild. But then, that’s rather attractive when you’re at teenager. At least, I remember thinking so.”

 

Andy’s darkening blush was all the confirmation Annie needed; it was definitely Sid Phillips that Andy was interested in. “Are you sure you’re prepared for what dating someone like Sid will be like?”

 

“I don’t know.” Andy admitted, looking suddenly miserable. Annie wondered if this was part of what Andy had wanted to talk about, whether he knew it or not. “I don’t know if he’s…you know… _out._ So I don’t know if he’d be trying to keep me a secret. And I don’t know any of his friends, or what he’d tell them, or if he’d even want me to meet them. I don’t know much about him at all, really.”

 

“Those are good things to talk to him about, if you do decide to date.” Annie praised Andy for his clear thinking and the questions and concerns he had, then she cautioned. “But also, boys like Sid…well, they aren’t always the easiest to deal with. He’ll be quick to anger, so you’ll fight a lot. He’ll probably get possessive and jealous and maybe even petty or mean. I’m not trying to warn you away from him, or even saying he’s a bad person. I just want you to understand what you’re getting into.”

 

Andy nodded. “I know. We’ve already fought a couple of times and we aren’t even dating yet.” He smiled a little and Annie smiled back. “But I just…I feel this draw. Like a tug behind my belly button, telling me to get closer to him. And I want to explore that. Is that stupid?”

 

Annie’s heart warmed, even as it ached, and her expression was bittersweet as she said. “It’s not stupid at all, baby. That tug can be a wonderful thing. It can be everything you ever hoped for; everything you ever wanted. And I’m really glad you recognize it.”

 

“But…?” Andy asked. He could tell from his mom’s tone that there was a but somewhere in there. He was a bit afraid of what it was, but he also really wanted to know.

 

“But if it doesn’t work out, then that tug means it’s just going to hurt a whole lot worse.” Annie didn’t lie to her children, and when one of them asked a real question she always did her best to give a real answer. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in shielding them, it was just that she understood the benefits of having an open, honest relationship with her kids. “Again, I’m not saying don’t try. I just want you to know what you’re getting into.”

 

Andy nodded. When the front door opened and Molly’s voice rang out, calling a greeting with boundless enthusiasm that was met by Buster’s frantic, happy barking, he said. “Thank you. I promise I’ll think about this before I decide anything.”

 

Annie nodded, then turned to smile at her daughter as she skipped into the kitchen. “Hey there, angel. I hope you had fun at Girl Scouts!”

 

While Molly and his mom chattered away, Andy slipped up to his room. He had a lot to consider. Did he really want to date Sid and risk the pain it would cause if it blew up in his face? Did he want to spend the rest of his life regretting it if he _didn’t_ try? And if Sid decided _he_ didn’t want to try, could Andy really accept that? Or was Sid worth fighting for?

 

He didn’t know, but Andy knew he had to figure it all out.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

In English class on Thursday, Hannah was painting her nails while they talked about the project. The sharp, acrid smell of the polish – a soft blue color with little flecks of silver glitter in it – made Andy’s nose twitch. A couple of other students were giving Hannah dirty looks and Andy worried for a moment that the teacher might yell at them. But they were seated near the back of the room and the teacher was at the front and she didn’t seem to notice, so it was okay. They were discussing writing styles at that moment, and though Hannah’s nose was wrinkled up in concentration as she dragged the wet, shiny lacquer over her nails she was quite vehement in her opinions.

 

“I just think Wells did a lot of _telling._ ” She said pointedly as she painted the nail of her smallest finger on her left hand – the last one on that hand she had to do. “I mean, the whole story is practically dialogue or internal monologue, right? So that’s a lot of telling.”

 

“That’s true.” Andy agreed, wondering silently why girls painted their nails at all. It seemed like such a silly thing to do. “And Burnett…well, she’s pretty big on _show_ over _tell_. I mean, even when Mary is describing the garden to Colin it’s not all dialogue. It’s written as narrative.”

 

“Exactly.” Hannah raised her fingers up near her mouth, pursed her lips, and blew softly on her nails. She smiled a little after  a moment and added. “Also, Burnett is very repetitive. I mean, I get that there’s more story than in Wells’ story, but still. She tends to describe things exactly the same way, using all of the same words. Over and over and over.”

 

Andy nodded, his eyes following the movement of Hannah’s hand as she shook it from side to side. He wondered if that – or the blowing – actually did anything, or if it was just a way to pass the time until the polish dried. “She does, that’s true. But the book was written for children, so there’s that to consider. You have to expect some level of repetition when the book is written for children.”

 

Hannah was looking consideringly at her right hand – the nails still unpainted – and then she turned to look at Andy, speculation lighting her eyes, “Would you mind?” She asked, holding out the bottle of nail polish. “Being right-handed, when I use my left hand to paint my right nails, they always turn out sort of sloppy.

When Andy sighed but took the polish, she grinned. “Thanks. And I get that the story was written for children, but still. It’s always ‘tangles of branches’ and ‘fountains of roses’ and ‘the Magic’ and things like that. She says it all over and over again. Even the characters’ dialogue is fairly repetitive.”

 

Andy shrugged as he began painting the nails of Hannah’s right hand; he wasn’t great at it, but he wasn’t awful either because he had a little sister and Molly had occasionally made Andy paint her nails. “I think it’s her writing style. She liked to describe things in the simplest, most basic terms possible. And she keeps using those terms, over and over, because they’re the simplest and most basic.”

 

Hannah made a small sound in the back of her throat, considering. “Yes, there’s that. They’re both fond of dialogue, too, though Burnett does use a lot of narrative between. But in scenes where Mary is alone, when you’d think it would be all narrative as she walks and looks and observes, it’s rarely just. She has Mary speak aloud to herself quite often, breaking the narrative up with more dialogue. That’s why I say she’s fond of it, even though it seems at first glance that Wells likes dialogue far more than Burnett.”

 

Andy nodded, still painting, and added. “I think it’s  sort of neat how Burnett writes out the accent of the character. You always know when someone is speaking Yorkshire, because she writes it that way.” He glanced at Hannah in time to see her nod before looking back at her nails. “I honestly think you could learn to talk with a Yorkshire accent – and pick up the slang – just by reading the book enough. And it’s nice because she shows every time Mary chooses to use it, and even when Colin does.”

 

“Not a lot of authors do that.” Hannah said slowly; thoughtfully. “It is very distinctive. Most authors will make a narrated mention of the character’s speech – if there’s an accent, slow or fast, low or high; that sort of thing – but they rarely write the actual accent out. It’s a good portion of her writing style, in fact, and it makes you feel closer to the story. It’s easier to picture Dickon on the moor, surrounded by his animals – Soot and Shell and Nut and Captain – when you’re reading the words in the way he shapes them, common and strange but so lovely.”

 

Andy hummed softly under his breath in agreement as he finished up the last nail. Hannah raised her hand to study them as Andy screwed the cap back on the bottle. “Not bad.” She told him, smiling even as she blew on lightly on them. “I have a question for you.”

 

“Okay. I’m pretty sure I’ll have an answer.” Andy grinned when Hannah laughed; she had the sweetest laugh and it was impossible not to be infected by her joy. “What is it?”

 

Hannah was still smiling as she asked. “Can you get a ride to school tomorrow? Instead of driving yourself, I mean. And tell your mom you’ll be out? Like, will she mind if you go out?”

 

“You want to hang out or something?” Andy asked, confused. “Mom won’t mind. But won’t it be easier if we have my car with me?”

 

“No.” Hannah replied, giggling a little as she tucked her nail polish back into her purse. “No, for what’s planned tomorrow your car would just be in the way. You can manage it, right?”

 

“Sure.” Andy gave Hannah a funny look as the bell rang, dismissing them. “Mind telling me what we’re doing, then? In case my mom asks.”

 

A small, secretive smile curved Hannah’s lips and if he hadn’t trusted her so completely – or if she wasn’t aware of his attraction to her brother – Andy might have been afraid. But Hannah’s reply was innocent enough, despite the look on her face. “A movie. Maybe some dinner or ice cream. Nothing too complicated, anyway. Is that all right?”

 

Andy nodded, still feeling puzzled. “Ah, yeah. Yeah, that sound fine, I guess. What movie are we going to go see, then?” He was trying to remember what was playing. He’d never paid much attention to what movies were out but he thought the new movie ‘Timeline’ might be out by now. Which would be completely awesome, because he _really_ wanted to see that.

 

“Not sure.” Hannah said as she finished stuffing her notebooks into her bag, then stood. “Hey, do me a favor, would you? Dress nice. Something…you know. Hot.”

 

“Ah…why?” Andy followed her out of the classroom with a frown. “What’s it matter if I’m just wearing jeans and a tee-shirt? It’s just a movie. Right?”

 

Hannah turned to face him, an exasperated look on her face. “Andy, sweetie, could you try to be just a _little_ bit more gay?” Andy winced, but her voice had been soft and no one seemed to have heard. Not that Andy was ashamed, but he wasn’t sure he wanted _everyone_ to know.

 

Seeing his discomfort, Hannah sighed. “Sorry. But, seriously. Would it kill you to dress up a little?” She poked him lightly in the side. “Nothing major. Just something…flattering. For me?”

 

Andy laughed as Hannah fluttered her eyelashes at him, then he snorted and nodded. “Fine, you pesky little brat. I’ll dress nice and get a ride. Anything else?”

 

“Hmmm…” Hannah seemed to consider this for a moment, then she shook her head. “Nope. I think that’s it.” She gave him a quick hug before turning to go down the hall towards her next class, calling over her shoulder. “See you later, Andy!”

 

Andy watched Hanna go, feeling as if he should be a bit more wary of her instructions but not knowing why. Shaking the feeling off, Andy headed to his next class. Whatever Hannah was planning, Andy was just going to have to trust her. That was what friends did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated, long and hard, about posting this next chapter yet. It's a longer chapter than any of the ones before it (by a decent amount) so I was hesitant to post it until the chapter after it was done. And then the chapter after (Ch 7) ended up EVEN LONGER. O_O Something about smutty scenes makes the chapters stretch into crazy lengths, I guess. I dunno.
> 
> So, there's your warning. There's some M/M action in this chapter! Not as much as is in the NEXT chapter mind you, but enough to get you through. ^_~ So, I'm posting this pre-shift-start, and comments to end my shift to would be SO awesome. Seriously. Leave me love?
> 
> Happy reading! 
> 
> ~ LS

Andy was laughingly shoving Hannah’s hands away from him as they left school on Friday afternoon. She was armed with an eyeliner pencil and a wicked glint in her green eyes. “Oh, come on now, Andy! You’ve got the most gorgeous blue eyes…let me highlight them!”

 

“You are _not_ putting makeup on me.” Andy laughed, dancing backwards out of her reach when she lunged forward, armed and dangerous as far as Andy was concerned. “I look fine without it.”

 

“Yeah, but you’ll look _extra-_ fine with it.” She pleaded, pouting when he shook his head, still grinning. “I have the least fun BFF _ever._ ” She griped, capping the pencil and tucking it into her purse. “But I do like your outfit. Very nice.”

 

Andy shrugged, not seeing what the big deal was. He had just put on a pair of black jeans – slightly snugger than the blue jeans he normally wore, from having been worn less – and a light blue tee-shirt, topped with a black windbreaker. He didn’t even real think he was ‘dressed up’ like she had asked, but he looked decent. He’d asked his mom if he looked okay before leaving that morning, earning him an odd look but an approving remark as well. Andy figured he looked about as good as he ever looked, which wasn’t half bad, and that was enough for him.

 

“So, do we know what movie we’re going to see yet?” Andy asked, reaching out and grabbing her hand now that she wasn’t wielding makeup anymore, swinging their arms as they started towards the front doors again. “Who all is coming anyway?”

 

Andy had been a little surprised to realize he and Hannah had a few mutual friends, but then he played baseball and she was a cheerleader so it made sense that their social circles occasionally overlapped. “Oh, it’s not going to be a crowd or anything.”

 

Something about Hannah’s tone had Andy’s stomach twisting funnily. He glanced down at her as they stepped outside, inexplicably nervous. “Hannah, why do I feel like you aren’t telling me something that’s majorly important?”

 

Hannah giggled and nodded her head towards the street. “There’s your answer.”

 

Andy turned his head and froze. There, parked right in front of the school, was Sid’s car. And Sid was leaning against the hood, smoking and ignoring the cross look the security guard was giving him. Sid was dressed as he usually was – slightly baggy jeans, a tight band tee, and heavy-duty black work boots. He had topped it all with a black leather jacket to combat the chill in the air that was taking a turn from nippy into icy as November drew to a close. Andy looked down at Hannah, pleading with his eyes for the answer to a question he didn’t even fully understand.

 

“He’s not here for me.” Hannah told him gently. Then she turned her head and waved to a friend – a fellow cheerleader who was a senior. “Abby is giving me a ride home.” She added as she pulled her hand free from Andy’s grip, which had grown incredibly tight. “Look, just…go. Okay? Give Sid a shot.”

 

Andy nodded stiffly, letting Hannah hug him, then he made his way slowly over to the car. As Andy drew closer, slowing down unconsciously, Sid straightened away from the hood and flicked the remains of his cigarette into the street. Andy took a trembling breath and stopped on the sidewalk just beside the passenger door as Sid moved towards the driver’s door, yanking it open. Andy just stared as the older teen got in; his heart felt like it had lodged in his throat and his feet felt glued to the pavement.

 

Andy watched numbly through the window as Sid’s hands clenched around the steering wheel and his jaw tightened. Andy wondered why Sid was angry, before it occurred to him that maybe Sid was _nervous._ Did he think maybe Andy wouldn’t get in the car? Did he think Andy would walk away and go home and pretend none of this had happened? Was he worried that Andy was going to decide he wasn’t worth the chance?

 

It was that thought that spurred Andy into motion. He opened the door and got in. As soon as the door shut, Sid turned the car on, asking in a low voice. “This okay?”

 

Andy swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure what, exactly, Sid was asking about. Did he mean picking Andy up from school? Did he mean taking Andy out to a movie, assuming Hannah had been telling the truth about that? Or did he mean ‘this’ in a broader sense; the two of them, together, in a way that was somehow rife with tension and an underlying current of some sort? He didn’t know. But Sid was staring at him expectantly, green eyes intense, and Andy knew he had to answer.

 

So he nodded a little bit jerkily and forced his voice to work. “This is fine. Ah…” He hesitated for a moment, then continued. “Hannah said the plan was for a movie…is that right?”

 

Sid nodded once, very sharply, as Andy buckled his seat belt. “Yeah. Unless you’d rather we did something else. Just seemed…” Now it was Sid’s turn to hesitate and Andy held his breath until Sid growled in annoyance and muttered. “Seemed like a normal first date thing.”

 

“A movie sounds fine.” Andy managed in a whisper, wondering if first dates were always this awkward and uncomfortable. He had never been on a date before, so he didn’t know. “Um…what did you want to see, then?”

 

Sid shrugged as he started driving, nearly running over the security guard who’d been glaring at him and causing Andy to curse softly under his breath. “Relax, Davis. I’m a good driver.” Sid was sneering again and it set Andy’s teeth on edge. “And I don’t know yet. Not sure what’s playing.”

 

“Don’t call me that.” Andy bit out, grinding his teeth together in sudden anger. “If we’re doing this, you need to call me Andy.”

 

Sid huffed a little in annoyance, but glanced over at Andy for a moment when he paused at a red light. “I guess I can do that, _Andy._ ” He stressed the name, earning him a glare, then he added coldly. “If you’re going into this expecting me to fail, I can drop you off at your house, you know.”

 

Andy opened his mouth, intending to reply with just as much nastiness, but he stopped himself. Taking a deep breath, Andy said softly. “I don’t know if this is going to work, Sid.” He glanced over at the older teen and added. “But I know I want it to. Can that be enough for right now?”

 

Sid didn’t answer, but his hands relaxed on the wheel and the sneer left his face. After a few moments, he reached out and flicked on the radio, pushing buttons without looking. Something somewhere in the genre of alternative rock began pouring out of the speakers, surprising Andy; he had half-expected to be deafened by heavy metal. This was actually the sort of music he listened to himself. It only took Andy a few lines to identify both the song and the band, and then – without much thought – he began to sing along to it.

 

“It’s the breeze you make. The presence felt when you’re around me. And it feels like, I’m at an all-time low. Slightly bruised and broken from our head on collision. I’ve never seen this side of you. Another tragic case of…what?” Andy stopped, blinking at Sid in surprise when the older teen laughed.

 

“Nothing.” Sid replied, shaking his head and still chuckling quietly. “I just didn’t expect you to know this, that’s all. Continue, please.”

 

Andy hesitated , then sighed and went back to singing. “I think I’ve held this long enough. I think it’s safe to tell you some things. It’s not just what you say to people and it’s not the way you look at me. It’s the way you present yourself for all your worst critics to see.”

 

Andy stopped again, then smiled a little. “It’s funny, but this song suddenly makes me think of you.” He studied Sid for a moment, then asked. “Why did you assume I wouldn’t know this?”

 

“You don’t seem like the type to listen to alternative.” Sid replied, not taking his eyes off the road, though Andy had a feeling Sid was looking at him in his peripheral vision. “What else do you like?”

 

“I like a lot of things.” Andy said, rolling his eyes. “I’m pretty open when it comes to music. But I guess, in addition to NFG, I’m fond of All American Rejects. Three Doors Down. Ah, the Goo Goo Dolls. I think Gutterflower is my favorite cd, but I really like the song Acoustic Number Three. Savage Garden. You know, just all sorts of stuff. What’s your favorite song?”

 

A smirk formed on Sid’s mouth and he reached out, pushing more buttons. And suddenly a song was blasting from the speakers that had Andy grinning as Sid sang along with the female singer. “I’m only happy when it rains. I’m only happy when it’s complicated. And though I know you can’t appreciate it, I’m only happy when it rains.”

 

Sid laughed as well and after a few moments Andy admitted. “I love this song, too. I listen to it whenever I’m pissed off.” When Sid looked at him skeptically, Andy opened his mouth and sang. “I only smile in the dark. My only comfort is the night gone black. I didn’t accidentally tell you that. I’m only happy when it rains.”

 

“You’ll get the message by the time I’m through.” Sid joined in, grinning broadly now. “When I complain about me and you. I’m only happy when it rains.”

 

When Sid suddenly whipped the car into a parking space, Andy was stunned to realize they’d reached the movie theater already. He blinked in surprise, then smiled a little as Sid put the car in park and turned it off. Andy would have to tell Hannah she’d been right; apparently he and Sid _did_ have some things in common. More than he ever would have thought, even if it was just music right now. Still smiling, Andy unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the car door handle, stopping when Sid put a hand on his arm. He turned back, a question in his eyes, and gasped in surprise when Sid leaned in and kissed him. Without thinking much about it, Andy melted into the kiss.

 

It was just as heated as their first kiss had been; maybe even more so, since Andy was more confident this time around. He moaned and parted his lips, this time not a startled receiver but an active participant, opening to Sid’s tongue right away. He shifted his body closer to the other teen, sliding his arms around Sid’s back, just below his shoulders. One of Sid’s hands curled around the back of Andy’s neck, fisting loosely in his hair. It allowed Sid to control the angle of the kiss, with just the slightest push or tug. Andy didn’t mind; he was happy to let Sid be in control.

 

After several long minutes, they broke for air for a moment. Then Sid leaned back in, devouring Andy’s lips once more. When his tongue pushed past Andy’s teeth again, the younger teen remembered something. Deciding to give it a try, he sucked on Sid’s tongue even as his fingers slid up into Sid’s hair, tangling and gripping and forcing the other teen’s mouth closer to his. Something tightened low in his belly when Sid startled and then growled. Andy breathed sharply through his nose while he pushed his tongue past Sid’s so he could explore the older teen’s mouth.

 

Menthol and tobacco again and Andy wondered briefly if it was possible to become addicted to the taste of cigarettes without ever smoking one, before all he cared about was tracing and memorizing the straight line of Sid’s teeth and the taste of the inside his cheeks and the faint ridges on the roof of his mouth. He licked at Sid’s teeth and tongue and lips like he would die if he didn’t. Like this was all he needed in the world. Like he couldn’t ever get enough. He sucked on Sid’s lower lip, then bit down hard enough to drag a low groan from Sid before sliding his tongue back into that mouth.

 

Sid, for his part, was feeling dizzy. Somehow, Andy had gone from shy and uncertain to needy and demanding and all Sid wanted to do was drag the younger boy into the back seat of his car and fuck him until he couldn’t walk. Pulling back from the kiss, he dragged his lips along Andy’s jaw, his tongue darting out to taste salt and soap and skin. His lips worked their way past Andy’s pulse, which thrummed rapidly under his skin, and up to his ear. He traced the curve of it with his tongue, then lightly nipped the top curve of the cartilage.

 

 The way Andy shivered against him was completely intoxicating and, before he knew what he was saying, he blurted out. “Let’s just skip the movie and go back to my house.”

 

Andy tensed instantly, shoving backwards out of Sid’s arms. His face was a mixture of emotions that Sid hadn’t even realized could coexist. There was need and desire, of course, but also a tinge of anger and even a little bit of hurt lurking in those blue eyes. Andy managed to look delightfully rumpled and utterly confused and somehow betrayed all at once. Sid might have been impressed, if he wasn’t feeling quite so frustrated. He had a feeling that the complicated mix of emotions was _not_ going to bode well for his chances of relief.

 

“Do you even listen when I talk?” Andy asked and if his voice had been angry then Sid could have gotten angry too and probably yelled and then walked away from the whole thing, but instead Andy sounded hurt and upset and that just made Sid feel like some kind of animal. “I can’t…I _won’t_ just jump into bed with you. I thought you understood that.”

 

Sid ground his teeth together, and wondered why he was even bothering with the complicated, demanding, high-maintenance Andy Davis. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have way easier ways of getting laid, after all. But something about those huge, expressive blue eyes tugged at Sid. And something about that sweet face made him soften inside, just a little. And he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the way Andy felt against him and the way he tasted and how he smiled. So he’d decided to try this whole _dating_ thing, because he figured if anyone was worth that sort of bother it was a boy like Andy Davis. And there was a pretty good chance that Sid wouldn’t ever have another shot at a guy like Andy, not for as long as he lived, because guys like Andy were so far out of Sid’s reach it wasn’t even funny.

 

And here he was, proving just why that was true.

 

Struggling to make it right, Sid spoke gruffly. “I just…I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” The words didn’t taste anywhere near as sour as he’d always assumed they did, Sid realized.

 

Andy looked so surprised at his apology that he continued without really meaning to, sounding a little annoyed. “You just…fuck, Andy, when you kiss a guy like that, he’s going to lose his head a little, you know? Of course we’ll still go to the movie. I just wasn’t thinking for a minute there.”

 

“Oh…” Andy sounded so breathless and confused that Sid had trouble believing the boy was only two years younger than him. He seemed so…inexperienced. “I’m sorry. I…I certainly wasn’t trying to lead you on or tease you or anything.”

 

Sid watched in delight as Andy’s cheeks flushed with color and then Andy admitted. “I’ve never…never kissed anyone like that. Before you, I mean. I guess I got carried away, so it’s not fair to be angry with you for getting carried away as well.”

 

Sid’s lips twitched up, all of his frustration melting away in the face of Andy’s sweet forgiveness. “Come on then. Let’s go pick a movie.”

 

Andy nodded and they got out of the car. Andy was a little surprised to realize they were parked way at the back of the parking lot, despite the fact that the theater wasn’t all that busy yet. It was a Friday, but the teenage crowd wouldn’t really swarm the place for another couple of hours at least. “Why’d we park all the way back here?” He asked curiously.

 

“Because I knew I was going to kiss you.” Sid replied easily, as though his explanation made perfect sense even though it didn’t to Andy. Then he clarified. “I’m not really one for public displays.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” Andy felt a little disappointed by that, but he carefully didn’t say anything. Sid was trying, and he was being honest. Andy wasn’t going to pick a fight over something so little. “Let’s pick a movie.”

 

Sid and Andy crossed the parking lot together, side-by-side but not touching, and stood in front of the little glass window. Andy scanned the names of the movies, disappointed to see that “Timeline” didn’t come out for another five days. Since he didn’t have any sort of preference for the others, he turned to Sid and offered generously. “You can pick.”

 

Sid seemed surprised by that, making Andy wonder if he came across as demanding. “You sure?” Sid asked, looking uncertain. “I don’t mind seeing whatever.”

 

Andy smiled and shook his head, admitting. “No, the one I _really_ want to see isn’t out quite yet.” He pointed to the ‘Coming Soon’ poster in question. “So anything you want to see is fine.”

 

“We can come back next week, then.” Sid promised as he turned towards the window again. “To see the one you’re interested in.”

 

Andy’s smile widened and Sid couldn’t help watching it blossom from the corner of his eye; Andy was just so damned attractive it wasn’t fair. “Thanks. What are we seeing today?”

 

Sid ignored the impatient look on the face of the girl manning the booth, scanning names and times and then checking the time on his watch. It only took him a moment to decide. “Two for Gothika.” He stated, reaching into his back pocket to tug out his wallet.

 

The girl popped her gum and sighed. “Sixteen dollars and I need an ID.”

 

Sid handed over his driver’s license and a twenty dollar bill. From the corner of his eye he saw Andy reaching for his wallet and snapped. “Pull out money and I’m going to get mean.”

 

Andy froze in the act of doing just that and he flushed, but he accepted that this _was_ a date and it was perfectly okay for Sid to pay for him. He just did his best to push the idea of being _the girl_ in the relationship out of his mind. Sid was older; Sid (according to Hannah) had a job; Sid was the more experienced one. It made sense for him to take the lead. The girl handed Sid back his ID, his change, and the two tickets. Sid slid his license and the change back into his wallet, tucked the wallet back into his pocket, and walked towards the doors. Andy followed closely, silently wishing Sid was the sort of guy who would hold his hand but refusing to make an issue out of it.

 

After their tickets had been torn, and the stubs handed over, Sid nodded at the concession stand. “Do you want popcorn or anything? A soda?”

 

“Ah, sure.” Andy gave Sid another smile. He never would have thought Sid could be so considerate. “Can I get a Mountain Dew and some cotton candy?”

 

Sid gave him an amused look. “Really? Cotton candy?” When Andy blushed and dropped his eyes, Sid laughed and shook his head. “All right. I’m getting popcorn, too. Feel free to take some.”

 

Sid ordered two large sodas – Andy’s Mountain Dew and a Sprite for himself – and a large tub of popcorn and Andy’s bag of cotton candy and a bag of gummy worms. Andy carried the sodas while Sid carried the snacks and they made their way into the theater. They were cutting it close to the movie’s start time and when they walked in, the trailers for upcoming movies were already running. Andy was surprised at how empty the theater was, considering it was Gothika’s opening day, but then it was early yet and most of the people at shows were either elderly people or parents with very young children. Neither of which were particularly inclined to watch an R-rated horror movie.

 

Sid immediately climbed the theater steps, leading the way up to the very top row, underneath the projector. They settled in and Andy put his drink in the cup holder on his left, while Sid put his in the cup holder on his right. Then, much to Andy’s surprise, Sid raised the arm rest that was between their seats and slid an arm around Andy’s waist, tugging the slightly-shorter boy against his side. Andy went happily, resting his head on Sid’s shoulder. The popcorn was settled on Sid’s lap while Andy’s bag of cotton candy was on his lap. Sid had set his gummy worms on the seat next to him, along with their jackets. Andy smiled in the dark as the movie trailers finished and the movie itself started. He felt safe and warm, snuggled up against Sid, and it was perfectly wonderful.

 

Halfway through the movie, Andy revised his opinion. It was _awful._ Andy _hated_ horror movies. He should have said that. He should have protested. But Sid had been being so sweet and Andy had said he could choose, so he hadn’t felt like he could. That had been a mistake. Andy whimpered and turned his head, hiding his face against Sid’s neck as he trembled. He couldn’t bring himself to watch any scene involving the murder, or the ghost, or…well. He really wasn’t watching much of the movie at all.

 

Andy’s left hand shifted across Sid’s body, clutching at his tee-shirt near his right hip and he squeezed his eyes shut as he nuzzled closer to Sid’s neck. He felt a jolt of surprise when Sid sucked in a sharp breath, the hand he had on Andy’s waist suddenly gripping his side so hard it was nearly painful. Andy’s heart raced as he listened to the way Sid’s breathing grew shallow. Feeling curious and bold, Andy used his nose to nuzzle the spot where Sid’s neck and shoulder met, just along his collarbone. Sid’s grip on his waist tightened further for a moment, then was slowly released as though Sid were trying very hard to control himself. Andy shivered as a heady rush of desire swept through him.

 

Slowly, Andy released the bit of Sid’s tee-shirt he was clutching, then just as slowly he slipped his fingers underneath it until he found skin. Sid was rigid against him, his breath coming in rapid pants above Andy’s head, as Andy’s fingers ghosted lightly over the soft skin just above Sid’s hipbone. Andy pulled his head back just the littlest bit and let his tongue dart out, tasting Sid’s neck. The salty sting of sweat and the acrid burn of cologne seared across his taste buds and Andy was surprised to find it wasn’t as unpleasant as he might have expected it to be, had he thought about it at all.

 

He felt Sid’s fingers slip under his own shirt, touching the skin at the small of his back and then sliding up and down the base of his spine in a slow, light caress. It made Andy shiver and he shifted his mouth higher on Sid’s neck, pressing damp, open-mouthed kisses up the smooth column of flesh until he reached the spot just behind Sid’s ear. His set his teeth to the skin there, just lightly. Then Sid turned his head and Andy happily tipped his face up, letting himself be kissed. Kissing was so much better than watching some horrible ghost movie. Andy wondered if this was why his friends always took girls to see scary movies; girls didn’t like scary movies usually, at least that’s what Andy thought, so maybe they were eager to kiss instead of watching.

 

Then Andy stopped thinking because Sid’s other hand swept down his side. It slid over his ass, making Andy whimper a little, and then he gripped the back of Andy’s left leg– just above his knee – and dragged it over his lap. Andy went eagerly and suddenly he was straddling Sid’s lap on the seat, one knee on either side of Sid’s slender hips, his weight resting on Sid’s thighs. Sid’s one hand was still on the small of his back, under his shirt, and the other had shifted back up to curve warmly against his ass. Under other circumstances, Andy might have protested the touch, but a horrible scream sounded from the speakers and Andy was grateful for anything that took his mind off the movie.

 

Andy settled his hands lightly on Sid’s shoulders and leaned in, sealing their mouths together again. He loved the combination of buttery popcorn and sweet Sprite on Sid’s tongue, with just the faintest smoky tobacco taste left over from earlier. Sid’s hands urged him closer and Andy flushed in embarrassment as his half-hard cock was pressed into Sid’s stomach. But Sid just growled and tugged Andy even closer and Andy’s eyes opened wide when he felt the hard line of Sid’s cock under him. He shifted, a bit uncertain, and Sid moaned into his mouth, thrusting up a little.

 

Andy’s stomach tightened and he rocked his hips a little, still uncertain and testing. The hand at the small of his back slid up, still under his shirt, to rest just below his shoulder blades, bringing him chest-to-chest with Sid. The hand on his ass gave a little squeeze and Andy whimpered, his eyes closing again as his mouth was ravished by Sid. When Sid broke the kiss long moments later, Andy was fully hard and panting and seemingly unable to keep his hips still. He thought he finally understood why some of his friends were so obsessed with sex…and why Sid had been so cross when Andy had stopped their first kiss before they’d gotten pressed together this way. It felt _amazing_.

 

Sid’s mouth moved from Andy’s lips over his cheek, then pressed soft, quick kisses across the bridge of his nose. Then he kissed his way across Andy’s other cheek, to his ear. The whole time, Andy’s hands on Sid’s shoulders were stabilizing him as he slowly rocked his hips, urged on by Sid’s hand caressing and squeezing his ass. When Sid’s mouth reached his ear, Andy tipped his head to the side, allowed him better access. He knew he should slow down; he knew he should put a stop to this. They were in public, it was their first date, he barely knew Sid…but none of that compared to how good it felt.

 

“Andy…” Sid’s voice was a low, husky rasp in his ear and the need in it made Andy shiver. “Let me touch you…” And the hand that had been high on Andy’s back slid down until it rested on the top of Andy’s thigh, fingers stroking through the denim.

 

Andy whined softly, squeezing his eyes shut and resting his forehead against Sid’s shoulder. Andy’s body was screaming _‘yes, god yes, please’_ but his brain was listing all of the many reasons Andy should stop this _right now_. Andy took a shaking breath, then moaned when Sid’s fingers moved just a little closer to where his stiff, aching cock was trapped in his jeans. He _wanted._ God, he wanted. He wanted to feel Sid’s hands on him…and he wanted to put his hands on Sid. He wanted to be skin to skin with the older teen, and he wanted to feel Sid above him and beneath him and inside him and around him and just _everything._ Andy wanted _everything._

 

“Please.”  Sid’s voice in his ear was dark and urgent and Andy bit his tongue to stifle another moan. “I need to touch you, Andy…let me?”

 

“We shouldn’t…” Andy’s voice was weak and muffled, his face still hidden in Sid’s shoulder, and the protest was half-hearted at best. “We…god, Sid, we should stop…slow down…something.”

 

There was a pause, then Sid’s tongue traced the curve of his ear. Andy shifted on Sid’s lap and then teeth nipped gently at his earlobe, tugging slightly, making his breath catch. Sid growled in his ear and coaxed softly. “Don’t you want me to touch you, Andy? Don’t you want my hand on you?”

 

“Fuck yes…” Andy hissed, his hips jerking without his permission, then he whined and added. “But, Sid, we shouldn’t. Really. We’re in public…”

 

Sid nudged Andy back a little until they could see each other’s faces in the dim light of the screen and he asked, very seriously. “Do you want to go back to my house?”

 

Andy’s mouth moved to form the _‘y’_ sound and Sid waited, feeling eager and hopeful. But then something nervous slid into Andy’s blue eyes and his tongue moved to press against the roof of his mouth and Sid braced himself for what was coming even as Andy said. “No. No, that’s probably not a good idea.”

 

Sid clenched his jaw tightly and nodded stiffly, then asked quietly. “Do you…” He took a breath, shook his head, and started over. “What would you like to do?”

 

Andy bit his lip, then whispered. “I think you should take me home.”

 

Sid nodded again and Andy carefully slid off of his lap, already kicking himself. He wanted Sid – he really, _really_ did – but he just wasn’t ready. And he wanted to explain that, but he didn’t know how to. Andy thought Sid might be angry and he couldn’t blame him. After all, Andy had been the one to initiate their little…moment. Andy was silent as Sid handed him his windbreaker, which he tied loosely around his waist to help hide the fact that he was still achingly hard. Sid shrugged his leather jacket on, leaving Andy to wonder – as he couldn’t tell in the dark theater – if Sid wasn’t hard anymore, or if he just didn’t care if anyone saw that he was.

 

Sid shoved the empty gummy worm bag into the half-empty popcorn tub, then dropped the rest of his Sprite in as well. Andy silently added his own soda to the tub, but his fingers tightened around the partial bag of cotton candy, which he intended to bring home to finish. Sid stared at him for a moment, lips pressed firmly together, then turned and headed for the stairs leading to the exit. Andy followed, his throat feeling tight and his eyes prickling. He hated that he had managed to ruin this because it wasn’t fair; he really liked Sid and he wanted…actually, it didn’t matter what he wanted because clearly it was over between them.

 

When they got into the lobby, Andy blinked rapidly, both to adjust his eyes to the sudden light and to try to hide the tears he refused to shed. At least, not until he was alone. He kept his eyes on the floor as he followed along behind Sid, out of the building and across the parking lot to the car. Neither of them spoke as they got into the car, but Andy noticed that Sid’s hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly it had to be painful. Once again, Andy wished he knew how to explain, but he was afraid of making things worse if he opened his mouth. Several times during the drive, Andy opened his mouth to speak, but each time he shut it again without a sound, still not knowing what to say.

 

When Sid pulled up in front of Andy’s house, Andy’s hands were curled into fists. One was clenched around the plastic cotton candy bag, while the other held one of the straps of his backpack which was resting at his feet. Sid threw the car into park, the engine idling noisily, and Andy’s vision blurred as he fumbled for the handle on the door. In that moment, he hated the both of them for somehow managing to fuck this thing up.

 

“Hey, hey…whoa.” Sid’s voice cut through his haze of hurt and anger even as fingers gripped his chin and turned his head. “You think I’m letting you leave when you’re this upset without you even telling me what the fuck is wrong?”

 

“I…I didn’t mean…” Andy gasped, struggling to calm his breathing and not _actually_ cry, because he was a sixteen year old boy, dammit, and he should be tougher than that.

 

“Okay, okay, look.” Sid seemed agitated, like he didn’t quite know how to cope with the tears making Andy’s blue eyes look star-bright, like liquid sapphires. “You need to take some deep breaths and, when you feel steadier, tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Andy took a trembling breath and squeezed his eyes shut, nodding. Sid released his chin and fell silent, apparently waiting. Andy dug the heels of his hands against his eyes, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, struggling to sort out the teeming mess of emotions threatening to choke him back into tears and silence. It was several minutes later that Andy finally gained enough control to lower his hands and look at Sid again. He was relieved to see that the older teen didn’t seem angry, just confused and a little anxious. That was somewhat reassuring.

 

“Sorry.” Andy muttered, trying to hold his voice steady. “I don’t know why I got so worked up.”

 

“It’s fine.” Sid said dismissively as though he often had crying teenage boys in his car; Andy really hoped that wasn’t the case. “What the hell made you freak out though?”

 

“I was just pissed at myself.” Andy muttered, watching his fingers clenching and relaxing restlessly around the things he was still holding. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I know I started it in the theater. I just…I’m not used to this. I’ve never…I mean, you’re the first person I’ve ever been attracted to. And I’m still getting used to it and it’s all just a little overwhelming.”

 

Andy jumped when Sid placed two fingers under his chin, tipping his face up. And then Sid was kissing him, but not like he had earlier. His lips pressed, just firmly enough for Andy to be sure it was real, and then Sid pulled back. There was a strange look in his green eyes and he said softly. “You’re the first person I’ve been with that wanted more from me than a convenient way to get off. So I’m a little lost myself. If you can forgive me if I seem pushy, I can handle a little frustration.”

 

Andy’s lips curved up into a shy, sweet smile and those big blue eyes were happy. “Yeah, I can forgive a little pushiness, I guess.” Andy dropped his eyes for a moment, then looked back up shyly. “I guess I should go now…”

 

“Yeah, I guess you should.” Sid smirked. “I’ll let you know when I’m not working and have time to see you again, okay?”

 

Andy nodded and got out of the car, a little surprised when Sid waited right where he’d parked until Andy reached his door and went inside. Deciding now was a good time, when both he and Sid were in good moods, Andy pulled his phone out as soon as he’d finished saying hi to his mom and Molly and was back in his room. He pulled up the text conversation with Sid and thought for a few minutes, trying to decide what he wanted to say. Finally, he settled on something simple and to the point.

 

**_‘Thanks for a wonderful first date, Sid. I had a great time. Can’t wait to see you again.’_ **

 

He hit send before he could chicken out, then flopped back on his bed to grin stupidly at the ceiling. He was dating Sid Phillips. Who would have thought?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fic! This is the longest Ch. so far (over 7K!) and it's full of M/M goodness! You lot are finally getting the NC-17 rating I promised, lol. And I've added tags for the new content. <3 Comments thrill me, as always. Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS
> 
> P.S. - I want to address something mention in the comments. Namely, Sid being comfortable with his own sexuality. He's NOT. Not in the way people seem to be thinking. He accepts that he's gay; he knows he likes guys and he's fine with that. But he doesn't TELL people. Hannah knows, but none of Sid's friends do. Nor do his parents. It's why he won't hold Andy's hand in public. And you'll see more of it as time goes on, and how it affects him and Andy's relationship. But I don't want you guys mistakenly thinking Sid's all cool with it, because he's not. Andy's actually more relaxed about his sexuality than Sid is, because he knows his mom and Molly will both love him and be there for him no matter what and what other people think doesn't really matter to him much at all.
> 
> Just clearing that up. :P

Andy didn’t have to wait long for a reply from Sid. When it came, it was only two words, but Andy understood them well enough. **_‘How long?’_**

 

 ** _‘Since Monday.’_** He typed back, then he rolled over onto his stomach, fingers hovering over the keys as he waited for a reply. He wondered if Sid was angry, or amused.

 

 ** _‘Y didn’t u say anything?’_** Sid’s question wasn’t what Andy had been expecting, but he supposed it was reasonable enough, considering.

 

The problem was, Andy wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t said anything. After a few minutes of thinking, he finally typed out a reply. **_‘What was I supposed to say? You asked for time. I wanted to give it to you. It seemed pretty simple.’_**

 

Andy’s mom knocked on his door – he knew it was her because Molly hardly ever remembered that she was supposed to knock – and he turned his head, calling. “Come in!”

 

Annie opened the door, leaning against the frame and surveying her son. He had come in from _‘hanging out with friends’_ looking flushed and happy, but his eyes had been red-rimmed, as though he had been crying. And while she believed in giving her children the space to grow and make mistakes and learn on their own, she also knew that there were times when a mother had to pry. Andy didn’t lie to her – he just wasn’t the sort – and she was curious as to why he would be crying when out with his friends. So she had gotten Molly settled with her dinner in the kitchen, then come to check on Andy.

 

“Want to tell me what happened after school?” She asked quietly, without anger or judgment. “You seemed a bit...emotional. When you came in, I mean.”

 

Andy nodded, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Ah, yeah. Hannah sort of lied to me about hanging out. Well, not _really_ lied. I did go to a movie, after all. She just made sure I wouldn’t understand who I’d be going to the movie with.”

 

Annie nodded, instantly concerned now about why Andy might have been crying. “You mean you were out with Sid.” It wasn’t a question, but Andy nodded anyway. “What happened?”

 

Andy bit his lip, not sure how much he wanted to share with his mom. Finally deciding a partial-truth was the best way to go, he explained. “Sid’s never _dated_ before, Mom. He’s only…ah…”

 

“I understand.” Annie said hurriedly, before Andy said something that would embarrass them both. “He didn’t…what I mean is, he didn’t _try_ to…”

 

“He stopped when I said to.” Andy hastily assured her, sitting up in a flash, blue eyes wide and earnest. “I promise. He just isn’t used to _having_ to stop. And I’ve never even really kissed someone before him. So we sort of…clashed a little bit. We had a small fight and everything. And then I thought…well, I thought he wouldn’t want to see me anymore and I got a little upset.”

 

“You don’t seem upset now, though.” Annie was grateful that Sid seemed to be making a real effort with Andy, because she didn’t want to see her baby boy hurt, but she also wasn’t sure what she thought about the teen.

 

She remembered Sid Phillips only a very little. To her, he had seemed to be a cold, cruel, unpleasant child without many friends, who needed more discipline and more supervision. Still, she didn’t want to judge him based on what he’d been like then. And he wasn’t hurting Andy, or making Andy unhappy. And his sister had always seemed like a sweet enough child. It was possible Sid had outgrown the vicious streak in his nature. Not likely, but possible.

 

Annie was studying Andy intensely as she asked. “Did the two of you work it out, then? After your little fight, I mean.”

 

Andy smiled and there was something about the way it lit up his face that worried Annie. If Sid and Andy broke up, she had a feeling her son was going to be heartbroken…and they’d only been on a single date. It would only hurt him more the longer they lasted. But Andy was entitled to this happiness, however it ended with him and Sid. Annie knew that from experience. Sometimes the good moments made it worth every second of pain that came later, and sometimes they didn’t. It was up to Andy to figure out for himself which one this was.

 

For the moment, Andy was beaming at her as he answered her question. “We worked it out. Everything is good now.”

 

Just then, Andy’s phone chimed loudly and Andy dropped his eyes to it eagerly. **_‘R u free tomorrow?i get off work @2.u can come over & watch a movie.ur choice what 1’_**

 

“Is that Sid?” Annie asked, still leaning against the doorway, her arms folded loosely in front of her stomach. Andy nodded slowly, looking uncertain, and she asked. “Is everything okay?”

 

“He wants me to come over and watch a movie tomorrow, when he gets off of work.” Andy explained, chewing nervously on his lip as he set the phone on his bedside table, his cheeks flushed a bright pink. “I just…I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

 

Annie considered what Andy had told her so far and asked softly. “Are you worried about what Sid might try…or about what you might allow?”

 

The blush staining Andy’s cheeks darkened. “I just…he’s gorgeous. And he’s a _really_ good kisser.” Andy buried his face in his hands and added in a muffled voice. “God, I can’t believe I just said that…”

 

Annie laughed, warm and accepting, and stepped into her son’s room at last. She joined him on his bed, gently pulling him against her side in a half-hug. “Oh, baby boy…as hard as it might be for you to believe, I was a teenager myself not so long ago. And I’m going to tell you something I was told when I was your age, okay?”

 

When Andy nodded against her shoulder where he’d rested his head, she gave his waist a squeeze. “I was told something that I’ve learned is very true. Women are the gatekeepers of sex.” Andy sucked in a wheezing breath, sounding like he was choking, but Annie ignored him in favor of explaining. “We’re the ones who put on the brakes; who say no or slow down. It’s our role. So when you remove us from the equation, sex tends to happen exponentially more quickly.”

 

“So you’re saying men are sluts?” Andy asked and the laughter in his voice warred with embarrassment for dominance. “That’s not really reassuring. And it’s not making me feel any better about going over to Sid’s house.”

 

Annie laughed again, tightening the arm she had around Andy’s waist. “Oh, Andy.” She shook her head, then pressed her cheek to his hair with a laughing sigh. “I’m saying that men are less-likely to worry about whether or not their partner is going to respect them in the morning. Which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, as long as everyone is clear about things.”

 

Andy straightened up and looked at her, wary. “Are you saying you wouldn’t be mad if I went over there tomorrow and…well…”

 

“I’m saying that whatever happens between you and anyone you date is your business.” She locked eyes with Andy, quite serious now. “You’re very mature for your age, Andy, and quite responsible, despite me needing to nag you about things like laundry and garbage. I’m not going to try to dictate the bounds of your relationship; that would be silly. You’re the one who has to live with your actions, not me. I love you and I trust you to make decisions that are right for you; _you_ just need to trust you.”

 

Andy’s phone chimed again and Andy winced; he hadn’t messaged Sid back and he hoped Sid didn’t think he was angry or ignoring him. “I should see what he said…”

 

“Okay.” Annie pressed a quick kiss to Andy’s hair, then ruffled it lightly. “There’s food whenever you decide you’re hungry. Let me know if you’re going out tomorrow.”

 

Andy nodded and picked his phone up, flipping it open and pulling up the new message. **_‘Sry.u don’t have 2.we can do sumthing else.’_**

 

As Annie shut the door behind herself, Andy quickly texted back. **_‘My mom came in and was talking to me. Sorry.’_** Andy paused, his fingers still poised over the keys, then added. **_‘I’d love to come over tomorrow. What time?’_**

 

He hit send before he could lose his nerve, then held his breath and waited. It wasn’t long before his phone was chiming again. **_‘I’ll pick u up @3.what do u want to watch?’_**

 

Again, Andy hesitated for a moment. Then, deciding he would just have to trust himself, Andy typed back a reply. **_‘Something scary.’_**

 

Then he quickly sent a second message. **_‘Dinner time, then homework. See you tomorrow. I can’t wait. Bye.’_**

 

Andy held the phone for several moments longer, wondering if Sid was going to reply. Just as he was sure Sid wasn’t going to, the phone chimed again. Andy opened the message, read it, then went down to eat with the words still echoing in his head, making his heart race. He never would have thought Sid Phillips could be so…eloquent.

 

By the time he went to bed that night, Andy had reread the message at least a dozen times. And as he read it one more time, curled under his blankets with the lights off, he couldn’t help thinking that it would be so, _so_ easy to fall in love with Sid.

 

**_‘See u then.dream about me andy.i’ll be thinking of u.’_ **

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy was sitting on the stairs at three the next afternoon, panicking. His elbows were braced on his knees, his hands were fisted in his hair, and he was struggling to breath. Annie sent Molly outside to play, then lightly touched Andy’s hair. “You okay?”

 

Andy looked up at her, his eyes a bit wild. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” He rasped, sounding frantic. “I really don’t. I...god, this is such a bad idea. I should cancel. I should...I should stop being a chicken. I should...I don’t know. I should...”

 

“Breathe.” Annie advised, cutting Andy’s babble off. Andy sucked in a sharp breath and Annie laughed, shaking her head. “A little more normally than that might be a good idea, but that’s a good start.” Her son glared at her and Annie just kept smiling. “Jitters are a part of dating, Andy. You’ll feel better once Sid gets here. Oh, that reminds me...”

 

Andy cringed when Annie gave him a stern look, knowing what was coming before she continued. “When exactly am I officially meeting this boy?”

 

“Ah...” Andy laughed nervously, his eyes shifting to the clock on the wall. “See, Sid’s not the best with people in general so I thought I’d give him a little time before I sprung family on him...”

 

“Mhmmm...” Annie smirked, rolling her eyes. “Well, you make it a point to let him know that I want to meet him, all right? And it had better not take too long.”

 

Just then, Molly ran in the front door, eyes wide and a little scared. “Andy!” She whispered, running over to him and hugging him tightly. “There’s a guy outside. He said he’s here for you.”

 

Andy blinked, then set Molly back from him a little. “I know. He’s...” Andy hesitated for a moment, then decided to be honest. “He’s my boyfriend. You aren’t scared of him, are you?”

 

Molly pouted and said. “He’s scary looking! He’s tall and his clothes are dark and scary. And his music was loud and awful.”

 

“Oh, Molly...” Andy laughed, hugging his little sister quickly. “Sid’s not scary. I promise. He’s not much taller than me, you know, and he just likes dark colors is all. It’s fine.”

 

Molly sighed against Andy’s chest, her little body going soft with relief. “Well, if you _promise_ he won’t hurt you, then I guess you can go.”

 

Andy kissed Molly’s hair, then set her back again to meet her eyes. “I promise you that Sid isn’t going to do anything bad to me. Okay?”

 

Molly nodded and Andy stood, hugging his mom. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

 

“All right, baby boy.” Annie hugged Andy back, then added. “Let me know if you won’t be home tonight.” She could tell Andy was surprised, so she said. “I trust you, remember? Just let me know so I don’t worry.”

 

“Right.” Andy took a deep breath, pretending it didn’t shake, then he asked weakly. “I look okay, right? I...I shouldn’t pack a bag, should I? That would be really presumptuous. It wouldn’t mean I _have_ to stay, though, right? Just that I’m prepared. In case. I...oh god...”

 

“Breathe.” Annie reminded her son. Then she nodded at the door. “I’m sure Sid can lend you something to sleep in if you stay, and let you use his toothbrush. No need for a bag. Go on now. Have fun.”

 

Andy nodded and forced himself to walk out the door, ignoring the sound of his sister’s voice asking his mom to explain Andy’s _‘scary new boyfriend’_ to her. Sid was sitting in his car, windows rolled down, smoking. As Andy walked closer, Sid flicked the remains of it out the window. Andy opened the door and got in, doing his best to _not_ look nervous as he buckled his seatbelt. It would have helped if he’d been able to get the seatbelt to cooperate and click into place, but it didn’t seem to want to work.

 

Sid’s hands were suddenly there and he was chuckling, low and dark, as he buckled it for Andy. When Andy looked up, nervous blue eyes meeting laughing green, Sid teased. “No need to act like a virgin on their wedding night, Andy. I’m not going to ravish you.”

 

Andy swallowed hard, suddenly drowning in those green eyes, and he whispered. “What if I want you to?”

 

Sid’s eyes darkened and he let out a low hiss. “You’d better be serious about that, because if you’re fucking with me...”

 

“I...” Andy’s mouth moved silently for a moment, then he admitted. “I don’t know. I do know that I want to touch you. To be touched by you. Beyond that...I don’t know.” He dropped his eyes for a moment, then looked back up at Sid from under thick, dark lashes. “Is that okay?”

 

“More than.” Sid assured him as he shifted the car into drive and took off, more than a little bit faster than the speed limit. “It’s way more than okay. We’ll just see where it goes, okay?” He glanced at Andy from the corner of his eye and added. “If you decide you want to stop...”

 

“I’ll let you know.” Andy promised.

 

Sid nodded tersely and Andy turned to stare out the window for the rest of the drive. As short as it was, and as fast as Sid was going, it still felt like the longest car ride of his entire life. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not yet.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy stepped into Sid’s house feeling like he’d swallowed a jar full of butterflies. As Sid followed him inside, shutting the door behind himself, Hannah came down the stairs. “Andy!” She squealed, running down the stairs two at a time and hugging him. “I didn’t know you were coming over!” She shot her brother a cross look. “You could have told me.”

 

“He’s not here to see _you_.” Sid retorted, rolling his eyes. Andy’s eyes widened as Sid stepped up behind him and wound his arms around Andy’s waist, pulling him snugly back against Sid’s chest.

 

Hannah raised an eyebrow. “A touch possessive are we, Sid?” She smirked at him and said pointedly. “You just keep in mind that he was _my_ friend before he was yours at all.”

 

Sid nuzzled into Andy’s neck, deliberately ignoring Hannah in favor of sucking on the skin above Andy’s fluttering pulse. Andy whimpered, his hands going back to clutch at Sid’s hips in an effort to make his weak knees support him.

 

“Okay, if you weren’t my brother that would be pretty hot.” Hannah said, pulling a face. “But you are, so it’s weird and I’m leaving now.”  
  
Andy blushed and tried to pull away, but Sid’s arms held firm and he moved his mouth up to nip the curve of Andy’s ear, making Andy whimper and melt back against him. “Let’s go up to my room.” Sid growled, his tongue darting out to flick against Andy’s earlobe.

 

“Mmmm...yes.” Andy’s voice was low and husky and he nodded frantically. “Good idea. There’s probably a bed in there...”

 

Sid chuckled in his ear and Hannah snorted. “Oh my god. My best friend is a slut.”

 

Andy narrowed his eyes at her and pouted. “Hey, now. No need to be mean.” Hannah laughed and Andy grinned back even as Sid began tugging him around her towards the stairs. “Okay, I’m leaving now...see you later!”

  
Hannah was still giggling as Sid dragged Andy up the stairs to his room, slamming the door loudly behind them. Andy gasped as he was shoved forcefully onto the bed. He caught himself on his elbows, one knee drawn up and the other leg hanging off the edge of the bed, staring at Sid with wide eyes. His breath was sucked in sharply when Sid suddenly dragged his tee-shirt off, kicking his work boots off as well. Andy’s heart raced as he hastily toed off his own sneakers, then returned to his previous pose. He felt a little silly, like he was trying too hard to look seductive, but in truth the drawn up leg was helping to hide his erection, since Andy wasn’t quite comfortable with Sid yet. Sid made him too nervous for that.  
  
Sid was slender but well-muscled and Andy’s eyes moved over him restlessly. His arms looked strong and Andy wanted to test his strength against Sid; to be pinned down and held there. Sid had well-defined abs that made Andy want to _lick_ , and the small trail of dark hair leading from just under Sid’s bellybutton to the waistband of the boxers showing above his jeans had Andy’s fingers itching to touch. Sid walked closer to the bed and Andy’s breath caught in his throat. There was something predatory in Sid’s eyes; in the way Sid moved. It made Andy want to close his eyes and just give in.

 

And then Sid was on top of him, kneeling between Andy’s thighs and nudging them further apart. His hands pushed at the hem of Andy’s shirt, shoving it up, and Andy hastily dragged it up and off, tossing it somewhere over the edge of the mattress. Sid’s hands braced on either side of Andy’s head, then he leaned down and claimed Andy’s mouth. The kiss was rough and possessive; all teeth and tongues. One of Sid’s hands shifted, dragging down Andy’s side, and he arched up mindlessly into the touch. Sid’s body was there to meet him and their hips pressed together, making Andy dizzy with need.

 

If Andy had thought making out in the last row of the movie theater was hot, it was nothing – _nothing_ – compared to being pressed into a mattress by Sid’s weight. Their bodies lined up in the most delicious way, pressing and meeting and creating a friction too deliciously maddening for words. Sid’s mouth broke apart from Andy’s as he rolled his hips, and Andy’s hands flew up, clutching at Sid’s shoulders. His nails bit into pale flesh, but Sid either didn’t notice or didn’t mind.

 

Sid’s mouth moved to Andy’s neck, tongue and teeth teasing the skin there. He used his nose to nudge under Andy’s jaw, making his head tip back. Andy gasped softly as Sid’s teeth scraped over his Adam’s apple, then he whimpered again when a wicked tongue lapped at the hollow of his throat. His head pressed back into the mattress, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he did his best to still his hips. He wanted nothing more than to wind himself – arms and legs – around Sid and grind until he came, but he also wanted this to last. He had never experienced this before and he didn’t want to rush. Andy wanted to look back on this fondly, always.

 

So his nails bit into Sid’s shoulders and he fought to keep his body firmly on the mattress. But Sid’s fingers danced down his side, curling around his waist, his thumb sweeping over Andy’s hipbone. And the leg that was bent up pressed tighter to Sid’s hip while Andy arched up again, letting out a small, breathy moan. He wanted to go slow; he wanted to savor. But Sid’s touches made him burn. They had him eagerly reaching for more, desperate for whatever Sid might want to do to him.

 

Sid loved the way Andy reacted. The younger boy was so completely responsive; more so than anyone Sid had ever been with before. He lifted his head to watch Andy’s face as his thumb swept over Andy’s hipbone again, delighting in the way Andy’s eyelashes fluttered and his mouth went slack around a sound of pleasure. It was heady and intoxicating. It made Sid want to see how Andy would react to other things; to everything.

 

He shifted himself up onto his knees, his eyes still locked on Andy’s face. He couldn’t help smirking a little when Andy whined and lifted his hips, trying to follow Sid as he moved away, putting a small amount of space between their bodies. Then Sid’s hand shifted, his fingertips ghosting lightly over Andy’s belly. Andy whined again, his eyes opening and locking with Sid’s. Sid laid his palm flat against Andy’s stomach, pressing lightly, staring down into those expressive blue eyes. Then, he waited.

 

It took Andy a moment to realize what Sid was doing. The feel of that hand on his bare stomach, combined with the heated look in Sid’s green eyes, was enough to rob Andy of any and all sense. When he figured out Sid was waiting for permission, it was only a heartbeat before Andy gave it to him.

 

In a breathless voice, he managed to whisper. “Please…please touch me, Sid…”

 

That was more than enough for Sid. He slid his hand lower, letting his palm press firmly against the hot, hard line of Andy’s cock. Even with the denim still between them, it felt perfect. Andy’s eyes rolled back in his head as Sid cupped him, then pressed lightly with the heel of his hand.

 

“Oh, god…” Andy gasped, his hands leaving Sid’s shoulders to fist in the blankets above his head. “God, Sid…please…”

 

Sid chuckled, low and dark, and purred. “Do you want me to make you feel good, Andy? I can, you know. I can make you feel _amazing._ Do you want that?”

 

Andy nodded frantically, letting out soft whimpers with every breath. “Yes…please, anything, Sid…god, whatever you want…”

 

Sid pushed up onto his knees, both hands moving to the button and zipper on Andy’s jeans. The younger boy’s stomach jumped and clenched under Sid’s fingers as they worked to open his pants. Sid’s eyes widened in surprise when he realized Andy wasn’t wearing anything under the snug jeans. He could see the blush staining Andy’s cheeks and knew the younger boy had warred with himself over the boldness of that decision. Sid found it more endearing than he thought he should, but there was just something about Andy’s innocence that got to him.

 

Sid hooked his fingers in the waistband of Andy’s jeans and tugged, eager to see all of Andy. Andy’s hands came down, covering his closed eyes and blushing cheeks. Sid let him hide for a moment while he savored the view. Andy was everything you’d expect from a kid who was likely to get a sports scholarship to go hand-in-hand with an academic one. His skin was lightly tanned, and he was well-muscled; Sid figured he probably worked out in the weight room at the school. And his cock was about as perfect as any all-American boy could hope for. A moderate length and thickness – nothing to scoff at, but nothing that would make Sid refuse to ever consider bottoming for Andy – with a slight curve to the right, once freed from the constricting denim it curved up against Andy’s stomach. The head was flushed a deep red and a single drop of clear fluid was beaded temptingly on the tip.

 

Sid reached out, curling his fingers around the base, his eyes flicking up to Andy’s face. The younger teen was still hiding behind his hands, though his hips stuttered up when Sid touched him. In a rough voice, Sid ordered. “Lower your hands. I want to see your face.”

 

Andy took a trembling breath, but did as he was told. He even went so far as to open his eyes and Sid felt like he was drowning in blue. Andy’s eyes held a wealth of emotion – things Sid didn’t want to think about, or identify – and they were so intense that Sid almost regretting telling Andy to stop hiding. Then he tightened his grip just a little and gave a little tug and Andy’s mouth fell open on a moan, his head falling back and his eyelashes fluttering as he struggled to keep his eyes open, and Sid knew he’d made the right choice. He didn’t care how unnerving some of it was; he wanted to see _everything_ that Andy was feeling.

 

He slid his thumb over the head of Andy’s cock, gathering the fluid and spreading it downwards, easing the slide of his hand over Andy’s heated flesh. And for the first time ever, it didn’t matter to Sid if the person he was with was going to reciprocate. It didn’t matter of he got relief at all. All that mattered was the stream of unintelligible nonsense leaving Andy’s lips, and the way Andy’s hands clenched and unclenched around Sid’s sheets, and the way Andy was coming undone because of _him._ All that mattered was the look of pleasure on Andy’s face, and the way Andy’s stomach was tensing with each stroke, and the ragged sound of Andy’s breaths between moans and pleas for more. All that mattered was _Andy._

 

It didn’t take long, though that was hardly surprising. Sid knew Andy was inexperienced; he knew this was the first time anyone had ever touched Andy. He was actually surprised the younger teen held out as long as he did. So he was more than ready for it when Andy’s whole body tensed, a sharp cry falling from his lips, spilling hot and wet over Sid’s hand. Sid slowed down, but kept stroking Andy all the way through his release, milking every drop of pleasure out of the sweet boy beneath him.

 

When Andy finally opened those too-blue eyes, still trembling, Sid locked gazes with him and raised his hand to his mouth. Then, without looking away, Sid licked Andy’s release from his skin. Andy’s eyes went glassy and dazed as he watched Sid clean his hand, then his tongue came out to moisten his lips. Sid followed the movement with his eyes, letting his hand drop to his side, then licked his own lips. And seeing the curiosity on Andy’s face, Sid leaned down and pressed their mouths together.

 

Andy opened his mouth to Sid’s tongue, which brought with it a salty, bitter taste that Andy knew was _him_. It was different, but not disgusting. Especially not when it brought back the mental image of Sid licking Andy’s release off his own hand. Andy couldn’t help the shiver that went through him even as Sid broke the kiss. It seemed like everything Sid did was so incredibly hot that Andy was left feeling impossibly inexperienced and childish. He kept waiting for Sid to laugh at him and send him away; for Sid to grow bored with him.

 

Determined not to let that happen, Andy dug deep for courage and spoke. “I…I want to touch you. Can…is that…” He took a quick breath, then tried again. “Do you want me to?”

 

Sid’s lips twitched, but his eyes darkened in a way that reassured Andy. “If you want to, I’m certainly not going to complain.” Sid told him easily.

 

Andy watched as Sid shifted until he was laying on his back next to Andy, his hands folded casually beneath his head. Andy sat up, kneeling on the bed, then turned so he was facing Sid, who was watching him. Andy took another deep breath, then reached out and ran the tips of his fingers down the center of Sid’s chest. It was a pathetically chaste touch, considering, but Sid didn’t seem to mind. His lips twitched up again, but not in a mean way, and there was a softness in his eyes that warmed Andy. It made him less self-conscious about being naked and gave him the courage to let his hand drift lower.

 

Andy watched the way Sid’s stomach muscles rippled and twitched under his skin as he traced the lines defining each muscle. With a nervous look up at Sid’s face, Andy gave in to the urge he’d had since the moment Sid had removed his shirt. Ducking his head, Andy dragged his tongue lightly over Sid’s abs. The older teen sucked in a sharp breath, his stomach jumping under Andy’s tongue, and Andy felt a little thrill of power. Maybe he didn’t have Sid’s experience, and maybe he didn’t have a clue what he was doing, but Sid was still affected by him. And that was enough to bolster Andy’s courage.

 

He used his tongue to memorize Sid’s stomach, delighting each time the muscles shifted under him. He listened as Sid’s breathing changed from deep and even to harsh, shallow pants. Then, feeling a bit more daring, Andy let his mouth drift a little lower. His tongue followed the line of hair down from Sid’s navel even as his fingers tugged at the button on Sid’s jeans. As he dragged the zipper down, the metallic hiss of the teeth releasing sounding ridiculously loud to Andy, he shifted his mouth to the side and scraped his teeth over one of Sid’s hipbones. Sid groaned hoarsely and Andy curled his fingers around the loose denim, dragging it down Sid’s legs.

 

Sid kicked the material away as though it had offended him in some way, making Andy smile a little. Then he let his eyes move over the tented fabric of Sid’s dark blue boxers. Biting his lip, Andy reached out and pressed his palm to the bulge. Sid sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth and Andy’s eyes widened as the hot flesh twitched beneath his hand. Worrying his lip with his teeth, Andy tried to imitate what Sid had done to him earlier by rocking his palm against Sid’s cotton-covered cock. Sid rocked his hips up into the touch, so Andy figured he must have managed it well enough.

 

Hesitantly, and praying he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself, Andy leaned down again and pressed a damp, open-mouthed kiss to Sid’s cock, through the boxers. Sid’s hips jerked up again and the older teen let out a low, rasping _‘Fuck!’_   that made Andy’s heart beat faster. Andy let his eyes flick up to Sid’s face and the desperate, almost-pained expression there was all the encouragement he needed. He lowered his head again and dragged his tongue over the front of the boxers, wetting the fabric and making it cling. He breathed hotly against it even as he let his hand creep up to the waistband, determined to be far bolder than he’d ever imagined being.

 

It took him several long minutes, but Andy finally had the courage to tug Sid’s boxers down. Once again, Sid kicked the offending piece of clothing away as soon as Andy got it far enough down his legs. Then Andy shifted himself over until he was kneeling between Sid’s legs. He was trembling all over as he reached out to curl his hand around the base of Sid’s cock. Andy had never seen another cock outside of the locker rooms at school, and he hadn’t ever seen another _hard_ cock at all, but he was sure Sid’s was gorgeous.It was longer than his own, though not by much, and a little bit thinner. The head was the same dark pink as Sid’s kiss-swollen lips and it glistened wetly in the afternoon sunlight. It was also, rather surprisingly to Andy, _pierced._

 

The curved silver barbell wasn’t something Andy had expected, but he found it strangely appealing. One small silver ball rested at the bottom of Sid’s slit, while the other sat slightly off-center, on the underside of Sid’s cock, just beneath the head. The silver metal shone softly and the upper ball was slicked with Sid’s desire. Tentatively, Andy reached out with his other hand and touched a single finger to the top ball of the piercing. Sid’s cock twitched in his hand and the older teen let out a sound halfway between a moan and a whimper.

 

Using the hand he had curled around Sid’s cock, Andy stroked clumsily upwards, then – again, in an imitation of Sid’s earlier actions – swiped his thumb over the slick head, piercing and all. Sid cried out for a second before he yanked one hand out from beneath his head, curled it into a fist, and shoved the knuckles of two fingers into his mouth, biting down to stifle the sound. Eyes gleaming, Andy shifted his hand down to the middle of Sid’s cock, then leaned in. He paused with his lips less than an inch from Sid’s skin and just breathed.

 

Sid’s eyes locked with Andy’s and he breathed heavily through his nose, teeth biting harshly into his hand as he waited. Not breaking eye contact, Andy parted his lips and flicked his tongue out, over the head of Sid’s cock. The sharp, salty taste of Sid’s desire burned itself into Andy’s tongue – and his memory – and he couldn’t help licking again. The feel of the smooth metal from the piercing against his tongue was strange, but the way Sid’s pupils dilated, practically swallowing the green of his eyes, and the way he struggled to keep his hips still more than made up for any oddness.

 

Sid was silently praying that the considering look on Andy’s face wasn’t going to result in Andy deciding he didn’t like the way Sid tasted, or that he wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t have to worry about it for very long.

 

Andy took a deep breath, then parted his lips and, without warning, sucked the head of Sid’s cock into his mouth. He couldn’t help the accomplished feeling he got when Sid let out a strangled scream. Andy felt the fingers of Sid’s free hand tangle in his hair as he took more of Sid’s length into his mouth. He sucked lightly on the hard, hot flesh filling his mouth and rubbed his tongue tentatively against the underside, flicking the piercing gently. Andy pulled his head back a little and took a breath, then lowered his mouth again. After only a few bobs of his head, Andy was pleasantly surprised to realize this wasn’t nearly as difficult as he’d imagined it would be.

 

Andy glanced up the length of Sid’s body when Sid’s other hand joined the first in his hair, allowing the older boy to become more vocal. To Andy’s surprise, Sid was actually _very_ vocal. He moaned and whimpered almost constantly as Andy’s hot, wet mouth surrounded his cock over and over, his tongue teasing the piercing whenever he thought about it. And then, quite by accident, Andy’s teeth scraped against Sid’s sensitive skin. Sid hissed out a breath and his hips jerked up involuntarily. Andy’s eyes widened, flying up to meet Sid’s intense, heated gaze. Sid’s sharp thrust had pushed his cock further into Andy’s throat, surprising them both.

 

“Sorry…” Sid groaned, though Andy thought with exasperated fondness that he didn’t _sound_ particularly apologetic. He did pet Andy’s hair soothingly, though, as he asked. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 

Andy considered that for a moment, blinking slowly, then he sucked harder on the flesh still filling his mouth since he couldn’t really answer any other way. Sid groaned the instant he realized Andy had apparently _liked_ having his mouth fucked. It was so out of character – so unexpectedly hot – that it made Sid shiver. He tightened the hands he had fisted in Andy’s brown hair, tugging sharply and then forcing Andy’s head down on his cock. Andy gasped and Sid paused, waiting to see what Andy would do. Then the younger boy moaned, the sound vibrating along Sid’s length, making him shudder and moan as well. He fisted his hands tighter in Andy’s hair and proceeded to hold the smaller boy’s head still while he thrust his hips up, forcefully fucking Andy’s mouth now that he knew Andy liked it.

 

Andy moaned again, loving the way Sid was taking control. He liked feeling desired; he liked giving Sid pleasure. So he happily let Sid’s hands in his hair control whether or not he moved his head and focused on not choking. He did his best to lick as much of the hard flesh as he could as it slid into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks around it each time Sid pulled out again. With each thrust Sid went a little deeper until Andy felt the hard cock hit the back of his throat. Andy immediately fought against the urge to gag, not wanting to ruin the moment, and he swallowed desperately around Sid’s cock. Realizing immediately that it made it much easier to take Sid that deeply into his throat, Andy kept swallowing around Sid with each thrust.

 

Sid was panting hard, mesmerized by the sight of Andy’s lips, red and swollen and stretched around his cock. Sid thrust even deeper and nearly screamed as Andy sucked harder and began swallowing around him. The wet, constricting heat combined with the sight of his cock disappearing into that gorgeous mouth was almost enough to push him over the edge. And then Andy opened those big, innocent blue eyes of his just as he sucked and that was it for Sid.

 

“Andy…” He moaned as he gave a sharp tug to Andy’s thick hair. “Going to…nnngh…”

 

Andy didn’t let Sid pull him off of his cock, though. Instead, he just pulled back halfway and sucked harder. As Sid let out a choked groan, his hands clenching in Andy’s hair, Andy felt his mouth fill with hot, bitter liquid. Though part of his mind urged him to spit the salty fluid out, the rest of him was too proud of the fact that he’d made Sid Phillips come in his mouth to give up his reward. Besides, Sid had swallowed _his_ release. So as Sid’s hands relaxed and dropped to his sides, Andy swallowed it down, scrunching his nose up slightly at the sharp aftertaste even as he licked Sid clean.

 

Then Andy straightened up, flushed and panting, smiling nervously down at Sid’s prone form. He wanted to ask if he’d done okay, but he didn’t know how. Thankfully, Sid seemed to know what he was thinking because he reached up and yanked Andy down on top of him. “You sure that was your first time?”

 

Andy laughed softly, knowing Sid was reassuring him in his own gruff way, and nuzzled into Sid’s neck as the older boy pulled him closer. “Mmmm…yup. I’m sure I’ll get better with practice…”

 

“Well, at least I’ll die happy.” Sid replied with a yawn, which Andy took as a compliment meaning Sid thought if Andy got much better it might kill him. “So, what did you want to do today? I mean, other than what we just did.”

 

Andy laughed again, then yawned as well. “A nap.” He decided, unable to stop smiling. Then he added. “I was also promised a movie. And food. I’ll need food eventually.”

 

Sid fumbled around for his blanket, then dragged it over the both of them. “Uh-huh. That’s a hell of a list there. What time do you need to be home?”

 

Andy hesitated for a moment, then raised his head a little to meet Sid’s eyes. Licking his lips, he admitted softly. “I don’t. Mom said I can spend the night if I want. If you want. If…if we want. She knows we’re dating and she’s cool with it. So…”

 

Sid blinked, surprised, then smirked. “Do I want you here, all night, to do with as I please? I think you can guess the answer to that, Davis.” He paused, then corrected softly. “Andy.”

 

“Good.” Andy put his head back down on Sid’s shoulder and hummed softly; sleepily. “So, we’re agreed on a nap first?”

 

When Sid nodded, Andy let his eyes close, savoring Sid’s heat and the way Sid’s arms were securely wrapped around his body. Just as he was drifting off, Andy murmured softly. “Oh, and my mom wants to meet you at some point soon. Whenever.”

 

Sid felt something sick and unpleasant wind its way through his chest. Before he could reply, Andy’s breathing evened out and he knew the younger boy was sleeping. He struggled to fall asleep as well, but he no longer felt tired in the slightest. He just felt miserable; parents never liked him. Hell, his _own_ parents didn’t even like him. Tightening his arms around Andy, Sid promised himself he wouldn’t get his hopes up. Or Andy’s. After all, this endeavor was almost certainly doomed to failure. It would be better if neither of them expected too much of this.

 

Sid tried to convince himself he didn’t care, but the longer he held Andy and listened to the boy’s soft snores, the less he believed it. And he couldn’t help wondering how long this would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't normally do notes at the end of the chapter, but...AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I had to scream because I was totally shocked by Sid's Prince Albert piercing. O_O Like, Sid's boxers came off and then he had a piercing all of a sudden and I was just like...oh shit! But I can totally see Sid getting it. Totally. So it's cool.
> 
> What did you guys think? Of the smut, of the afterglow, of Andy's mom? Of the piercing, lmao. Comments, pretty please? <3
> 
> ~ LS


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I've been working a lot of night shifts and it's not giving me a whole lot of time to write. So Chapter 9 is still not completely written. Here's Ch. 8 to help tide you over, but I make no promises for when Ch 9 will be done/up. Sorry!
> 
> Comments thrill me; please leave me love! <3
> 
> Also, TISSUE WARNING. Sorry. Only not. Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

It lasted for exactly two weeks.

 

On Saturday December 6th, Andy stood in Hannah’s bedroom, in front of her mirror, and fidgeted nervously with his clothes. Hannah rolled her eyes at him. “I don’t know why you’re so nervous over what a bunch of no-account druggies are going to think of you.” Hannah made a face as she laid back on her bed. “Or even why you want to meet them at all.”

 

“Because they’re Sid’s friends.” Andy explained for the twentieth time. He moved away from Hannah’s mirror, dropping heavily onto her desk chair. “I know Sid doesn’t plan on telling them we’re _dating_ right now, but I’d like to at least know the people he spends time with. Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”

 

“I guess.” Hannah pushed herself halfway to sitting and gave Andy a somber look. “But Andy, boyfriends also meet your parents. And hold your hand. And do more than get each other off. If that’s all you’re doing, you’re basically just fuck buddies.”

 

“We do other stuff.” Andy replied defensively, even though he knew it wasn’t quite true. “We watch movies and listen to music.” _‘While getting each other off.’_ It was left unspoken, but Andy knew Hannah knew it as well as he did. “And Sid’s going to meet Mom and Molly. Soon. He’s just…not ready yet.”

 

In truth, Andy was getting pretty sick of Sid’s excuses and no amount of blowjobs or being jerked off was going to put him off much longer, but he didn’t want to tell Hannah that. For some reason, he was fiercely protective of his relationship and he hated when Hannah picked at it. The fact that she never said anything that wasn’t at least partial true just made it worse. Andy hated the way Sid refused to touch him if anyone other than Hannah was around. And he hated the way Sid hadn’t taken him anywhere since that first date, even going so far as to make excuses to not go see ‘Timeline’ with Andy. He and Hannah had gone to see it instead.

 

His concerns and reservations about Sid’s commitment were the only reason they hadn’t progressed into having actual sex. Andy couldn’t even bring himself to let Sid put his fingers inside of him, though the older boy had tried to coax him into it a couple of times. But it was a little under three weeks until Christmas and Sid was still refusing to meet his family or finalize Christmas plans and Andy didn’t know if he was supposed to buy Sid a present or if Sid would get him something or…or anything, really, except what he’d known from the start. Which was that Sid wanted to fuck him. And the more time passed, the harder it was for Andy to convince himself that Sid had ever wanted anything more than that.

 

“I’m going down.” Andy told Hannah, even though Sid had told him he would come and get him when he was ready to introduce Andy to his friends. Andy couldn’t wait any longer, and hopefully Sid wouldn’t be _too_ mad.  And Andy could always pretend he was just using the bathroom. “Wish me luck.”

 

“Luck.” Hannah replied softly, since she believed saying _‘good luck’_ only brought bad. “Lots and lots of luck, Andy.”

 

Andy let himself out of Hannah’s room, then moved slowly down the stairs. He could hear voices from the den and he walked slowly closer, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. He really wanted Sid’s friends to like him. He wanted them to think he was cool. If they liked him, maybe he could convince Sid to tell them that they were dating. He crept a little closer to the doorway, shamelessly straining his ears. Maybe if he could find out what they were talking about, he could come up with a really clever first line…

 

“…don’t know why you’re subjecting us to some stupid little High Schooler anyway.” It was a voice Andy didn’t know; one of Sid’s friends. “You said he’s your sister’s friend, right?”

 

“He’s around enough that he’s mine, too.” Sid’s voice was casually disinterested, but Andy had learned to accept Sid’s cool distance. It was just how Sid was. “And anyway, he’s cool. Good taste in music.”

 

There were snorts and laughter from the room, then another guy spoke. “Fuck, man, he’s a kid. And if he’s hanging with Hannah, he’s got to be some goody-goody. Probably doesn’t smoke or drink or fuck.”

 

Andy cringed a little, because all of that was _technically_ true, though he working up to the whole fucking thing at least. He waited while everyone laughed for Sid to defend him. Instead of Sid’s voice though he heard someone else chime in. “Yeah, he’s probably one of those smart jocks who does his fucking homework early and dates girls like Hannah. You know, the ones who don’t put out.”

 

Andy could feel his cheeks heating up, mortified. There was another round of laughter, more vicious this time, and then Sid drawled. “Well, you’re not far off. But Andy’s okay.” Andy wasn’t sure that really counted as defending him, but it was better than nothing.

 

“Yeah, right, cause I need some fucking kid giving me disapproving looks while I smoke.” The derision in the voice was clear to hear. “Come off it, Sid. Why are you wasting your time with this loser?”

 

Andy held his breath, waiting. Then Sid answered and just from his tone of voice Andy could practically see the shrug Sid would be giving. “Fine. I’ll tell him to stay with Hannah. Forget it.”

 

Andy had heard enough. He had no intention of waiting around for Sid to dismiss him. With tears stinging the backs of his eyes, Andy ran out of the house. He let the front door slam behind him, hoping Sid heard and felt guilty. He yanked the car door open and got in, slamming that door as well. He didn’t even bother fastening his seatbelt before he jammed the key into the ignition and started the car. The door to Sid’s house opened again and there was Sid, frowning and looking annoyed. For just a moment, Andy wanted to run to him and bury his face in his chest and sob and demand to know what was so awful about him that Sid couldn’t be bothered to defend him.

 

But Andy refused to be that pathetic; that weak.

 

Sid was heading down the walk, cutting across part of the lawn as he headed for Andy’s car. Even irritated, he was completely gorgeous. Andy debated about driving off without a word, but he couldn’t. Part of him was still hopeful; he wanted to be able to forgive Sid. So Andy quickly rolled his window down, then gripped the steering wheel tightly. He held his breath as Sid stomped up to the car, refusing to look away from the windshield. If he looked into those green eyes, Andy had a feeling he would fold like a cheap suit and forgive Sid no matter what he said. Or didn’t say.

 

“What’s got you slamming doors in my house?” Sid snapped, arms folded over his chest as he glared down at Andy. “And since when do you leave without saying goodbye?”

 

Still not looking at Sid, and clinging to his anger so he wouldn’t cry, Andy snapped back. “Since I’m not wanted here. I thought maybe I’d go home and do some fucking homework, then _not_ smoke or drink or have sex.”

 

Sid let out a hissed breath from between his teeth. “You were eavesdropping. How fucking mature.”

 

Andy’s head whipped around at that and he glared. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid!” Andy was practically vibrating with his fury now and his eyes were wet and shiny with unshed tears. “You’re the one who’s too big of a fucking coward to tell your friends you don’t care if they like me or not because _you_ do! You’re the one who won’t even meet my mom! God, I can’t even get you to go get a fucking slice of pizza with me because you’re too embarrassed to be seen with me.”

 

“If that’s what you think, why the fuck are you still around?” Sid asked in a flat voice that just irritated Andy more. Would it kill Sid to show emotion?

 

“Because apparently I’m an idiot.” Andy replied, his voice cracking a little on the last word. “Because I stupidly keep hoping you’ll step up.”

 

Sid was looking bored now and he said in that same flat voice. “I told you what I was like before we ever started this, Davis. If you weren’t listening, then that’s on you.”

 

“Fuck you, Sid.” Andy managed in a choked voice, then he shifted the car into drive and took off. He drove more recklessly than he ever had, tears blurring his vision the whole way home.

 

When he parked in front of his house, he switched the car into park and sat there idling for several long minutes. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel, his hands still clenched tightly on the rim, and sobbed. He didn’t understand why it hurt so much, except that he had really cared about Sid. More than he should have after so short of a time. More than Sid cared about him, obviously. He didn’t want to go inside like this. He didn’t want to face his mom with red eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks. He didn’t want to have to tell her he’d been dumped by a boy who was too ashamed of him to even take him on a proper date, because saying that would make it real. And despite how much Andy was hurting right now, and how angry he was, and how much a very large part of him wanted to punch Sid, Andy didn’t want any of it to be true. He still wanted Sid far too much.

 

Andy sighed heavily; he really was an idiot.

 

He flipped the car’s ignition off, then got out. The walk across the lawn to the door seemed to take forever, mostly because Andy was dreading it. He opened the door and stepped in, freezing when he saw Molly coming down the stairs. She took one look at his face and flew down the rest of them, throwing her arms around him tightly. Andy sank down to the floor, curling himself around Molly as she snuggled into his lap. Andy buried his face in her hair, which smelled like apples and cinnamon and the detangler spray their mom used on Molly’s curls, and sobbed. Her little arms were locked around his waist and she had her head resting on his shoulder and she didn’t say anything; she just held him. The same way Andy held her whenever she was upset or scared.

 

That was how Annie found her children ten minutes later. Molly, held securely in her big brother’s arms, while Andy sobbed like his heart was broken. Which, Annie knew, it probably was. There wasn’t much else that could make a person cry that way, after all. She crouched down next to them and brushed her hand over Andy’s hair, which made him lift his head. His big blue eyes – the ones Annie loved because they always told her just what her baby boy was feeling – were full of pain and tears. Molly looked up at her as well and Annie knew that Molly was just as concerned as she was.

 

Keeping her voice soft and soothing, Annie said. “Molly, why don’t you go into the kitchen and get everything together for hot chocolate and cookies? Andy and I will be in shortly.”

 

Though she looked like she wanted to protest, Molly nodded and slipped out of Andy’s arms. Before she went to do as she was told, Molly petted Andy’s hair and said with all the solemnity a nine year old little girl could manage. “I’m sorry you’re so sad, Andy. If you need to cry more, I’m here.”

 

When Molly had vanished into the kitchen, Annie sat on the floor and opened her arms. Andy was in them in an instant and the fact that he was both bigger and taller than his mom didn’t stop him from curling up on her lap as he dissolved into tears again. “Poor thing…” Annie crooned, stroking his hair gently and wishing she could make this better for him. “Do you want to talk about it, baby?”

 

“Sid…” Andy’s breath hitched in his chest when he tried to speak and he had to take several shuddering breathes before he could try again. “He let them laugh at me. Let them call me a loser and then he…he was going to send me away.”

 

“Oh, Andy…” Annie hugged him tighter to her, rocking him slowly like she had when he was little and hurting for whatever reason. Her heart ached for him. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m _so_ sorry.”

 

“It hurts…” Andy whimpered, curling closer to her and sounding suddenly younger than his sixteen years; young and pained and confused. “God, Mom, how can it hurt this much? I feel like I’m going to die…”

 

“I know.” Annie said, her own throat tight with tears. She hated seeing Andy hurting like this and part of her wished she could go and kick Sid Phillips' ass for her son. But even if she could, it wouldn’t make Andy hurt any less and she knew that. There were some hurts not even a mother could make better. “I know it does, baby. All I can say is, it will get better. Eventually.”

 

It was several long minutes later when Andy was finally composed enough for them to go into the kitchen, where Annie made hot chocolate and let that and chocolate chip cookies help soothe her son. It wasn’t much, but she knew it was just about all she could do for him. Molly was nearly as quiet as Andy, lending her silent support to her brother. And Annie was very proud of her daughter for understanding that Andy was in pain and doing what little she could to help.

 

No, it wasn’t much, but it would have to be enough.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

On Monday, Hannah got home from school and slammed into Sid’s room. “Who the _fuck_ do you think you are?” She demanded, glaring heatedly at him, arms folded over her heaving chest. “You…you are un-fucking-believable, Sid! I _vouched_ for you. God, I can’t believe you would…you are the _biggest_ asshole to ever live and I am _never_ forgiving you for this!”

 

Sid glared right back and snarled. “What do you know, Hannah? You don’t know a fucking thing about what happened! So just back off!”

 

Hannah couldn’t stop shaking; she was that furious. Fuming, she shot back venomously. “I know Andy cried almost all weekend. I know he’s barely slept since he left here. I know he’s miserable and hurting and heartbroken. And I know it’s _your fault._ So tell me, Sid, what don’t I know?”

 

“He left!” Sid was practically screaming and it gave Hannah a moment’s pause; Sid _never_ showed emotion when he was upset. Not unless he was past his breaking point. “He fucking _left._ So he doesn’t get to be the one who’s hurt and miserable, okay? Because _he left._ ”

 

“And you didn’t stop him.” Hannah said, though her voice was much softer. Because she could see now that Andy wasn’t the only one hurting and that made things different. “You just let him walk out, hurting and upset. You didn’t try to fix it, or work it out. So he left, but you let him.”

 

“What was I supposed to say?” Sid demanded, seeming to deflate. He looked completely miserable and Hannah wished for a moment that they were closer so she could try to comfort him. “He made up his mind about me. I’m not worth his time. Why pretend?”

 

Hannah sighed, rubbing her temples as she felt a headache starting. “God, Sid, you really are a fucking idiot sometimes. Andy likes you, okay? _He_ thinks you’re worth his time. That’s all that matters. So stop being such a dick and go apologize to him. Tell him you’re sorry and meet his mom and make a goddamned _effort_ this time.”

 

Sid didn’t say anything, so Hannah walked out, muttering under her breath about stubborn jerks. And for a long time afterwards, Sid sat in silence and thought about what she’d said.

 

Maybe…

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

It took Sid three days to get up the courage to do what Hannah had suggested. On Thursday afternoon, when he figured Andy would be home from school, he walked slowly up to Andy’s door and rang the doorbell. He wasn’t sure who he wanted to answer the door, but a very cowardly part of him was hoping no one was home at all. Sid wasn’t that lucky, though. After a moment, it was opened by Molly. The little blonde girl glared heatedly at him the moment she saw him and Sid quirked an eyebrow. Normally she ran away when he’d come to pick up Andy. Not that Sid had minded. He wasn’t any good with children, especially little girls. His and Hannah’s relationship was proof enough of that. But here she was, giving him a look that clearly said she despised him.

 

“Go away.” She said in the coldest voice he’d ever heard a little kid use. “You made Andy cry. So go away because I _hate_ you.”

 

Sid blinked, then felt something in his stomach knot itself up uncomfortably. It had been one thing for Hannah to say Andy had been crying; it was another to have Andy’s little sister say it. “I didn’t mean to make him cry.”

 

“Well you did.” Molly said accusingly, giving no quarter. “You made him cry _a lot_ and you wouldn’t come and meet Mommy and me. Andy said you were ashamed of him.”

 

Sid cringed, so focused on Molly that he didn’t notice Andy slowly coming down the stairs behind her. “I was _not_ ashamed of Andy.” He told her firmly, refusing to let her believe that. “I’m just…I’m not good at this. I’m not good enough for Andy.” Sid didn’t know why he was admitting that to a nine year old he didn’t know, but the words just slipped out.

 

Molly pursed her lips, eyes narrowed as she studied Sid. Then she sighed, in a much-put-upon way, and said exasperatedly. “You don’t get to decide that. Andy and Mommy and me get to decide if someone is good enough for Andy. Not you or anybody else.”

 

“Do you think I’m good enough?” Sid asked, irritated all of a sudden. “You used to run inside any time I came to pick him up. I’m mean and I smoke and I didn’t even graduate high school. Your brother shouldn’t even talk to me, let alone date me.”

 

“I don’t care.” Molly said stubbornly, raising her chin and glaring at him defiantly. “Andy used to smile when he talked about you. Not just with his mouth, either. He smiled with his whole face. And when you broke up with him, he _cried._ He just looks so sad. So I don’t care if you’re mean and scary. You made Andy happy. So you should fix it and make him happy again.”

 

Sid sighed and scrubbed his hands roughly over his face. “God, why am I having this conversation with a little kid anyway?” He gave Molly an annoyed look and said. “I’m _trying_ to fix it, okay? That’s why I’m here. So I can meet you and your mom and try to fix it.”

 

That little mouth pursed again, then Molly nodded and pushed open the screen door. “Fine. You can come in and meet Mom and I’ll go get Andy. But if you make Andy cry again, I’ll put on my tap shoes and kick you _really hard._ ”

 

“I’m right here.” Andy said softly as Sid stepped inside, surprising both Sid and Molly. He locked eyes with Sid and added. “Eavesdropping. Again.”

 

Sid nodded, but didn’t take the bait. Instead he said softly. “You look awful.” It was true; Andy’s face was pale, with dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. “And I guess that’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

 

The words sounded stiff and wooden, but Andy knew how much it had cost Sid to say them at all and the tone of voice didn’t matter much to him. What mattered was _why._ “Are you just going to keep being like this, Sid? Because if you are, your apology doesn’t matter much.”

 

Sid ground his teeth together, because he was trying, dammit, and he didn’t need Andy slapping at him like this. But he deserved it, he knew, for the pain in those blue eyes. “I’m going to try.” Sid said at last, with a glance at Molly who was looking between the two of them with avid curiosity. “I’m here to meet your Mom. And Molly. So I’m trying.”

 

Andy swallowed hard and almost let it go, right there. But he couldn’t; he just _couldn’t_. So instead he asked. “And Christmas?”

 

“I can come here.” Sid offered immediately. “If that’s okay, I mean. I…my family isn’t really big into the holiday thing. Christmas at my place is like…drunken fighting and misery, with colored lights to make it all seem festive.”

 

Andy hesitated for another moment, his eyes desperately searching Sid’s face for some sign that the older teen was sincere. That Sid was _really_ going to try this time. Because if he was going to put his heart on the line again, Andy knew he had to be sure. Finally, though, he nodded. “Okay.” He said softly. “Let’s go introduce you to my mom.”

 

Sid didn’t hesitate; he cupped Andy’s face in both hands and leaned down to press a brief but fierce kiss to Andy’s lips. When he lifted his head, Molly was giggling and Andy was flushed and smiling slightly. “I _am_ sorry, Andy.” He repeated, as sincerely as he could manage. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

 

Andy brushed his mouth against Sid’s and murmured. “I know. I’m sorry I left.” Then he smiled a little wider and added. “Come on, then. My mom’s in the kitchen.”

 

And as Andy twined their fingers together, tugging Sid up the hallway of the pretty little house he lived in to meet his mom, Sid tried to convince himself that maybe, just maybe, this time he wouldn’t fuck up. But feeling as out of place as he did right then…he just wasn’t sure.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Annie surveyed the teenage boy who was holding her son’s hand. Andy had led him into the kitchen, but he looked like he was being led to his own execution instead. Molly had followed calmly in their wake, seeming okay with the boy’s presence, so Annie figured Andy must be in the process of patching things up with his boyfriend. That was confirmed when Andy quietly introduced _‘my mom, Annie Davis’_ and _‘my boyfriend, Sid Phillips’_ in a breathless, hopeful manner.Annie had just narrowed her eyes and assessed Sid Phillips. His Grateful Dead tee-shirt and grungy jeans weren’t exactly what a mom wanted to see when meeting her child’s boyfriend for the first time, but she had a grudging respect for the fact that Sid wasn’t trying to hide who he was, or trick her into thinking he was something he wasn’t. He was putting himself forward, just as he was, and awaiting her judgment. That was brave.

 

Finally, after several minutes of silence, Annie set down the towel she’d been drying her hands with and inclined her head to Sid. “It’s nice to see you again, Sid.” She flicked her eyes to Andy and asked. “Are you okay, then?”

 

Andy nodded, a smile curving his lips though there was a hesitant look in his eyes. “Yeah. Um, Sid’s going to come over here for Christmas. That’s okay, right?”

 

“Of course.” Annie’s cool smile warmed a little. Clearly Sid was making an effort; he was trying to fix things with Andy by meeting her and making plans. That was good. “Sid, would you like to stay for dinner tonight? We’re having spaghetti.”

 

“Oh, I…” Sid suddenly looked like a cornered animal; he tensed up and his eyes darted around rapidly. “I don’t think so.” He cleared his throat awkwardly and added. “Thank you for the offer, but I should probably head home.”

 

Annie studied Sid once more, watching the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot as though preparing to run. Then she said softly. “We put the tree up as a family, Sid. This year we’re putting it up on the twentieth, which is next Saturday. I’d like you to be here, and to stay for dinner.” Her tone of voice made it clear that, however politely she’d phrased it this was _not_ a request.

 

“And baking!” Molly chimed in, bouncing eagerly. “We bake cookies. And we make a gingerbread house, which is _so_ fun.”

 

Sid swallowed hard, but nodded jerkily. “I…yeah. Okay. Dinner and tree and baking. Got it.” He flicked his eyes desperately to Andy and added. “I…I should go.”

 

Andy tipped his head back and Sid made a small sound of distress, but Andy didn’t relent. He just locked eyes with Sid and waited, face still tipped up. With another nervous look at Annie, Sid leaned down and brushed a soft kiss over Andy’s lips. Andy leaned into it, one hand coming up to cup Sid’s cheek, and made a pleased little humming sound in the back of his throat. And Annie watched as Sid raised his head, looking at her son with a soft warmth that surprised her. Clearly Sid cared about Andy. Probably more than either of them realized.

 

 _‘Maybe…’_ She thought as Sid promised to call Andy later, then said a stilted, cautious goodbye to Molly, who just smiled at him in a way that said she was pleased with his behavior. _‘Maybe Sid really isn’t as bad as he looks. Maybe.’_

 

Sid said goodbye to her and Annie smiled and waved, then watched him leave. Molly offered to walk him to the door, leaving her and Andy alone in the kitchen. After only a moment, she asked. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 

“No.” Andy admitted, making her smile. Then he added. “But I want to give him another chance. And he’s trying, right? I mean, he’s _really_ trying.”

 

“For now.” Annie agreed, turning back to the sink and resuming the dishes she’d been rinsing and then loading into the dishwasher. “Are you two exchanging Christmas gifts? Should I pick him up something from me, and from Molly?” She waited a beat, then added. “Is Hannah coming to Christmas as well, or just Sid?”

 

Andy blinked; he hadn’t thought to invite Hannah. But she was his _best_ friend, and she was Sid’s sister, so it made sense. “I can invite her.” Andy said with a little smile. “She’ll like that. She’s really fond of you. As to presents…I don’t know. We didn’t really talk about it.”

 

“Well, we’ll all get him something and if he doesn’t reciprocate then that’s fine.” Annie gave Andy a soft, sad look and added. “Based on what Hannah has said, I’m not sure if Sid’s ever had a real, proper Christmas, Andy. Or if he did, it was probably years ago when he was very little. So don’t expect too much from him. The fact that he’s coming at all is more than _I_ expected.”

 

“I know.” Andy promised. “I don’t even expect a gift. I’m just glad he’s trying.”

 

Annie nodded, watching from the corner of her eye as Andy lapsed into silence, the look on his face clearly saying he was daydreaming. She really hoped Sid didn’t crush Andy’s hopes again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! I am SO sorry about the delay. Life has been totally fucking nuts. O_O And I've been warring with writer's block. But here's this chapter, and the next chapter is finished too. And the one after that is almost done, it just needs one more scene! And then that will be the end of the first story arc and we can move into the second story arc, which is going to be SO much better. OMG. I'm totally fucking excited. Are you excited? You should be. O_O
> 
> I'm also a tad bit sleep deprived at the moment... *giggles* So yeah. But here is the pre-Christmas chapter, which I expect you all to love. Comments thrill me to pieces, so feel free to leave me some lovin'. Happy reading! <3
> 
> ~ LS

Sid wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he rang the doorbell anyway. He really wasn’t the Christmas-tree-and-baking sort. He should have cried off. He should have said he had to work. He should have made some excuse, like saying he was sick. But he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to keep Andy. It was solely for Andy’s sake that he was doing this; that he was trying.  Because he didn’t want to lose Andy again. The almost-week that he had spent without the other boy had been horrible.

 

He had barely eaten and slept even less. He had thought about Andy constantly. More times than he cared to count, he had started to text or call Andy. He had been fully prepared not merely to apologize, but to beg for forgiveness. He had stopped himself each time, too cowardly to risk Andy’s rejection, but it had been a near thing more than once. Because Andy was bright and shining and innocent; he was all of these good, lovely, wonderful things rolled into a gorgeous package. And Sid knew that he had no right to claim someone like Andy as his own. He knew, because he knew what _he_ was.

 

He was the son of an abusive drunk and the woman who had once been stupid enough to love him. His parents fought, his dad screamed while his mom cried, and they both resented the children who bound them together. His house was a dark, miserable place. Unless, of course, Andy was there. But while Hannah was so much better than what they’d been born into – smart, pretty, and pure – Sid was everything he hated about his own life.

 

He had dropped out of High School at sixteen to get a job, partly to help pay bills but mostly because he was failing anyway so why stick around? He drank more than he should considering alcoholism ran in his family, and he smoked like a chimney. He drove a garbage truck for a living. Which was decent money, but Sid was still nothing more than a garbage man and that was probably all he would ever be. Sid was friends with the wrong people, and he listened to the wrong type of music, and he knew he’d never amount to much of anything at all.

 

Sid was a one-night stand, not a relationship. He was the kind of guy that smart, rich, powerful men – like the kind of man Andy would one day be – fucked in a back alley when they wanted to feel dangerous. He was entirely forgettable; just a night spent slumming it. And Sid knew all of that. He knew it with a certainty that made him feel sick, because Andy made him want more.

 

Andy made him want candlelit dinners, and Valentines’ hearts, and soft kisses goodnight. Andy had him dreaming about Christmases and birthdays and anniversaries; about years together and a life together and just _more._ He wanted everything from Andy, rather than just a few heated moments. He wanted Andy’s smiles and laughter and dreams; he wanted Andy’s tears and fears and nightmares. He wanted to be the one Andy woke up to and fell asleep wrapped around. He wanted to be the one Andy made a life with some day.

 

Sid was trying desperately to _not_ want those things.

 

The door opened and Molly was beaming up at him, her bright little girl face – like a younger, softer, more feminine version of Andy’s face – practically glowing. “Hi, Sid!” She chirped cheerfully, unlocking the screen door and pushing it open. “Andy and Mom are getting decorations out of the attic.”

 

Sid couldn’t help smiling back at Molly. He had talked to her a little bit each time he’d come to see Andy in the last week and they were growing used to each other. “Think I should go help them?” He asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

 

“Hmmm…” She eyed his arms as he hung his coat on a hook near the door, then nodded. “Yeah. You look pretty strong. Then Mom can come sit down with me and you and Andy can do all the lifting.”

 

Sid chuckled and nodded to the stairs. “Lead the way then, munchkin.”

 

Molly bounded up the stairs, calling loudly. “Mom, Andy! Sid’s here! He’s gonna help Andy carry the boxes so you don’t have to, Mom!”

 

Sid was blushing a little as they reached the top of the stairs. Annie was standing at the bottom of a pull-down ladder looking very pretty for a woman old enough to have a sixteen year old son. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a short ponytail and she was wearing well-worn jeans and a knitted green sweater with a design of big white snowflakes. On her feet, she wore fuzzy blue socks. She turned towards Sid with a welcoming smile and twinkling blue eyes and Sid realized she had a smudge of dust on one cheek.

 

“Hello, Sid.” She reached out and curled her fingers around his forearm, giving a little squeeze. “You don’t mind helping Andy, then?”

 

“Not at all.” Sid assured her, his eyes going to the ladder. At the top, Andy was crouching and looking down at them, smiling happily. Without thinking, Sid said. “You and Molly should go sit and be lazy. Let us men do all of the hard work.”

 

Annie watched as Sid’s eyes widened and he suddenly looked nervous, before his face went blank. She could tell he wasn’t sure she would understand he was teasing and was worried about her reaction, but she thought it was interesting that for just a moment there he had relaxed enough to be himself. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.” She said, intent on reassuring Sid. “Molly and I can go make hot chocolate and put on some Christmas music while you gentlemen bring down the decorations.”

 

Sid visibly relaxed and Annie patted his shoulder as she moved past him. “Don’t worry so much, Sid.” She told him in a quiet murmur. “You’re doing just fine.”

 

Then, pretending she didn’t notice the way his cheeks flushed darker, she headed down the stairs with Molly on her heels.

 

Sid watched her go, then looked back up the ladder at Andy. “Hey.” He said it softly, feeling stupid but not knowing what else to say.

 

“Hey.” Andy replied, his eyes soft and happy. “You coming up here and giving me a proper hello, or are we just going to stare at each other for a while?”

 

“Well, staring _does_ have its appeal.” Sid teased, rolling his eyes as he started up the ladder. “But I suppose I can come up, if you like.”

 

Sid had barely gotten his shoulders through the opening into the attic when Andy was kneeling in front of him, cupping his face with both hands and kissing him. Sid kissed back until he felt himself start to sway backwards under the pressure of Andy’s demanding mouth. His hands scrambled against the rough wood edging the opening he was still halfway through and he broke the kiss with a soft curse. Andy immediately backed up, giggling like mad.

 

“Please don’t fall!” He gasped around his laughter. “Mom won’t be pleased if I tell her we have to take you to the hospital because we were kissing on the steps.”

 

“Nice to know that the possibility of your boyfriend cracking his skull open is amusing to you.” Sid grumbled as he climbed the rest of the way into the attic.

 

Andy was still grinning as he wound his arms around Sid’s neck, pressing up against his chest. “Awww, don’t be like that. I just couldn’t believe I’d been dumb enough to kiss you while you were standing on a ladder. It was nervous, shocked laughter. Not amused laughter. Promise.”

 

Sid didn’t know if he believed that entirely, because those big blue eyes were still shining with amusement, but he let it go because it seemed like the thing to do. “Do I get a real kiss, now that the danger is over?”

 

“Mmmm...” Andy’s eyes darkened and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. “Yeah, I suppose that’s fair enough.”

 

Andy tipped his face up and Sid let his hands settle on Andy’s waist, pulling Andy closer to him. He leaned down the little bit necessary to bring their mouths together, his tongue immediately darting out to taste Andy’s lower lip. Blue eyes fluttered shut as full lips parted and then Sid was tasting peppermint and Andy, which gave Sid the rather vivid mental picture of his boyfriend’s lips pursed around a candy cane as he sucked. With a low growl, Sid deepened the kiss. Andy seemed to melt against him, soft and willing, sucking lightly on Sid’s tongue as it claimed his mouth.

 

After several long minutes, the teens broke apart, both panting and flushed. Andy bit his lip, eyes bright, and said softly. “We really should bring the decorations down now.”

 

Sid smirked and kissed Andy again, until the shorter boy was trembling in his arms. Then he pressed a light kiss to the tip of Andy’s nose and asked. “Which boxes?”

 

For a moment, Andy just stared up at him in confusion. Then he shook his head as though clearing it and gestured to a stack of red plastic tubs. “Um, it’s those four. They’ve got all the...the decorations and the ornaments and, like, the cookie cutters and stuff.”

 

“Let’s get to it then.” Sid walked over and easily lifted the first bin into his arms. Then he looked over at the ladder and frowned. “How is this supposed to work?”

 

Andy laughed, shaking his head at Sid. “One of us will need to go down the ladder, then the other one will have to lower the bins down. The lowering part takes more strength, so I guess I’ll be the one down at the bottom for a change.”

 

Sid nodded and waited while Andy went down the shifting wooden steps. When Andy gave the go-ahead, Sid moved over to the edge and knelt down, leaning through the hole as carefully as he could and resting the box against the stairs. It was slightly tilted, but that didn’t matter. Then Sid slid both hands to one end and slowly let it slide down the steps as though it were on a ramp. As soon as it was in reach, Andy grabbed it and set it off to the side of the hallway, near his bedroom door. By the time he turned back to the attic steps, Sid was back at the top, waiting, with the next bin. In this fashion, it was only a matter of minutes before all four of the boxes were on the second floor, rather than in the attic.

 

Sid came down the steps and Andy folded them back up, then pressed a light kiss to Sid’s cheek. “Thanks. I appreciate the help. I know Mom does, too.”

 

Sid just cleared his throat awkwardly, averting his eyes, and said gruffly. “Come on. Let’s get these boxes the rest of the way downstairs.” Then, seeing the way Andy’s face fell for a moment before he hid it, Sid added under his breath. “You’re welcome. Just...it’s not a big deal. Okay?”

 

And then Andy’s smile was back as he said. “It is to me.”

 

Sid just grabbed a box and headed down the stairs. Andy followed, still smiling.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Annie laughed as she popped a cookie sheet full of sugar cookies – cut into snowflakes and stars and snowmen shapes, then sprinkled with colored sugar in green and red and gold and light blue – into the oven. Andy was standing next to her, holding another sheet of cookies, which she slid in next. “You guys better eat all of these.” She teased her son, poking him in the stomach as she shut the oven door. “We’re going to have cookies until July, I swear.”

 

“Nah.” Andy laughed as he broke a hot, melty, fresh-from-the-oven chocolate-mint-chip cookie in half and blew on it before taking a bite. “We’ll eat them. Promise.”

 

“Stop!” Came a shrill screech from Molly, just as Annie finished setting the timer. “Don’t!”

 

Annie whipped around so fast that Andy almost got knocked over. Her mouth was already open, tongue wrapped around sharp words, but they died the moment she was facing the kitchen table.

 

Molly had a large dollop of frosting – the frosting she and Sid were using to decorate the gingerbread house – on her nose. She was glaring at Sid, but her little lips were twitching up at the corners as she fought to hold the angry expression. “You’re _so_ mean!” She screeched, then she giggled and stuck the gumdrop she was holding to Sid’s cheek.

 

Sid laughed back and pulled the candy off his face. He looked at it consideringly for a moment, then popped it in his mouth, straight teeth biting into the little red gummy. “Nice one, munchkin.” He picked up a tiny sugar pearl and stuck it to the icing still on her nose. “There. Perfect.”

 

Molly giggled again, then grabbed a napkin to scrub over her face. When she finished, she stuck her tongue out at him and said. “Can we keep the frosting _on the house_ , please?”

 

Sid laughed again, reaching out to ruffle her blonde curls. “Yeah, I guess.” He said, sounding as sad and put-out as he could manage. The grin on his face was at odds with his tone of voice, but the whole scene made Annie go soft inside.

 

She glanced over at Andy and saw on Andy’s face that her son was probably most of the way in love with Sid. In fact, the scene they’d both just witnessed might have shoved him over that line. Annie watched silently as Andy crossed the kitchen to the table. Sid looked up, eyes questioning, and Andy leaned down to kiss him. It wasn’t a deep kiss; not in the least bit inappropriate, considering it was happening in front of his mom and his nine year old sister. But it was hard, and fierce, and when Andy lifted his head there was an intensity on his face that had Sid’s green eyes going wide and dark and a little nervous.

 

Andy brought his hand up, using his thumb to clean the lingering traces of frosting off of Sid’s cheek, then he said softly. “Thank you.” Seeing the question Sid was about to ask, Andy answered. “For trying. You have no idea what it means to me.”

 

The trouble, as far as Annie could tell, was that Sid _could_ see what it meant to Andy. And, based on the look in his verdant eyes, it completely terrified him. She bit her tongue; it wasn’t up to her to sort this out. It was up to them. She cleared her throat, smiling brightly. “Almost done with cookies and such? We’ve still got the tree to do, after all, before dinner.”

 

“We’re done!” Molly chirped, beaming at her mother. “You just put the last ones in the oven. And Sid and I finished the house, see?”

 

Annie studied the little gingerbread house and her heart softened even more. Normally, she and Andy did most of the house and Molly just added a touch here or there, or offered suggestions. This meant the gingerbread house typically looked like one of the pictures on the box, or like something out of a cookbook or magazine. This year, though, Molly had asked if she and Sid could make it together. So Annie had manned the oven – putting cookies in, then pulling them out, and setting them onto cooling racks at the right time – while Andy made most of the cookies by himself, with Annie occasionally lending a hand with mixing, or cookie cutters, or sprinkles.

 

The little gingerbread house was slightly off-center on its cardboard base, and it leaned a little bit to the left. The two halves of its roof didn’t quite line up, with each other or with the rest of the house. The decorations were haphazard, rather than in neat little rows and patterns, with the icing sometimes far too thick beneath it, white oozing around green and red candies. There was no discernible plan to the little cookie house, though every now and then there seemed to be a weak attempt at some sort of pattern or symmetry, as though either Molly or Sid had tried for a few minutes to make it ‘perfect’ before giving up again. It looked exactly like what it was. A gingerbread house, decorated by a nine year old and a teenage boy who had never made one before. And as far as Annie was concerned, it was beautiful.

 

“I love it.” Annie declared, smiling brightly as she blinked back sentimental tears. “It’s gorgeous. I’m going to grab the camera so I can take a picture of it.”

 

Sid flushed and ducked his head, but Molly clapped her hands in delight. “Yay! Then we can go work on the tree, right, Mom?”

 

“Of course!” Annie called from the other room. She came back a moment later, wielding a camera. “Okay, now, you and Sid smile for me.”

 

Molly was already beaming, but Sid just looked embarrassed. Annie hesitated, wishing Sid looked less uneasy and more…happy. Then Andy moved to stand beside her and he gave Sid a soft, sweet smile – the sort of smile that made everyone else want to smile back. It worked on Sid as well, because his face smoothed out and his lips curved up, green eyes warm. Annie clicked the picture, then zoomed in on the house itself and snapped a couple more. Then, when Sid and Molly stood up and Sid leaned down to brush his mouth against Andy’s, she snapped one more.

 

Sid jerked back, startled, and turned to stare at her. There was something suddenly frightened in those green eyes and she sought to reassure him. “I thought that Andy might like a picture of the two of you together. He’s sentimental that way, like me.”

 

The fear in Sid’s eyes didn’t ease. He nodded anyway, but Annie could tell he wasn’t happy. She just wasn’t sure what she’d done wrong. So she cleared her throat and forced a smile. “Well, let’s get you guys started on that tree then, okay? You can start sorting ornaments and putting up lights and I’ll be in as soon as I get these last trays out of the oven and the cookies onto cooling racks.”

 

When Annie joined them in the den less than half an hour later, she couldn’t resist snapping a few more pictures. Molly was sorting decorations based on their materials – glass had to go on the higher branches, because of Buster’s enthusiasm for the shining, twinkling tree – while Sid and Andy dealt with the strands of lights. Andy was laughing, while Sid muttered darkly under his breath. She thought he probably would have been cursing a blue streak in the air, if Molly hadn’t been present. They had the bottom half of the tree wrapped in lights, and Sid was fighting with a tangled string of lights while Andy wound more around the tree. It was a cozy, lovely scene, with the lights twinkling brightly. Annie couldn’t help smiling at the fact that the boys had plugged the lights into the wall _before_ stringing them onto the tree; it was such a silly thing to do.

 

The moment just got better as Sid finished untangling the last of the lights and plugged them into the end of the strand Andy was nearly finished winding around the tree. Andy smiled at him, then went back to wrapping them around the tree. When he got high enough on the nearly seven foot tree that he had to stretch up to try to reach, Sid smirked and stepped up behind him. His arms went around Andy’s waist, his hands pressed to Andy’s bare stomach where his shirt had ridden up while he worked. Andy jumped and would have fallen over, except Sid had a firm grip on him. Annie raised the camera and snapped a picture as Andy melted back against Sid, his head turned and his face tipped up, smiling at his boyfriend over his shoulder. Molly giggled from her spot on the floor and Annie stepped fully into the room, setting the camera on the arm of the sofa.

 

“Do we need a step-ladder?” She asked, studying the height of the tree and where the lights were. “I can go get it from the hall closet if we do.”

 

“Nah, I got it.” Sid replied as he stepped away from Andy. He picked up where Andy had left off, using little flicks of his wrist to make the lights climb higher without having to stretch. “No ladder needed.” He added as he smiled at Annie over his shoulder.

 

Annie smiled back. Sid was relaxing, slowly but surely, and she was glad. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got such tall young men around, isn’t it?”

 

“Mhmmm.” Molly agreed as she bounced eagerly from one foot to the other. “I bet we won’t even need a ladder for the star this year!”

 

Still smiling, Annie began sifting through the ornaments on the table. “Andy, where’s your First Christmas ornament? I’ve got Molly’s here, but not yours.”

 

“I’m holding it.” Andy replied, grinning. In his hands was a little cowboy hat, with his name and the year of his first Christmas printed on it in black lettering.

 

Annie held out Molly’s – a baby in a little sleigh-shaped bassinet, with her name and the year of her first Christmas in gold lettering on it – and her daughter took it eagerly. “Thanks, Mom.” Molly held the ornament like it was precious, then she smiled at Sid. “Want to see it?”

 

Sid dropped down to one knee in front of her and solemnly studied the ornament. “This is from your first Christmas?” He asked softly. When Molly nodded, he touched it lightly with one finger and said. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“You should bring your First Christmas ornament over!” Molly said excitedly, not noticing when Annie winced. “You can hang it on our tree with Andy’s!”

 

“That’s very sweet of you.” Sid said and his smile had grown brittle; he was tense all over. “I don’t have one, though. My parents aren’t big on holidays.”

 

“Oh.” Molly bit her lip, then said softly. “I’m sorry. You aren’t mad at me, are you, Sid?”

 

Sid shook his head, tugging Molly into an awkward hug. “No, I’m not mad. You can ask me anything you want, munchkin, and I promise I won’t ever get mad at you for it.”

 

The hug wasn’t awkward for long, though, as Molly threw her arms around his neck and squeezed, letting him know she wasn’t in the least bit afraid of him anymore. “I’m glad.” She said seriously as she pulled back, smiling again. “You can help me pick where to hang my ornament, if you want.”

 

Sid could tell that this was a great honor he was being offered, so he nodded. “Of course I’ll help you pick the perfect spot.”

 

Andy moved over to his mom, having hung his own ornament up already, and asked. “What do you think?”

 

Annie didn’t bother pretending she didn’t know what he meant. She just reached out to squeeze her son’s hand and answered as softly as he’d asked. “I think he’s trying very hard for you, and that’s a very lovely thing. The question now is, how long will he try for?”

 

Andy nodded to show he’d heard, and understood. But his eyes were locked on where Sid was lifting Molly up so she could put her ornament higher up on the tree. He knew this might not last; he knew Sid might fall back into his old ways. He didn’t care, though. Andy knew he was falling, hard and fast, and he wasn’t even going to try to stop it from happening. Because Sid had stuck frosting on Molly’s nose, and called her munchkin, and was helping her with her ornament. And while Andy could have protected himself from Sid being sweet to him, he had no defenses when it came to someone bonding with the little sister he loved more than anything.

 

Sid Phillips was, in that moment, the love of Andy’s young life. And Andy couldn’t have been happier.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...you're all going to hate me. :P
> 
> So this is Christmas Day. And it's lovely. For the most part. I adored this chapter, though it really took it out of me to write it. After this chapter, there's one more chapter in the first arc of the story (I'll get more into that when I post the first chapter of the second arc (Ch 12) and I'm warning you now: if you think the end of this chapter is bad, you'll probably need tissues and privacy to curse out loud when I get Ch 11 up.
> 
> I'm going to be miserable by the end of today (I worked an overnight, have to work at my store all day, and then come back and work 6-midnight this evening...all with no sleep between) so if I could finish my day with a review or two, it would just totally cheer me right up. <3 Happy reading, and enjoy the WAFF while it lasts!!!
> 
> ~ LS

Hannah nervously smoothed her dress out. She didn’t know what someone was supposed to wear to Christmas at someone’s house, so she had put on the dress she’d worn to Homecoming. It was a strapless black dress that stopped just above her knees. There was a thick red ribbon around the waist, tied into a bow at her back, and little shiny red dots decorated the bodice. The skirt was puffed out, like a cocktail dress, with lots of red tulle. She had on sheer stockings, and black and red heels, and a little bit of makeup, and she was shaking. She wasn’t sure why she’d been invited, though she was grateful to get out of her house for a day that typically consisted of drunken screaming and, occasionally, a visit from the cops. Sid was standing next to her, by his car, looking about as nervous as she felt.

 

He was wearing black slacks – she thought they might be new, since she hadn’t seen him in anything except for jeans in years – and a dark red button-up shirt, buttoned _almost_ all the way up, with a black tee-shirt under it. He actually looked very nice. He was sucking nervously on a cigarette as he stared up at Andy’s house. Finally he finished and flicked the butt into the slush-covered street. It had been snowing for three days, though it had finally stopped sometime in the early hours of that morning, and the plows had come through to shove the last of the snow off the roads just in time for everyone to head off to their Christmas destinations.

 

“Nervous?” She asked him, her fingers still restlessly fidgeting with the skirt of her dress. When Sid nodded, she tried to force a smile. “Yeah, me too.”

 

Sid reached out and touched her cheek, saying softly. “You’ve got no reason to be nervous, Hannah. This is the sort of place you belong. Someplace nice, and pretty, and friendly.”

 

Hannah bit her lip, blinking back tears. She didn’t know what had come over Sid, but she thought that was probably the nicest thing he’d said to her in years. “I…Sid. I don’t…”

 

Sid shook his head, touching one finger to his lips to shush her. She fell silent and Sid said. “You’re better than our family, Hannah. You’re not trash. I’m glad Andy and his family sees that.”

 

“You’re not trash either.” Hannah told him, looking sad all of a sudden. “I wish you could see that. You got a job to make sure I had electricity, and shoes for school, and hot water. You’ve _always_ protected me, and made sure no one made fun of me. I wish you’d give yourself more credit.”

 

“Don’t.” Sid shook his head and started up the walk, clutching a rustling plastic bag tightly in his hand. “I don’t want to get into that today. Just…enjoy Christmas, okay?”

 

Hannah walked quickly to keep up with Sid, sighing softly. “Fine. I’m sorry. I promise not to bring it up again. _Today._ ”

 

She pushed the doorbell when they reached the top of the stairs, shivering a little. It was colder than she’d realized. Molly opened the door, grinning from ear to ear. “Hi!” She exclaimed, stepping back after unlocking the screen door. “I like your dress, Hannah.”

 

“Thank you.” Hannah smiled as she and Sid stepped inside. “I like yours, too.” She told the little girl as she patted her on the top of the head.

 

Molly’s dress was black velvet to the waist, then green and red and gold plaid in a pleated skirt, just past her knees. A big green ribbon was around her waist, tied into a bow like the red one on Hannah’s dress, just at the small of her back. Another green bow – smaller this time – held Molly’s hair up in a ponytail, her corkscrew curls like a little waterfall to her shoulders. White stockings and little black dress shoes completed the look. She was precious.

 

“You look gorgeous, munchkin.” Sid told her as he dropped to one knee and opened his arms. Hannah watched in silent surprise as Molly hugged Sid, giggling. “Where’s your brother?”

 

“Andy’s upstairs, putting his presents away.” Molly told him as Sid released her and stood up. She rolled her eyes and added. “And he’s probably panicking. Mom said he’s been panicking for the last few days, since he picked your present out.”

 

Sid smiled, then held up the plastic bag he was carrying. “That reminds me. Do I just put these under the tree, or…?”

 

“Yup.” Molly nodded, grinning. “Mom and Andy weren’t sure you’d bring presents, but I knew that you would. I told them so.”

 

The three of them went into the den, where the tree was twinkling brightly and Buster was curled up on the rug, watching it. There was a fire in the fireplace and the room was warm and cozy. Under the tree were six presents;  three with Sid’s name on them, and three with Hannah’s.

 

Sid carefully pulled four presents out of the bag and set them under the tree. One was for Molly – labeled from both Sid and Hannah, one was for Annie – labeled the same way, and two were for Andy, one from Sid and one from Hannah. Seeing the presents for her, Hannah was grateful Sid had put her name on the presents for Annie and Molly, and let her pick out something for Andy. She didn’t have a job, or an allowance, so she’d have shown up empty-handed if not for Sid. Then she’d have spent the whole night feeling embarrassed and humiliated. Now, she didn’t have to. It was a huge relief.

 

Annie walked into the room, beaming. She was wearing black slacks, a silky-looking red blouse, and pretty black dress shoes with only a slight heel. Sid couldn’t help thinking she was probably the prettiest mom he’d ever seen, and it was no wonder both Andy and Molly were so gorgeous. She gave Hannah a hug, telling her how happy she was Hannah had come and how nice she thought Hannah looked, then walked up to Sid.

 

“Well?” She asked, holding out her arms and raising an eyebrow.

 

Sid hesitated for a moment, then stepped closer and tentatively hugged Andy’s tiny mother. Annie laughed and hugged him back. “It’s nice to see you again, Sid.” She told him as he released her and stepped back nervously. “And you look very nice today. Much less…grungy.”

 

Sid smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well. I figured you’d be snapping pictures again, so I should look decent.”

 

“Sid!” Andy’s voice drew his attention.

 

Sid turned, then just stared. Andy was wearing black dress slacks, like Sid was, but they were a little bit snugger; they hugged all the right places on Andy’s lithe form. His dark green button-up did the same, and the color somehow made his eyes look even bluer. The thin black tie he had on made him look all sorts of proper. Which, of course, just made Sid want to drag him upstairs and ravish him. His hair was half-tousled, like he’d brushed it and then nervously fisted a hand in it afterwards. His blue eyes were bright and happy, and he was looking at Sid as though he were the single most important person in the world. It made Sid wonder if, to Andy, he _was._

 

Andy hurried across the den, throwing himself into his boyfriend’s arms. Sid let his hands settle on Andy’s hips even as Andy’s arms wound around his neck. Andy tipped his face up and Sid brushed their mouths together. “Merry Christmas.” Andy said breathlessly when Sid raised his head again.

 

Sid couldn’t have stopped the smile forming on his lips if he’d wanted to. “Merry Christmas.” He replied, his voice low and soft. “You look gorgeous.”

 

Andy’s cheeks went pink and he lowered his eyes, then he said. “You do, too. You clean up pretty well, Sid Phillips.”

 

Sid laughed and then Hannah cleared her throat loudly. “I’m here too, you know, Andy.” Her tone was teasing; it warmed her heart to see how happy he and Sid looked. “You could say hi before you start mauling my brother.”

 

Andy grinned and turned to face her, dropping his arms from around Sid’s neck. Sid, however, kept his hold on Andy’s hips. When Andy was facing away from him, Sid let his hands slide fully around Andy’s waist, tugging his boyfriend back against him. Andy went willingly, leaning back against Sid’s chest like he belonged there. Hannah’s heart warmed another few degrees. Sid and Andy really did look completely perfect together.

 

“Merry Christmas, Hannah.” Andy told her cheerfully. “You look beautiful.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Hannah rolled her eyes. “Like you’d even have noticed me if I hadn’t talked. You’ve only got eyes for Sid these days.” But she was smiling just as widely. “Merry Christmas, Andy.”

 

“Are you two staying the night?” Annie asked as she took a seat on the couch. She pushed a button on the little remote for the stereo and Christmas music began to play softly in the background. “You’re both more than welcome.”

 

“Oh, well…” Hannah hesitated. She desperately wanted to say yes; she really didn’t want to go home on one of the worst nights for her parents fighting and drinking. But she already felt like she was imposing somewhat on Andy and his family. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

 

“Nonsense.” Annie declared, waving her hand dismissively. She knew exactly why Hannah and Sid wouldn’t want to be home that night; Sid’s passing comments had been more than enough, even without Hannah’s clarifications when they had talked. “We love having you here. You’ll both stay.”

 

“Thank you.” Hannah said softly as she sat down beside Annie on the sofa. “Really.” Annie just patted her hand and smiled.

 

Sid and Andy sat down on the loveseat and, for a few minutes, they all just talked. Molly was playing on the floor with her new toys. She was quiet enough not to disturb them, though every now and then Sid couldn’t help watching her. She was just so adorable. They were mostly talking about Hannah and Andy and colleges, anyway, which wasn’t a subject Sid could contribute a lot to. Hannah was hoping for a scholarship; she didn’t know if she’d be able to go without one.

 

“Have you looked into grants?” Annie asked curiously. “We’ve looked at a couple of those for Andy and I think you might qualify.”

 

“I don’t even know what a grant it.” Hannah admitted, a little sheepishly. “Is that like a loan or something, because I don’t think anyone is going to give me a loan, considering.”

 

“It’s not a loan.” Andy said from his place snuggled into Sid’s side; his head was resting on Sid’s shoulder and the older teen had his arm around him. “They’re usually government funded, and they sort of work like a scholarship. You don’t have to pay the money back, as long as you meet their requirements and don’t drop out of school.”

 

“Really?” Hannah was immediately interested. “I definitely need to look into that.”

 

“We’ll give you some websites to check out.” Annie promised.

 

As Andy and Hannah began discussing their top-choice schools, Sid felt a little sick to his stomach. He hadn’t even finished high school, and the boy he was dating was planning a full college career. He was a garbage man, and the son of a drunk. He drank, smoked, and had been something of a slut. He had no place in Andy’s world. A world full of Christmas lights, and college applications, and happy memories. It just wasn’t who Sid was.

 

Andy shifted a little against his side and Sid reflexively tightened his grip. He couldn’t help it. He wanted to keep Andy right where he was. That just made the sick feeling get worse. Sid didn’t want to care about Andy the way he did. It would just make it hurt that much worse when Andy finally realized that he was better off without Sid. And Sid knew that Andy _would_ realize it. It was only a matter of time. They were just too different. Sid tightened his grip again, giving Andy a little squeeze. Andy sighed softly and rubbed his cheek affectionately against Sid’s shoulder. It was a sweet gesture; warm and tender and loving. Sid wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.

 

Wouldn’t it have been better if he’d never known? If he’d gone on as he’d been; in complete ignorance of what it would be like to have someone like Andy. Surely never knowing would have been better than the pain he was sure to experience when Andy wised up. Because right now, Andy seemed to look at him with rose-tinted glasses. He didn’t mention the fact that Sid was a drop-out. Or the fact that Sid drank, or partied. He didn’t even make comments about Sid’s cigarettes anymore. He never talked about what would happen when he went away to college, or when he had some fancy career.

 

Sid couldn’t help thinking that, maybe, it was because he knew Sid wouldn’t be a part of his life long enough for those things to be an issue.

 

Suddenly Molly asked. “When are we doing presents again?”

 

“Molly!” Annie chided, but she was smiling. “Don’t be so impatient.”

 

“I don’t mean _my_ present.” Molly whined. “I want to see Sid and Hannah open theirs!”

 

Andy grinned. “Yeah, come on, Mom. We can do presents, right?”

 

“Oh, fine.” Annie laughed, rolling her eyes. “Pass them out then, Molly. Go on.”

 

Molly popped up and gave Andy his two presents, Hannah and Sid their three each, Annie hers, and sat back on the floor with her own. “Open yours first, Hannah!” Molly chirped, bouncing in place.

 

Hannah laughed, her cheeks pink, and looked around. “Oh, well…if you’re sure…”

 

Everyone nodded, so Hannah began opening her gifts. The one from Molly was a pretty, handmade bracelet. It was three colors of embroidery string – white, black, and a light purple – braided together and it fit around her wrist almost perfectly. Hannah made a small sound because the gift was so Molly – sweet and thoughtful and from the heart – and she loved it. It made her feel all sorts of warm inside as Annie tied it around her wrist.

 

“Oh, Molly, thank you. It’s _so_ beautiful.” She smiled at the little girl. “I love it. Really.”

 

“Open the next one!” Molly encouraged, still grinning, her bright blue eyes shining.

 

Hannah opened her present from Annie next. Inside was a pair of silver hoop earrings, with little silver butterflies dangling from them. They were delicate and pretty and Hannah felt her throat grow tight. She didn’t think she’d ever owned anything as nice as them. With trembling hands she tugged her little pink plastic studs from her ears and slipped the new hoops in. She wanted to say thank you, and that she loved them, and about a million other things, but she couldn’t. Her tongue felt thick and her eyes were damp and all she could do was stare at Annie. Annie understood, though,  just like she always seemed to understand.

 

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” Annie said, tugging Hannah into an embrace. “You have to know that we all love you, Hannah. You’re a part of our family now, okay?”

 

Hannah smiled and when Annie released her she began unwrapping the present from Andy. She didn’t know what it might be, but she was very curious. She tugged open the little box and inside it was a picture frame. It was  a heart shape in white ceramic, but it was lined so it looked like it was made up of interlocking puzzle pieces. And there were words written in black block letters in each of the pieces, so it read _‘The missing piece of me.’_ The photo in the frame was Hannah and Andy, sitting on the sofa. Hannah was lying across Andy’s lap. She was looking up at him, and he was looking down at her, and they were both laughing.

 

Hannah looked up at Andy, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Andy…” She managed in a choked voice, biting her lip as she tried not to sob.

 

“Please don’t cry.” Andy pleaded, looking desperate. “I know, okay? I get it. But _please_ don’t cry. I hate it when girls cry.”

 

Hannah laughed, wiping at her cheeks and shaking her head. “Oh, Andy…” She rolled her eyes, still sniffling a little. “I _do_ love you. Thank you, so much.” She held the picture frame against her heart for a moment, then said. “Open mine, then, Andy!”

 

Andy laughed and opened the present in question. Inside was a little silver pendant on a thin chain. It was shaped like the right half of a heart and had the word _‘Best’_ written on it. He looked over at Hannah to see her lift one from inside of her dress; the left half of the heart, with the word _‘Friends’_ on it. Andy grinned and slipped the chain over his head. “Thanks.”

 

His fingers went to the tape on the package from Sid, but Sid’s voice stopped him. “Don’t!” Andy froze, looking at him in confusion, and he said stiffly. “Last, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Of course.” Andy nodded to his mom. “Why don’t you open yours, Mom, then Molly?”

 

Annie nodded. “All right.”

 

She carefully lifted the tape, unwrapping the little box. Then she lifted the lid off of it, revealing the necklace resting on the fluffy white cotton bed inside. “Oh…”

 

She touched the little pendant nestled inside the box. It was gold, and almost a figure eight. But it was made out of two hearts, touching at their point, though neither heart was fully closed. The upper-heart was right-side-up while the lower heart was upside-down. It was beautiful. And based on what Hannah had told her, despite the fact that the tag had both Sid and Hannah’s names on it, Annie knew that Sid alone had paid for it.

 

“Thank you.” She said and while she smiled at both of the Phillips children, there was an extra-special look in her eyes when she looked at Sid. “Thank you very much. It’s beautiful.”

 

Molly was already tearing at the paper covering her present, quite eager. When she lifted the little cardboard lid off the box, her delighted gasp was louder than anyone was expecting. “Oh, it’s lovely!” She exclaimed, lifting out a little charm bracelet. It had a heart, a key, a dolphin, and a little teddy bear all dangling from it, with space for more charms. “I love it. Thank you.”

 

Sid smiled as Molly had Annie fasten it around her wrist. “We weren’t sure what you’d want on it.” He admitted. “So we just picked a few for now. You can add whatever you want.”

 

Molly just beamed at him, then said. “Open yours now!” She was back to bouncing where she sat, looking eager. “I know you’re going to love mine. I _know_ it.”

 

Sid couldn’t help smiling back; Molly’s personality was infectious. He decided to tease her and began opening the one from Annie first. Molly just gave him a Cheshire-cat grin. He froze when he realized he was holding a small photo album. The smile on his lips locked in place, feeling stiff and fake, and he couldn’t remember how to breathe. With hands he pretended weren’t shaking, Sid flipped the little book open. Each page held two pictures: one on the front, and one on the back. Annie had already filled the first few pages with pictures she had snapped.

 

Sid stared at the first picture; it was a picture of Andy. Just Andy. It looked like it had been professionally taken, if the bright blue backdrop was any indication. Andy was sitting on some sort of platform-stage-thing, also draped in bright blue. One leg dangled off the edge, while the other was drawn up towards his chest. Andy had his arms looped loosely around his bent knee, his body angled a little to the side, his head tipped so his cheek rested against his jean-clad knee. The dark, rich blue of the sweater he wore, and the backdrop’s color, made Andy’s eyes even bluer. He was smiling, his whole face soft and open, and he looked too beautiful for words.

 

Sid finally managed to suck in a deep breath. Flipping the page, Sid saw that the second picture was the kiss he’d given Andy in the kitchen, when the flash from Annie’s camera had startled him. The one after that was him and Molly with the gingerbread house. There were more pictures – probably another four or five – but Sid couldn’t bring himself to look. Burned into his mind was the look on his face in the picture with Molly – smiling, soft and warm and tender. A look he knew had been put there because of who he was looking at. Not the photographer, but the boy who’d been standing beside her. Andy. A look that said he was in for a world of pain when Andy finally wised up.

 

Sid shut the album swiftly, unable to handle any more of it, and locked his eyes on the simple black cover with its gold-embossed lettering that read _‘Memories’_ in pretty script. “Thank you.” He said it softly, hoping it didn’t come out stiff or insincere.

 

Annie was watching Sid carefully; she wasn’t really sure what to make of his reaction to her gift. But she wasn’t going to pry; not on Christmas, anyway. “You’re welcome, Sid. Open my daughter’s now, before she explodes.”

 

Sid nodded and peeled the paper off the cube-shaped package. Then he opened the thin cardboard box and tugged out what felt like a ball of some sort – about the size of a softball – wrapped in white tissue paper. As he began to unwrap it, Molly cautioned. “It’s glass, so be careful not to drop it.”

 

Sid froze again, the glass ball still wrapped, and his gaze flew to the tree. He looked back at Molly, stunned by her thoughtfulness, and whispered. “You didn’t…”

 

Molly’s whole face lit up, blue eyes twinkling, and she said. “Open it and see.”

 

Sid looked back at the gift, then carefully unwrapped the tissue paper. The instant he saw the ornament, he was torn. Half of him wanted to hang it on the tree, treasuring it for all it was worth, though he wasn’t usually one for sentimentality. The other half of him wanted to drop it onto the floor and crush it beneath his boots until all that was left was powdered glass. In the end, he just stared.

 

The ball itself was a soft, dark gold that shone faintly when the light hit it. But attached to the ball – he wasn’t sure how – was a photo. Of him and Andy. One Sid hadn’t even realized Annie had taken. They were standing beside the lit-up – but undecorated – tree, lights twinkling brightly. Andy was leaning back against his chest, head turned and tipped up to smile up at him. Sid had his arms around Andy’s waist and he was smiling back at Andy. Sid turned the ornament and on the back side of the ball was writing in pretty black cursive, _Our First Christmas_ and under that it said _December 25 th, 2003_.

 

“Hang it up!” Molly enthused, not seeming to notice Sid’s dual feelings for her present. “You and Andy should hang it up together.”

 

Molly might not have noticed the indecision in Sid’s expression, but Annie did. “Molly picked it out all on her own.” She told him, a quiet warning. “She thought you needed a first ornament of some sort.”

 

Sid felt Andy’s eyes on him – the other boy had been studying the ornament before that – and forced a smile onto his lips. He turned his head to meet Andy’s gaze and the smile softened into something real, even though it terrified him, and he said softly. “Help me pick a spot.”

 

Andy stood, grinning, and together they walked over to the tree. When Andy touched a branch, right at eye level, Sid was agreeing instantly. Because it didn’t matter where the ornament was hung, or that _‘First Christmas’_ would probably end up being _‘Only Christmas’_. What mattered was that, for this one moment, he belonged here. For this one moment, he belonged with Christmas trees and presents; with eggnog and laughter; with Christmas carols and happiness and love. With Andy.

 

Sid slipped the ornament’s gold ribbon loop over the branch, then took Andy’s hand as they moved back to the sofa. Then he asked. “Do you want to open yours first, or…?”

 

“No.” Andy shook his head. “No, you go first. I’ll open mine last.”

 

Sid nodded and ripped the paper off his final present. He lifted the lid on the little box and then blinked down at the contents. He glanced up to see that Andy was watching him, teeth worrying his lower lip nervously, his eyes wide and hopeful. Sid dropped his eyes back to the gift. It was a dog tag on a chain. It had a skull on it, like the skull he’d been wearing on shirts since he was a kid. It was nice; he could see himself wearing it. But it was also a bit…impersonal. It made Sid regret his own gift choice. He was starting to feel like a fool, and he didn’t like it.

 

Because of that, his voice was a bit cold when he spoke. “It’s nice. Thanks.”

 

Andy seemed to shrink into himself a little and Molly’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but Sid couldn’t bring himself to care; he was hurting too much for that. Then Andy whispered. “It’s…there’s something on the other side.”

 

Sid picked it up, a look of disinterest on his face, and flipped it over. Then he went right back to blinking, though this time he was softening inside rather than growing cold. Inscribed on the back of the metal were letters and a date, and then a bit of Andy’s softness. The first line said _‘A & S’,_ the second line read _‘11/21/03’_ which was their first date, and the third line read _‘XOXOXO’_. Which was just so very, very Andy that it made Sid smile. Molly settled down the instant she saw that smile, because she knew it meant Sid wasn’t shutting Andy out anymore.

 

Still in a whisper, Andy said. “I thought…well, if it was on the back…then you could wear it, right? Because no one will see it.”

 

Sid reached out, catching Andy’s chin in his hand, then leaned in and brushed their mouths together. “It’s great. Thank you.”

 

Andy smiled and Sid nodded towards the gift Andy was still holding. “Go on.” He murmured. “Open yours now.”

 

Andy carefully slid a finger under the tape, carefully lifting each piece of sticky-backed plastic from the cheap paper Sid had bought to wrap the small box. Sid had been nervous about the gift he’d chosen, but he wasn’t anymore. Not at all. So he was able to watch with a small smile as Andy neatly folded the paper, setting it aside like it was something precious. It was endearing, rather than annoying. A lack of anxiety did a lot to ease Sid’s impatience, and his normally foul temper.

 

Andy lifted the lid off the box and stared down in confusion at the necklace inside. It was a simple black cord – a little stiff, like it had been dipped in wax, and tied with a double slip knot that allowed the length to be adjusted. On the cord were four silver beads, alternating with two  deep blue beads. The pattern went silver-blue-silver, a tiny glass vial, silver-blue-silver. The little glass vial held Andy’s full attention and he lifted the whole box closer to his face to study it. It was a simple tube of glass – like a test tube from science class – but it had two curving loops of glass – one on either side of it – that formed a delicate heart around the little glass tube. The little loops were a deep, dark red. Inside the vial was a clear liquid of some sort, a tiny red flower, a little bit of dark blue sand, and a single grain of rice.

 

“It…there’s writing on it…” Andy was stunned. He hadn’t imagined anyone ever writing on a piece of rice; it was just so _small._

 

“How…”Andy started to ask as he lifted the necklace out of the box, holding it right in front of his face so he could see it better.

 

The little grain of rice shifted and Andy stopped talking, mouth falling open in shock. There, in tiny black letters, were his and Sid’s initials with a little bitty plus sign between the letters – A. + S. – and then Andy moved the vial again. The rice turned once more and he realized that the other side of it had six numbers on it; six numbers that had come to mean everything to Andy in the last month. 11-21-03; the same numbers on the dog tag he had gotten made for Sid.

 

Andy’s eyes were bright with tears when he looked up at Sid, his full mouth trembling. He couldn’t believe Sid had done this; gotten him a gift so thoughtful and sweet and wonderful. It was perfect. And seeing the emotion on Andy’s face and in those huge blue eyes – the joy and devotion and affection – Sid had a single moment where he felt like he was some sort of superhero. Where he thought, for just that instant, that maybe – _just maybe_ – he could actually be everything Andy could ever want. Maybe – _just maybe_ – he could be the sort of man that Andy deserved to have in his life; the sort of guy who made Andy’s eyes go soft and awed as he whispered _‘What could I have done to deserve you?’_ Maybe – _just maybe –_ this could have a happy ending.

 

Then Andy threw himself to the side of the couch Sid was on, the necklace’s cord still tangled around his fingers, and buried his face in Sid’s shoulder. Sid’s arms went around him, holding him tightly, and Andy moved his mouth to the older teen’s ear. He whispered, quite softly, the only thing he could think of in that emotion-filled moment. The only thing that mattered. Perhaps the only thing that would ever matter again, for as long as he lived.

 

_“I love you.”_

 

Sid’s breath caught in his throat when those words were whispered into his ear. And the whole world came crashing down around him. Because before he knew what he was doing, Sid replied. “I love you, too.”

 

With startling clarity, Sid realized that it was actually true.

 

And then Sid knew that all of the _just maybes_ in the world couldn’t give this a happy ending. Because when you loved someone – _really_ loved someone – you wanted them to have the best. To have everything they could ever want, or need, or dream of. To be truly, deeply happy. You wanted those things for them more than you wanted them for yourself. That was the definition of love, as far as Sid was concerned. It was when you wanted everything for them, and nothing for yourself. When you didn’t care if you were miserable and alone and _stuck_ for the rest of eternity, so long as they weren’t. Before this, Sid had only felt that way about Hannah. It was novel, feeling it for Andy. And it was terrifying.

 

Sid knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Andy Davis was the best thing that was ever going to happen to him. He also knew that didn’t matter anymore; not now that he loved Andy. What mattered now – the _real_ question – was whether or not he was the best Andy was ever going to get.

 

The answer, Sid was sure, was a deep and resounding _no._

 

Sid savored the solid weight of Andy in his arms, and the words he could still taste on his tongue, and the words he knew he’d never be able to erase from his mind – complete with Andy’s voice and all of the emotion behind them – because he knew that this was going to be the last time Andy was his.

 

Sid Phillips was – for once in his life – going to do the right thing. The selfless thing. That was how much he loved Andy.

 

He was going to let him go.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                                   

Sid had a single moment of selfishness after his decision to let Andy go. It came later that night, after dinner and dessert and Christmas carols. He didn’t think anyone could blame him for it, either. Except maybe Andy. He was actually pretty sure Andy was going to blame him. But Sid figured he could live with that. He was going to be living with a lot worse soon enough.

 

Hannah was sleeping in Molly’s room with her, while Sid was lying on his back on Andy’s bed. His boyfriend was curled up beside him, the both of them wearing nothing but boxers. The cool metal of the dog tag seemed to burn Sid’s skin where it rested against the center of his chest; a constant reminder of why this would be the last time he held Andy like this. Andy was wearing his necklace as well, having set the one from Hannah on his desk. He had tightened the thin black cord to the point that the little vial rested against the hollow of his throat. Sid wondered what would become of the little piece of rice, so safe and secure just then, when he and Andy were through. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

 

Suddenly Andy’s lips were against his ear, hot breath making Sid shiver. In a low, husky voice, Andy whispered. “I have another present for you.”

 

Sid blinked; something about Andy’s tone of voice had his cock twitching inside his boxers. He swallowed hard and asked in as casual of a voice as he could manage. “Yeah? What is it?”

 

Andy pushed halfway up to sitting, slid a hand under his pillow, then tugged out a small tube. He bit his lower lip for a moment, his pupils blown wide, then said breathlessly. “My virginity.”

 

There was a single heartbeat’s time during which Sid hesitated; where he debated turning Andy down. It was a foolish thought. Sid could no more have said no than he could have stopped breathing. But even as he took the tube from Andy, he was cursing himself inside. He knew that doing this would make him a special kind of asshole. He knew that doing this was selfish, and heartless, and unnecessarily cruel considering what he was planning to do. He knew a lot of things, actually. But mostly, more than anything, Sid knew that he would regret it forever if he _didn’t_ do this. He wanted this one shining, perfect moment. Where he loved Andy, and Andy loved him, and there was still the shimmering possibility of a life together. Selfish or not, Sid wasn’t backing down.

 

It didn’t take long for them both to strip; it wasn’t like boxers were hard to remove. And though they had seen each other naked more than a few times, Sid took an extra moment to mentally memorize every detail of Andy’s body. He knew this was the last time, even if Andy didn’t. Part of him felt a twinge of sadness at that fact. Andy wasn’t getting the chance to lock all of the little things into memories like Sid was. But then, Andy was going to hate him. He probably wouldn’t _want_ to remember.

 

Sid was grateful, not for the first time, for the way Andy reacted to his touch. It made it easier to hide how his hands shook as he unscrewed the cap for the lube. It made it easier to keep Andy from guessing the real reason for Sid’s ragged breathing; for the hitch in his chest every few breaths. It made it far too simple to keep Andy focused on what was happening to his own body, rather than Sid’s. For just a few seconds, Sid hated Andy for not being able to tell that something was horribly, terribly, irrevocably _wrong._ Then it passed and Sid just hurt.

 

The way Andy’s back bowed off the bed, one hand fisted in the sheets and the other smothering his cries, as Sid’s slick fingers slowly stretched him was the perfect distraction from the tears burning the backs of Sid’s eyes. The muffled whimpers and moans were the perfect cover for the sobs Sid was choking on. And as much as he wanted to see those expressive blue eyes, when they fluttered shut as he found Andy’s prostate for the first time Sid was pathetically grateful. Because for once, Sid knew his own eyes would give away as much as Andy’s always did. Or, at the very least, the tears would.

 

When he slid inside of Andy, Sid buried his face in Andy’s neck.  He couldn’t look at him anymore; not knowing this was all he was ever going to have. It was too damned hard.

 

Andy’s hands came up around Sid’s waist, nails biting into his back, as Sid began to thrust. Slowly; carefully. Despite his plans, despite what he was going to do, Sid didn’t want to hurt Andy. Not ever, and certainly not like this. Andy hadn’t been lying; he was giving Sid a gift. Sid wouldn’t ruin it by rushing, or being too rough. Even if Andy hated him when this was over, he didn’t want to give the boy a single reason to regret this night. After all, Sid knew _he_ never would.

 

When Andy tensed beneath him, his body clenching around Sid, he _screamed_. Sid only got to hear the start of it, because he immediately turned his head and covered Andy’s mouth with his own, swallowing the rest of the sound, but it vibrated against his tongue and down his throat. And it made him feel happy and miserable all at once. He was the first one to make Andy scream that way, which was amazing. But he knew now that he wouldn’t be the last, and that knowledge felt like a ball of ice sitting in his stomach. He didn’t want to share this part of Andy with anyone, ever.

 

Life just wasn’t fair.

 

When Andy was finished, going limp beneath him, Sid broke the kiss. He pressed his lips to Andy’s throat, just below his ear, and thrust shallowly. One, twice…that was all it took before he was spilling himself inside of the only boy he’d ever loved. The only man he _would_ ever love; he was sure of that. He whispered the words over and over in Andy’s ear as he came, savoring the way Andy said them back in a sleepy murmur as he collapsed half on top of his boyfriend in a tangle of limbs. He pulled Andy close, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain in his chest.

 

It hurt, in ways Sid hadn’t imagined anything ever could. He consoled himself with the fact that, at least in this moment, Andy believed him when Sid said he loved him. Sid knew that, when this was all over, Andy would never believe him again. He would probably never believe Sid had meant the words at all. But, for right now, he did.

 

It would have to be enough.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, well...hi there. You're all going to hate me. *bites lip, but refuses to apologize* I'm not sorry. I'm really, really, REALLY not. Because I planned this from the start. So I can't be sorry.
> 
> This chapter ends the first story arc (I'll explain more about those at the start of the next chapter) and as such it ends on a very... _intense_ note. I'm posting this pre-work shift (as per the norm) and would love some comments come the end of my as-always-shitty-overnight shift. Even if it's just you telling me how horrible I am and how much you hate me and how I'd better fix this shit (I will) quickly (ah, eventually).
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

New Year’s Eve. It was meant to be a wonderful time. A day for new beginnings and old traditions. A way to look back on the past year while looking forward to the next. A moment of remembrance and hope, all rolled into one. Andy had heard all his life that whomever you were with at midnight was who you were going to spend the whole year with. So when Sid mentioned a party a friend of his was having, Andy eagerly agreed to go. Sid cautioned him that he couldn’t appear to be _with_ Sid, in the strictest sense, and Andy agreed readily. The dog tag Sid wore all of the time, and his own necklace, and the words exchanged on Christmas were all more than enough for Andy. It didn’t matter that much to Andy if anyone else knew that Sid loved him, because _he_ knew.

 

So Andy and Hannah arrived at the party with Sid, apparently a couple. Sid didn’t seem concerned by it, but then, he knew Andy was gay and in love with him. Andy imagined that made it hard to be jealous of his little sister’s closeness to him. Andy silently promised Sid sex for having invited him to a party with his friends, even if it was with them pretending. He couldn’t wait for the party to be over, as much as he was looking forward to it, because he really wanted to be alone with his boyfriend. They hadn’t had any time together since Sid and Hannah had gone home the day after Christmas. Hannah had said Sid was working a lot of overtime – as much as he could – though she wasn’t sure why.

 

It only took a few minutes for Hannah and Andy to realize this was _not_ a party they wanted to be at. The air was hazy with smoke and a thick, cloying, almost-sweet smell. Hannah muttered under her breath about drugs and Andy made a face. Sid had slipped off somewhere – _‘I need to say hi to some people; I’ll be back.’_ – and the crowd around them was a jumble of drinking, smoking, dancing, and sex. Some loud music with a pounding backbeat was the driving force behind the dancing. Which, if they were being honest, was really just more sex, albeit with a bit more clothing. Andy caught a flash of curved, creamy flesh as some guy on the dance floor shoved his partner’s shirt up and cupped her breast, right there in front of god and everyone. Okay, more clothing _in some cases._

 

Hannah suddenly shrieked as some guy grabbed her around the waist and began to grind against her ass in a lewd manner. Andy didn’t hesitate to yank the stranger off of his best friend. When the guy sneered, Andy gave in to temptation and punched the guy in the face. Then, shaking out his hand as the guy crumpled to the floor, Andy spat. “Hands off. She’s with me.”

 

Several other guys backed away from Hannah, looking wary. She primly put her nose in the air and shifted a little closer to Andy, sniffing disdainfully. Then she said. “Let’s find Sid. I want to go home.”

 

Andy didn’t know if Sid would want to leave, but he agreed that they had to try. Andy was the one who’d driven them, in his car, so he figured if he couldn’t convince Sid to come with them then they could just go and he could come back for his boyfriend later. Or Sid could catch a ride home from someone else. Andy would just ask him to be home before midnight, so they could ring in the New Year together. That seemed like a suitable compromise to him. Surely Sid would agree.

 

Andy looked around at the wild party surrounding them, then back at Hannah’s pale, drawn face. Shaking his head he leaned down, pressing his keys into her palm. “Go lock yourself in the car. I’ll find Sid and be out as soon as I can.” When she hesitated, he gave her a firm look. “I mean it, Hannah. I’ll find him faster on my own and I can take care of myself. Go.”

 

As Hannah moved quickly towards the door, Andy began winding his way through the house. He pushed past couples, and waved smoke out of his face. He declined beer and jello-shots from several different people. He pushed two different girls off of him. After searching the entire first floor of the house, Andy began climbing the stairs. Maybe Sid had had to use the bathroom or something; Andy hadn’t seen one on the first floor.

 

It was a little quieter upstairs; the thumping of the music wasn’t quite as loud. Andy pushed open doors cautiously, cringing each time he spotted nude female flesh. When a search of that floor yielded no results, Andy wondered if maybe there was a basement. Heading back downstairs, he began to look. When he still couldn’t find Sid – or the basement door – Andy finally gave in. Grabbing someone who seemed to know their way around, he asked if there was a basement.

 

“Basement is restricted, kid.” The guy said, rolling his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you don’t make the cut.”

 

Andy wasn’t giving up that easily. “Does Sid Phillips make the cut? I’m trying to find him. His sister wants to go home and I need to let him know.”

 

The guy sighed, clearly annoyed. “I can give him the message, but…”

 

“But nothing.” Andy snapped, glaring. “I’m not going to bother anyone, for fuck’s sake. I just need to see if he wants to come with us, or get a ride from someone else, or have me come back for him. So where’s the damned basement?”

 

Looking pissed, the guy finally gave in and showed him. “You get into trouble, or get your assed handed to you, and that shit’s on you.” He bit out as he walked away, leaving Andy at the top of the stairs.

 

Rolling his eyes, Andy descended the steps. The music was nearly as loud there, but it was different. It had a slow, driving rhythm to it that curled around Andy and made him want to move to it. It was almost hypnotic. Shaking his head to clear it, and slowing his steps as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Andy braced himself for whatever crap Sid might be doing. Andy knew his boyfriend was no saint, but he figured that whatever it was – alcohol, drugs, gambling – he could forgive it. He loved Sid, and trusted him. That was all that mattered.

 

He stepped into the doorway at the base of the stairs, peering into the dimly lit room.

 

Andy couldn’t breathe.

 

He had found Sid.

 

His boyfriend was sitting in a large black leather armchair. About eight other people – mostly guys, but a couple of girls as well – were sitting in a loose half-circle in front of him, sprawled across chairs and couches. Every single one of them had their eyes locked on Sid. Not just Sid, either. Sid, and the half-dressed female on his lap.

 

She had long blonde hair to her hips and that faintly orange tint to her skin that came from too much fake tanning. She was facing Sid, straddling his lap and moaning softly as her hips rocked. She was _grinding_ with _his boyfriend._ Andy felt sick inside, but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. His brain kept processing the little details he didn’t want to remember; didn’t want to know. The way Sid had one of his hands on her hip, helping her keep pace. The way her tiny black micro-miniskirt was bunching around her ass and thighs, flashing more skin than he wanted to see. The way Sid’s other hand was shoving her crop-top up, cupping a full, perky breast, thumb brushing back and forth over a hard nipple.

 

Andy took a weak breath, one hand reaching out to clutch at the doorway as the whole world tilted sickeningly. Sid’s head turned a little at the movement and he locked eyes with Andy. For one brief, hopeful moment, Andy thought maybe Sid would fix this. He would shove the girl off his lap. He would apologize. He would admit to everyone that he was with Andy; that he was _in love_ with Andy.  Then they could leave, together, and Andy could pretend he hadn’t seen this. He could pretend this whole night hadn’t happened. He could forgive and forget and everything would be okay.

 

Instead, Sid’s hand tightened on the girl’s hip and, eyes still locked with Andy’s, Sid leaned forward and kissed the spot where the girl’s neck met her shoulder. It was a spot that, on Andy, was highly sensitive and always made him gasp and squirm. The cold look in Sid’s eyes said the gesture was deliberate; a message for the teenage boy watching him. Then Sid dropped his other hand to the girl’s hip and used both hands to hold her still as he thrust up, hard. Her whole body rocked, her back arching, and she moaned loudly. And as her skirt shifted from the motion, Andy realized something new. Something he could have happily lived without knowing.

 

Sid wasn’t grinding with this unknown girl. He was _fucking_ her. While his friends watched. While _Andy_ watched.

 

Something inside of Andy – something that had been filled with light and hope and love just moments earlier – began to crack. Tiny fissures formed over the surface of that secret place full of wishes and dreams, spreading quickly. Andy knew his hurt showed on his face – knew Sid could see it – but he didn’t know how to fix that. He had never been any good at hiding his emotions and this was no exception. How could anyone be expected to hide something this raw and painful?

 

Sid lifted his head a little, removing his mouth from the girl’s throat, and a little smirk was curving that mouth Andy had come to love. It wasn’t a nice expression at all. Sid thrust his hips up again, with even more force, and as the girl moaned, Sid slowly and deliberately mouthed three words at Andy over her shoulder. _‘Love you, baby.’_ Then he pursed his lips for a moment, miming a kiss. A kiss for Andy as he fucked some girl; for the boy he claimed to love even as he shattered Andy’s heart.

 

Those little cracks inside of him gave way, all at once. It felt like a bomb going off in the center of his chest, sending glass flying everywhere, shredding him from the inside out. For the second time in their relationship, Andy turned and ran from a house with tears blurring his vision, his heart broken.

 

This time, Sid didn’t follow.

 

Part of Andy had hoped he would. The rest of him had known better.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

When Sid stumbled into his house at two in the morning, he was miserable and angry and itching for a fight. He had expected it to come in the form of one or the other of his parents, or possibly Hannah – if she was still awake, and not at Andy’s house. What he hadn’t expected was to come face-to-face with Andy as soon as he walked inside. The younger boy was breathing heavily, blue eyes narrowed. His cheeks were tear-stained, his eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, his face drawn and unhappy. And Sid wanted nothing more than to apologize; to beg forgiveness. But he couldn’t. He loved Andy too much; he had to let him go and this was the only way he could think of to do that. If Andy hated him, it would make it so much easier to stay away.

 

With that in mind, Sid shoved Andy against the nearest wall and purred. “Ready to go a round or two, baby?” He ground his hips into Andy’s and added. “You’ve got the sweetest little ass.”

 

Andy made a horrible, distressed sound that tugged at Sid’s heart, then he shoved Sid away from him. The older teen staggered back; Andy was strong. “What’s wrong?” Sid asked, and the casual tone of voice was designed to hurt Andy. “Why are you upset?”

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Andy asked, in a pained whisper. “You know why I’m upset. You…at the party…you were…”

 

“What?” Sid asked, quirking an eyebrow. Then he let his eyes widen, as though surprised, before laughing dismissively. “You’re not upset about the chick, are you? Oh, come on. She’s just my regular party-fuck, you know? The gang gets a kick out of watching her ride me. It’s no big.”

 

“No big?” Andy hissed, face reddening as his hands clenched angrily at his side. “You were _fucking some girl_ , Sid! That’s _very_ big! I…I don’t…you’re supposed to be my boyfriend! You’re supposed to love me! I don’t understand why you would…”

 

Andy trailed off, unable to say more without his voice breaking. Then Sid arched an eyebrow at him and drawled. “I’m not gay, Davis. But you’ve got the most fuckable mouth and the sweetest ass I’ve seen in a while. Guy’d need to be dead a week not to want a piece of that.” He shrugged dismissively. “I admit, you were completely worth the effort it took to actually get you to give it up, but that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive or some shit.”

 

“Why are you saying this stuff?” Andy demanded, his eyes filling with tears again. “God, Sid, do you think I’m stupid or something? What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Not a damned thing, Davis. Not a single damned thing.” Sid retorted, snorting softly. “You’re the one who’s gotten all clingy and shit. I got what I wanted. I’m done pretending. Why is that such a shock to you? It’s not like I didn’t warn you.”

 

“No…” Andy whispered, shaking his head in denial, breath shuddering in and out. “No, you…Sid, don’t do this. I love you. You…you said…”

 

Sid sneered. “I said a lot of things, Davis. Doesn’t mean I meant them.” He rolled his eyes. “God, I won’t miss this whiny naïve bullshit. Not even a little. ”

 

Andy whole body shook as he sobbed, then he managed harshly. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t. Why are you doing this?”

 

Sid’s stomach clenched, but he forced his face to stay hard; his eyes cold. The sneer on his lips felt unnatural and tried to waver, but he wouldn’t let it. He reached out and grabbed Andy’s chin, forcing the younger boy’s head up. He leaned down and kissed Andy, hard and cruel and a little violent. When Andy jerked back, crying out miserably, Sid laughed coldly. Then he gripped Andy’s chin harder and gave him another vicious kiss.

 

When Sid lifted his head, he hissed. “You’re nothing but a good fuck, Davis. That’s all you ever were.” He could see the pain in Andy’s blue eyes, but he could also see the thread of denial still there.

 

Sid knew he had to snap that if this was going to work; if Andy was going to hate him enough to leave. So he leaned in and purred in his ear. “Now why don’t you be a good boy, stop crying and acting like such a fag, and bend over the couch for me, baby? We don’t even need lube. My dick’s still wet from my last round with Ashley.”

 

The sucker punch to the gut took Sid completely by surprise, but he figured he deserved it. He doubled over, clutching his stomach, and Andy hissed angrily. “If you _ever_ touch me again, I’ll kill you.”

 

Sid laughed, even though everything in him hurt way worse than that punch had – and his belly was throbbing with wicked heat. “Oooh…touchy, touchy, Davis. Careful. You’re supposed to be the bitch, remember? Hard to get a guy to fuck you the way you like – all sweet and soft – if you’re not batting those innocent blue eyes of yours. Course, I can give it to you rough, if you want.”

 

“Go fuck yourself, Sid.” Andy spat. He now understood what the worst feeling in the world was; to hate the person you loved best. And he hated Sid even more for giving him that knowledge. “Everyone was right about you after all. You’re nothing but trash.”

 

Sid watched Andy storm up the stairs, presumably to Hannah’s room. The sound of a soft sigh from the living room drew his attention and he jerked his head in that direction just in time to see Hannah emerge into the hallway. She was looking at him sadly. “What?” He snapped.

 

“I don’t know why you did that.” She spoke quietly, her eyes flicking to the stairs as though making sure Andy wasn’t lurking there, eavesdropping. “Lying to him that way, I mean. I don’t understand why you’d hurt the both of you that way.” She sighed again and admitted. “But then, I’ve never really understood you at all, have I?”

 

“Who says I’m lying about anything?” Sid hissed in a low, harsh voice. “All I did was show Andy who I really am. Better he learns it now.”

 

Hannah studied him with tired green eyes, then she shook her head. “The worst part is, I think part of you actually believes that. This, tonight, wasn’t you. Not really. Christmas was you. Hugging Molly and Annie was you. Loving Andy was you. This?” She made a gesture to encompass the night. “This was Mom and Dad and your crap friends. I wish you could see the difference.”

 

Hannah moved to climb the stairs, then paused – one foot on the floor, one on the first step, hand on the railing – and glanced over at him. Softly, but firmly, she said. “It might be best if you’re not here in the morning, Sid. For Andy’s sake, and for your own.”

 

Sid watched her climb the stairs, hating himself and hating her and, just a little, hating Andy. Himself, for what he had done. Hannah, for her belief that it hadn’t been necessary. And Andy, for believing any of it when he was the only one who had ever made Sid feel like he _wasn’t_ what he’d just proven he was. What Andy had just called him. Trash. Andy, of all people, should never have been convinced of anything Sid had just said. The fact that he had been just proved to Sid that he’d done the right thing. Clearly Andy had just been waiting for a reason to find Sid lacking; worthless. All Sid had done was given it to him.

 

It was better this way.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of the second arc of the story. Those of you who are writers – or English or Literature majors – will know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, a story arc is like…a sub-plot to a story. So the main plot – the underlying driving force – is Sid and Andy getting together. The first arc is everything you just read: Sid and Andy’s initial relationship. This is the second arc; namely, what happens now, in the wake of everything we’ve seen.
> 
> This next piece takes place nearly a year after the last chapter. You’ll get a recap of that time, so no worries about missing anything. Just keep in mind how much time has passed as you read.
> 
> Reviews, as always, thrill me. Also, at the end of this chapter, you’ll find a small challenge. The winner of the challenge wins a prize. My prize – typically – is either a plot-question answered even if it will spoil something, or else a scene-request, meaning you tell me what you want and I find a way to fit it in. This time I’m offering a third option, however. If you win, you may also have the option of becoming a pre-reader for this story. Meaning you will get to read as I write, rather than as I post (there's several chapters past this written, and more added at least 2-3 times a week, when I'm not overly-busy or having writer's block, though sometimes it's only a single scene added). You’ll also get to know things, and help decide things, and such, regarding the general plot and even specific scenes. My pre-readers are also very dear to me, and often end up reading multiple stories. They also often end up as characters, as a small thank you from me. So take a guess at the challenge-question and think long and hard about what you want if you win!
> 
> Happy reading.
> 
> ~ LS

Andy sat on his front steps, humming Christmas carols softly under his breath. It was a mere ten days until Christmas and he was hoping it wouldn’t snow. It had snowed the year before and Andy didn’t want any similarities with that Christmas. This year was going to be different; it was going to be better. It was going to be _perfect_.

 

Molly was jumping rope on the walkway and Andy was watching her absently, thinking about college and life and about a million other things. Andy was enjoying his Senior Year more than he had realized he would. He had come out to everyone shortly after breaking up with Sid, deciding he couldn’t handle being the person he’d become for Sid; the kind of person who hid who he was. His friends had taken it well, for the most part. The few who hadn’t weren’t worth his time. At least, that was how Andy felt. Anyone who hated him for who he loved was a small-minded idiot. He didn’t want to waste his time on idiots.

 

Andy was going to miss this place when he left for college. He was especially going to miss his best friend, Hannah Phillips. She had been the only thing holding him together after New Year’s Eve, nearly a year before. It had taken a couple of months for Andy to start healing, but eventually he had. Molly and Annie had both tried to be there for Andy as well, but only Hannah really understood.

 

Because only Hannah saw that Andy didn’t want to hear about what an asshole Sid was. She was the only one who seemed to realize that Andy still loved Sid. He hadn’t wanted to hate the other boy, though he sometimes had. He had just wanted to grieve. Hannah had let him. And it had been made easier by the fact that, within a week of them breaking up, Sid had moved out. Hannah said Sid still sent her money each month – to help with bills, and for her to have some spending money – but he didn’t come around much at all. Andy silently thought it was because Sid didn’t want to risk running into him, and he was grateful in a way. He didn’t know if he wanted to see Sid again, either.

 

Four months after his breakup with Sid, Andy had been hanging out at a friend’s house. Maggie Nushmutt was a cheerleader, like Hannah, but less-vapid than most of the squad…also like Hannah. She also had an older brother, who was home from college for Spring Break. Benjamin had been a Sophomore in college at the time, and had walked into the room to tease his sister about something. Andy hadn’t been able to tear his eyes away from the slightly older man. Ben was blonde, with beautiful grey eyes. He was taller than Andy and had a lean, well-muscled build that came from hours spent at the gym. He was a pre-med student from a wealthy family, with a dazzling smile, who oozed charm and sophistication. Andy had been instantly attracted to him.

 

Maggie had noticed him looking and teasingly asked Andy if he thought her brother was cute. Andy had blushed, Maggie had laughed and said that meant yes, and Ben had asked Andy out on the spot. Andy had been hesitant, but Ben had seemed like the antithesis of Sid and so he’d said yes. Two weeks later, Andy kissed his new boyfriend goodbye when Ben went back to college.

 

They Skyped, and called, and texted whenever they could. Ben coached Andy on choosing a college, though Andy had a feeling he’d be going to Stanford with Ben. He figured they could rent an apartment together, rather than living in the dorms. It would be great. They had spent the summer together and each day Andy found something new to love about Ben.

 

It wasn’t the same as what he’d felt for Sid. It wasn’t fast or intense or overwhelming or dangerous. It didn’t have sharp edges, or barbs that bit into his heart. Instead, it was soft and sweet. It was gradual. He could see it happening, slowly but surely. Then one day Ben smiled at him, and Andy smiled back, and Andy realized that he loved him. It was the sort of love Andy knew would last fifty years; the sort of love you built a life and a home and a family on. It would glow, soft and steady, through the years. It would be warm and soothing no matter how much time passed. It would never be bright, or vicious, or cruel; it would never flare up into heat so intense that it hurt as much as it thrilled.

 

And maybe it wouldn’t sweep him off his feet, or make him feel like Ben was – just for a moment – the entirety of the universe, but it would never leave him feeling cold and empty and shattered, either. Andy figured it was a fair trade-off.

 

Molly stopped jumping rope as a sleek red convertible pulled up in front of the house. Andy smiled and got slowly to his feet as Ben got out of the car. Molly smiled at Ben as well. Andy tried not to remember the way Molly had always rushed into Sid’s arms, hugging him like she never wanted to let him go; like she loved him as much as she loved Andy. Andy tried his best not to compare Ben to Sid. Because while Ben outshone Sid in about a million ways, in Andy’s heart he somehow always fell short. And that wasn’t fair; not to any of them.

 

“Hello, Andy.” Ben leaned down and brushed his lips over Andy’s cheek. When he straightened up, a smile was brightening his devastatingly handsome face. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good.” Andy said. “Are you all settled in at your parents’ house?” Ben typically went home first, before coming to see Andy.

 

“Actually, I’m staying at a hotel.” Ben told him, and there was something in his grey eyes that had Andy’s own widening. “I was hoping maybe we could be alone for a couple of days. If you like.”

 

Andy’s cheeks went pink, but he nodded slowly. He and Ben had been dating for eight months; it wasn’t like he was surprised by the suggestion. It wasn’t even as though they hadn’t had sex. They had, of course, but it had always been carefully planned for when no one was around. Ben would never dream of having Andy suck him off while his parents were just one floor below them, or while his sister was in the next room. Andy had learned quickly what sort of things Ben found ‘scandalous’ and had avoided suggesting them. And while timed and scheduled sex was still sex, and Andy had enjoyed it, there was just something incredibly exciting about the idea of taking a couple of days where they didn’t _have_ to plan and schedule everything.

 

“I’d like that.” Andy admitted. Then, feeling bold for a moment, he stepped closer to Ben and wound his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, pressing close and murmuring. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Ben quirked one eyebrow, his smile curving a little wickedly. “Oh?” He slid his arms around Andy’s waist and asked in a low purr. “How much did you miss me?”

 

“Benjamin!” Annie’s voice from the doorway had Ben setting Andy back from him in the blink of an eye, though Andy didn’t understand why. It wasn’t as though Annie didn’t know her son had sex. “I didn’t know you were back. How lovely to see you.”

 

Annie came outside and Ben clasped both her hands, leaning in to give her cheek a kiss; she returned the gesture with the same fond affection she always had for him. His restrained nature always served to amuse the unrestrained Annie Davis. “I only just got back, ma’am.” He told her.

 

Annie nodded and stepped back, gesturing towards the house. “Well, come on in. I’ve got cookies and milk in the kitchen. It’s a bit warm this year for hot chocolate, after all.”

 

Ben followed Annie, the two of them chattering away. Molly walked over, slipping her smaller hand into Andy’s and squeezing. Andy looked down at her, surprised by the solemn look on her sweet face. “What’s wrong, Molly?”

 

“Just thinking.” Molly replied, her blue eyes far too serious for a ten year old little girl. She looked back over at the front door, which had closed behind Ben and their mom, and added. “He’s very different. I guess that’s a good thing, right?”

 

Andy knew immediately that he wasn’t the only one who had been thinking about Sid. But then, considering what had happened a little more than a year earlier, he guessed it wasn’t all that surprising. It was probably on Annie and Hannah’s minds as well. “Of course it’s a good thing.” Andy assured her, giving her hand a little squeeze back. “Come on. Let’s get some cookies.”

 

Molly nodded and let Andy tug her into the house. Molly didn’t love Ben the way she had loved Sid, but she liked him well enough. Because maybe Ben didn’t make Andy light up, smiling with his whole face, the way Sid had, but he didn’t make Andy cry either.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Sid Phillips had changed a lot in just a year. He no longer lived at home with his parents, though he did still send money – to Hannah, for trust reasons – to help with the bills. Not because he gave a shit if either of his parents had electricity, but he cared if _Hannah_ did. Sid was still a garbage man, but he also worked part-time at a gym teaching a beginner’s self-defense course. The advanced version of the course – the one he took – had helped him learn to channel his rage into something productive. It was something he loved doing, and he was damned good at it.

 

His apartment was small, but clean and well-kept. There were ashtrays and lighters everywhere because Sid still chain-smoked, but there was never more than a six-pack of beer in the place. Sid didn’t drink much anymore. He also didn’t hang out with his old crowd of friends. These days, he hung out with a couple of the other trainers at the gym or, occasionally, some of the guys from the sanitation company. He was also no longer pretending to be straight. But then, Sid no longer had a taste for pretending much of anything at all. Not since losing Andy.

 

They say time heals all wounds, but Sid wasn’t so sure. It still hurt every time he came home to an empty apartment. Every time he spoke to Hannah and she made a passing mention of Andy, though she tried her best not to. She seemed to understand just how badly it hurt even just to hear that name. It hurt whenever he saw something Andy would like, or every time someone flirted with him and he realized he didn’t want anyone unless it was the only person he couldn’t have.

 

It hurt all of the time.

 

Once, when he ran into Pizza Planet because he didn’t feel like cooking – or even microwaving – anything for dinner, Sid had caught sight of Molly with some friends. He had ached to go over to her; to pull her into his arms and beg her to forgive him for hurting her brother. For hurting her. Because he knew that Andy wasn’t the only one he’d hurt. Molly had loved him, too, and Sid loved her. He really wanted to let her know that he still did. That he always would. But he hadn’t been able to do it; he was too much of a coward for that. After that, Sid had done his best to stay away from any place he thought any of the Davis’ might be. It was just easier.

 

Sid knew he would regret what he’d done for the rest of his life. He knew he would never stop loving Andy Davis, and he knew he would never forgive himself for hurting them both and ruining what was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. But life went on. These days, Sid was doing okay. And if okay wasn’t great – if okay wasn’t anywhere near what he’d be if he was with Andy – then that was manageable; that was just fine. Because okay wasn’t drunk, or stoned, or living a lie, either.

 

So maybe Sid had been better than okay, once. But he’d been a hell of a lot worse, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a pretty short chapter. But that’s because it’s the setup for the second arc of the story and I didn’t want to load it down with pointless things.
> 
> Now, for the challenge. <3
> 
> Who is…Benjamin Nushmutt? The name comes from a minor character in a rather short book, but I’m ridiculously fond of him. Always have been. So, if anyone can tell me something – anything – about Benjamin Nushmutt, then that will win them a prize. Good luck! <3
> 
> ~ LS
> 
> P.S. - I am so tired right now; I'm posting this on break, in the middle of my shitty overnight shift. And the weekend is going to be ROUGH, with minimal sleep, for me. So any reviews, whether you guess at the challenge (please do!) or not, are going to be extra-welcome. <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry; I know I don't normally take 8 days between updates. RL has been kicking my ass. But here's a long-ish chapter for you! <3
> 
> I'm once again working an overnight (what else is new? lmao) so, as always, comments come morning will totally make my night. Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

Andy loved the way Ben’s fingers tangled with his when they held hands. He loved the way Ben would give his hand a little squeeze every now and then, letting him know that he didn’t take their clasped hands for granted. Letting him know he didn’t take _Andy_ for granted. It was a little thing, but it mattered more than Andy thought it would have if not for Sid. Sid, who had never dared to touch Andy in public unless it could be passed off as a platonic touch. Sid, who cared more for his own personal image than for Andy’s feelings or needs. Sid, who…

 

…who was standing a few feet away from them, next to a jewelry kiosk, looking like he wanted to run away.

 

Andy froze and Ben was jerked to a sudden stop when Andy didn’t budge and he kept walking. “Andy? Is everything okay?” Ben asked, concerned. He followed Andy’s line of sight until he spotted Sid, then he asked. “Who is that?”

 

Andy’s mouth moved silently; he had never told Ben about Sid. He had also never named the _‘ex-boyfriend’_ who had taken his virginity. It had been too raw; too new. And then it hadn’t seemed to matter much. Ben hadn’t seemed that interested in knowing the details, anyway. Andy didn’t know what to say now, though, because this was hardly the place to explain.

 

And then Sid’s chin came up, those green eyes narrowed, and he headed towards Andy and Ben. Andy sucked in a sharp breath; he didn’t want to do this. But he knew Ben hated public scenes and if he tried to flee, he had no doubt Sid would cause a scene. It was just the sort of asshole thing he did. So Andy forced a smile onto his lips and waited.

 

“Andy Davis.” Sid drawled his name in a way that felt overly familiar to Andy. He didn’t like the look on Sid’s face either; it wasn’t one he could read. “It’s been too long.”

 

“Or not long enough, depending on your perspective.” Andy replied, though his tone was mild and he was still smiling.

 

Sid’s lips curved up and he laughed. Andy wished he could stop staring; stop mentally cataloguing the changes. The little barbell through the end of Sid’s right eyebrow. The tiny metal ball flashing in Sid’s mouth; a tongue-stud. The three earrings in Sid’s left ear. The tribal tattoo curling around most of Sid’s right bicep, the dragon tattoo resting on his left forearm, and the hint of something – words Andy couldn’t quite make out – along the edge of Sid’s collarbone. He could just barely make out the tops of the letters above the edge of Sid’s tee-shirt collar, but not enough to be able to read what it said. His fingers itched to tug the fabric aside and find out.

 

“Andy?” The questioning note in Ben’s voice brought Andy’s attention back to where it belonged; on the situation, rather than on Sid. “Are you going to introduce me?”

 

“Of course.” Andy said. His eyes gleamed coldly as he turned to Sid; he hoped this hurt. “Sid, this is my boyfriend, Benjamin Nushmutt. Ben, love, this is Sid Phillips. Hannah’s brother.”

 

Sid snorted out loud, though Andy caught the pain that flashed in those green eyes. “I’m sorry, did you say _Nushmutt?_ ” When Andy’s eyes narrowed dangerously, Sid held his hands up in surrender. “Hey, it’s cool, whatever. That one’s too easy, anyway.”

 

Andy wanted to laugh, for just a moment, then Sid’s green eyes darkened and he added. “Also, baby, I was a little more than _Hannah’s brother_ to you.”

 

Ben’s eyes flicked between them and Andy frowned; Sid had never wanted to acknowledge their relationship and he hadn’t expected that to have changed. “Sid…” There was a cautionary note in his voice; Andy _really_ didn’t want to do this.

 

“No need to be quite so discreet.” Sid said and there was an intimacy to his tone that had Andy’s cheeks heating up. “I’m sure Ben here already knows all about me, right? You were always so honest when we were together.”

 

“You’re Andy’s ex.” Ben said it calmly; there was no jealousy on his face, nor was there any hint of it in his voice. Andy wasn’t sure if he was relieved, or offended. “I can’t say we’ve talked about you much, but then, we rarely talk about unimportant things.”

 

Andy’s eyes widened because the dig was a cruel one and Andy had never known Ben to be cruel. But Sid didn’t flinch. Instead his grin widened, all teeth, and he replied. “Well, if you don’t think the person who took Andy’s virginity is important to him, you clearly don’t know him very well. He’s a sentimental sort, you know.” Then, casually, he asked. “How long have you two been together?”

 

“Eight months.” Ben retorted. Then, much to Andy’s surprise, he slid his arm around Andy’s waist and added. “I assure you, I am aware of the circumstances under which Andy lost his virginity. It was only your identity that was deemed insignificant.”

 

There was a slight pause, then Ben added. “Oh, I’m sorry. I do hope none of those words were too difficult for you.”

 

“Not in the slightest.” Sid replied smoothly, without missing a beat. “I assure you, I have an extensive vocabulary. Andy enjoys intelligent conversation, after all.” He paused then added. “Eight months. That’s rather interesting.”

 

Andy winced because he knew what Sid was thinking; he had only waited four months before getting together with Ben. Unable to help it, Andy blurted out. “Ben is in college. We met while he was home for Spring Break.” Then he winced, because he felt like he was defending himself by pointing out that he and Ben had only had a short time together before he’d gone back to college, then there had been a couple more months before they were together in person again.

 

Sid grinned, all teeth again, and said. “Tell me, Benjamin, how long did it take you to convince sweet little Andy to bend over? He’s a delight in bed, isn’t he? Once you finally get him there, that is.”

 

“We weren’t together physically until I came home for the summer.” Ben replied, and Andy looked between the two men in horror. Why were they discussing this in the middle of the mall? Particularly Ben, who had always been so reserved. “And I have to agree. He’s a lovely partner, in all things.”

 

Andy wanted to groan and hide his face; Ben was _so_ out of his league right now. Sid was the master of verbal sparring. He proved that a moment later. “The screaming is a bit much, though. I often had to get creative with keeping him quiet.”

 

There was a long, tense moment – Andy had gone rigid – then Ben laughed, looking a little baffled. “I don’t think I quite understand your sense of humor, Sid. You know as well as I do that Andy is incredibly quiet during sex.”

 

Sid smirked. “Is he, now? Well, maybe with _you._ ” Sid turned to Andy and said seductively. “If you ever feel like screaming again, love, Hannah knows where to find me.” He winked, then turned to Ben and sketched a sarcastic little bow. “Ben. Watch yourself. I’m starting to think Andy’s the sort worth fighting for, and I don’t _ever_ fight fair.”

 

Andy watched Sid go, mouth hanging open. Ben was watching him as well, eyes narrowed. Just as Ben turned around to face Andy again, Sid turned to walk backwards for a moment, lifting something out of his shirt and holding it up for a moment, eyes locked on Andy’s. Andy gasped, hands flying up to cover his mouth. Ben whipped back around, but Sid had vanished into a store. Ben tried asking Andy what he was wide-eyed over, but Andy just waved him off, saying it was nothing.

 

Burned into his brain, though, was the image of a rectangular flash of silver metal on a thin chain. The dog tag he’d given Sid the year before. Sid had been wearing it. And as he’d had no way of knowing he was going to run into Andy, there was no way it was planned. Andy’s mind was racing now, because he’d been ready to dismiss Sid’s parting comment to Ben. Now…now he wasn’t so sure.

 

He had a phone call to make.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Give me back my phone.” Andy’s voice was clipped; terse. He had one hand out and his blue eyes were flashing dangerously. “Now.”

 

“Not until we talk about this.” Ben snapped back. Andy dimly registered that this was their first fight; he hadn’t even realized Ben could _get_ angry. “Why are you calling her?”

 

“Because she’s my best friend, you idiot.” Andy was exasperated and angry at the same time; it was an interesting combination. “I call her quite often. See her every day at school. We sleep at each other’s houses as often as we sleep at our own.Now, _give me my phone.”_

 

Ben’s lips pressed into a thin white line and he said coldly. “And you expect me to believe that this call has nothing to do with seeing your ex today?”

 

“I don’t really care what you believe, actually.” Andy said. “I do, however, expect you to trust me. I call Hannah all of the time, as I said, and it never has a damned thing to do with Sid. Now I’m asking you for the last time. Give me my phone.”

 

Ben hesitated and Andy took a threatening step forward, hand balled into a fist. Ben frowned and held out the phone, chiding. “You don’t need to get violent, Andy. That sort of thing is for lower class people.” In an attempt to be cruel, he added. “Is that something you picked up from _Sid?”_

 

“Sid would never have hit me.” Andy replied flatly as he took his phone. “He’s more into verbal attacks than physical.” Ben really was hopelessly outgunned when it came to fighting, Andy realized. He had always felt like the inferior one when talking to Sid; like he didn’t have the experience to handle it. It was strange to be on the other side of things. “I’d be careful about insulting his family and upbringing, though. Keep in mind that his little sister is my best friend.”

 

Ben’s mouth pinched again and Andy shook his head. “Be pissed off all you like, Ben.” Andy told him, not unkindly. “But I’ve never lied about having a past. You didn’t ask for details, so I didn’t give them. I just figured you didn’t want to know.”

 

Then he turned and walked out of the room. He’d go for a walk while he talked to Hannah. Because despite what he’d said to Ben about trust, this was the first phone call to Hannah in a very long time that _was_ about Sid.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Andy dug the toe of his shoes into the dirt, pushing off hard to get the swing moving. Hannah was sitting on the swing next to him, facing the opposite way so she could watch him easier. Andy had called and said he needed to see her, so they’d met at the halfway point between their houses. Andy appreciated that Hannah had come without questions. She was the best friend he’d ever had and he loved her dearly. He just didn’t know how to start this conversation. Thankfully, Hannah knew him well enough to know that he was struggling for words. She stayed silent, just swinging gently, and waited.

 

Finally, after long minutes, Andy asked. “How’s Sid?”

 

Hannah stopped the swing, staring at Andy hard for several long minutes. Then she said. “He’s doing okay, I suppose. Better than he was six months ago, or eight, or ten.” She paused, then added. “Nowhere near as good as he was a year ago, but then, I guess that’s how things go sometimes.”

 

Andy nodded, still nudging the dirt with the toe of one shoe. The swing wasn’t really moving, but the slight sway was soothing to his nerves. Hannah watched him, then asked. “Why are you asking?”

 

“We ran into him today.” Andy admitted, hands tightening painfully around the swing’s chains. “Ben and me, at the mall. Ben and Sid…well. They had words. Sort of.”

 

“That had to be interesting.” Hannah commented, and Andy gave her a rueful smile. “Who won?”

 

Andy hesitated, then shrugged. “I’d say Sid, except I left with Ben, so…”

 

“And what, you’re the prize?” Hannah laughed and rolled her eyes. “I’ll give you that, but point out that you’re now sitting here talking about Sid with the one person who can find him for you.”

 

“Yeah, he mentioned that.” Andy mumbled, then he gave her a hurt look. “How come you never told me you were still in touch with him? I mean, you said he still sends money, but he made it sound like you guys hang out or whatever.”

 

“We do.” Hannah shrugged, then pushed the swing into motion again. As she pumped her legs, making it climb higher, she added. “I didn’t tell you for the same reason I don’t talk to Sid about you. I don’t like seeing either one of you hurt, and you weren’t ready. I figured if you wanted to know, you’d ask.”

 

Andy nodded; that was true. For a long time, he hadn’t wanted to even hear Sid’s name. And by the time he did, he hadn’t felt right asking because of Ben. He fell into silence once more, thinking.

 

The silence was broken by Hannah some minutes later. “I can tell there’s something else you want to ask me about. So how about you just ask and stop analyzing whatever it is? You think much harder and smoke’s going to start pouring out of your ears.”

 

“He was wearing the dog tag.” Andy’s voice was barely audible, as though he was afraid to give voice to those words.

 

“He always wears it. I think he always will.” Hannah admitted, looking sad. She lowered her feet and let them drag against the dirt, jerking her swing to a stop. “Andy, he never stopped loving you. Not for one second. I’m sorry that he acted like he had. I’m sorry he hurt you. But he was hurting, too.” She sighed and added. “He still is, actually.”

 

“He fucked some girl, Hannah.” Andy’s voice was thick, but he wasn’t crying. Sometime around the two month mark, Andy had sworn he’d never cry over Sid again. “I _caught him_ fucking some girl and he…he didn’t even…” Andy’s breath hitched and he stopped, gripping the chains tightly and taking deep breaths until he was calmer.

 

Hannah just watched sadly as he gathered himself, waiting. Finally, Andy said in a low, pained voice. “He was _inside her_ , Hannah, and he looked me in the eye and said _‘Love you, baby.’_ How am I supposed to believe he’s _ever_ hurt over losing me, in light of that?”

 

Hannah’s green eyes were soft and pitying. “Did you ever stop and ask yourself why?”

 

“Why? Why what?” Andy turned to glare at her. “Why he would hurt me like that? Why he would cheat on me when I’d finally given him my virginity and would happily have had sex with him again? Why he thought I deserved to be crushed that way? Yeah, Hannah. I asked myself why.”

 

“Wrong questions.” Hannah told him, shaking her head. “Andy, you never once stopped to ask yourself the most important thing.”

 

“And that is?” Andy asked.

 

“What changed?” She slowly began twisting the swing’s chain, spinning around and around, winding the swing tighter. “What was the catalyst for New Year’s Eve? There was one, you know.”

 

“Yeah, I let him fuck me.” Andy snapped. He began to swing in earnest, pumping his legs viciously in an attempt to work out some of his anger. “Stupid me, right?”

 

Hannah sighed, stopping her spinning, the chain wrapped tightly above her. “Wrong catalyst, Andy. He’d already decided to end things _before_ you had sex.” She paused, then shrugged and added. “Which makes him taking your virginity into a real dick move, obviously, but considering how much he loves you and the fact that he knew he was going to lose you…well, it’s understandable, I guess.”

 

Andy’s brow furrowed as he kept swinging, though his motions gentled and he was staying at a steady height rather than climbing higher. “Nothing else changed, Hannah. That was it.”

 

“Not true.” She shook her head, then gave him a knowing look with those big green eyes. “You told him you loved him.”

 

Andy snorted. “Yeah, and he said he loved me. Then he said he didn’t. Your point?”

 

Hannah lifted her feet, letting the swing spin wildly for a moment as the chain hastily unwound. “He never said he didn’t love you. He said some things to _imply_ that, but he never said it. He couldn’t bring himself to actually lie about loving you.” She sighed heavily. “He didn’t just _say_ he loved you, Andy. He _realized_ he loved you. That was the catalyst.”

 

Andy coiled himself, then – as the swing reached its highest point in the arc he was making – he jumped off. Hannah turned to watch as he landed on the balls of his feet and his hands in a crouch, then tumbled to the side, wincing. “Idiot.” She muttered as she stood up and walked over to where Andy was now laying on his back in the grass. “Are all men as stupid as you?”

 

“Yes.” Andy replied, making no move to get up. Hannah sat down next to him, reaching out and stroking her fingers through his hair soothingly. “Is loving me that awful, then?”

 

It took Hannah a moment to follow Andy’s train of thought. Then she shook her head. “No, Andy. Not at all. In fact, loving you is the reason Sid no longer drinks except the occasional beer. It’s why he stopped hanging with the crowd we saw at that party. It’s why he’s become the sort of brother you are for Molly; one I can go to when I’m upset or scared or worried.”

 

“Then why…” Andy stopped, then shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m asking. I don’t know why it even matters, after a year.”

 

“Because big things _always_ matter.” Hannah said. “Andy, I feel like you should be asking Sid that question, not me.”

 

“I asked Sid the night it happened.” Andy pointed out; he knew Hannah had heard everything that night, after all. “I obviously didn’t get whatever answer it is you seem to have.”

 

Hannah laughed, though it wasn’t exactly a happy sound. “Yeah, no, you definitely didn’t. But I told you; Sid’s different now. Ask him again.”

 

Andy didn’t say anything, but Hannah could see the war he was waging with himself. When she saw the hard, stubborn look settle on his face – and in his eyes – she sighed again and shook her head. “Fine, don’t. But I’m not answering for him, Andy. Not about this. So if you change your mind, let me know. I’ll tell you how to find him.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Sid opened the door to see Hannah standing there, one eyebrow raised. Sid grinned. “Hey, sis. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

 

When he stepped back, Hannah walked in. She headed right for the kitchen to get herself a drink, stopping only briefly to pet Sid’s sleeping dog as she passed him. “I’m here because of Andy.” She flicked her eyes over to him as he lounged in the kitchen’s doorway. “He was asking me questions.”

 

Sid straightened up as Hannah poured Sprite over ice in a tall plastic cup. “Yeah? What sort of questions, Hannah? What did you say?”

 

“I answered the ones I felt comfortable with, such as how you’re doing and how often you wear that dog tag.” Hannah started rifling through her brother’s cabinets, perfectly at ease in his home. “Then he started asking about New Year’s and I told him he needs to talk to you.”

 

Sid watched as Hannah finally grabbed a package of Oreos. “Kitchen, or living room?” She asked, holding her cookies in one hand and her drink in the other, head tipped questioningly to one side.

 

“Living room.” Sid decided, turning to walk the few steps to the other room. Hannah followed and once they were sitting on the couch, he asked. “So you told him to talk to me. What then?”

 

Hannah snorted. “Then Andy got all Andy on me and stopped talking. So I told him if he decides he’s ready to see you, I’ll tell him where to find you.”

 

Sid nodded, reaching out and taking a cookie from the open package that was balanced between them. “So what else did he say?”

 

Hannah rolled her eyes, exasperated. “God, you two are awful. He just…he wanted to know how you’re doing, Sid. If you’re okay.” Her lips twitched up and she added. “He said you won the verbal fight you had with Ben.”

 

“He did?” Sid grinned, looking like the proverbial cat that got the cream. “Honestly, it wasn’t that hard to do. You ever _met_ this guy? Geez. You can practically fucking smell the wealth and privilege on him.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve met him.” Hannah bit into an Oreo, then spoke around the bite of cookie. “Ben’s…nice. I mean, he’s nice enough, considering.” She shrugged. “He’s never made Andy cry.”

Sid nodded, hurt flashing across his face. “Thanks, Hannah. I know I was an ass, okay? We’ve been over that about a million times.” He twisted his cookie, prying it apart with the motion. “So, you like the Ben guy, then? I mean, you think he’s good enough for Andy?”

 

Hannah laughed, shaking her head. “He’s my best friend. I don’t think _anyone_ is good enough. Not even you, brother-of-mine. And I didn’t say him never making Andy cry was a good thing. To me, that just means the feelings aren’t that strong. How can you say you love someone when you never cared enough about them to shed a tear? Not once, in eight months?”

 

Sid shrugged. “Maybe that’s better. Obviously this guy can’t hurt Andy.”

 

“Maybe Andy deserves more than someone he’s just fond of.” Hannah sipped her soda, adding. “And for the love of everything, Sid, buy something diet. For my sake.”

 

“One of these days I’ll convince you that you’re not fat and don’t need diet soda.” Sid reached out and took her glass, stealing a sip. “Besides, if I buy you diet then I can’t share.”

 

“That’s why I want it.” She retorted, nudging him with her foot. “Now, tell me about this argument with Ben. What was said? Andy and I didn’t really get into specifics.”

 

Sid cackled, piquing Hannah’s interest. “We discussed Andy as a lover.” Sid admitted, eyes gleaming wickedly. “I was very interested in learning that, apparently, Andy doesn’t scream for Ben.”

 

“Ooh, harsh.” Hannah shook her head, popping an entire Oreo into her mouth and adding. “I can’t believe Ben discussed that, though. Fuck, man, that had to have pissed Andy off.”

 

“Yeah?” Sid looked a little worried. “I don’t really want him any madder at me. I just…I guess I was a bit thrown off, seeing him _with_ someone, you know?”

 

“He’s going to be pissed at Ben, not you.” Hannah told him. “You expect the asshole ex – no offense – to say shit like that. Your current boyfriend, however, should have the common sense to keep his mouth shut about private things. And I already told you, Andy said you won.”

 

For a few minutes neither of them said anything, then Sid spoke. “I told him I wanted him back.” When Hannah’s head snapped up, eyes huge, mouth hanging open, he hastily added. “I mean, not in so many words, you know? But essentially. I…is that stupid of me? I know it’s a long shot, considering, but he’s it for me, Hannah. Always has been.”

 

Hannah’s eyes softened. “I know he is.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I don’t know if it’s stupid or not, Sid, but I don’t think it’s such a long shot. Andy still loves you. I don’t think he knows how to _not_ love you. Just let him come to you. He’s got questions so he will, eventually. When he does, answer them _honestly._ Then go from there.”

 

When Sid fell into silent contemplation of the Oreo he’d never bitten, only twisted in half, Hannah sighed to herself and debated becoming a psychiatrist. Then she could get paid for these sorts of conversations, and not be so emotionally invested in the outcome.

 

She really hoped Sid and Andy didn’t wind up hurting each other again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...this chapter is very interesting. And I want everyone to understand something right off the bat. As much as I wanted to make Ben the asshole in this chapter, I just couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong; he's a dick. But most men are dicks, at least part of the time. It's just a part of the breed. (Rather like most women are bitches, at least part of the time.) And I just couldn't make him an ass. At least, not entirely.
> 
> So this was me redeeming Ben's character, just a bit, and ending things a little differently between him and Andy than I had originally planned. I do hope everyone (those who like Ben, and those who don't) can understand why I chose to do things this way. Remember, comments thrill me to pieces; I read and cherish every single one. Happy reading!
> 
> ~ LS

Seven days to Christmas, and counting. Andy rifled through a box of ornaments, listening to Molly and his mom and Ben laughing in the kitchen as they finished the gingerbread house and the cookies. Andy hadn’t been able to handle baking anymore; he’d had to walk away. Sorting ornaments – something Molly had done the year before – had seemed like the safer option. Ben had seemed confused, but the understanding and sympathy on Molly and Annie’s faces had silenced his questions. Andy was grateful. He didn’t want to talk to Ben about Sid again.

 

He was unwrapping some of the glass ornaments – they wrapped them in old newspaper to help protect them during storage – when Molly came into the room. “Ben and Mom are almost done.” She said, reaching for an ornament and unwrapping it carefully. “You okay?”

 

Andy gave her a weak smile, reaching for another ornament. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just…harder than I thought it would be. That’s all.”

 

Molly nodded, glancing over at what he was unwrapping. She gasped, then bit her lip and looked away quickly. Andy looked down and felt his heart twist. “Oh…”

 

“I’m sorry.” Molly whispered, looking miserable. “We packed everything up before that night, so…” She blinked rapidly, trying to will away the tears filling her eyes. “What do you want to do with it?”

 

Andy held the glass ball carefully, turning it in his hands so he could look at the picture. He thought back to Hannah’s words; to her assurance that Sid loved him. That Sid had always loved him. Then he stood up and walked over to the tree, already wrapped in lights because the act of untangling them had helped soothe Andy after trying to bake cookies. He carefully hooked it over a branch, just at eye level, then gave Molly a small smile. She smiled back, walking over and sliding her hand into his.

 

Very softly, she said. “I miss him, too.”

 

Andy just squeezed her hand, then said. “We have Ben now, Molly. You like him, right?”

 

“Yeah.” Molly nodded, leaning her head against Andy’s upper-arm, eyes still locked on the tree and its single ornament. “He’s nice. And I know Sid hurt you. But I still miss him.”

 

Andy sighed, then admitted for the first time. “I miss him, too.”

 

“Who?” It was Ben’s voice and it had both Molly and Andy whipping around.

 

Andy didn’t know what to say, but Molly answered for him. “Santa. We miss when we were little enough to be excited that Santa was coming. Don’t you?”

 

Ben pretended to be shocked. “You mean Santa isn’t real? No!”

 

Molly laughed and Andy glanced over at his mom. She was looking at the tree. Then she walked over to Andy and pulled him into a hug. As he hugged her back, she murmured. “It’s okay to miss him, baby boy. I think we all do.”

 

Andy nodded against her shoulder, then muttered. “Even after what he did?”

 

“I think because of it.” Annie admitted, keeping an eye on where Molly was distracting Ben. “It’s hard not to miss who he was at Christmas, in light of what happened after. We all want that back.” She looked back at Andy and locked eyes with her son, adding. “It’s just a matter of if you want to fight for that, or if you’d rather keep what you have now.”

 

Andy nodded slowly. He knew his mom was right; it was all about what he wanted. The trouble was, he didn’t _know_ what he wanted. Not anymore.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Later that night, Ben noticed the ornament. His mouth went tight, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at it, then walked away. Andy dreaded the moment it _was_ asked about, because he didn’t know how to explain the urge to hang it on the tree. When Ben invited him back to his hotel room, Andy agreed and went to pack an overnight bag. He had already spent two nights there; once the night Ben arrived and the second time the night after that. Last night, after having run into Sid that afternoon at the mall, they had spent the night apart. Andy hadn’t been sure if he was upset or grateful. He’d felt a bit like Ben was trying to punish him for going off to talk to Hannah afterwards.

 

When they got into the hotel room, Ben was silent. He’d been silent the whole ride over, in fact, but Andy had allowed it in favor of singing along softly – and a bit off-key – to the Christmas music pouring out of the car’s speakers.  Though he wasn’t in a particularly festive mood, there was something about Christmas carols that made him want to sing. He set his coat and bag on one of the room’s chairs, then sat down on the bottom of the bed. Then Andy waited in silence for Ben to say whatever was on his mind.

 

Ben was watching him, looking more baffled than angry. “I don’t see the appeal.” He finally said, and there was so much confusion in his voice that Andy wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “He’s…god, Andy, seriously? He’s grungy and trashy and clearly some sort of delinquent. I just don’t…why?”

 

Andy tensed while Ben gave his assessment of Sid, then he snapped. “Do I run around insulting the vapid little pretty boys you’ve dated in the past?” Ben arched an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed with Andy’s response.

 

Andy let out a low, angry hiss; he didn’t want to try to explain something he had never really understood himself. “I had my reasons, Ben, and they’re none of your business.” Then, trying to deflect the question, he added sharply. “And insulting my taste in men, considering I’m with you now, is sort of stupid.”

 

“Don’t attempt to lump me in with _him._ ” Ben snapped, eyes narrowing angrily. Andy felt a dull sort of relief that Ben was finally acting angry. Anger was easier to handle than indifference or confusion. “I’m _nothing_ like him.”

 

Andy moved his eyes over Ben, taking in his nice outfit and his handsome face; his entire demeanor, really, which screamed that he came from wealth and privilege and prestige. Then he said softly. “No, you’re not.”

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed further and his cheeks flushed. “Why is it, Andy, that I suddenly feel as though I am the one found lacking in that comparison?”

 

Andy shook his head. “It’s not about better, Ben, or worse. It’s _not._ It’s not about anything, except that you’re very different from him. If you hadn’t been, I’d never have dated you.” Andy looked away, eyes going to the window, because it was too hard to say this while looking at his boyfriend. “I’m with you, not him. That should be the end of this conversation.”

 

“And yet, it’s not.” Ben retorted. Andy sighed because he had known it wouldn’t be that simple, but he had still hoped. Ben was still standing, arms crossed over his chest, glaring at Andy from a few feet away. “Is it true, then?”

 

“Is _what_ true?” Andy asked, exasperated by the vague question and entirely sick of this conversation. He wished he knew how to distract Ben, but he’d never had to before so he had no idea what might work.

 

Andy could practically hear Ben’s teeth grinding together and wondered why this was the most emotion he’d ever seen from the other man, considering the months they’d been together. “What do you think, Andy? What that punk said at the mall. _Is it true?”_

 

Andy’s face went red in the span of a few seconds, a combination of embarrassment and anger. If he didn’t want to talk about Sid, then he _really_ didn’t want to talk about what sex with Sid had been like. He was still pissed it had been discussed _at all_. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

 

Ben’s mouth thinned and he said firmly. “Yes, well, I do. I think, under the circumstances, I have that right. Did you scream for your trashy little ex?”

 

Andy felt angrier than he ever had; not even the night Sid had destroyed their relationship had left him feeling this way. Then he had been hurting too much to be properly angry. And by the time the hurt had faded, so had the anger. Now, he felt hot and cold at the same time; like his blood was boiling as it tried to melt the cold ball of ice sitting in his stomach. His hands curled into fists and he forced himself to take deep breaths. He didn’t know why he was so furious, only that he was. There was just something cosmically wrong with talking to Ben about what he and Sid had done together.

 

Finally, after several minutes, Andy said quietly. “What passed between me and Sid is none of your business.” Seeing the fury in Ben’s eyes, Andy snapped. “I mean it, Ben. Some things are private, even between partners. I won’t sit here and dissect my time with him until you’re satisfied. Nothing I can say right now is going to make this conversation any better, so I’m not saying anything.”

 

“Meaning you did.” Ben’s arms dropped to his sides and his hands curled into fists as well. He took an angry step closer to the bed, then stopped again. “Because if you hadn’t, you’d just say so. So you screamed like a whore for him. And yet, you’re silent when we’re together. You never do more than sigh or make soft sounds. Why?”

 

“Because it’s _different!”_ Andy finally shouted, standing in a flurry of excess energy, his whole body tensed in anger over the word _whore_ being used to describe him, even in such a distant way. “God, Ben, why is that so hard for you to understand? Everything about this is _different_ for me, okay? It’s not…it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s not that I don’t desire you, or that I don’t enjoy being with you. I _do_. It’s just…”

 

Andy shook his head, looking away, because the anger on Ben’s face was so _unfair_. It wasn’t as though it was Andy’s fault that what he’d had with Sid had been so intense. Dully, he finished. “It’s just not the same as what I had with Sid, and that changes everything else as well.”

 

“And what, exactly, did you have with him? What was so special about him?” Ben demanded, grabbing Andy’s arm and yanking him around to face him. When Andy dropped his eyes, Ben brought his other hand up to Andy’s chin, forcing his head up. “Dammit, Andy, you owe me an explanation after that little stunt with the Christmas ornament!”

 

“I don’t know!” Andy cried out at last, tears burning his eyes as he locked gazes with Ben. “Okay? I _don’t_. I don’t know why everything was so intense with him, all of the time. I don’t know why it felt like I was _dying_ when he…when it ended. But it _was_ , and it _did,_ and it was equal parts horrible and wonderful, okay? And I never…god, I _never_ wanted to feel that way again.”

 

Ben released Andy’s chin, taking a stunned step backwards, because the raw pain on Andy’s face wasn’t something he’d expected. “Andy…” He stopped after saying his boyfriend’s name, though, because he wasn’t sure what he should say – what he _could_ say – in response to an anguish he’d never realized Andy had felt.

 

Trembling, Andy wrapped his arms around his stomach. He couldn’t seem to stop the words now that they’d started; they just kept spilling out. “You don’t understand, okay? You didn’t meet me until I was _finally_ starting to get better. And you were _so_ different from him. You were sweet, and kind, and affectionate. You didn’t seem to mind everyone knowing that we were together. And I _wanted_ that. I wanted someone who was everything he hadn’t been.”

 

“Because when we were together, Sid and me…it was like wildfire.” Andy’s voice was hoarse and tears were beading on his lashes, threatening to fall despite him trying to will them away. “It was bright and beautiful, but it was dangerous and it _scorched._ In a good way, but in a bad way at the same time. It hurt, even when it was going well. I just…” His breath hitched, and Andy squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a shaky breath before saying again. “I never wanted to feel like that again.”

 

“You wanted someone who couldn’t make you burn.” Ben sounded completely defeated all of a sudden, with just a hint of disbelief and anger tingeing his voice, and Andy opened his eyes in time to watch his boyfriend sink into a chair. “I won’t ever measure up to Sid in your eyes. You made sure of that. It’s _why_ you’re with me.”

 

Andy cringed because Ben’s anger was completely gone now and in its place was a sort of devastation Andy had never meant to cause. “You settled, and you did it on purpose. That’s not fair.”

 

Andy looked away from the hurt, betrayed look on Benjamin’s face, hating himself a little bit for putting it there. “It wasn’t like that.” He insisted, even though he knew Ben had a point. “I told you, it’s not about better or worse. I don’t think of you, of this, as _less._ Just different. The sort of different I _wanted_.”

 

Ben nodded slowly, then he asked softly. “And do you really think that’s enough for _me?_ Andy, I don’t think you understand who it is that this isn’t fair to.”

 

Andy bit his lower lip, because he knew what Ben was saying. Maybe he was okay with second best, but that didn’t mean Ben was okay with _being_ second-best. Andy looked up and whispered. “I _do_ love you, Ben. Please don’t think that I don’t. Please don’t think you’re not…that I don’t…god, Ben. I _want_ to be with you. I do. Please don’t do this.”

 

Ben studied Andy for a moment, eyes boring into his, like he was searching Andy’s soul for something that would let him move past this. Whatever he saw there, though, didn’t do the trick, because he said in a flat voice. “I didn’t do this, Andy. You did.” When Andy opened his mouth, intent on protesting that, Ben asked. “Why did you hang that ornament?”

 

Andy’s mouth moved silently for a moment, then he whispered. “I don’t know.”

 

Ben nodded, then said simply. “I do.” When Andy just stared at him, looking stunned, Ben added. “You should leave.”

 

Andy just stared at Ben for several more minutes, but the older man wasn’t budging. Finally, with nothing else he could do and nothing left to say, Andy moved around Ben and gathered up his coat and his bag. He shrugged the coat on, then stopped. Hands clenched tightly around the handle of his bag, he turned to look at Ben again. Andy couldn’t seem to stop shaking, and he didn’t know what he wanted to say, but he felt like he should say _something._ It seemed wrong to leave without saying something; to leave things the way they were. He didn’t understand how something so flawlessly simple had become so horribly, awfully, completely shattered. And in such a short time, too.

 

Finally, Andy whispered. “I’m sorry.”

 

Ben cleared his throat; this time he was the one who looked away. “I know you are. But I deserve more than second place in someone’s heart, Andy.” His tone made the words far gentler than Andy expected, considering the circumstances. But they hurt anyway, simply because they were true.

 

This time Andy had been the cruel one, and he hadn’t even realized.

 

Without another word, Andy turned and left the room. Before he even made it to the elevator, Andy had his phone in hand, texting for a ride and a place to spend the night. He needed his best friend right then, for more reasons than he could count.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Hannah sat on her bed, Andy’s head in her lap, and petted his hair soothingly. He had finished telling her everything that had happened with Ben at the hotel about half an hour before, and neither of them had said anything since. Hannah hadn’t seen the point of saying anything. No words were going to make Andy feel any better, so why say them at all? Ben had made his choice and, honestly, it was one Hannah could understand. She wouldn’t have wanted to be second-best with the person she loved, either. Not that she would ever tell Andy that. It wasn’t _his_ fault he couldn’t stop loving her brother any more than it was Sid’s fault he couldn’t stop loving Andy. It was simple how they were.

 

Hannah could tell that, though Andy was hurt by Ben’s decision, it wasn’t the reason for his tears. Those stemmed from his feelings for Sid, and everything that had happened the year before. Those wounds were reopening; hurting him all over again. And while she desperately wished they weren’t, if only because she hated seeing Andy in pain, she also knew they’d never healed right. And, sometimes, the only way to fix something like that was to have it hurt all over again first.

 

Still petting Andy’s hair, she asked softly. “What are you going to do now?”

 

Andy took a shuddery breath, then blinked wide, damp, cobalt eyes up at her. For a long moment, he said nothing. Then, at last, he whispered. “How do I find him?”

 

Hannah’s lips curved up, though there was no mirth or amusement in her eyes as she answered him. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

 

Andy hesitated, then answered in a voice so small it was barely audible. “I have to know. I don’t think I can handle not knowing anymore.”

 

Hannah nodded, fingers still carding through her best friend’s thick, dark hair. “I know. But are you sure you’re ready for whatever his answer might be?”

 

Andy took a shaky breath, then said. “I guess I’m going to have to be, aren’t I?”

 

Hannah leaned down and pressed a kiss to Andy’s forehead, then said. “I’ll write his address down for you in the morning. For now…sleep.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Author's Note:** So, I'm working really hard to finally finish this story. And while working on it again, I noticed that several of the chapters have no formatting. _So._ Since I had to repost these last few chapters _anyway,_ I figured I'd take the time to edit the chapters in question as well. So while the earlier chapters are still a bit below-par for my current writing (and thus below-par for what the new chapters will be), at least a couple of them will be much-improved. I just don't have the motivation to rewrite the _whole thing_ to bring those early chapters up to scratch, sorry. XD
> 
> As it stands, you're getting some smoother characterization from Sid's asshole neighbor (and a new name for him), a better kiss in this chapter, and - of course - proper formatting. There's also a few small edits here and there that tweak the narrative and/or dialogue so it runs smoother and is closer to my current writing style. Hopefully I get the rest of these edits done soon, and then I'll start posting new chapters. ^_^
> 
> Comments are love; following me on tumblr (( everything-a-wolf-could-want ))means you can drop me prompts and also keep apprised of what I'm currently working on. <3
> 
> ~ Sly

Six days before Christmas, Sid was startled by a knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, which meant it was most-likely Hannah. Or possibly a neighbor, complaining about something or another, as though Sid cared if they didn’t like his music. Or his dog. People _loved_ to complain about his dog. Sid had a feeling if the landlord wasn’t an animal lover, he’d have been out on his ass after the first complaint. As it was, he just had to make sure he kept Zurg on a leash - even inside the building, or up on the roof - and didn’t let him rip up the grass or any of the landscaping outside.

He got up with a low groan - one of the girls in his defense class had landed a good, solid blow that had bruised his thigh. It was now protesting his weight quite vehemently. He limped slightly to the door, shushing Zurg as he walked past the growling, barking dog. He tugged open the door, then sucked in a sharp breath and stiffened. In more ways than one. His heart was suddenly racing, his mouth felt dry, and his palms were sweating. Standing in the hallway, hand poised to knock again, was Andy. Wearing khaki slacks and a rich blue sweater, Andy looked completely gorgeous.

“Hi.” Andy managed, in a voice that trembled a little. It was so different from the cool, casual way he’d spoken to Sid at the mall that the older man was a little stunned. “You going to invite me in, or are we going to just stare at each other for a while?”

His mind going immediately back to the last time Andy had said something like that, Sid replied with a grin and the words he’d used then. “Well, staring _does_ have its appeal…” Then he took a step back, opening the door further and gesturing. “But I suppose you can come in.”

Andy stepped hesitantly inside, hands clenching around a small box. Sid wondered what it was, then dismissed it in favor of the more important thing. What Andy was doing there. “So…” He swallowed hard, then asked. “What brings you to my door?”

“I…” Andy took a deep breath, then asked. “Can we sit down and talk? I mean, do you have time? Because I think this is going to take a while.”

Sid nodded and gestured towards the doorway to the living room. “Right through there. Would you like something to drink?”

“Ah…no.” Andy shook his head, then walked into the living room. Sid followed and when Andy glanced back at him he was surprised to see Sid favoring one leg. “You’re hurt. What happened?”

Sid blinked, surprised Andy had even noticed. As they sat on opposite ends of Sid’s large, utterly hideous, secondhand couch - that was ridiculously comfortable, considering its age and just how ugly it was - he said. “I was kicked.”

Andy looked stunned. “Why?”

Sid laughed. “I teach a beginner’s self-defense class at the gym I go to. Maddie is about ready to graduate to the intermediate class, and she landed a pretty solid kick when I wasn’t focused enough. It’s not a big deal. Just one of the hazards of the job.”

“Oh.” Andy sucked in another deep breath, pretending it didn’t shudder unevenly past his lips, and then said. “I don’t really know where to start.”

Sid nodded, understanding that. “Would you mind if I did?” When Andy just blinked those big blue eyes at him, Sid said. “I’m sorry.”

Andy instantly looked furious and Sid held up both hands in a show of peace. “I know that sorry doesn’t fix anything. Believe me, I know that. If I had thought it would, I’d have said it a hell of a lot sooner, I swear. But whether it fixes things or not, it’s true.”

Sid ran a hand through his hair, almost absentmindedly, then gave Andy a solemn look. “I should never have done that. I was…god, I was _stupid._ And scared. And about a million other things that I can’t even begin to explain. None of that excuses what I did, and I’m not trying to defend it. But I want you to know that there hasn’t been a single day where I didn’t regret it.”

Andy looked away, hating the tears making the back of his eyes sting. In a low, miserable voice, he asked. “Why, Sid? That’s all I ever really wanted to know. Why?”

Sid laughed nervously, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Why? Because guys like you don’t belong with guys like me.” He paused, then clarified. “Guys like who I thought I was, I mean. Trash. Drunks and druggies. I figured I was good for a fuck; good for introducing you to sex. I figured you’d be the one to wise up, and until then I’d enjoy being able to call you mine. And then we’d part ways and it would all be fine and dandy.”

Andy looked over at Sid, looking horrified. “Sid, I _love_ you. I wasn’t going to…to walk away. To just decide I could…could what? Do _better?_ That’s not how I work.”

“Yeah, I realized that around the time you took me back after our first breakup.” Sid admitted, struggling to keep his face somber when he wanted to scream with joy because Andy had said _love,_ not _loved_. “And you have to understand what that was like for me. To know that I could keep you. And I wanted to. I _planned_ to. I figured maybe, just maybe…”

“Well what the fuck changed?” Andy demanded, glaring. “I wanted you to keep me. I would have happily stayed with you forever. I wanted a life with you.”

“I fell in love.” Sid dropped his eyes, and Andy realized he was looking at the dog tag around his neck, that he was toying with restlessly. “And loving you like I did, I thought I wasn’t being fair to you. I thought about what you deserved and... _god,_ Andy, it wasn’t me.”

Sid looked up, and pain was etched into every line of his gorgeous face. It made Andy’s heart twist viciously in his chest. “I was halfway to being an alcoholic, and only a little less than that to being a pothead. I was fucking _worthless._ I had no real friends; no real connection to anyone. And I couldn’t let you tie yourself to that.”

Andy’s jaw clenched and he bit out through gritted teeth. “Was that your choice to make? Because I’m pretty damned sure it was _mine.”_

Sid’s lips twitched up into a small smile. “I’m sure it was. But I’ve always been selfish and, if it was going to end, it was going to be on _my_ terms.” He looked around at the apartment and added. “I don’t think I could have done this - cleaned my life up - if I hadn’t lost you. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, but I thought if I was ever that lucky - if I ever got the chance - then I wanted to be the sort of man worthy of staying with you. And maybe I’m not quite there yet, I don’t know. But I know I’m a hell of a lot closer to it than I was a year ago.”

“Fucking some girl right in front of me. For my own good.” Andy couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I don’t even have words for that, Sid. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, or even feel, in response to that. That night, I didn’t know whether I wanted to throw up or rip your heart out.” With a glance at his ex, he added. “I still don’t.”

“I wouldn’t blame you for either.” Sid said. He reached out, but stopped before actually touching Andy’s arm, unsure of his reception. Curling his fingers into his palm, he mumbled. “You weren’t supposed to _see.”_

Andy blinked, then asked numbly. “What?”

Sid huffed out a breath, then said a little louder. “You weren’t meant to actually see me with her. The basement was off-limits to almost everyone. You were just supposed to hear about it, because within an hour the whole party would’ve been talking about it. I didn’t…” Sid looked anguished. “I _never_ meant for you to see that.”

Andy wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make him feel better or not, but in a way it did. Because as awful as hearing about it would have been, it would have been nowhere near as devastating as _seeing_ it. Andy didn’t think anything could compare to a sight he would gladly bleach out of his mind if he had the ability to. And maybe it was stupid, to be grateful that Sid hadn’t wanted him to see that, but Andy still was. He had never understood why Sid had wanted him to have to live with that visual for the rest of his life. So yes, he was pathetically relieved that Sid _hadn’t_ actually wanted that.

“Why did you say…” Andy choked on the words, tears making his throat tighten. His tongue felt thick and clumsy in his mouth, and he curled his hands into fists so tight his nails bit into his palms and drew blood.

After a moment, he tried again. “When you were with her, you said…you mouthed the words…”

“I was trying to get you to run out.” Sid said, and there was something about the way he shaped the words that brought Andy’s head up and around.

He was stunned to see tears on Sid’s cheeks, more falling each time he blinked his bottomless green eyes. “I needed you to leave, before I broke down and shoved that skank off me and begged for forgiveness, right then and there. I was _so close_ to breaking, Andy. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“This isn’t fair.” Andy whispered, his whole body shaking. “You telling me this. Making me want things I shouldn’t want, ever again. God, Sid, this isn’t _fair.”_

“I know.” Sid admitted, his voice still hoarse from tears. “I’m not sorry about that, though. Because I’m not perfect, Andy, and I’m still majorly fucking selfish. I’ve never stopped wanting you. I’ve never stopped _loving_ you. And if I have to beg, every single day for the rest of my life, I will do that. If that’s what it takes to get you back, I’ll do it happily.”

Andy bit his lip, then shoved the box across the sofa at Sid. “Here.”

Sid reached for it, frowning. He opened it, staring down in shock at the Christmas ornament nestled amongst pristine white tissue paper. He had half-assumed Andy would have smashed it - and the rice necklace - the moment he got home after New Year’s. Clearly he hadn’t, since it was still whole. Sid’s lips curved up as he reached into the box, brushing his fingers over the image pressed onto the delicate glass ball. He was ridiculously grateful that it was still okay.

He closed the lid, then slid the box back towards Andy. “You should keep that.” Seeing the startled look on Andy’s face, he added. “I don’t even have a tree. It would just sit in that box, reminding me of what I stupidly threw away. At least with you, I know it will be safe and cared for. So keep it. Please.”

Just as Andy picked the box back up, Zurg came bounding into the room from the kitchen. In all honesty, Sid was surprised the dog had waited as long as he had. Normally he only ignored Hannah and Sid that way; everyone else was fair game.

Andy gasped, holding the box up out of reach, as an enormous dog rushed into the room and began trying to climb onto his lap. The dog was huge. It was more like a horse than a dog, size-wise. Andy thought he could probably put a saddle on it and ride it. It was a greyish-brown, with long legs and golden-brown eyes that put Andy in mind of a wolf, though it seemed friendly enough. Just overly-enthusiastic, was all.

“Holy shit…” He gasped, trying to use one hand to fend off the animal while his other hand kept the box out of reach, trying to protect it. “Down. Get _down.”_

Cringing, Sid grabbed Zurg’s collar and hauled his dog off of Andy and the couch, snapping. “Zurg, lay down.”

Zurg whimpered, then dropped heavily to the floor beside the sofa with a sigh. He looked up from his new spot on the floor, tail wagging, clearly hoping to be petted. Sid rolled his eyes at the animal before turning to Andy in concern. “He didn’t hurt you, did he? He’s harmless, really, unless he thinks I’m being hurt, but he sometimes forgets how big he is.”

“I’m fine.” Andy said breathlessly, eyes still wide and stunned. He then asked. “Did…did you call him Zurg?”

“Ah…yeah.” Sid blushed, then shrugged. “You weren’t the only kid who was a Buzz Lightyear fan, you know. Though you _were_ a bit obsessed for a little while there.”

Andy blinked in surprise when Sid took the box from him, turning to set it on the coffee table. “I don’t want him to break that.” Sid just arched an eyebrow, which Andy took to mean it was safe on the table, so he asked. “What kind of dog is he?”

“An Irish Wolfhound.” Sid told him as he sat back down, a little closer to Andy than he’d been before. “The people who bought him didn’t realize how big he would get, because as puppies they’re _really_ tiny. There’s actually a terrier breed that they look identical to as puppies. So he got dumped at the pound when he was only about half of the size he is now.”

“How’d you end up with him?” Andy asked, partly because he was curious and partly because he needed to talk about something _safe_ for a moment.

Sid smiled. “One of the guys I work with at the gym was looking for a cat. I went with him. When I saw Zurg - whose name was _Buddy_ of all things - I fell in love.” His grin widened and he added. “They warned me he would double in size, something they were worried would keep anyone from adopting him, but I didn’t care. He just looked so sad and alone. I figured we needed each other.”

Zurg jumped to his feet and then put his front paws on Sid’s lap. He leaned in and licked his owner’s face, earning sputters and laughter from Sid. Andy watched in awe as Sid wound his arms around Zurg’s neck, hugging the big dog and nuzzling his fur. Zurg barked, loud and happy, and Sid laughed again. Hannah had been right; Sid _had_ changed. This was _not_ the same boy he’d dated. Andy suddenly, desperately wanted to get to know the man Sid had become. He just didn’t know if it was worth the risk to his heart, if Sid hadn’t changed enough.

Sid finally nudged Zurg off of him, still chuckling. “Down, Zurg. Go lay down in the bedroom, boy. Let me talk to our guest in peace.”

He patted the dog’s rump and Zurg barked one more time before lumbering off through the apartment, seeming happy.

Suddenly there was a pounding knock on the door and Sid growled at the precise moment that Zurg did. It was a little eerie. Then Sid shoved to his feet and half-limped out of the room. Curious, Andy followed as far as the doorway that led to the little entrance to the apartment, peeking out to see what was happening. Sid had opened the door part of the way and was standing there, Zurg pressed against his legs, arms folded across his chest. He was glaring furiously at the man in the hall, who seemed a few years older than Sid.

“…a menace, and he shouldn’t be here.” The man was speaking a low, furious voice while gesturing at Zurg, who kept growling. “I’m sick of his barking. You ought to get his vocal cords clipped.”

Andy sucked in a sharp breath, because the idea of doing that to a dog horrified him. Sid sneered at the man, then spat. “I personally think we should clip _your_ vocal cords, Josh. I’m sick of listening to your mouth all the time.” The man’s face went red and Sid added coldly. “Zurg stays. If you don’t like his barking, maybe you should consider moving out.”

Josh’s hand caught the door as Sid went to slam it shut. When he spoke again, his low tone had lost its angry edge, going smoothed out and slick instead. “Now, Sid, surely we can come to some sort of... _arrangement._ If you need company, there are better options than that dog.”

Sid snarled, and jerked his arm away from where Josh’s hand was reaching out to touch. “I’ve made my feelings on _that_ clear as well. I’ve told you before-”

“Yes, yes. You’re interested in only one man.” Josh interrupted Sid, rolling his eyes. “The mysterious _A_ that no one has ever met, or even seen.” Josh’s voice had gotten derisive now, losing the seductive quality from just moments earlier. “Seriously, Sid. Lose the obnoxious pooch, forget about this guy who’s clearly never coming back, and accept my offer before I decide it’s expired.”

Having heard quite enough from Sid’s asshole of a neighbor, Andy stepped into the entrance. Josh’s eyes went to him and Sid turned to see what Josh was looking at. Zurg bounded over and Andy knelt down, happily petting the affectionate animal that licked his face. “Who’s a good boy?” He crooned, scratching behind Zurg’s ears. _“You_ are. Yes, you are. Good boy, Zurg.”

Then he stood and walked over to stand beside Sid. With a cold smile, he held out his hand. “Hello. Josh, was it? I’m Andy. Nice to meet you.” There was a moment when Josh began to reach for his hand, then Andy added a little snarkily. “That’s Andy with an _A,_ by the way.”

Sid sucked in a sharp breath, clearly stunned, and Josh froze. Andy waited a moment, then dropped his hand with a shrug. “Well, fine. Be that way. Given your comment a minute ago, I assumed you’d like to meet me. Guess not.” He looked over at Sid and asked. “You almost done dealing with this guy? I’d like to finish catching up.”

Sid looked over at Josh, then back at Andy. He smirked and said. “Yeah, I’m done.” Then he slammed the door shut, right in Josh’s stunned face.

There was a pause, then Andy and Sid both began to laugh. By the time they were done, Sid was leaning against the door for support and Andy had collapsed to the floor, where Zurg had proceeded to bark and lick him, making him laugh that much more. Sid finally caught his breath enough to be able to haul his dog off of Andy, who was sitting on the floor, breathless and flushed. He had to look away from the younger man, who was utterly breathtaking right then, swallowing hard. His cock was suddenly uncomfortably hard, and the zipper on his jeans was pressing almost painfully against it, but there wasn’t much he could do about that fact. He’d always wanted Andy. It was nothing new.

Andy looked up, and his breath caught in his throat. He knew what the look on Sid’s face meant. He’d seen it often enough when they’d been together, usually right before Sid pinned him to the nearest handy surface - horizontal or otherwise - and kissed him until he was achingly hard and begging for more. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Andy pushed to his feet. He rubbed at the back of his neck, unsure what to do about the tension now rising between them. He and Sid were both looking away, and even Zurg seemed to sense that something was different; he sat down and just looked between the two of them, curious.

“I, uh…” Andy still had questions; he knew he did. He just...couldn’t seem to remember any of them. Shaking his head, he mumbled. “I should go.”

“Right.” Sid cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders. “I’ll go get the ornament.”

“No.” Sid paused in the act of turning, looking back at Andy in confusion. “I…I don’t know how Molly will take it if I bring it back to the house. You should bring it yourself.”

Fear showed instantly in those green eyes. “Andy…” He shook his head. “Do you honestly think that’s a good idea? I don’t want to get into a fight with your mom, or your sister.”

“You won’t.” Andy said firmly. “Just come by the house. Um, not tomorrow. We’ve got stuff planned tomorrow, so we won’t be home. The day after. It’ll be fine.”

“Andy…”

But Andy had made up his mind and said. “If you’re serious about wanting me back...if you’re serious, then you’ll be there, ornament in hand, day after tomorrow.” He paused, then added. “I want to get to know you again, Sid. I can tell you’ve changed, but before I can decide if I want to risk this I need to know how much.”

Quite suddenly, Andy was being pushed back against the wall. He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wide as he stared at Sid, who was pinning him gently in place. His hands were locked down at his sides, one on either side of his hips, and Sid had one knee tucked between Andy’s thighs. Sid leaned in and brushed his mouth lightly over Andy’s in a tender caress. Seconds later, he released Andy completely and stepped back. Andy blinked, feeling remarkably dazed for such a chaste kiss. But then, considering Sid had always been pushy and demanding, it was no wonder he was so shocked.

“I’ll be there.” Sid promised, rousing Andy from his stupor. “Just don’t let Molly kill me, okay?”

Andy couldn’t help smiling at that. “She might try, but I promise I won’t let her succeed.”

Before Andy could second guess himself, he walked over and curled one hand around the back of Sid’s neck. He savored the way Sid went still and a little wary, dragging the older man’s mouth to his own. He backed Sid up against his own front door even as he slicked his tongue over Sid’s mouth, relishing the way Sid jolted against him in surprise. Because Sid had always been in control before, but Andy had gotten Sid’s unspoken message loud and clear. _He_ was the one in control now. It was something new, and intriguing, and Andy couldn’t help wanting to test it out. Just a little.

He angled his head, licking deftly past Sid’s teeth to relearn his mouth. The taste of menthol and tobacco and _Sid_ made him moan softly; he had missed that unique combination of flavors. Sid shivered against him, kissing back but not trying to take control. He seemed perfectly content to let Andy take whatever he wanted, tipping his head back just a little and offering his mouth unabashedly. After only a few minutes, Andy lifted his head. He was panting, and so was Sid, and somehow that wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Andy huffed out a little laugh, leaning in to rest his forehead against Sid’s. He wasn’t sure when exactly it had happened, but he was the same height as Sid now, which was interesting as well.

“You’ve gotten better at that.” Sid sounded breathless and a little impressed, and Andy couldn't help the soft laugh that bubbled up. Sid snickered a little as well and Andy didn’t bother fighting the smile curving his lips.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Andy told him a few seconds later, though it was hard to sound firm when his voice was low and husky, betraying his desire.

Sid just laughed, eyes sparkling. “I didn’t think it did." He assured Andy, relaxing back against the door and smiling easily. “Chemistry was never our problem. It was just…”

“Everything else?” Andy asked dryly, earning him another burst of laughter. He rubbed his nose against Sid’s, then kissed him again, quick and hard, before saying. “I mean it, though. I don’t want you thinking this means anything other than, you know. Me still thinking you’re hot as fuck.”

Sid laughed again, turning his head to bury his face in Andy’s shoulder as he chuckled. After a moment, he lifted his head and told Andy. “I get it. I’m hot, you’re horny. It’s fine. Doesn’t mean I’m forgiven. Doesn’t make you mine again. But, while we’re working on those things, feel free to take full advantage of me. I swear I don’t mind.”

Andy grinned, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He took a step back, putting a little space between himself and Sid, then reached out and grabbed the dog tag, looking at it. “I can’t believe you still wear this.”

“How could I not?” Sid asked, shrugging and locking gazes with Andy. “I told you. I never stopped loving you, and I never stopped regretting what I’d done. You need time; I get that. But _I_ don’t. You aren’t mine anymore, but I never stopped belonging to you. I’ve never belonged to anyone else, ever.”

Andy swallowed hard again, looking away. “I should go.”

Sid nodded, gently tugging his necklace out of Andy’s grip and moving out from between the younger man and the door. “Okay. No one’s stopping you.” Then he added. “I’ll see you in a couple of days. If you want to ask me anything, just ask Hannah for my number. Or, if yours is still the same, I can just text you.”

Andy almost asked why Sid still had his number, but at the last second he stopped himself. Instead, he said. “It’s the same.” Then he reached for the doorknob. After opening the door, he spoke without turning around. “If you hurt me again…”

“I know.” Because Sid did. Andy didn’t need to make any threats; not really. In a matter-of-fact tone, Sid added. “I’d cut my own heart out before I did anything to hurt you again. And I know you’ll need time before you can believe that, but it’s true.”

Andy didn’t say anything else. He just gave one slow nod and left.

When he was gone, Sid sat down on the floor with Zurg and hugged the huge dog, murmuring. “If we’re very, _very_ lucky, then one day, he won’t leave.” Zurg let out a little bark of agreement and Sid buried his face in the dog’s fur and laughed until he cried.

It had been one hell of a day.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Author's Note:** So, here's the second chapter that had some formatting issues. While this one had _some_ formatting (unlike the previous chapter, which had none), I still elected to edit the whole thing for a smoother multi-chapter transition into the upcoming new (final) chapters.
> 
> In addition to the corrected formatting, this chapter sports smoother dialogue and better (more consistent) characterization with the new chapters I've been working on as I do my level-best to _finally_ finish this piece. Given the time-gap between the last time I worked on this and now, I'd advise rereading the _whole fic_ but, barring that, I'd say at least reread starting from Ch 15 so that the new stuff makes the most sense possible.
> 
> As ever, comments are my absolute favorite thing. Don't forget to come see me on tumblr to keep track of what I'm working on, talk fandom (or whatever else), and throw prompts at my head.
> 
> ~ Sly

Four days to Christmas, and Sid was standing somewhere he’d never expected to be again. He stared at the doorbell, sweating despite the cold bite in the air. When he’d been dating Andy, he would ring the bell four or five times in rapid succession, letting everyone inside know that it was him. Now, the idea of ringing the bell made him feel physically ill. He also felt a little like he couldn’t breathe. But he had to do this. If he left now - if he walked away from the one good thing he’d ever let himself want - he’d be the worthless coward he’d always been afraid he was. A coward who _still_ wasn’t worthy of Andy.

Steeling himself, Sid opened the screen door and knocked on the interior one. He was silently praying Andy would be the one to answer it. After all, the teenager was expecting him.

From inside, he heard a little girl voice call out. _“I got it!”_ It made Sid’s stomach clench and he desperately wanted to run. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. He-

He stared, shaking, at Molly. She’d flung the door open, a welcoming smile on her face. It fell in an instant, her blue eyes going wide and confused. Her little Kewpie-doll mouth trembled and her hands clutched at the door frame, as though she needed help to stand. Now Sid _really_ couldn’t breathe. He looked her over, taking in the little bit taller she’d gotten; the little bit more grown up her face had become. He still loved her, and his heart ached with the need to pull her into his arms and apologize.

As it was, he couldn’t speak.

His eyes landed on her arm and he sucked in a sharp breath. There, snug around her wrist, was the charm bracelet he’d bought her. The charms he and Hannah had picked out were still there, along with a couple of others she’d obviously added in the interim. But the one Sid couldn’t take his eyes off was the little silver skull. It was a symbol the ultra-girly Molly would only wear for one reason. To represent _him._

Locking eyes with her again, he managed a weak smirk and finally found his voice. “Hey, munchkin. Long time no see.”

Molly made a strangled sound, rather like a choked-back sob, and threw herself forward. As he’d half-expected to be hit, Sid nearly staggered backwards at the sudden movement - which probably would have resulted in him falling down the steps and cracking his head open. Instead, he managed to brace himself just as Molly flung herself into his arms. She clung to him, even as he went down on one knee to lessen their height difference, with her arms tight around his neck and her face buried in his shoulder. Her tiny body shook as she sobbed, arms tightening around him even more. Sid brought his arms up around her waist, hugging her back and burying his face in her sweet-smelling hair, fighting tears himself.

When she finally lifted her head, she was glaring. “I thought you were gone _forever.”_ She told him, sounding accusatory and hurt, mouth still trembling. “You…I _hated_ you for leaving us, and Andy said you didn’t love us anymore, and maybe you never _did._ But Hannah said you did, and I didn’t know who to believe, and I missed you _so much.”_

“I know.” Sid’s voice was hoarse, his throat tight with emotion. He pulled her close again, hugging her a little tighter, and said softly. “I’m so sorry. I was stupid. I shouldn’t have left. You know I love you, right, munchkin? I _never_ stopped loving you, _or_ Andy. I swear.”

“Sid.” 

Annie’s voice had them moving apart. Sid stood slowly, facing Andy’s mom with dread. Her expression was guarded, and he hated that but he understood it. “Ma’am.” He spoke softly. “I know it doesn’t fix things, or make it okay, but I’m sorry for all of the pain I caused your children. And I promise I’ll _never_ willingly hurt either of them, ever again.”

Annie’s mouth pinched and her eyes narrowed, but she nodded. “I won’t say I’m entirely pleased to see you, Sid, because I’m not a liar. Never have been, and never will be.” She sighed, her eyes softening a little. “It’s Andy and Molly’s choice if they want to give you a second chance. I won’t stand in the way of that, because Heaven knows I trust my children to make their own choices and their own mistakes. And if you prove yourself to them, I’ll happily forgive you.”

Sid nodded. “That’s more than fair, given the circumstances. Thank you.”

Suddenly Andy cleared his throat from behind his mom, then nudged past her. “Hey.” He said as he moved fully into Sid’s line of sight. “Do you want to come in?”

Sid nodded, still nervous but determined to see this through. Annie and Molly went back into the house, then Sid followed. Andy shut the door behind them while Sid hung his leather jacket on a hook near the door. Then he stood there awkwardly until Andy had finished locking the door, because he wasn’t sure what to do next. His welcome was tenuous at best and Andy’s presence seemed like the surest guarantee of not overstaying it, so Sid had no desire to walk into another room without the teen.

When Andy finished and turned around, Sid’s hands were clenched around the box his ornament was housed in and he nodded to it. “Can I…?”

“Of course.” Andy agreed, nodding towards his living room.

Molly and Annie watched silently, following Andy as he and Sid went through the doorway and took the ornament from its box to hang on the tree. Sensing their confusion, he explained. “I don’t have a tree. It seemed a shame to leave something that means so much in a box.”

Molly walked up to Sid and held out her arms. When Sid scooped her up into a hug, she told him. “I’m glad you’re back, Sid. Please don’t be stupid again.”

Sid laughed, pressing a kiss to her blonde curls, and promised. “I won’t be, munchkin. If your brother decides to take me back, I won’t let him go again. Lesson learned, I promise.”

Molly nodded as she was set back on her feet. “Good.” She glanced over at her mom. “When do we need to leave?”

Annie checked her watch. “In about fifteen minutes, angel. Which means you need to go get dressed _now_ so I’m not yelling at you for the last five minutes.”

Molly sighed, pouting, but nodded. “I have a girl scout meeting-activity-thing for Christmas. We’re bringing cookies and singing carols at a nursing home. But you’ll still be here when I get home, right? So we can catch up?”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be here.” Sid told her honestly. “But if I’m not here when you get home, we can just catch up the next time I’m over.” He glanced at Annie and added. “I intend to be around a lot from now on.”

“I look forward to hearing about what you’re doing with your life.” Annie said, a tight smile on her lips. “I also expect you to bring Hannah next time you come.” The message was clear; Annie wasn’t happy about leaving Sid and Andy alone.

Sid inclined his head in agreement as Molly hurried upstairs to change clothes. Then he sat down on the couch, not sure what else to do. Annie sighed, then walked over to him. Leaning down, she cupped his cheek in her palm, tipping his face up. “I missed you, Sid, and I like that you’re trying to make amends. That shows growth. But you know what they say. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…”

“Shame on me.” Sid finished for her, lips twitching up into a small smile. “I know. I don’t mind having to earn everyone’s trust back. I’m fully aware of having fucked up.”

And that, Annie thought, showed just how much Sid _had_ changed. It also helped some that while Hannah had avoided mentioning Sid to Andy, she had spoken quite freely about her brother with Annie. Still, she would be keeping a _much_ closer eye on Andy and Sid this time around. And if he hurt her son again, she might just kick his ass. Consequences be damned.

~*~*~*~

Andy and Sid sat in silence until Annie and Molly left a short while later. Then, very softly, Sid said. “You didn’t warn Molly.” He glanced over and caught the guilty look on Andy’s face, which was all the confirmation he needed. “That wasn’t fair of you, blindsiding her that way.”

“I wasn’t sure how she’d react.” Andy admitted, his cheeks flushing a soft, rosy color. “And I really didn’t want her to punch me or whatever. For such a little thing, she’s pretty tough.”

“That wasn’t fair to me, either.” Sid said quietly, but firmly. “She could have easily attacked, instead of reacting the way she did. I don’t appreciate being put in that position, especially without warning.”

Andy opened his mouth, a scathing retort momentarily forming on his tongue because if Molly _had_ attacked, it would’ve been Sid’s fault, not Andy’s. It would’ve been because of what _Sid_ had done, not because Andy didn’t warn his sister the older man was coming over. The words died unspoken when he realized Sid wasn’t angry, or trying to pick a fight. He was just telling Andy how he felt. So Andy just nodded, then restlessly picked at the hem of his t-shirt. He didn’t like how awkward and uncomfortable he felt. He didn’t like how difficult this was. Part of him longed, just for a moment, for the simplicity of being with Ben. Because maybe it hadn’t been as intense with Ben, but it had never been as hard, either.

It was Sid who broke the silence. “What happened with you and rich boy?” His words were taunting, but his tone was only mildly curious. “I’m guessing, since you decided to reacquaint yourself with the inside of my mouth, that things ended between you two.”

Andy nodded. “He…” Andy paused, trying to decide what to say; how honest to be. In the end, he decided there had been enough lies between them. He didn’t want to add more. “He didn’t like being in second place and I can’t say I blame him.”

Sid glanced over at Andy, surprised. “Was he? In second place, I mean. Considering everything I did, I sort of figured you hated me.”

“I wanted to.” Andy admitted, looking away again. His eyes went to the tree because it was safer than looking at Sid. “I even told myself I did for a while. It made it hurt less if I was angry with you. But I don’t think I have it in me to _really_ hate you.”

“Hannah…” Sid stopped for a moment, uncertain, then huffed out a breath and continued. “Hannah said she doesn’t think you know how to _not_ love me.”

“Hannah has a big mouth.” Andy said, making a little sound of annoyance in the back of his throat. But there was a fond smile curving his lips. “But yeah, I guess she’s right.” He flicked his eyes to Sid again, unable to resist stealing glances. “I tried, you know. To not love you anymore. I really did. I just couldn’t seem to manage it.”

Sid nodded slowly. “I never stopped loving you. I tried to move on. I dated a couple of times. Some nice guys, and some not-so-nice guys. Anything to try to get you out of my head - out of my blood- but it didn’t work. It never stuck, no matter how hard I tried.”

He reached out and brushed his hand over Andy’s cheek, locking gazes - green to blue - with the younger man and murmuring. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want to love you, though. I just hated wanting something I couldn’t have. I hated how much I missed you. How I’d see something I knew you would love, or hear a joke I wanted to tell you, and it would start hurting all over again. I kept hoping that if I moved on, it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

“Doesn’t work that way.” Andy whispered. His throat felt tight and he unconsciously leaned into Sid’s touch, nuzzling absently into his palm. “What I felt for Ben was a candle against the sun compared to how I love you. And it didn’t make anything that I felt for you - good or bad - go away.”

Sid’s pupils dilated and his tongue darted out, moistening his lips. Andy watched the flicker of silver in Sid’s mouth and had the sudden thought that the tongue stud would make a blowjob interesting. He sucked in a shaky breath, looking away quickly, because the last thing this conversation needed was him getting distracted thinking about Sid’s mouth. He could feel his heating up and silently cursed his fair skin; there was no hiding a blush. Andy wondered how, after everything that had happened, he could still want Sid. But apparently heartbreak, and time, and distance had had no effect on his dick, because Andy still wanted him just as much as ever. Maybe even more, after having been denied him for so long.

Sid’s palm and fingers curled along Andy’s jaw, his thumb stroking Andy’s cheekbone, as he spoke,low but firm. “It’s okay, you know.” When Andy’s eyes flicked up, Sid repeated himself. “It’s okay. To be attracted to me. I’m not going to jump you just because you’re eyeing me.. Whenever you’re ready, whatever you _want…_ it’s up to you. I’m just grateful for the second chance.”

Andy took another shivering breath, savoring the feel of Sid’s hand on his skin, and admitted. “I don’t want to end up hurt. And I also don’t want to hurt you.”

“Even if you decide you don’t want to be with me, I’m still grateful for this.” Sid assured him, his emerald eyes solemn. “And whatever we do between now and then will just be another memory I treasure, because you aren’t the sort of person who’s deliberately cruel. You won’t let something happen between us _knowing_ you’re going to walk away.” Dropping his eyes, Sid added. “You’re a better person than me.”

“Sid…”

Andy lurched forward, mashing his mouth rather clumsily against Sid’s, which was sort of mortifying because Andy was actually a _very good kisser._ You know, _normally._ But instead of a proper kiss, their teeth banged together, Andy’s nose crushed against Sid’s cheek, and they both toppled onto the floor as Andy’s sudden momentum unbalanced them. When they hit the floor, Andy on top of Sid, Andy groaned and hurried to scramble up. In the process, his knee slid between Sid’s legs, viciously meeting tender flesh. Sid cried out and curled into the pain and Andy froze, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him before he was forced to die from embarrassment.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” Andy whimpered pitifully, completely miserable. His face felt so hot he thought he might just burst into flames at any second. “I didn’t mean to...”

Sid laughed, then groaned in pain, then laughed again. He reached up, grabbing Andy - who was still kneeling half over Sid, straddling one of the older man’s legs - and tugged him down. Andy went willingly despite being a bit confused and found himself resting on Sid’s chest, his legs tangled with the Sid’s. His head was on Sid’s shoulder, with Sid’s arms wrapped loosely around his waist. He savored the slender press of Sid’s body against his, listening regretfully to the slightly-labored sound of Sid’s breathing. He really did feel bad about this, even if he was enjoying the end result.

“Sorry...” He mumbled into the soft skin just below Sid’s jaw, letting his tongue dart out to taste skin in a vague apology.

Sid huffed out another laugh and reassured him. “You missed _that,_ Andy. You just caught me right where my thigh meets my ass. Hurt like a bitch. Might even bruise. But...it wasn’t a knee to the balls, so no worries.”

Andy sighed in relief, relaxing completely against Sid’s chest, utterly content to lie on the floor - wedged between the couch and the coffee table - in Sid’s arms. “That’s good.” He mumbled around a yawn; he felt warm and drowsy all of a sudden and blinked rapidly to keep his eyes open. “Hmmm...sorry.”

“For yawning?” Sid asked. He slid his hands just under the hem of Andy’s t-shirt, stroking his palms smoothly over Andy’s lower back. “Don’t be stupid. If you’re tired, nap.”

“Mmmm. You _are_ comfy.” Andy said, nuzzling into Sid’s neck and enjoying the resulting quiet hitch to the older man’s breathing. “But I shouldn’t be falling asleep on a guest.”

“Even a guest who’s been your lover?” There was a teasing note to his voice that made Andy smile; he’d missed Sid’s sense of humor. “It’s not like we haven’t _slept_ together before.”

“Even still.” Andy propped his chin on his arms, which he’d folded on Sid’s chest, and smiled down at his ex. “If Mom comes home and finds me sleeping on you, on the living room floor or elsewhere, she’ll be pissed. And I don’t think that’s what either of us needs right now.”

Sid hummed thoughtfully and nodded. “Alright, I suppose that’s a fair point. In that case, what would you like to do? Did you remember those questions you had for me?”

There was a brief moment wherein Andy wondered if this was something they shouldn’t be touching for. Sid’s hands stopped moving under his shirt; those warm, calloused fingers rested lightly on heated skin rather than stroking tantalizingly as they had been, making it easier for Andy to think. At the very least, Andy knew it would be more appropriate if they weren’t touching. But if he wasn’t snuggled up close to Sid, the other man’s body heat seeping lazily into him, he’d likely be tense and anxious. Maybe it would be better or, at the very least, _easier_ to do it this way.

Taking a steadying breath, Andy turned his head to rest his cheek against his arms so he wouldn’t be looking at Sid while he talked. “Hannah told me you knew you’d be leaving me _before_ we had sex.”

Andy was holding his breath, waiting anxiously for Sid to respond. When Sid did, his voice was calm and bland; his words deliberately casual. “That wasn’t a question.”

“Why?” Andy asked and he hated how his voice came out; sharp and jagged and just a little bit splintery, like it was cracking around the edges. But he also hated that Sid was trying to act detached when this wasn’t ripping Andy up inside.

“Why what?” Sid asked, his fingers tracing small circles over the silky skin just above the waist of Andy’s jeans, and as much as Andy was pissed at Sid’s initial tone he couldn't deny that the touch was soothing.. “Why did I plan to leave? I already told you that.” Sid paused a moment, then asked. “Why did I have sex with you?”

Andy shifted his upper body, his arms moving to the sides. His palms curved over Sid’s shoulders as he hid his face in Sid’s sweatshirt. He breathed in shakily, savoring the wet-earth scent of Sid’s Phoenix body spray, and then nodded weakly. He told himself he wanted to know, but he still wasn’t sure he was ready for this. For whatever Sid might say. For whatever it might confirm: good, bad, or indifferent.

Sid took a deep breath, his heart racing loudly just below Andy’s head, and said very softly. “I loved you, Andy. I’d never loved anyone except Hannah before you and your family, and it was horrible and wonderful at the same time.”

Andy swallowed hard but remained silent, waiting for Sid to continue. After a moment, he did. “I knew I was going to have to find the strength to let you go. I wasn’t happy about it, but I loved you so what else could I do? And I resigned myself to all of the things I would lose, or lose the chance at, because I was going to let you go.”

There was another pause, during which Sid swallowed so loudly Andy could hear it. Then, in a voice that was thick with emotion, Sid said. “I couldn’t believe it when you offered me your virginity. Part of my brain was reminding me that I had to say no. That I was leaving you and it wouldn’t be fair. That this was one of those things I was going to have to accept giving up. But I…god, Andy, I just _couldn’t.”_

Andy blinked rapidly, then squeezed his eyes shut against the sting of tears. There was pain and desperation in Sid’s voice, enough to make Andy’s heart clench, but that didn’t make it okay. His own voice was tight as he tried to remain in control of his emotions, Andy asked again. _“Why?”_

Sid’s hands stopped their petting, fingers curling into fists and clenching around the fabric of Andy’s shirt, just at the small of his back. His words came out brittle; fragile; shattered. “I wanted to know what it felt like, to make you mine. To have you in _every_ way. If I was going to give up a life with you, if I was going to walk away so that you could have a chance with someone better, then I had to _know._ It made it easier to handle knowing you’d belong to someone else one day, to know for a fact that you’d been mine first.

“I wanted you _so_ much.” Andy was straining to pick up Sid’s words, which were barely more than breath now. “You have to know how impossible it was for me to say no. I wasn’t ever going to have another chance to kiss you, or touch you, or _love_ you. I needed you more than air. I needed it to be able to let you go. If I’d turned you down…I don’t know if I could have forgiven myself. I’d have regretted it forever.”

Andy pushed himself up so he was kneeling between Sid’s legs, his expression full of a questioning sadness that ran soul-deep. “You had to have known how much it would hurt me. What I would think when you left. Especially after _that._ You _had_ to have known, Sid.”

Sid pushed himself up onto his elbows, green eyes full of guilt. “I did.” He spoke softly, but without hesitation. Andy deserved nothing less than honesty, even if it hurt them both to give it. “I knew I was being selfish, and unfair, and cruel. _Nothing_ excuses that. _Nothing_ makes up for it. And I can’t ever explain how sorry I am for hurting you, but I won’t lie and say I regret that night because I _don’t.”_

Reaching up with one hand, Sid brushed his knuckles over Andy’s cheek. Andy flinched at the touch and Sid’s face twisted with remorse. “I deserve that.” Then he added. “I deserve to have you angry at me, because not only was I selfish but I don’t even regret it. I get that. I just want you to know that the reason I don’t regret that night, with you is because it was the first time I’d ever understood what it’s like to have someone love me. I _knew_ you loved me, and you _knew_ I loved you, and there was this bright, shining future laid out in front of us. I had never imagined having that before you.

“Us loving each other made you so open, and giving, and responsive. You were perfect and I wouldn’t give up that memory for anything. It’s what got me through the first few months without you, when all I wanted to do was call you and beg forgiveness.” Sid brushed his knuckles over Andy’s cheek again and this time the younger man didn’t flinch; only met Sid’s somber gaze with one just as intense and no less serious. “The memory of that night, of openly loving you, was the only thing that held me together after I broke everything apart. So don’t ask me to be sorry about it. I’d do just about anything to get you back, Andy. Anything within my ability. But I can’t be sorry about that night. I just can’t.”

“I thought y-” Andy’s breath hitched in his chest, cutting off his words for a moment before he was able to force them out. “When you said those things to me. When you _left,_ I thought…god, the most _awful_ things. I thought you’d never loved me, and that was horrible. It hurt in a way I hadn’t realized I _could_ hurt. But then I thought…”

Sid wanted to soothe the misery off of Andy’s face, but he knew he couldn’t. Andy needed to say this, whatever it was, no matter how difficult it was. He needed to get the poison out of his system. There was no chance of them healing - of working through this - until that happened. So he stayed silent, not touching Andy at all. He just waited as Andy gathered his emotions and his control; as Andy sorted out his words and chose the ones he was going to use.

For long minutes, Andy simply knelt between Sid’s knees, not touching the other boy, looking remarkably breakable for someone who had always seemed so solid; so steady. “I thought m-maybe you _had_ loved me. Bu-but maybe I had…had done something wrong. Maybe I’d been awful that night, or messed up somehow, since I didn’t know what I was doing with you, and I-” Andy’s voice broke and tears turned his bottle-blue eyes to glittering crystal. “I just. God, Sid, I _hated_ myself. I thought, if only I’d been better at it. If only I’d known what to do, then m-maybe you wouldn’t have wanted that girl. Maybe, if I’d…if I’d just been _better,_ you wouldn’t have st-stopped loving me.”

“I’m _sorry.”_ Sid said when Andy dissolved into broken sobs, his whole body shaking. “I’m sorry you _ever_ thought that, Andy. You were perfect. Do you understand? I’ve _never_ stopped loving you, and I’ve _never_ stopped wanting you, and you were _perfect_. It tore me apart, how perfect you were.

“The way you fit in my arms…” Sid couldn’t seem to stop talking, though he didn’t know if Andy was listening through his tears, or if his words were helping, or if he was making things worse. He just had to get this out. He’d been waiting a year to say these things, after all. “The way you responded to me, the way your body fit mine...it was like you were made for me. And it felt like swallowing burning glass, scorching everything in my even as I was torn apart. Bleeding from the inside out, because I was going to give you up and it _just wasn’t fair.”_

Sid’s voice was hoarse and desperate as the words kept pouring out. “How could you be so completely perfect for me - how could you fit me in every way - if I wasn’t going to get to keep you? It was the most cosmic cruelty, and one I’d never imagined. But don’t ever - don’t you _ever_ \- think you did anything wrong.”

Andy pulled in a gasping breath, hating how it trembled, before he nodded. Sid watched, feeling a hollow ache in his chest as Andy scrubbed his hands over his face, wiping at the tears he couldn’t seem to stop. He wanted to pull Andy into his arms, but he’d lost that right. Andy probably needed space right now, not Sid touching him. Sid might not have known everything about Andy, but he couldn't imagine Andy being to be receptive to comfort. Not from Sid; not yet.

After a moment, Andy mumbled. “Gonna go wash up.”

Sid watched as Andy scrambled to his feet and rushed from the room, no doubt to try to pull himself together after the emotional rollercoaster of Sid’s visit. Sid stood as well, heading for the entryway. He grabbed his jacket and tugged it on with short, sharp movements. Then he leaned against the wall near the door, waiting. It was nearly ten minutes before Andy came down the stairs. He had changed shirts, or perhaps just tugged the bulky grey sweatshirt on over the t-shirt from earlier; Sid wasn’t sure which. Either way, the thick baggy garment gave a message, loud and clear: _do not touch._ Sid knew he’d made the right choice.

“Going somewhere?” Andy asked, and Sid could see what it cost him to keep his voice steady. Though his face was scrubbed free of tears, his eyes were still red and puffy, and the strain of his emotions showed around the tight lines of his mouth.

“You need some space.” Sid said, voice soft and as unobtrusive as he could make it. “I figured I’d give it to you.”

Something hot and dangerous flashed in those bottle-blue eyes and Andy asked tightly. “You still think you know exactly what I need? Because I don’t remember asking for space.”

Sid’s lips curved up, softly rather than meanly, and he shook his head. “Don’t get all indignant on me, now. It’s been a rough day for both of us. We weren’t talking for long, but a lot got said. I think we should both take some time to absorb, and adjust, and just kind of _feel_. Obviously you’re wrung out, and I’m feeling it too.” He raised an eyebrow and added. “I don’t want to tell you what’s best for you, but if you’re going to be stubborn for the sake of it then I will. Talking this out - never mind repairing the damage I caused - is going to take time. I don’t want to push it by piling on too much at once.”

Andy bit his lip, because Sid was right. He just couldn’t help feeling like he was being abandoned all over again. He knew his eyes had to be showing his anguish even though he was trying to keep it off his face, so he figured he’d better just say it. “I don’t like feeling like you’re running out. Again.”

“Which is why I waited until you came down to leave, instead of just vanishing.” Sid said pointedly. “I didn’t want you to think I was bailing, because I’m not. I’m just giving us a break.” He met Andy’s gaze and added. “One we _both_ need right now.”

“I _know.”_ Andy ground out, feeling agitated and unhappy. “I get it. We need some downtime before we try talking again. Fine. I just hate that _your_ downtime consists of getting away from me, because all _I_ want to do is curl up in your arms and close my eyes and pretend everything is okay until it doesn’t hurt quite as much anymore.” He let his eyes flick away, muttering. “I’m so tired of this hurting all the time.”

Sid blinked, more than a little startled. “The only reason I wanted to leave is because I don’t know how much longer I can watch you hurting and _not_ hold you. I didn’t - I _don’t_ \- think you’re ready for that. If I’m wrong, just say the word and I’ll stay. I’m just trying not to push.”

Andy considered the consequences. He really did. For about ten minutes he just stood there, staring at the wall while Sid stared at him, and thought about the consequences. His mom wouldn’t be happy. Annie wanted him to take things slow with Sid; to be cautious. It would be rushing; it would be pushing; it would be running head-first off a cliff knowing that the last time you’d done it you’d fallen and almost wound up dead. But just like he had the first time around, Andy had this feeling - this intense, powerful, all-consuming feeling - that if he jumped, he could _fly_.

He locked eyes with Sid, blue to green, and realized he’d have to take this step - off solid-ground and into the empty air waiting there - at some point. Why not now? Taking a deep, bracing breath, Andy stepped off the cliff.

“Stay.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **New Author's Note** : I debated leaving the original note intact here, since it was the note written to Cal explaining that this chapter was her gift for Christmas/Solstice of 2014. However, in the end, I nixed the old note along with the old version of this chapter.
> 
> This chapter - having been written a year after the previous chapter - was in slightly better condition. It was still missing some of the formatting, though, and I still did some edits to the dialogue/narrative/characterization to bring it closer to my current level of work. Hopefully in the next day or two, I'll get the HTML coding done on Ch 18 and post that. Ch 19 is almost done being written as well! ^_^
> 
> Now, I'm not 100% on this, but there should be _approximately_ 21 or 22 chapters, plus an Epilogue. So we'll say this is probably going to clock in at a total of 23 pieces, but if shit gets wildly out of hand (as sometimes happens with my stories) I'd say no more than 25 pieces (including the epilogue) to finish it off. We're so close!  <3 And this time, I'm powering through to the end, I swear.
> 
> I do advise that those of you who've been waiting patiently (or not) for more of this do a complete reread before the new chapters start going up, especially given the changes I've made to the last three chapters, but that is - of course - up to the individual discretion of the reader. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story. If you're interested in following what I'm up to and what I'm writing at any given moment, my tumblr is the best way to do that. I can be found at everything-a-wolf-could-want over there. Feel free to come talk to me about fandom stuff or my writing (or whatever else), or throw prompts at my head in the hopes that I'll write them for you. Also keep abreast of my current fandom obsessions/leanings.
> 
> As ever, comments are love so please leave me some.<3
> 
> ~ Sly

Annie unlocked the door, nodding absently as Molly chattered beside her. “Go change out of your uniform before dinner, angel.” She said, gesturing towards the stairs. As Molly hurried up them, Annie wondered where Andy was.

She glanced back outside and didn’t see Sid’s car, but then, she didn’t remember seeing it earlier. It was possible he’d gotten a new car, but she didn’t see any cars she didn’t know, either. Shaking her head, she headed towards the kitchen. As she passed the living room, the sounds of some insipid Christmas movie floated out and she paused. Deciding she would start dinner _after_ she checked on Andy, she stepped into the room and immediately tensed.

Her heart did a little flip in her chest at the sight that greeted her. Andy and Sid were curled up on the loveseat, sound asleep. Sid was sprawled on his back, head resting on one arm of the sofa. One of his long legs was dangling over the other arm, while his other leg hung off the front of the couch, foot braced on the floor. Andy was laying on top of Sid, curled up like a small child or a sleepy kitten, with his head on Sid’s chest. Sid’s arms were locked around Andy and both boys were breathing deep and even.

For a moment, Annie was worried and angry all at once. She and Andy had talked about this; about not rushing back into things with Sid. But then she noticed the worn looks on both boys’ faces, and the puffy redness around Andy’s eyes that betrayed tears. Knowing her son as well as she did, it only took a few seconds for Annie to piece together what must have happened. Clearly Sid and Andy had talked...and it had exhausted them both. Annie knew that when Andy was upset, he typically wanted to snuggle.

It didn’t even matter who or what he was upset about, or because of. He just wanted to curl up in the arms of someone he loved until he felt better. She and Molly had been out. Sid had been there. It wasn’t surprising he’d settled in and fallen asleep. The fact that Sid was clinging to Andy even while unconscious, and that he’d fallen asleep himself, just highlighted how much their talk had clearly taken out of both of them. It went a long way towards soothing Annie’s anger, but not her worry.

She trusted Andy, and his judgement. She really did. But Andy was in love and love made fools of all men; she knew that better than most. So while part of Annie wanted to step back and let Andy handle this in his own way, however he saw fit, the rest of her was worried and nervous and desperately wanted to lock Andy away until _she_ was ready for him to be with Sid again. Which was probably going to be never.

Sighing and shaking her head, she walked over to the sofa and stroked Andy’s cheek. Always a light sleeper, those deep blue eyes fluttered open right away. When they locked on Annie and widened, a dull flush spreading over Andy’s cheeks, Annie whispered. “Meet me in the kitchen, baby boy. We obviously need to talk.”

Andy’s face flushed a darker red but he nodded. Annie sighed and shook her head, walking out of the room. It took Andy a few minutes to follow, since he had to untangle himself from Sid without waking the older boy up. When he finally wandered into the kitchen, Annie was halfway through making dinner. She gave him a pointed look, raising an eyebrow before nodding towards the table. Andy sat, nervously twisting his hands together, and waited for his mom to lecture him.

Instead, Annie asked. “What did you two talk about?”

Andy swallowed hard, hands still tangling and untangling restlessly on the table in front of him. “We talked about...about what happened. Last year. Why, and how I felt afterwards, and how he felt after, and...well. We just talked about stuff. _Us_ stuff.”

Annie nodded, stirring the pasta sauce in front of her. Then she sighed and turned to look at Andy with worried blue eyes. “Baby, you know I love and trust you. But I’m worried that maybe you love Sid too much to think clearly about this.”

“I know.” Andy’s lips twitched up into a weary smile and he admitted. “I’m worried about that, too. That I love him so much that I’m not seeing him properly. That I’m painting him with new colors that aren’t really there. But I also can’t help how I feel. And Mom, it feels _right.”_

Annie put down her spoon, walking over and carding a hand through Andy’s thick hair. “Oh, baby boy. I’m just worried. You know I won’t interfere. This is your relationship; it’s your heart. So it’s your choice. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

Andy nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into his mom’s touch with a sigh. “I don’t think he’ll hurt me again, though. I really don’t. I think-”

Andy cut himself off and opened his eyes, looking up at Annie, all seriousness and earnest emotion. “No, I _know_ that Sid is it for me. Mom, he’s the one. I’m not together with him yet, but I _will be._ I know that. When I’m ready, when I feel like we’re on the same page again, I will be. And I don’t know how long that’s going to take, or what’s going to happen with us between now and then, but I know that I love him and, eventually, we’ll be together.”

“Eventually.” Annie said the word with a strange inflection and a wary look on her face. “I get the feeling that _eventually_ is going to wind up being a lot sooner than I’d like.”

Andy tugged the corner of one lip into his mouth, chewing on it thoughtfully for a moment before he sighed and shrugged. “Maybe? I...I don’t know. I’m trying not to rush into this. I’m trying to...to keep things calm and steady this time. But...”

His mom’s face softened, because something in Andy’s eyes was tugging at her heart. Something that was a mix of hope and love and fear, in the best possible combination. “But?”

“But I don’t know if we _can_ go slow.” A small, sheepish smile played across Andy’s lips. “I just feel like I’m being tugged in his direction, all the time, no matter how hard I try to resist. To be honest, it’s not something I _want_ to fight. I don’t want to be away from him anymore.”

“And when you leave for college?” Annie leaned against the table, pinning her son with a steady gaze. “Do you expect Sid to follow behind you like a puppy, or to wait for you? Do you even want that? Do you want to have him waiting at home for you, curtailing your life from a distance while you’re still so young? Are you ready for that sort of commitment?”

“Yes.” And Andy’s soft voice was so full of conviction - so unwaveringly certain - that Annie accepted this wasn’t a fight she would win.

“Just...be careful.” Andy simply nodded.

~❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄~

Andy went to wake Sid up, uncertain if the older man would stay for dinner or flee. Green eyes opened and the softest look Andy had ever seen settled on Sid’s face as he smiled sleepily up at him. Andy sucked in a startled breath as Sid reached up and curled a hand around the back of his neck, tugging him down into a kiss. Sid’s mouth was soft beneath his, lips warm and slightly parted, and Andy’s hands cupped Sid’s face without thought as he sank deeper into the sweet kiss. He couldn’t remember it ever being like this: tender and slow and _perfect._

He couldn’t bite back a small whimper when Sid’s mouth slowly yielded to the pressure of his, letting Andy’s tongue slip between his lips to taste him. This... _this_ was what they had been missing. Not a flash-fire; not heat and need and desperation. No, this was a slow burn. This was desire, but tempered by love and the understanding of what it was like to be without it; without each other. This was everything Andy had wanted from Sid the first time around - warmth, and tenderness, and passion that didn’t hurt just as much as it soothed, the way everything between them always had.

Andy drew back from the kiss just as slowly as he’d sunk into it, and Sid let him with only a soft sigh of disappointment. Then he just stared up at Andy, who was kneeling beside the couch they’d both fallen asleep on earlier. “Thought you were a dream for a minute.” Sid’s voice was a sleepy rasp. “Glad you’re not.”

Andy’s mouth pulled up at the corners and he leaned in to rest his forehead against Sid’s, savoring the way their breath mingled in the close warmth between their mouths. “Does that mean you’ll stay for dinner, then?”

“Hmmm?” Sid was smiling at Andy for a moment, still sleepy and a little confused. The next, he cursed and sat bolt-upright, nearly knocking Andy clean on his ass as he jerked backwards to avoid being headbutted. “Shit, what time is it?”

“Uh, I dunno. Six-ish?” He watched as Sid scrambled for his phone, cursing repeatedly under his breath, and frowned. “You got somewhere to be or something?” The frantic way Sid was acting put Andy in mind of someone late for a date. He didn’t like that thought at all.

“Work.” Sid explained, shooting Andy an apologetic - if still frantic - look. “God, I’m sorry, Andy. I’d love to stay, I really would, but I’ve got a late defense class at seven today. It’s my last one before Christmas and we’re having a little party - to celebrate the ladies who are moving on to the next level class after the holidays - and I’ve got to go or I’m going to be late.”

Andy relaxed immediately. Of course Sid was panicking about being late for work. Anyone would. “Are you coming back over soon?”

Sid paused in the act of tugging his shoes back on, glancing up at Andy in surprise. “Of course. I, ah...I work tomorrow. Long day, actually. But then I’m off until after Christmas. So.”

 _“So._ Does Christmas Eve work for you?” Andy asked, slipping his thumbs into the front pockets of his jeans to keep his fingers from twisting nervously together. “Hannah’s already coming over.”

“Sounds perfect.” Sid finished tying his laces and stood up, leaning in to drop a quick kiss on Andy’s full lips. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

Andy watched Sid head for the doorway, then called out at the last second. “S-sid? I love you.”

Sid paused mid-stride, then turned to level a heart-stopping smile at Andy over his shoulder. “Love you, too, Davis. Never stopped.” He winked, then stepped out of the room.

Andy stood next to the loveseat in the living room until he heard Sid say goodbye to his mom and head out the front door. Then he sank slowly down onto the cushions, his legs too weak to support him, and pressed two fingers to his tingling lips. As a slow smile curved his lips, he closed his eyes and silently thanked whatever deity it was that had seen fit to give Sid back to him. He’d never been happier.

~❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄~

Sid rushed into the room he taught his defense class in, flushed and a little bit later than he would have liked. He wasn’t _actually late,_ but most of his students were already there - happily snacking on the refreshments set out on a table along one wall - and he didn’t like when they arrived first and had to wait on him. It seemed unprofessional to him, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. It wasn’t as though none of the other activity-teachers ever kept their classes waiting for a few minutes. Sid figured that punctuality was just a weirdly obsessive quirk of his.

Maddie - one of the girls who was graduating after the holidays - ran over to hug him, quickly shoving the rest of the red-and-green frosted cupcake she’d been munching on into her mouth, chewing and swallowing hastily as she hurried to his side. “Sid! You had us worried. You’re _never_ late. Is everything okay?”

She stepped back and let her eyes drift over him - taking in his rumpled clothes and flushed cheeks and the happy light in his eyes - and her eyebrows winged up even as she laughed _“Oooh._ So you were late because something is _right,_ not wrong. And here we thought you’d sworn off dating after that last guy. Jeff or John or whoever. So, what’s his name?”

Sid’s cheeks flushed darker, but he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “His name is absolutely none of your business. And _I_ thought _you_ were on a diet.” He poked her flat stomach and added. “Not that you need to be on one, of course.”

“Speaking of things that aren’t someone’s business.” Maddie stuck her tongue out at Sid and added with a cheeky, over-the-top wink. “My love affair with that cupcake is not open for discussion.”

Sid laughed, the sound joined by a feminine giggle that had him and Maddie both turning their heads. “You’ve got to tell us who the guy is, though.” Lindy was a newer member of their class, but she’d easily made friends with everyone and was delightfully blunt. “Everyone knows the next best thing to having great sex is talking about it and those of us _not_ having it demand vicarious thrills.”

Maddie nodded enthusiastically. “Agreed. I absolutely demand you dish. What’s his name? How old is he? What does he look like? How did you meet? Tell us _everything.”_

“Well...”

Part of Sid wanted to refuse; to keep his personal life very much separate from his work life. But the girls were eager and staring at him with pleading eyes, and the others in the class were shifting closer, apparently just as interested as Lindy and Maddie were in hearing about this. Sid had never had this. This ability to share something thrilling and lovely with others. With people who actually _cared._ The women in his class wouldn’t just be happy for him. They would squeal and giggle and gush, celebrating his good fortune. And a very large part of Sid wanted that.

“We’ve known each other since we were kids, actually. He’s Hannah’s age, so not-quite eighteen.” Sid admitted this a little sheepishly, because coming right out and saying his boyfriend wasn’t _exactly_ legal yet was sort of embarrassing. Not to mention that their relationship hadn’t exactly been stellar, and the majority of that had been entirely Sid’s fault. “We dated for a little while a year ago, but I completely fucked it up and lost him.”

The girls cooed sympathetically, and Sid ducked his head while blushing because it was sweet how much they cared, though he had no doubt that if he told them _how_ he’d lost Andy, they’d collectively kick his ass. So instead of going into details, he pushed on.

“He was dating this utter jackass - some rich snot I wanted to punch the moment I met him - and I’m pleased to say I played a part in ending that, just by showing back up in his life.” The girls gave little cheers and Sid laughed. “Yeah, well. If he’d been a decent guy who made Andy happy, I might have left it alone, but Hannah said Andy wasn’t happy, so.”

Maddie hummed thoughtfully. “Andy...as in, A.D.?” Sid nodded - he had forgotten the girls knew about that little secret - and another rousing cheer went through the group. “So are the two of you back together, then? I demand to see a picture of the guy who’s kept your heart all this time!”

Sid pulled out his phone, still explaining. “We’re not officially together. _Yet._ I fucked up majorly the first time around, like I said. So he’s still working on forgiving me. But we’re getting there.”

He flicked quickly through his phone, finally pulling up a picture. He’d resisted looking at it for a very long time after New Year’s Eve, and it was one he’d never shown anyone before. He’d taken it the morning after Andy had spent the night at his house for the first time, back at the very beginning of their relationship. Andy was wearing a pair of Sid’s boxers and nothing else, tangled up in Sid’s sheets, still soundly asleep. The flash - or maybe the shutter sound, Sid wasn’t sure - had woken him up, and Andy had wrestled Sid for his phone, demanding the photo be erased. But Sid had kissed the other boy into submission and the picture had never been deleted, transferring over to his new phone when he’d gotten it. He handed the phone over, letting the girls pass it around.

Ali - another young woman in his class, who had wandered closer during his story while nibbling absently on a gingerbread man - made a soft sound of approval as Lindy held the phone up, letting her see Andy in all his slumbering glory. “Wow. He’s like, wow.” She made a little growling noise, setting the rest of the class to giggling again. “Yummy. Good job, Sid.”

“I second that, though I feel a bit like a pervy old lady saying it. He’s what, like six years younger than me? Oh gosh.” Maddie took the phone back from Lindy, admiring the gleaming golden skin and sleek muscles of the teen, then shifted her gaze to his boyish face, relaxed as it was in sleep. “What color are his eyes?”

“Blue.” Sid said softly, reaching out to take his phone back. He flicked through the pictures again, stopping on one of Andy and Hannah’s faces, the two of them smiling widely for the picture. He held it out again, happy to show off Andy’s gorgeous self. “Bluest damned eyes I’ve ever seen, in fact.”

Lindy whistled. “I’ll say.” She grinned at Sid and wiggled her eyebrows. “He really is gorgeous. So, when do we get to meet him?”

“Uh, never?” Sid said, laughing when the whole group protested - in unison and quite loudly. “I’m joking! I was actually considering inviting him to the gym’s New Year’s party. So you can all meet him then. Assuming he agrees. To come, I mean.”

With that promise, talk turned easily to holiday plans and Sid relaxed into the party. His life was, if not quite perfect, then definitely getting there.

~❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄~

Two days to Christmas found Hannah curled up on Sid’s couch with a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of store-bought frosted sugar cookies. Not that she was complaining about them being store-bought. Sid was a passable cook, but she wasn’t sure she’d trust something he’d baked all by himself. Sid was pacing restlessly in front of her, with Zurg pacing excitedly beside him. Hannah watched him in silent amusement for a long while, but finally she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay, seriously, Sid?” Her tone was exasperated, but fond. “You’re going to wear a hole in the carpet if you don’t stop. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Sid rounded on Hannah with a horrified, fearful look on his face. _“What’s wrong?_ Hannah, we’re going to Andy’s house tomorrow!”

Hannah raised an eyebrow, struggling not to grin at her brother’s distress. “Yes, we are. I thought you viewed that as a good thing, not the end of the world as we know it. Why are you freaking out?”

“Do I buy him a present?” Sid asked, finally joining his sister on the couch. Zurg flopped down at his feet with a loud _‘wuff’_ and a quick tail-wag before settling. “If I’m supposed to, what kind? Something impersonal like a CD? Something like what I got him last year? Something in between?”

Green locked to green and Hannah’s laughter died in her throat at the desperation she could see in her brother’s eyes. “Hannah, what am I _doing?_ I’m going to fuck this up again. I’m going to _lose him_ again.”

“No, you’re not.” Hannah told him, her voice firm despite the soft, understanding look on her face. “You can get Andy whatever you want, or nothing at all. Whatever you decide is up to you. Andy will either accept your decision or not, but he doesn’t have set expectations for this. You’re both sort of flying blind here.He’s as nervous and uncertain and lost as you are.”

When Hannah set her plate of cookies and her mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table and opened her arms, Sid hesitated for only a moment before curling into her warmth. He was older than her, yes, but in that moment he didn’t feel like it. He felt young, and scared, and confused beyond measure. His sister was a rock; a steady source of love and support, just as she’d been through everything. She hadn’t approved of what he’d done to Andy when he’d ended things - and she’d been more than vocal about that - but she’d accepted that the choice had been made and he wasn’t going to change his mind. Then, when he had, she’d been supportive of that as well.

Hannah was everything Sid had always believed he couldn’t be and she’d slowly been teaching him how to be that way, too. She had taught him how to listen, and how to comfort, and how to be someone others could lean on. Sid had done his best to learn; to be there for her in a way their parents never had been for either of them. And now he willingly let her repay the favor, burying his face in the curve of her neck even as her arms came around him. Her delicate hands stroked soothingly along the curve of his back as he trembled. 

If nothing else, he would have Hannah with him through the following day. If nothing else, he wouldn’t be alone.

~❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄♥❄~

After Hannah had gone home, Sid headed to the mall, determined to pick up gifts for Molly, Annie, and Andy. The two females were relatively easy for Sid to shop for, much as that might have surprised some people. Andy, however, presented a challenge. Not even the same sort of challenge as the year before, when he’d had to figure out just how much of what he felt he was allowed to show. No, this was a new challenge. This was, _‘What the hell do you buy someone you love, who caught you fucking someone else less than a year ago and is somehow, miraculously, forgiving you and giving you another chance?’_ Because Sid didn’t think there was a section for that in _any_ store, and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask a salesperson.

When Sid finally figured out what he wanted to get Andy, it was _crazy._ Crazy, and outrageous, and in no way acceptable. It was also stupid. _Incredibly_ stupid. Mind-numbingly, impossibly stupid. He shouldn’t even be thinking it, let alone actually going through with it. He _shouldn’t._ He should think of something else. Or nix gift-giving altogether. Either one would be better than doing this; than being this ridiculously insane.

But once the idea was in his head, Sid couldn’t shake it back out again.

Crazy or not, he knew what he was getting Andy. Even if it was thrown back in his face. Even if Andy ended things between them. Even if he wound up devastatingly heartbroken. _This was it._ He’d made up his mind and all that was left for Sid to do was wait.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yes, folks! As-promised, here's the newest chapter of NSID. I _know_ this was a long time coming, and I promise there's more on the way. Come hell or high water, I'm finishing this bitch. :P
> 
> Now, for those of you who missed it...I edited the previous three chapters and made some (not insignificant) changes. I really advise rereading the whole of the fic, solely because of how long it's been since the last update, but at the very least I'd suggest rereading the last three chapters. Or, better yet, reading from at least Chapter 12 onwards, since that's where the second arc of the story starts. It's really up to the reader, of course, but...well, reading the whole thing would probably be the best bet for everything making sense.
> 
> As per the norm, I remind you all that comments are love and leaving me some would be just perfect. Also, if you'd like to know what I'm currently up to/writing at any give time, ask questions about my work, talk fandom (or anything else), or throw prompts at my head, my tumblr's the place for that. (( everything-a-wolf-could-want )) I do hope you enjoy the newest installment of NSID.
> 
> ~ Sly

Hannah pulled up in front of Andy’s house, eyes scanning the street for Sid’s vehicle. Had she beaten him? She spotted him a second later, already walking towards her car. He’d seen her before she’d seen him, clearly; he’d probably watched her park. She got out of the car and raised an eyebrow, doing a quick little pirouette in front of him to show off her outfit. Since they lived apart, he hadn’t had a chance to see what he’d paid for a week earlier when he’d given her a hundred dollars and told her to treat herself.

The vintage-style dress was a deep emerald green, made primarily of taffeta. The full skirt rustled softly every time she moved, making her feel elegant and ladylike. A green velvet sash circled her slim waist, tying in a simple bow just above her left hip. The skirt reached all the way to her knees, held out in a subtle flair with two layers of tulle. The taffeta sweetheart bodice shifted almost-seamlessly into more velvet, which came up two inches higher (preventing cleavage) and curling over her shoulders and upper-arms in little cap sleeves. Her feet were encased in sling-back taffeta shoes of the same color, each of which had a four-loop bow decorating the front. The four inch heels could have been deadly to walk in if the weather hadn’t been so mild, but with neither snow nor ice Hannah had deemed them safe enough. She was wearing the silver butterfly hoops Annie had given her the previous Christmas in her ears, but no other jewelry. Her hair - longer than it had been the year before - was pulled up into a pile of soft curls at the top of her head.

Sid leaned down and kissed her cheek lightly. “You look fantastic.” He smiled and touched one velvet sleeve gently, adding. “Very proper. I like that.”

Hannah laughed, hooking her arm through his and giving him a teasing look from under her eyelashes. “I had a feeling you would. I’ll be wearing this to your New Year’s party at the gym, too, so I figured I’d better look respectable.” She tightened her hand, letting her acrylic nails - black-tipped emerald green - dig briefly into his leather jacket and said. “You look pretty nice yourself.”

Sid was wearing black slacks and a green button-up shirt that was nearly the same color as her dress. The color did wonders for their matching green eyes, so Hannah wasn’t surprised. She _was_ surprised by the slim black-on-black striped tie Sid was wearing, though not by the dogtag peeking out from under it. By the way Sid’s fingers were twitching, he was itching for a cigarette. Hannah figured he’d only beat her by a minute or two and hadn’t had time to smoke one before she’d shown up. She briefly considered letting him smoke before they went inside, then decided the nerves might do him some good. Tightening her fingers again, she gave a not-so-subtle tug in the direction of the house.

The hand Hannah wasn’t immobilizing clenched around the strap of the black messenger bag slung over Sid’s left shoulder. She knew it held his gifts to Andy and his family. Her gifts were already tucked safely under the Davis family tree, as they had been for a week. Last year, she had been just as nervous and uncertain as Sid still was. Now, she was confident in her place - both in this house, and in Andy’s life in general. It was a nice feeling, and a small part of her felt sorry for Sid because he’d given that up before he’d ever really had it. A larger part of her felt like he’d needed to - had needed to suffer afterwards - in order to grow up and become someone worthy of Andy. And the rest of her was vindictively pleased he was still so uneasy, because he’d hurt her best friend and deserved to suffer just a little bit longer.

Not that she’d ever say that out loud. At least, not to anyone other than Annie and Andy.

Sid hesitated when they reached the steps, so Hannah rolled her eyes and pushed past him. “If you’re going to be a baby the whole night, maybe you should just go home.”

He started to defend himself, but stopped when Hannah unlocked the Davis’ door and opened it. “You have a key? Since when?”

“Since none of your damned business.” Hannah retorted, stepping inside and calling out. “Mom! Sid and I are here.”

As Annie entered the hallway, wiping her hands on an apron that was protecting the simple black dress she had on, Sid followed his sister inside and closed the door behind himself. Hannah hugged Annie, then nudged Sid out of her way so she could go find Andy. “I’ll be back when I’ve helped him stop tearing his own hair out.”

Sid’s lips twitched up at the corners even as Annie laughed outright. Then Hannah was gone and it was just the two of them, alone in the hall. “Um, hi.” Sid shuffled his feet awkwardly for a second, then set his bag on the floor so he could hang his jacket on a hook. “I’m just going to put the presents under the tree. If that’s okay, I mean.”

Annie tipped her head to the side, studying Sid’s anxious face. This fear was different from what he’d felt when she’d met him the year before. This wasn’t because he felt out of place. It was because he was sorry and was terrified he wouldn’t be forgiven. Annie kept her face neutral, not quite ready to soften towards Sid. She knew Andy had forgiven him, and that was fine; that was his choice. Hers as a mother was to protect her children, even when they didn’t think they needed it. So she followed him into the living room, leaning against the arm of the couch as he carefully placed three gifts under the tree.

One of them, she noted with interest, was very small. The little square was wrapped in silver paper, with a pretty blue bow on it, covering the entire top of the gift. The others were a bit larger and Annie found herself curious about what Sid had given them this year. He had surprised her last year; would he do so again? She watched him straighten back up, setting the bag out of the way, on the floor, tucked up tight to one of the end tables. Sid turned around and met her gaze levelly. He was still anxious; he still wanted to run. But he didn’t back down, or cower, and Annie respected that.

Her eyes flicked to the gifts again, and she said slowly. “I don’t know how to feel about you and Andy, Sid. I gave you the benefit of the doubt the first time around, for a lot of reasons. I have faith in Andy’s judgment, and in Hannah’s, and they both seem to have forgiven you. I’m not sure I’m there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me.” Sid’s voice was soft, but unwavering. “I didn’t expect Andy to forgive me, either, but I’m grateful he has. Or that he’s trying to, at least. That means the world to me. I don’t deserve another chance. Not after what I did. I know that, and please, don’t ever think I don’t. _I know._ But I love Andy and I always will, and I’ll spend however long he lets me - whether that’s today, or the rest of our lives, or somewhere in between - trying to make it up to him.”

Someone cleared their throat and both Sid and Annie turned to see Andy and Hannah in the doorway. Andy was wearing a deep blue sweater - the same one he had on in the picture Sid had in his photo album from Annie - and dark blue jeans. Sid felt his throat tighten as he noticed the small glass vial resting against the front of Andy’s sweater. Taking a steadying breath, Sid let a smile curve his lips and crossed the room slowly, giving Andy plenty of time to move away from if he wanted to.

“You look gorgeous.” Sid said, leaning in with the intention of brushing his lips across Andy’s cheek in a chaste - if slightly intimate - greeting.

Andy’s eyes sparkled as he turned his head, catching Sid’s lips with his own. Sid froze, but made no move to pull away, so Andy pressed their mouths closer together. After a few seconds, Sid relented. One hand came up, palm curling along Andy’s cheek and jaw, and he parted his lips, letting Andy deepen the kiss. Andy’s hands settled lightly on Sid’s hips, and he let his tongue skim lightly over the older man’s for a moment before pulling back. Sid tasted _different._ Like sharp mint and a hint of coffee, which wasn’t unpleasant at all, but something was missing.

Andy frowned for a minute before he figured out what it was,blurting it out before he could think the words through. “You haven’t smoked since you brushed your teeth.”

Sid blinked in surprise, then one corner of his mouth twitched up into a smirk. “Missing the taste of tar and cancer, Davis?”

Andy laughed nervously, his cheeks flushing a soft pink as he shrugged. “Not _missing_ it, exactly. It’s just that I associate that taste with you.”

Sid’s smirk grew and he leaned in, purring softly. “You _like_ it, don’t you? Want me to go smoke one so you can kiss me again? Can’t have you jonesing for a fix.”

Laughing for real this time, Andy pressed both hands against Sid’s chest and shoved him gently away. “Stop being a jerk. Did you say hi to Molly yet?”

“No, I haven’t seen her.” Sid said, letting Andy put space between them without protest. Annie was watching them with a faint frown and Hannah was on the far side of the room, messing with the stereo and a stack of Christmas cds. “Is she in her room?”

Andy shrugged. “I don’t know, but I think so. She must not realize you're here or she'd have come down.” He smiled at Annie, choosing to ignore her disapproval for the moment. “Need help in the kitchen, Mom?”

Annie watched her son for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Alright, fine. Kitchen.”

Andy rolled his eyes as Annie walked out of the living room, then pressed a quick kiss to Sid’s mouth. “She’ll come around. I promise. Go say hi to Molly.”

Andy followed his mom unhurriedly and Sid blew out a sharp breath before shrugging at Hannah and going to find Molly.

~*~*~*~

Andy leaned against the kitchen counter, a small smile curving his lips as he watched his mom glaze a ham with more vengeance than any dinner required. “So...” He laughed at the frosty look she shot him, shrugging helplessly but unable to keep the grin off his face. “What? You’re allowed to be angry at him, Mom. I’m not gonna say you’re not. But I’m allowed to forgive him, and I’m allowed to love him, and I’m allowed to be happy that I’ve got him back in my life.”

“Peel the potatoes.” Annie snapped as she shoved the ham into the oven, closing the door a little more forcefully than necessary. The she sighed, letting her shoulders slump, when Andy’s arms circled her waist from behind, his chin resting on the top of her head. “I’m sorry, baby boy. I’m trying, I am. I just...I look at the two of you, and I see the way you look at him, and I picture you the way you were last year. I see the tears, and the sleepless nights, and the pain you carried around all the time and-”

“I know.” Andy cut his mom off as she turned in his arms, then hugged her tightly, smiling at how much taller than her he was as she snuggled into his chest. “I get it, and I’m not saying you need to be all sunshine and rainbows with him. But a little less open hostility would be nice. Keep in mind that I love him, and that I wasn’t the only one carrying around pain for the last year, and that forgiving him doesn’t mean it’s all forgotten and swept away. It just means I want to move past it.”

“You’re oddly wise.” Annie said, voice a little muffled against his sweater. “How’d that happen?”

Andy pressed a kiss to the top of his mom’s head before he answered. “It happened because I have you for a mom, and you’re always giving me good advice.”

Annie laughed, leaning back in Andy’s arms to shoot him a fondly exasperated look. “Suck up.” She chided, stepping out of Andy’s embrace a moment later. “Alright. I’ll try harder. For _your_ sake.”

“Thank you.” Andy meant it, too. Annie’s disapproval would make things with Sid so much harder than they were already going to be, and he didn’t want that. He reached out and took the vegetable peeler she’d just picked up, adding softly. “I’ll peel the potatoes.”

Annie just smiled.

~*~*~*~

Sid knocked lightly on the door frame to Molly’s room. Her door was open, but he still wasn’t going to just walk in on her. That blonde head came up, and a wide smile spread across her sweet face. “Sid!”

She dropped the book she’d been reading, seemingly uncaring about losing her place, and bounded across the room to hug him. “I didn’t realize you were here already.”

“Just got in a few minutes ago.” Sid said, squeezing her tightly before letting go. “You look beautiful.”

He studied her, taking in her outfit - a dark blue dress with cap sleeves, velvet above the high waistline and shiny taffeta below, falling in a sleek, smooth line down to her ankles. She looked picture-perfect; like some sort of porcelain doll. The image was only enhanced by the way her hair was pulled back into a wide, Tinkerbell-esque bun, her wild curls temporarily tamed, and the soft blush of color in her pale cheeks. She’d slicked gloss over her lips, and it gave Sid a little twinge to realize she was definitely getting old enough for that sort of thing. Her charm bracelet jangled quietly on her wrist as she moved, and a pair of small sapphire studs sat in her ears, but other than that she was jewelry-free. She was a positively charming mix of grown-up and little girl that tugged at his heart. She was going to be as gorgeous as her brother - and their mom - when she finished growing. On that, Sid had no doubts.

“Hannah and Andy went downstairs?” She asked, sliding her stockinged feet into dress shoes the same color as her dress; the sort of simple flats that looked almost like ballet slippers with a hard sole.

“They did.” Sid agreed easily. Then he nodded his head towards her bed and asked. “Can we sit and talk for a minute, before we go down?”

Molly paused, as she’d already been heading towards the door. Her head tipped to the side as she studied him for a moment before nodding slowly. “Okay.” She crossed the room and perched on the edge of the pink-and-white bedspread, watching with wide blue eyes as Sid sat next to her. “What do you want to talk about?”

Sid hesitated, because he wasn’t sure how to do this. Didn’t know the rules, or the etiquette of the situation, or _anything,_ really. Didn’t know the correct way to say what he needed to say. Finally, he admitted. “I wanted to tell you that...that I’m okay with it, if you want to follow through on that threat you made a year ago. I’ll stand still for you and everything. God knows I deserve far worse.”

Molly blinked, then asked slowly. “What threat?”

“Oh.” Sid huffed out a small laugh, rolling his eyes. “I just figured you’d remember. Um, when Andy and I broke up the first time, before Christmas. I came to the house, and you opened the door and told me to go away. I had to convince you to let me in, so I could try to fix things. And you said-”

“I’d kick you, if you hurt Andy again.” Molly cut him off, eyes widening as she remembered what he was talking about. “If you made him cry. Which you _did._ So you’re going to _let_ me kick you. But...why?”

Sid bounced his leg a little, shrugging uncomfortably. “Partly because I deserve it. Partly because I never thought of it as an idle threat, and I don’t think it _should_ be one. I fu-hu-ah. I, uh... _messed_ up.” Molly snickered, clearly knowing what Sid had _almost_ said, and he kept talking quickly. “I want to be forgiven, and part of that is accepting my punishment for what I did wrong. Owning the mistake. Making it right, the best I can. So.”

After a few seconds of silence, he added. “Also, you said you’d kick me _with tap shoes._ Just...you know. In case you’d forgotten that part.”

Molly nodded, swinging her feet a little and seemingly fascinated by the tips of her shoes as she thought. “I hadn’t forgotten.” She said quietly, eyes never leaving her shoes.

For several minutes, neither of them spoke. Finally, Molly looked over at him, her cherubic face a mask of sadness and hurt, colored around the edges by anger. “It doesn’t fix things. Me kicking you, with tap shoes or not. It doesn’t _fix things_ if you let me hurt you, just because you hurt Andy, or me.” She took a shaky breath and added. “More pain isn’t going to make it better.”

“I know.” Sid said quietly, fingers clenched tight around the blanket under him. “I know that. I just...I also know that anger has to be let out. So does hurt. If you hold them in, it festers. It rots there, inside you, growing and consuming everything else until it’s the only thing left. I don’t want that happening. So if yelling at me, or kicking me, or...or _whatever,_ can clear the air between us, then okay. I’m all for it.”

“I don’t need to hurt you to let go of the hurt you caused.” Molly told him, and he started a little when her small hand settled on top of his. “I’m sorry you ever thought I wanted that. To see you hurt. I didn’t, not even when Andy was so broken after...” She trailed off, and Sid wondered how much she knew; how Andy had explained it to her. “I didn’t want you hurt, but I know you _were._ Hannah said so, and now Andy has, too. And I don’t think more pain is going to help at all. I forgive you, Sid.”

Sid swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat, then nodded. “Thank you.”

Molly shrugged, giving his hand a little squeeze. “It’s what you do, when you love somebody. Sometimes we hurt people we care about. Sometimes it’s an accident and sometimes we do it on purpose, but it happens. Nobody’s perfect, so it happens. It’s not fair to expect the people we love to forgive us if we can’t forgive them when things are reversed.”

She locked gazes with Sid and added. “Apologizing doesn’t make what you did okay. It doesn’t erase it. It doesn’t even fix things, not by itself. Forgiving you doesn’t do those things, either. It just means I’m not going to let anger or hurt from something in the past mess stuff up _now.”_

“That’s fair.” Sid agreed, giving Molly a small smile; it was sad and tired around the edges but it was the best he could do, given the circumstances. “Your mom taught you all that, huh?” Molly nodded and Sid hummed thoughtfully. “You’re lucky to have her. She’s a good mom.”

“The best.” Molly agreed, leaning into Sid’s side a little with a quiet sigh. Sid let her, closing his eyes and just savoring the peace of the moment. For several minutes, she didn’t say anything at all. Then, finally, she asked. “If Andy wanted to hit you, for hurting him...would you let him?”

Sid startled, staring down at Molly in stunned disbelief. His mouth moved silently for a minute, hung up on a few different aspects of her question. The fact that Andy wouldn’t do that. The fact that letting a ten year old girl kick him wasn’t same as letting his seventeen - nearly eighteen - year old (ex-)boyfriend hit him. Things like not wanting to condone violence as an answer to an impressionable child, and certainly not wanting her to think domestic abuse was _ever_ okay or excusable. All of the hang-ups he still had, being raised the way he had been, and which he was trying _so hard_ to work past.

In the end, honesty won out. These days, it usually did.

“Yes.” Sid whispered the word, feeling something like shame flood through him at the admission. He squeezed his eyes shut and took several long, slow breaths before he added shakily. “I should say no. The _right answer_ is no, Molly, and I _know that._ But if I thought it would help...if it was what Andy needed, or wanted, in exchange for his forgiveness...then yes, I’d let him.”

Molly made a small sound, and Sid jumped a little when her arms went around his waist. She was a reassuring warmth in his arms as she hugged him and he savored it, resting his cheek against her hair. “Would you ever ask him to let you hit him? If he hurt you, I mean.”

“Never.” Sid answered immediately, vehemence coloring his words with force. “I would _never,_ Molly. I promise you that. I can’t imagine hitting him.”

Molly sighed and nodded against his chest. “Okay, then. Thank you for answering my questions.” Pulled back, she smiled at him and added. “We should go downstairs.”

“I know.” Sid nodded towards the door. “I’ll be down soon. I just...need a minute.”

Molly left the room, and Sid took several measured breaths to try to steady himself. He stood and walked out into the hall, freezing at the sight of Andy leaning against the wall. For a few seconds it was silent, then Sid cleared his throat. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Andy didn’t move from where he was, slouched against the wall, a funny look on his face. After a pause, he said. “I still eavesdrop, by the way.”

“Oh.” Sid swallowed hard, then dropped his eyes with a shrug even as he let himself lean against the wall opposite Andy. “Okay.” Part of Sid wanted to ask how long Andy had been standing there, listening, but he wasn’t sure how to say the words without them coming out accusatory, or guilty, or...or _something._ So he stayed silent, waiting to see what Andy would say; what he would do.

Andy pushed off from the wall, crossing the hall and pressing forward, a little bit into Sid’s space, that same strange look still on his face. “Did you mean it?”

“Yes.” Because Sid wasn’t sure what Andy had heard, but everything he’d said to Molly had been the truth so it didn’t really matter _what_ Andy had heard, or what part he was asking about. Whatever the question was about, Sid had meant it.

The teen leaned in a little more, arms coming up to bracket Sid in where he was resting, soft and pliant against the wall. A second later, Sid felt every muscle lock with tension when Andy locked those intense blue eyes with his and his words came out laced with a trace of anger. “You told her you’d let me hurt you, if I want to.”

“I...” Sid trembled a little, not because he thought Andy would hurt him but because everything he’d been taught growing up about _family_ and _love_ and _apologies and forgiveness_ told him that pain was coming. But he stuttered out a reply, because he _knew_ Andy wouldn’t hurt him and honesty mattered more than fear. “Yeah. I m-meant it.”

Strong fingers came up, curling around the front of Sid’s throat. They weren’t tight, or uncomfortable, or painful in any way. In truth, Andy’s touch was as gentle as ever. It had Sid relaxing again, despite the implied threat in the placement of that hand. He trusted Andy, implicitly. So much so, he let his eyes close and tipped his head back against the wall, waiting.

Andy’s lips brushed lightly over his, and he murmured against Sid’s lips. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’d never do that to you, Sid. I know...” Andy’s voice was a little shaky as he leaned back, and Sid opened his eyes to meet Andy’s. “I know from Hannah that apologies in your house were often sealed that way. That forgiveness was based on how well someone could take their punishment; take the pain. And I won’t do that to you. I’ll _never_ hit you.”

“I know.” Sid told him, as reassuringly as he could. He smiled a little, because Andy was _so earnest_ that it was almost painful. “I trust you.”

“Promise me something.” Andy said, leaning in to rest his forehead against Sid’s, the two of them so close they couldn't help sharing breath.

“Anything.” Sid agreed, voice low and husky and fervent, because if it was within his power to give it to Andy then he would, without hesitation.

Andy hummed softly, then said. “If I ever hit you, promise me you’ll tell Hannah.”

“Wh-I...” Sid wasn’t sure why this was something Andy wanted, though he knew he’d agree anyway. But... “Can I ask why?”

“Because she’ll keep you away from me, and tell the cops.” Andy replied, making Sid startle against him with how serious he was. “I want to know you’re safe, even from me. I’d never hurt you, Sid, I _promise,_ but I need to know that if I ever snapped - if I ever went completely crazy and _did_ \- that you’d get help. That you’d get away from me, and make sure you were safe. I don’t know if I can trust you to do that on your own, but I trust you to keep your promises to me and I know _Hannah_ will make sure you’re safe.”

Sid huffed out a little laugh, a reluctant smile tugging at his lips. “You’re ridiculous, Davis. Also, you’re impossibly sweet. You’d never hurt me, or _anybody,_ so this conversation is insane. But, if it will make you happy...” Andy nodded and Sid rolled his eyes. “I promise. If you ever hit me - and I’m going to specify _in anger or with the intent to genuinely hurt me,_ because I’m not against a little spanking now and then - I’ll tell Hannah.”

Andy was laughing now, and Sid had to count that as a win. “You _would_ add a qualifier for kinky sex stuff.” He rubbed his nose lightly against Sid’s with a happy sigh. “Thank you. I know it’s a weird thing to make you promise, but I also made Hannah promise me that if anyone ever hurts her she’ll tell me, and if _I_ ever hurt her she’ll tell my mom, so it’s just...it’s my way of keeping you safe. Because I love you, and because I know what you’ve both been through. So thank you.”

Sid slid his arms around Andy’s neck and just basked in the feeling of being cared for; being protected. He knew he was smiling, soft and sweet and full of love, but he didn’t feel embarrassed about it at all. He just felt _happy._ He knew things weren’t perfect between him and Andy; knew there was still work to be done, trust to be earned back, problems to talk through. But Andy loved him, and wanted him safe, and they were working on it. And that was a whole lot of steps in the right direction. So Sid let himself savor the victory.

When Hannah shouted up the stairs for them to hurry up and come down, Sid and Andy were still standing just like that. Pressed close, weight resting against the wall, silently enjoying each other’s company and the moment. Once, Sid would have been horrified that a moment so ripe for frantic sexing had been squandered on something so much less - and yet, so much _more_ \- intimate. Now, Sid just smiled and let Andy tangle their fingers together and lead him down the stairs. Because things with Andy had been about more than sex from the very beginning, though he hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time, and Sid was _finally_ comfortable with that fact.

And if anyone had asked him, he’d have admitted unabashedly how happy he was, because Sid was long since done being ashamed of what made him happy. _Especially_ when that thing was Andy Davis.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fic! w00t! I'm almost done writing chapter 20, so I figured it was time to post Ch 19. I'm still hard at work on this fic, but I did have to take a few weeks off for my son's final rehearsals, tech week, and then the show dates for his play. So I apologize for that delay.
> 
> In this chapter, you'll find out what Sid got Andy for Christmas, and you'll see the boys work a little more on their issues. It's not all sunshine and rainbows yet, but they're certainly working towards their happy ending. Not too much longer now!
> 
> As ever, comments thrill me beyond words. Feel free to come harass me on tumblr. <3
> 
> ~ Sly

“Don’t go.” Andy whispered against Sid’s jaw, nuzzling into his throat just a little.

Sid smelled like damp earth - Andy knew that came from his body spray - and like cigarette smoke, and like the gingerbread he’d been eating. It was pleasant and Andy felt comfortable, and warm, and loved. Molly had already fallen asleep and he’d carried her up to bed about five minutes earlier. Hannah was talking quietly with Annie and he imagined they’d both head up to bed soon enough. And Andy just...really didn’t want to move. _A Christmas Story_ was playing quietly in the background, the tv’s light casting soft shadows around the room, and the tree provided the only other light as it twinkled merrily. It was peaceful; _safe._

“I have to.” Sid told him quietly, sounding apologetic. “My neighbor walked Zurg earlier, and fed him, but I’ve got to go walk him again and make sure he didn’t get into anything while I was gone.” He pressed a kiss to Andy’s hair and added. “I’ll see you again tomorrow afternoon, I promise.”

“Morning.” Andy corrected, lifting his head from Sid’s shoulder and shooting him a pleading look from under his eyelashes. “Come over first thing. Please?”

“Andy, I _can’t.”_ Sid shook his head when Andy opened his mouth to argue. “I can’t leave Zurg alone for that long, especially not after being gone so long today. It’s not fair.”

Andy bit his lip, then said. “Bring him with you. We’ve got huge yard he can run around in if he wants, and Buster’s so old all he does it sleep most of the time. He won’t care if there’s another dog in the house.”

Sid shook his head, though a small smile was tugging at his lips. “That’s sweet, but I can’t. I mean, not unless I borrow Hannah’s car or she comes and picks us up in the morning.”

“You can borrow my car.” Hannah said around a small yawn, before shooting him a bemused smile. “You paid for it, anyway, _and_ you pay for the gas that’s in it. And it’s not like I’ll need it before morning.”

“Zurg’s a big dog.” Sid shook his head again. “I don’t want to impose. I’ll just come over in the afternoon.”

Annie huffed when Andy shot her a pleading look, rolling her eyes. Her voice was soft, though, when she spoke. “I don’t mind if you bring the dog, Sid. And we both know my son isn’t going to let this go. Come over as soon as you wake up. We do presents first thing, then eat a big breakfast.”

When Sid nodded hesitantly, Andy snuggled back into his side for another hug. “Awesome.”

A few minutes later, Sid was pulling on his coat and fiddling with Hannah’s keys while Andy stared out the front door at the quiet night. When Sid cleared his throat, Andy turned and slid his arms around Sid’s waist. The older man let his own arms settle around Andy’s neck, blinking up at him with those green eyes Andy had never been able to resist. For the span of several heartbeats, the two young men just stared at each other.

“I love you.” Andy said at last, leaning in just enough to let their foreheads touch.

“Love you, too.” Sid replied, pushing closer to brush their lips lightly together for a moment before he slowly pulled away. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“First thing.” Andy reminded him.

Sid smiled, echoing softly. “First thing.”

Andy watched as Sid went down the walk and over to Hannah’s car. He watched Sid start it up, and pull away. He watched the taillights until they turned the corner and were out of sight, and then he watched the quiet street and the empty night air. He thought about falling asleep with Sid a year ago, after the first - and only - time they’d had sex. He let his fingers curl around the small glass vial dangling from his neck, and the grain of rice it held, and wondered what was in the small box with the blue bow that Sid had written his name on and placed under the tree earlier in the day. Shaking his head - he’d find out tomorrow, after all - Andy headed back to the living room. He curled up on one of the sofas, between Hannah and his mom, and just let himself drift on happiness and love and _hope._

~*~*~*~

Sid led an excited Zurg up Andy’s front walk at half past six on Christmas morning. He got to the front door and hesitated, wondering if anyone was up yet. He bounced Hannah’s keys against his palm, then decided _fuck it_ and flicked through her keys until he found the one for Andy’s house. He opened the door as quietly as he could, shushing Zurg under his breath as he let them in. Once inside, he took off Zurg’s leash and hung up his coat before brushing snow off his hair. It had started snowing lightly around the time Zurg had woken him up for his early morning walk, and Sid had opted to head over Andy’s immediately because it had only gotten heavier by the time he’d finished walking the dog.

After hanging Zurg’s leash next to his coat, Sid went into the kitchen. He opened the side door and let Zurg out into the backyard, knowing the dog _loved_ snow. Then he set the big bag he was carrying on the counter. It was still a little too early for Zurg to eat breakfast, so he’d brought enough food to feed him twice - in a tupperware container meant to store cereal, which made it easy to pour - and the large food and water dishes he’d need. Deciding he wasn’t quite awake enough yet, Sid cautiously opened cabinets until he found coffee grounds. A peek into the machine on the counter showed it had a built-in reusable filter, which explained why he hadn’t seen any paper ones in the cabinet, and Sid didn’t hesitate much before setting the machine to brew.

When everyone else woke up, he’d make hot chocolate for Molly and Andy. Molly, of course, was too young for coffee. Andy just didn’t have much of a taste for the stuff, something Sid had learned when they’d been dating. As the machine finished brewing, Sid located the sugar container and pulled out mugs. Buster wandered into the kitchen to the smell of a rich, dark roast and the sound of the machine sputtering out the last of the freshly made coffee, and Sid didn’t hesitate to open the sliding door and let the older dog out. He’d socialized Zurg early and, despite being a sighthound, Zurg had never been aggressive towards other dogs. Not even much smaller ones.

As he poured coffee into a black mug, he heard footsteps on the stairs. Swallowing hard against the nerves, he turned to face the kitchen doorway, leaning back against the counter behind him, fingers curled tight around the edge of it to ground himself. Annie was the one who walked in, fuzzy socks on her feet and her hair pulled into a messy ponytail. She was wearing soft-looking flannel pajamas with a light blue bathrobe over them, and she stopped in the doorway, blinking in surprise at Sid.

“I smelled coffee, but I didn’t think it was you...” Annie sounded sleepy and bemused. “I wasn’t expecting you to be such an early riser.”

“Sort of goes with the garbageman job.” Sid explained, shrugging a little. “Zurg’s an early riser, too.” He nodded towards the sliding doors, adding. “I let Buster out as well, just a minute or two go.”

“Thank you.” Annie moved closer and Sid stepped to the side, taking his cup of coffee with him. He turned to busy himself with adding sugar while Annie poured herself a cup before speaking again. “You’re different.”

Sid shrugged again, taking a sip of the coffee and not caring that it burned his tongue. “I’m trying to be. Some days it works. Others, not so much. And some stuff I can’t change, or else I don’t want to. But the worst parts of who I was? Yeah, I’m working on that.”

Annie nodded, sipping her own coffee - black with no sugar, which didn’t surprise Sid as much as it maybe should have - while watching Sid over the rim of her mug. She was smiling a little when she lowered the cup. “Coffee’s good. Not too strong, but right on the edge of it.” She tipped her head to the side and added. “I hear my children stirring. Normally I can’t drag them out of bed in the mornings, but Christmas is another story.”

Sid nodded, then said. “I thought I’d make hot chocolate, too, if you have everything for it.”

“Of course.” Annie turned and started pulling the ingredients out. Sid grabbed milk from the fridge while Annie set cocoa powder, sugar, and vanilla next to the stove, adding. “Molly will love that. She’s always complaining about how she’s not big enough to drink coffee yet.”

Sid nodded, crouching down behind the island to get out a small pot from the cabinet. He heard stumbling footsteps, then Andy’s voice whined sleepily. “Coffeeeee...” 

Annie laughed while Sid stood up, taking in a sleep-rumpled Andy even as something twisted in his chest. Annie was handing her son a mug of coffee - light with cream, and sweet most likely if Andy was willingly drinking it - and Andy gulped some down immediately with a happy groan. Sid wondered when that had happened; when Andy had started drinking coffee, and why, and if it had had anything to do with _Ben._ Wondered what else he’d missed; what other changes there were that he knew nothing about. Wondered how many of Andy’s preferences he’d have to relearn, because they just weren’t the same anymore.

He looked away quickly, focusing on making hot chocolate for Molly. He was stirring the dry ingredients into the heated milk when he heard Molly and Hannah talking to each other as they came down the stairs. Hannah smiled at him as she walked in, already heading for coffee pot on the counter, while Molly clapped her hands and bounced in delight at as Annie explained she was getting hot chocolate. Sid kept his attention on stirring, because it was easier than watching Andy drink something he’d have sworn the younger man didn’t like.

“Mmmm...morning, Sid.” Andy said the words in a low, lazy sort of voice as he slid his arms around Sid’s waist from behind, leaning into his back.

“Don’t.” Sid said the word softly, despite how much he wanted to snap and snarl. He lightly tapped the back of one of Andy’s hands and added. “Hot stoves and hugs aren’t a smart mix.”

“Sorry.” Andy withdrew and Sid finished up the hot chocolate.

He poured it into a mug for Molly, adding a spray of whipped cream to it and then sprinkling a little cinnamon on top. “Thanks.” Molly said, smiling widely at him as she took her first sip, humming happily. “S’really good, Sid.”

“Sid always did make the best hot chocolate.” Hannah chirped as she opened the back door again, letting Buster and Zurg back in. The two dogs shook snow off their coats, making Molly and Hannah both jump back with shrieking laughter.

“Why don’t you ladies head into the living room?” Andy suggested, and Sid could feel those intense blue eyes on him even though he was studiously focusing his attention on cleaning up the hot chocolate stuff. “Sid and I will be in soon.”

Sid paused in his clean-up, hands flat on the counter next to the stove, staring hard at the pretty tile mosaic that made up the countertop’s backsplash. He heard the others leave, then there was a tense few moments of silence wherein the only thing Sid could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat.

Finally, Andy spoke. “What’s wrong?”

Sid laughed, the sound a little manic around the edges. He didn’t turn around; just watched his hands splay out on the counter, fingers twitching nervously as he answered. “You drink coffee now.”

“...I do.” Andy agreed, and his tone was cautious; uncertain. Sid couldn't blame him; knew his moodswing over Andy’s choice of morning beverage was wildly out of proportion. Knowing didn’t change how he felt. “Is there a problem with me liking coffee?”

“I didn’t know.” Sid spun around at last, and he wondered if his face looked as panicked as he felt. Thought maybe it did, if the way Andy’s eyes went wide was anything to go by. “I knew you _hated_ coffee, but you _don’t._ Not anymore, I guess. And I used to know all these other things about you, too, and now I...”

Andy’s lips parted and his whole face softened in understanding as Sid trailed off in distress. “Sid, it’s okay if we have to relearn each other. I’m betting a lot’s changed with _you_ in the last year, too. Stuff a lot bigger than beverage preferences, even, and that’s okay. I’ll learn all the things that changed, and all the things that didn’t, as I go. Just like the first time.”

“It just feels so much like starting from nothing.” Sid admitted, shoulders twitching along with his fingers now. “And I know this is supposed to be a clean slate, but I figured I had a head start on the whole _boyfriend learning curve_ thing and now I don’t think I do. Or not as much of one, anyway.”

This time, Andy’s lips twitched up into an amused smile. “You don’t need to know everything about me. Not right away and, really, not ever. That’s not what relationships are about, and people are always changing so it’s not even really _possible,_ and that’s okay, too. You already _know me,_ Sid. Me liking coffee doesn’t change who I am. If anyone’s got a reason to be worried about losing that learning curve, it’s me.”

“Not so much.” Sid said, because honesty had been serving him well lately and it was something he gave whenever possible these days. “You somehow always saw the best in me. And, excepting when I was being a royal asshole, I was always a better person around you. These days I just...I try to be that person all the time. I’m still _me.”_ He shrugged, looking down as he said. “I’m just the me I only was around you.”

“We’re going to be okay.” Andy promised, shifting closer and cupping Sid’s face with both hands. He leaned in, pressing their foreheads together, just being close and breathing the same air.

“Maybe.” Sid whispered, closing his eyes and sighing even as his hands came up to rest lightly on Andy’s narrow hips. “I just keep thinking about how badly I fucked up last time, and all the ways this could go wrong, and I’m terrified because I don’t...I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you again.”

As soon as he said the words he wished them back behind his teeth, but that wasn’t an option. He could apologize, though, so he did. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you. I’m not trying to manipulate you, or guilt you into staying with me if I fuck up.”

Andy laughed softly, the sound accompanying several short bursts of warm air against Sid’s lips. “I didn’t think you were. Sid, I...” Andy drew back a little and Sid opened his eyes to meet too-blue ones.

For a moment, Andy just seemed to be studying Sid’s face; like he was searching for something there, or maybe like he was searching for the right words, or for the courage to say them. Finally, he found whatever it was. “I’m not quite ready to call things official between us, but I want you to know that you’re it for me. If you hadn’t walked back into my life, I might have made things work with Ben, or with someone else, or I might not have. I don’t know for sure. But I _do_ know that I’d never have stopped loving you and that, whenever you showed back up in my life, I would’ve dropped whoever or whatever to try to make things work with you. Because you’re _it._ You’re my endgame. So as long as you’re trying - _really_ trying - I’ll be trying, too.”

“Oh.” Sid swallowed hard, because there wasn’t a whole lot he could say to that. Except... “I’ve never been able to picture having a life with anyone but you. I didn’t think I even _wanted_ that before you, and after, I _knew_ I couldn't stand having it with someone else. You’re it for me, too. Always have been.”

“Good.” Andy brushed their mouths lightly together, then nodded towards the living room. “Come on, then. I’ve been staring at that little box since yesterday and it’s driving me nuts.”

Sid laughed, but followed Andy anyway.

~*~*~*~

Sid couldn't have said much about what gift-opening was like, distracted as he was by nerves. He knew Molly had gasped and cooed over the gypsy sugar skull cameo pendant from him, even more so when he told her it glowed in the dark. He knew Annie’s face had gone soft when she opened the Mother’s Bracelet, which held birthstone charms not just for Molly and Andy but for Hannah as well. He knew Hannah had given and received gifts, though not what they were. Molly had opened what seemed to be a plethora of toys and books and clothes and little girl things. Andy had gotten some cds, and a rather nice looking laptop for when he went away to college, and an expensive-looking camera with a tripod and several lenses. Andy looked a little sad when he opened it, running his fingers over it before excusing himself.

Sid picked up the wrapping paper, glancing at the shiny name tag sticker. In elegant cursive, Andy’s name was scrawled next to the word _to,_ while next to the word _from_ was another name altogether. That of the gift-giver. Sid swallowed hard against the sour-sharp taste climbing up his throat and over his tongue. _Ben._

“Excuse me.” He rasped hoarsely, ducking out of the room.

He’d had no idea Andy’s ex had left a gift for him under the tree and, if Andy’s reaction was anything to go by, neither had Andy. He followed the soft sound of Andy’s voice up to the younger man’s room, stopping in the open doorway. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he also didn’t want to interrupt what was clearly an emotional phone call. It was a complicated situation to be in.

“It’s too much, Ben.” Andy was sitting at his desk, pressing his cellphone to his ear with one had while the other was cradling his forehead, elbow propped on the desktop. “Even if we were still dating, it would’ve been too much and you know it. Take it back. Give it to someone else, or return it and get your money back, or...”

Andy stopped talking for a few seconds, the said softly. “No, Ben, of course that’s not it. I love it. You had to have known I was going to love it. And of course it’s perfect for school next year, but that’s not the point.” Another pause, then Andy laughed and the sound was damp around the edges. “It feels wrong, keeping it under the circumstances. I shouldn’t-”

Sid wondered what Ben said as Andy abruptly cut himself off. There was silence on Andy’s end for several minutes, then Andy’s shoulders slumped and he sighed quietly before nodding. “Yeah. No, I know. I-if you’re _sure_ then I suppose...” A shorter pause, then Andy said. “Yeah, alright, then. Thank you, Ben. Really. It means a lot to me, and I do appreciate the thought that went into it.”

Just as Sid was about to announce himself, because it seemed like Andy’s conversation was winding down, Andy spoke again, barely above a whisper. “I know you do, Ben. I love you, too.” Andy’s shoulders scrunched up near his ears as he let out another watery laugh. “Yeah, well. _Not enough_ was all I could manage, but I’m sorry. For hurting you, and for...well, for how things ended.”

Sid wanted to leave. Not just the room, or even the house. The whole damned town. Any place he might associate with Andy, however tangentially. _Andy’s life._

This was what Sid had always been afraid of. That someone would come along who was better for Andy - someone with more money, a better job, a better background, a fancy college degree - and Andy would miss out on them because of _him._ He’d never imagined all it would take to rip Andy away from _better_ was showing back up; that Andy’s feelings for him would survive the fallout of his epic - planned - fuck-up and ruin the potential for anything _better_ anyway. That Andy might choose him over that _better_ despite all the reasons he shouldn’t. And now he was faced with the same dilemma as a year earlier.

Andy deserved more than Sid would likely ever be able to give him. What right did Sid have to selfishly keep Andy, just because the younger man had stupidly fallen in love with him?

Andy turned around suddenly, eyes wide, and Sid wondered if he’d made a noise of some sort. He thought maybe he had. Something high and pained; something _wrecked._ Sid imagined his face was doing something worrying, because Andy immediately looked panicked. “Ben, I have to go.” He flipped his cell phone closed, then tossed it onto the desk even as he pushed to his feet. “Sid, I-”

“I’m sorry.” Sid cut him off, and he hated how hoarse his voice was but he couldn't do anything about it and the words kept spilling out in a jumbled rush. “I’m sorry you lost him because of me. I’m sorry I screwed up what might have been the best thing in your life. I’m sorry you love me and not him, because he can give you so much more than me and you _deserve_ that. You deserve everything. A big house, and in-laws who’ll love you and treat you like family should, and a partner with a college degree and a good job who can buy you nice things. And I’m sorry that’s not me; that I _can’t_ be that person.”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

The words fell between them, heavy for all that they were barely whispered. Andy’s blue eyes - always so expressive and vibrant - were brimming with tears and he seemed to be shaking as he stood in the middle of his childhood bedroom, staring at Sid like his whole world was ending. Like Sid walking out was the worst thing he could think of; the thing he had nightmares about; the thing that would break him.

Andy spoke again, voice still weak and desperate, so much so that it made something ache in Sid’s chest. “I don’t want Ben. I want you. I always wanted _you,_ Sid.” He sucked in a trembling breath, and added. ”You’re right that you screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me, but it wasn’t _Ben._ It was you. So please, don’t leave. I can’t go through that again. Don’t _put me_ through that again. I think it might kill me.”

Sid stepped in close and pulled Andy into his arms, shushing the younger man soothingly as he pressed kisses to Andy’s hair. It was amazing to him, that Andy was able to make himself seem so small; that he was able to fit himself into Sid’s arms as though he were still inches shorter than him. “I’m not leaving.” Sid promised, though panic was still fluttering in his chest like a caged bird, restless and unsettled. If Andy wanted him to stay, he would stay. Everyone and everything else could go hang, for all Sid cared.

“Promise?” Andy asked, drawing back to stare at Sid with damp, pleading eyes.

“As long as you want me, I’ll stay.” Sid promised softly. “For however long that is, Andy. I’m not as easy to scare off as I used to be. But I _am_ sorry for hurting you. And I know you say you wanted me, not him, but you can’t deny that losing him hurt you and that was my fault as much as anything else was. So I’m sorry, for my part in it.”

Andy nodded, sniffling a little as he wiped haphazardly at his damp cheeks. “I’ve forgiven you for a lot of really terrible things, Sid. Coming back into my life, regardless of the consequences it had, isn’t something you need to be forgiven for.” Mustering up a shaky smile, Andy added. “Come on, then. I still want to know what you got me.”

Sid obligingly let Andy tug him towards the stairs. And maybe there were still flickers of panic in his chest, but there was warmth and light there, too. Sid figured it balanced in the end.

~*~*~*~

Andy slid his finger carefully under the tape holding the shiny silver paper together. Sid was sitting next to him, tense as a bowstring. Annie was watching with sharp eyes but Andy was doing his best to ignore her for the moment. He knew her watchfulness stemmed from love and concern, but he didn’t want it dampening his excitement for this moment. The box he revealed was a small square, nearly flat and plain white. It looked like the generic sort of box jewelry sometimes came in. Lifting the lid slowly, Andy peeked inside. He blinked slowly at the gleam of silvery metal on a bed of the fluffy cotton that jewelry so often sat on. He made a soft sound of confusion, lifting his eyes to Sid’s anxious face.

“I...” Andy glanced back down at the gleaming metal on its soft white bed of cotton, admitting softly. “I don’t understand.”

Sid huffed out an unsteady breath. “I want you in my life, Andy. Always. I want to fall asleep beside you and wake up the same way. I want to come home from work to a note on my fridge saying I’m out of milk and you walked Zurg. I want to find you spread out in my living room writing a paper for class, eating my chips and a making a mess of the place. I want a second toothbrush on my sink, and your shampoo in my shower, and your clothes taking up space in my drawers. I want you to know you’re welcome, at any time, with or without warning.”

“So this is...” Andy brushed his fingers over the cool metal, voice a little breathless and heart pounding.

“Yeah.” Sid agreed, smiling a little now. “And I know we need to talk about college for you, and what we're expecting from each other, and all of that. But...but you’re _always_ welcome to use that. Any time, day or night. I want you to know I’m not hiding anything from you, and this is a step towards proving you can trust me.”

Andy picked up the key - the one that would let him get into Sid’s apartment whenever he wanted - and curled his fingers around it before pressing his closed hand to his heart with a smile. “Thank you. It’s perfect, and it’s exactly what I wanted even if I didn’t know it.”

He leaned forward, brushing his lips over Sid’s cheek. Sid smiled as he sat back, then asked. “Would you like to come to a party for New Year’s Eve?” And, when Andy tensed a little because there were parallels there that weren't exactly pleasant, Sid hurried to add. “At the gym I work at. Hannah’s coming...”

“She told me.” Andy said, already nodding. “And yeah, I’d like that. I want to meet your friends.”

“They want to meet you, too.” Sid told him and Andy’s heart warmed at the thought that Sid had told the people he worked with about him.

All-in-all, Christmas was shaping up to be very nearly perfect.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was _super_ careful with the timeline for this blasted fic. I made sure that the movie Sid and Andy go see on their first date was actually in theaters during what (according to Toy Story's timeline) would have been that time period, as is the secondary movie Andy goes to see with Hannah during that same time frame. I made sure they didn't listen to music or talk about movies/tv shows that didn't exist yet. I was _so careful_ about the timeline, really. And then this chapter happened. Featured in it is a song; _'Mine Would Be You'_ by Blake Shelton. Which wasn't out yet during the supposed time frame of the story. So, forgive me for this single inconsistency and note that if the song had been even a little less perfect for this scene, I'd have used something else. As it stands, I couldn't bring myself to _not_ use such a perfectly fitting song. Sorry!
> 
>  
> 
> _**SEE END NOTES FOR IMPORTANT INFO REGARDING THE END OF THIS FIC. PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER FIRST, BUT THEN DEFINITELY CHECK THE NOTES!!!** _
> 
>  
> 
> ~ Sly

Andy clung to Hannah's hand as she led him into the lobby of the gym Sid worked at. It was a nice looking place; big and clean and well-equipped. There were balloons and streamers decorating the space, and signs pointing towards the room where the party apparently was. Hannah led the way, heels clicking confidently across the floor while Andy shuffled along behind her. His stomach churned anxiously, because the last time he'd attended a New Year's party his heart had shattered while the whole world crashed down around him. He _wanted_ to trust Sid. Wanted to believe this was going to be different. But fear was illogical, and Andy had very little control over his sweating palms or racing pulse. He felt Hannah squeeze his hand reassuringly as she tugged him into the large gymnasium.

It wasn't exactly _full_ of people, but there was a decent-sized crowd. Women in pretty cocktail dresses or slinky evening wear mingled with men in suits or, at the very least, button-up shirt with slacks. There was even a cardigan or two scattered around. Along a mirrored wall, there was a series of long tables covered in food and drinks. More streamers and balloons hung artfully from the ceiling and decorated the tables as well. A DJ was playing loud, upbeat music in one corner, where a space was sectioned off with colorful tape-lines on the hardwood floor, denoting a dance floor. People were already dancing, while others got refreshments or stood in groups talking.

Andy didn't see Sid as he scanned the room and panic had bile creeping up his throat, despite the reassuring weight of Hannah's hand in his.

Suddenly, a slim woman with honeyed-brown hair and blue eyes rushed up to him, looking thrilled. “Oh you must be Andy!” She turned to beam widely at Hannah, adding. “Lovely to see you, Hannah, as always.” Hannah immediately returned the greeting, smiling back.

“Do I know you?” Andy asked, feeling off-balance and a little shaky.

The woman laughed and shook her head. “Oh, no, dear. Sid just showed off a picture of you at our Christmas party, and of course we knew you were coming with Hannah, so it was easy to spot you. I'm Maddie, one of Sid's students.”

“You're the one who kicked him.” Andy blurted out, because he'd always been good with names. Then he winced, because that had been tactless. “Sorry, I saw him the day that happened and he was limping and...”

Maddie laughed again, looking delighted. “No worries. I was rather pleased to land that kick. It's not often one of us ladies gets in a good, solid hit against Sid. Your man's quite the teacher.”

“Ah...” Andy ducked his head, cheeks hot and flushed. “I don't know if I'd call him _my_ man...”

“Close enough.” Maddie said, shrugging and still grinning. “Anyway, I'm pretty sure Sid's over by the DJ, so why don't you two head in that direction? I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you, Andy.”

“Bye, Maddie!” Hannah chirped, pulling Andy along as she headed towards the dance floor. Andy went, because there wasn't much else he could do.

~*~*~*~

The second Sid spotted Andy, it was like they’d been magnetized. Andy found himself tucked in close to Sid’s side, or else tugged along by strong fingers tangled together with his own. Hannah had gone off on her own, cheerfully pulled in by the younger women in Sid’s defense class, leaving Andy to his own defenses. Or, more accurately, to Sid’s. It wasn’t bad, though. Not _really._ Andy met most of the women from Sid’s defense class - the ones hanging out with Hannah, and the ones who weren’t - and several people Sid worked with. A slim, toned woman with a chipper voice who taught yoga; several - intimidatingly fit - men who were personal trainers; a couple of friendly people of both genders who worked the front desk. It was a nice group of people.

Much nicer than the crowd Sid had run with a year before.

The party was in full-swing as the clock ticked on, steadily closer to midnight and the start of a new year. Andy figured it was past eleven, though he hadn’t seen a clock in a while and he’d left his watch at home. He could have fished his cell phone out of his pocket to check, but it didn’t seem worth the effort. When midnight drew close enough, surely the whole party would be alerted somehow. It was likely they’d countdown the final few minutes out loud, and with great fanfare. 

When Hannah wandered past them, Sid touched her arm to get her attention. “Hey, can you stay with Andy for minute? I just need to talk to someone. I’ll be right back.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

Andy’s tone was prickly and sharp, because that was how he felt. As much as he’d been feeling a little smothered by Sid’s constant presence during this party, the idea of Sid leaving him for some unspecified reason was too close to the previous year for comfort. The way Sid seemed unwilling to leave him to his own devices didn’t exactly sit well with Andy, either. So his words were snappish and unpleasant, but he didn’t take them back or apologize. Not even when Sid jerked back in surprise, eyes wide and a little hurt.

“I didn’t think you did.” Sid finally said, after a pause that was a little too long to be anything but awkward. “I just don’t want to lose you in this crowd, and Hannah’s dress is a little easier to spot than your suit.”

Andy said nothing, not looking away from where he was glaring a hole in the far wall, and finally Sid made a small noise of annoyance in his throat. _That_ caught Andy’s attention and he whipped around to glare at _Sid_ instead. “Something to say?”He bit out.

“Yes, actually.” And Sid’s tone was cool as well; hissed out from between gritted teeth. “I invited you tonight as part of our fresh start. If you didn’t want to come, you didn’t have to. If being here tonight is too hard - and I get why it would be, believe me - then you’re free to leave whenever you like. But if you’re going to be here, then you need to stop acting like you expect a repeat performance of last year at any second. I’m _not_ that person anymore, and this won’t work if you don’t - if you _can’t_ \- believe that.”

There was a moment where nothing was said, then Andy spoke, voice low but slightly less hostile. “Where are you running off to?”

Sid seemed to consider Andy for a moment before speaking. “I have a song request for the DJ. I’d bring you, but it’s supposed to be a surprise. That’s half-ruined anyway, but I’d like to keep as much of the surprise as possible. You can follow enough to keep your eyes on me, if it’ll help, but I’m asking you not to get close enough to listen in because I’m trying really hard to be romantic. And to not let your temper spark mine. _So.”_

Andy felt like a dick. Nothing Sid had said or done since coming back into his life had given him any reason to believe Sid was the same person he’d been before. Still temperamental, still a bit moody, still sarcastic and cutting in his own way...still very much _Sid._ But no longer cruel or malicious. No longer the sort of person who’d hide Andy out of fear or shame. No longer the sort who’d hurt someone just because he _could,_ or because he wanted to see their pain. No longer the kind of person who’d run the second things got hard. Sid had stuck out some tough moments already. Talking about what had happened to ruin things between them, and the fallout of Sid’s choices. Facing down Molly and Annie. Christmas, and his bold declaration of love and commitment, especially in the wake of Andy’s phone call to Ben. 

“I’m sorry.” Andy wanted to look at the ground, or the far wall again, or at anything that _wasn’t Sid_ but he forced himself to make eye contact anyway. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be, being here tonight. I _know_ you’re different. And I’m trying to trust you, but this isn’t easy for me. Not after everything that happened; everything you put me through.”

Sid opened his mouth and Andy shook his head, keeping his voice low because regardless of anything else they were at Sid’s job - one of them, anyway - and he wasn’t having a drop-down, drag-out fight or a full-blown scene if he could avoid it. “No, Sid. I’m not holding what happened against you, or trying to make you feel guilty. But it _did_ happen, and it _was_ your fault, and I’m doing the best I can. I just...need a little slack tonight, because it’s harder than I expected it to be.”

Sid blew out a slow huff of air, then leaned in until their foreheads were pressed together. “That’s fair.” He murmured, nuzzling his nose lightly against Andy’s. “Can I get a little slack, too? Because tonight’s not exactly easy on me, either. And I’m really trying to do better this time around.”

“Fair enough.” Andy moved his head just enough to brush his lips over Sid’s cheek. “Go and request your song, then. I’ll wait here.”

Andy watched as Sid walked away, doing his best to quiet the snide voice in the back of his mind that was saying all sorts of awful things and making Andy’s chest feel tight and unpleasant. It was easier to ignore when Sid smiled at him over his shoulder; easier still when Sid turned and walked backwards for a few moments, sticking his tongue out playfully at Andy before the crowd nearer to the dance floor swallowed him up. Andy sighed softly and told his traitorous mind to shut up, determined not to let memories - however painful - ruin what he was trying to build with Sid.

“Have you decided when you’re going to sleep with him?” Hannah asked softly, leaning against Andy’s side. “I mean, we all know you’re all-in, so I’m just wondering when you’re going to take that last step.”

“What makes you think I haven’t already?” Andy raised an eyebrow, his voice just loud enough for Hannah to catch the words.

Hannah shrugged the shoulder she didn’t have snug against Andy. “The lack of stupid grin on Sid’s face? Or maybe the lack of stupid grin on _yours._ Or the fact that I don’t think you’d still be having this much trouble trusting him if you’d made the choice to have sex.” She bumped her hip into his lightly, adding. “For you, that’s the final _’I’m together with him.’_ step and once you take it I think you’ll feel much better about everything. You’re that kind of person, Andy. You worry and fret and overthink until the choice is made. Then, once you follow through, you’re settled.”

Andy didn’t reply; just tipped his head and rested his cheek on Hannah’s soft hair. She hummed softly and gave him a small squeeze. “You’ll figure it out, you know. The two of you. You’re meant for each other.”

Andy certainly hoped so.

~*~*~*~

Sid hadn’t been gone for much longer than Andy’s brief conversation with Hannah had taken. And then he’d dragged Andy out onto the dance floor, citing a desire to dance with Andy. Andy had gone willingly enough, mostly because he was curious about what song Sid had requested and didn’t want to chance missing it if they weren’t close enough to the dance floor.

It was only two songs later that the DJ announced a request from one of the gym’s activities teachers, and Andy blushed when several people pointed to the two of them after the DJ gave their names.

The music started, something a bit slow and a little twang-y in a way that spoke of country music. Which would have amused Andy, as it wasn’t to Sid’s usual tastes, except he was being pulled into Sid’s arms and the older man was a long line of heat where their bodies pressed enticingly together.. The lyrics wrapped themselves around Andy’s mind even as his body swayed in a slow circle with Sid’s.

_’What’s your all time high, your good as it gets? Your hands down best ever make-up sex? What’s your guilty pleasure, your old go-to?’_

And then Sid’s voice was singing softly into Andy’s ear, along with the song. “Well if you asked me, mine would be you.”

Andy felt his throat go tight with emotion, eyes stinging just a bit with forming tears, because the song spoke volumes about Sid’s feelings for him and he’d chosen to share that publicly. Had dedicated this song without hesitation - without shame - knowing the people he worked with would hear it. It meant a lot.

Andy struggled to focus on the words, though it was hard when Sid was singing some of them and their bodies were moving in tandem and everything felt warm and close and _real._ Andy did his best, though he didn’t quite catch _all_ of them.

_’What’s your worst hangover, your best night yet? Your ninety proof, your Marlboro Red? The best damned thing you lucked into? That’s easy...’_

Sid pressed his lips to Andy’s hair, words whispered there like a secret and a prayer and an expression of gratitude all in one.

_’Mine would be you...’_

Andy’s heart was racing, blood hot under his skin, and he wondered if Sid could hear the way it was beating so frantically in his chest. Wondered if _everyone_ could hear it, or if it was only that loud to himself.

_’Baby if I have to choose. My best day ever, my finest hour, my wildest dream come true...mine would be you.’_

Sid’s fingers toyed with Andy’s hair, easily because he’d looped his arms around Andy’s shoulders as they danced. It had been a surprise, that Sid had chosen to rest his hands at the back of Andy’s neck rather than on his waist, but it felt right to have the slimmer man in his arms that way so Andy hadn’t protested. He’d just let his own grip settle around Sid’s slender waist and fallen into the moment.

_’What’s your double-dare, your go all-in? The craziest thing you ever did? Plain as your name in this tattoo. Look on my arm, mine would be you.'_

Andy’s fingers tightened around the material of Sid’s white button-up shirt, there at the small of his back where they’d been resting as they danced together. Because he was wondering about the ink he knew now resided on Sid’s skin. The ink he had yet to see, but which he’d wondered about. The ink he wondered about _now_ because Sid had chosen this song; Sid had softly sung those words into his ear. Had Sid actually gotten a tattoo of his name? Caught up in the thought, Andy knew he’d missed another round of the song’s chorus but he couldn't quite make himself care. 

As the song lapsed into a brief instrumental break, and they swayed together, Andy wondered how to ask Sid the question now burning on his tongue. Before he could decide, Sid was singing, lips pressing the lyrics against his cheek in a low murmur meant only for Andy’s ears.

_’What’s the greatest chapter in your book? Are there pages where it hurts to look? What’s the one regret you can’t work through? You got it, baby, mine would be you. Yeah you got it, baby, mine would be you. Mine would be you, taillights fading, daylight breaking, standing there like a fool. When I should’ve been running, yelling out something, to make you want to hold on to, the best love ever. Can you tell me, the one thing you’d rather die than lose? ‘Cause mine would be you. Mine would be you.’_

The song faded out as Sid and Andy stopped moving. The next song started and people around them were still dancing, but Andy felt frozen in place. Finally, he whispered the only thing he could think of. “Do you actually have a tattoo of my name?”

Sid’s lips twitched up and he jerked his head to the side. “Come on, Davis. I’ll show you.”

Andy let his arms drop from Sid’s waist. Let Sid’s fingers tangle together with his own. Let Sid tug him along, off the dance floor and out of the gymnasium they were in. He let himself be led down a dimly lit, quiet hallway - echoes of music and laughter and conversation following them like background noise - until they reached a door. Sid pulled out a set of keys and flicked through them until he could unlock the door, leading Andy into a room with mirrors along two of the four walls and a hardwood floor that made it look like a dance or yoga studio. He wondered if this was where Sid taught, and found himself looking around curiously.

Movement behind him - glimpsed in a mirror - had Andy turning around to watch as Sid unbuttoned his shirt. “Hey there, uh...wh-what are you doing?” Andy asked, stumbling a little over the words because his tongue suddenly felt thick and clumsy in a too-dry mouth.

Sid smiled wickedly. “Showing you my tattoo.”

Quick fingers deftly slipped buttons out of holes, pristine white fabric parting to reveal a slim but well-toned chest and stomach. Andy swallowed hard, because it had been a long time since he’d seen Sid shirtless and the older man hadn’t been working a second job at a gym back then. He’d been in-shape, but not nearly so well-defined and Andy wondered how that new strength could be put to use. He’d always enjoyed Sid manhandling him. Wondered now if Sid might be able to pick him up. Wondered if he could pick _Sid_ up. Wondered when he’d get a chance to map out all of the changes to Sid’s body - not just the changes to Sid’s build, but the gleaming metal and splashes of ink now decorating him, which were so intriguing.

Before Andy could do anything other than admire Sid’s improved physique - including read the words now scrawled along Sid’s collarbones or catalogue any other changes - Sid was turning a little to the side and shrugging the shirt off his right shoulder. The black-and-red tribal tattoo that curled around Sid’s upper arm was now in full view. It was something Andy had only seen glimpses of in the last couple of weeks; the bottom half of it bared by Sid’s t-shirt sleeve a time or two. Now he could see that it started just above Sid’s elbow, crawling up over the top of his shoulder in curling spirals. And there, at the very top of his arm, was a space created by the swirling red and black lines. They formed a heart, and inked in gorgeous calligraphy inside of it were two letters.

**_A.D._ **

Andy’s heart began to beat a frantic rhythm against his ribs, pulse jumping wildly. Sid had inked _his initials_ onto his body, permanently. There could be no greater proof that Sid loved him, and always had.

Andy reached out, fingers skimming along the letters and the looping lines of red and black that surrounded it. “I can’t believe you did this...”

Sid huffed out a small laugh. “Well, the placement was something that shifted around a few times. Originally it was going somewhere else, but at the time we were only a couple months out from our break-up and I was trying to date and it just seemed...counterproductive. Putting it where I’d planned to, I mean. So it wound up on my arm instead.”

“Where...” Andy looked up from the lines he’d been tracing with his fingers, curious. “Where were you going to put it originally?”

Sid turned so he was facing Andy properly, and tapped the pale skin just below the hollow of his throat, in the empty space between the words that scrawled along his collarbones. “Here.”

Andy’s eyes tracked over the words and his heart again stuttered madly in his chest. **_’FOREVER MY HEART’_** on the right side of Sid’s collar bone; **_’BEYOND INFINITY’_** on the left. The idea of his initials there, between those two phrases...it was heady and thrilling and he almost wished Sid had done it. It probably didn’t help that he hated the idea of Sid dating; hoped whoever he’d been with had seen Andy’s initials on Sid’s arm and known they’d never have Sid’s heart; that it belonged to someone else. The wave of jealousy was unexpected, because Andy had never considered himself a jealous person. He and Sid hadn’t even been together at the time, and Andy had been with Ben, but the hot flickers of envy still licked at his insides.

He let his fingertips trace the ink staining Sid’s collarbones, a little awed by the way Sid let him. He watched the hollow of Sid’s throat flutter as he breathed; the way his chest rose and fell with uneven shudders and gasps; the way his whole body went taut beneath Andy’s touch. He let his hand ghost downwards, stopping to toy lightly with the simple silver ring that went through Sid's left nipple. Sid's stomach clenched and he hissed out a sound that was almost pained. Too-straight teeth sank into Sid's lower lip as Andy gave a light tug to the ring, enjoying the newfound power he had over the older man.

“This is new.” He murmured, shooting Sid a look from under his eyelashes that was in no way innocent.

He leaned down, flicking his tongue across the gleaming metal and practically purring with satisfaction when Sid cursed under his breath and had to lean back against the door to stay upright. Smiling mischievously at Sid, he added in a low growl. “I think I like it.”

“Andy...” Sid sounded breathless, and dazed, and Andy wanted to do a fist-pumping, butt-wiggling, utterly dorky dance of victory because _he had caused that._

Instead, he simply waited in silence, fingers brushing the well-defined line below Sid's pectoral muscle. It was teasing, but less-so than his earlier touches had been by far. He wasn't willing to cede control back to Sid - not just yet - and this was his way of keeping it. And maybe it was playing just a little dirty; just a little underhanded. Andy figured that could be forgiven, in light of the skewed balance of power their relationship had contained in their first go-round. Besides, Sid didn't seem to be complaining at all.

Sid cleared his throat after a moment, then said hoarsely. “If you don't stop, I...I don't know what's going to happen. I would _never_ force you to do anything, you know that, but I've been celibate for like, five months and if you keep touching me, I'm going to go off like a bottle rocket. Which I'd rather not do when I'd have to walk past my coworkers and students with damp pants. _So.”_

For the span of several heartbeats, Andy said nothing. When he finally did, it was with a steady certainty that belied his racing heart and sweaty palms.

“So...” Andy breathed into the still and quiet air between them. “Take me home.” Then, because there had been enough misunderstandings between them to last a dozen lifetimes, he added. _"With you."_

All Sid could do was nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed that there's now a final chapter count! That's because the ending is all planned out, I know what needs to be written...it's just a matter of actually writing it. XD
> 
> So, after this there's some smut...some wrap-up for the story itself...and then a pretty epilogue for you all.
> 
> I do hope you've all been enjoying this, and a _huge_ thank you to those of you who've stuck with me this far; I promise to take you all the way this time! Closing in on the end of this story after so long is bittersweet, and I hope everyone else feels the same way.  <3
> 
> As ever, comments thrill me. Come follow me on tumblr (( everything-a-wolf-could-want )) to see what new things I'm working on, to talk about my stories or fandom stuff or whatever, and to throw prompts at my head.
> 
> ~ Sly


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...this chapter contains explicit M/M sex. Ta-da! ***jazz hands*** I'll be honest; the smut gave me more than a little bit of trouble and I'm still not 100% satisfied with one part of it, but I think it's about the best it's going to get and I'm _so close_ to the end of this story that I finally just had to shrug my shoulders and say fuck it. So, apologies if it's not quite my best work, but it's still leagues better than some of the smut I've muddled through in my 15+ years of fandom, so there's that. :P
> 
> Comments thrill me; follow me on tumblr to keep abreast of what I'm working on. ❤️
> 
> ~ Sly
> 
> P.S. - Sid and Andy have a lovely conversation about safe sex during this chapter. Remember folks, communication is the key to any successful relationship!

Andy followed Sid out of the studio, letting the older man pull him along with strong fingers wrapped securely around his wrist. It didn’t take Sid more than a minute or two to spot Hannah, and they informed her that they were leaving. Together. Hannah had given them each a hug, promising Andy she’d tell Annie where he was and not to worry. Then Andy was being pulled out of the gym altogether. He stumbled a little as Sid led him through the parking lot, weaving in and out of the other cars as he muttered about not _quite_ remembering where he’d parked.

When Sid finally made a pleased sound, Andy was left blinking in shock. Because he hadn’t actually _seen_ the vehicle that had replaced Sid’s old car, and he hadn’t thought to ask Hannah what her brother was driving now. So he found himself gaping for a moment at sleek black and shiny chrome as Sid slung his body over the motorcycle they’d stopped next to. Sid tossed a helmet at Andy and he caught it on pure reflex, blinking a bit stupidly at the black fiberglass dome in his hands. Sid had pulled on a silver one, and was deftly fastening the strap. It was odd, seeing Sid’s familiar features disappear behind the reflective surface of the face shield, but he had to admit that the leather jacket and helmet - combined with the way Sid looked utterly at ease straddling the motorcycle - was somehow devastatingly sexy, in a _bad boy_ sort of way.

“Do you need a hand?” Sid asked, voice a little muffled through the helmet, gesturing to the one Andy was still holding. “The strap can be tricky if you aren’t used to it.”

A bit numbly, Andy slipped the enclosed helmet over his head, moving close enough that Sid could reach out and fasten the D-ring strap under his chin. He held still while Sid reached up and tugged the back of Andy’s helmet up, as though trying to pull it off. It shifted a little, but not much, and Sid nodded as though satisfied by this. He handed Andy a pair of gloves next, and Andy dutifully tugged them on while Sid did the same. As Andy swung his leg over the bike, seating himself snugly behind Sid, Andy wondered what he looked like. If he looked as stiff and out of place as he felt; like some sort of interloper. Or if he looked like he belonged - on the bike, and with Sid.

 _“Hold tight, Davis.”_ Andy startled at the sound of Sid’s voice inside his helmet. His slight jump was followed by the sound of Sid’s laughter, then the older man was talking again. _“Intercom headsets in the helmets. No need to panic. Seriously, though; hold on tightly. I don’t have a backrest for the passenger seat and I don’t want you sliding off when I accelerate. Keep your body in line with mine - don’t lean more or less than I do, especially when I’m taking corners. Keep your feet on the pegs, even if we’re stopped; I can keep the bike up on my own. If you need me to stop, let me know and I’ll stop as soon as it’s safe. If you want me to slow down, same goes.”_

Andy scooted forward as far as he could, thighs tight on either side of Sid’s hips and pelvis cradling Sid’s backside in a way that would have been enticing if Andy weren’t so preoccupied by the fact that this was his first time on a motorcycle. As it was, he was struggling to figure out what the hell he was supposed to hold on _to_ because the only thing he could see was the an odd little strip of leather that went across the seat just behind where Sid’s ass was, but with as far forward as Andy was sitting he couldn't possibly get a secure grip on it. Which left him wondering if he should he holding onto _Sid_ instead. Not that he minded clinging to the older man, he just wasn’t sure of proper motorcycle etiquette.

_”Arms around my waist, Davis. That flimsy strap they put in for you to hold isn’t worth a damn.”_

Taking in a shaky breath, Andy obeyed Sid’s voice, low and soothing in his ears. He slid his arms around Sid’s middle, pressing his chest tight to Sid’s back and sort of molding his body around the older man. Sid hummed thoughtfully through the helmet’s speaker, then. _”Remember to keep your body in line with mine, don’t let go, and Andy? Having you wrapped around me is one hell of a distraction so do me a favor and don’t make it any worse. I’ve got plans for you tonight and they don’t involve a trip to the hospital, okay?”_

Andy managed a jerky little nod, finally saying. “Yeah, okay. _Please_ don’t crash.” He wondered how his voice sounded to Sid; if it had come through the speaker in Sid’s helmet just as breathless and panicked as it had sounded to his own ears.

_”Deep breaths.”_

Sid’s voice was the same familiar, soothing cadence that it had always been when Andy had been stressed or nervous around him. The first time around, those moments had mostly been about sex. Lately, they’d been happening as he and Sid worked through their history. Sid’s weight shifted as he kicked the bike into life. Andy could _feel_ the roar of the engine as it resonated through the bike under him. It was unnerving and thrilling at the same time; something as new and wild and unpredictable as Sid had once seemed. The bike lurched forward a little as Sid did something with the handlebars, and Andy squeezed his eyes shut even as he tightened his grip on Sid’s waist.

Sid’s laughter echoed in Andy’s ears again, warm and gentle and loving, as the bike let out a soft roar while starting forward. _”Relax, Davis. I’m a good driver.”_

The words took Andy back to the first time Sid had said them, on their very first date more than a year earlier. And just like that, Andy was relaxing against Sid, melting into the line of his body and opening his eyes. Sid maneuvered easily through the quiet streets. Most people were already at their midnight-destinations, as it was creeping up on half-past eleven. There were almost no cars on the road, and though the cold air held the icy bite of snow it hadn’t started to fall yet. It wasn’t long before Sid was pulling into his assigned parking space outside his apartment building and shutting off the bike.

The air seemed unnaturally still without the engine’s idle purr to break it. Andy followed Sid off the bike, then held still while Sid unfastened the helmet for him before stowing them in a saddlebag. Andy tipped his head back and breathed deeply, savoring the needle-sharp pain of the frigid air biting into his lungs. It made the moment feel more real though Andy was still gazing up at the dark sky, clouds heavy with the promise of precipitation, rather than looking at Sid.

“Coming?” Sid asked, no frustration or impatience in his voice. Just a gentle curiosity and a sort of quiet fondness that made Andy smile softly to himself.

“Not yet.” He mumbled under his breath, even as he reached out to take Sid’s offered hand. Sid heard him and laughed, the sound loud and unrestrained in a way that made Andy’s heart race. With his own lips twitching up, he nodded towards the building. “Come on, Sid. Take me home.” Lips curving a little further, he added lowly. “Take me to _bed.”_

Sid was more than happy to oblige.

~*~*~*~

Sid moaned as Andy pushed him back against his bedroom door the second he closed it, ignoring the way Zurg was whining from the other side. He loved his dog, _really,_ but a wet nose in the wrong place at the absolute wrong time was one hell of a mood killer. He wasn’t risking it; not with Andy. Not during their first time since...well, since their first - _and last_ \- time. Andy’s hands felt like they were _everywhere_ and Sid had to wonder how he’d ever thought he could live without this boy in his life. He cupped Andy’s gorgeous face in his hands and pulled him in for another kiss, hips rocking forward without thought as strong hands pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

Sid let his hands drop so Andy could push his shirt off the rest of the way, breaking the kiss as his head dropped back against the door with a quiet _thud._ Andy’s lips were at his throat a moment later, one hand coming up to toy with Sid’s nipple piercing again. Sid made a keening sort of sound at the back of his throat, high and needy, utterly unabashed in his desire for Andy. The younger man grinned against Sid’s throat - he could feel the press of teeth there, against his skin - before licking a line up from Sid’s collarbone to where his pulse was fluttering madly just behind his ear.

“God, I’ve missed this.” Andy whispered, voice low and dark.

Sid groaned out his agreement even as he brought it his own hands up between them, determined to strip Andy out of his neatly pressed button-up. His suit jacket had been left somewhere between the front door and the bedroom, but Sid still felt like they were both wearing far too much clothing. Andy laughed, soft and delighted, at the way Sid was fumbling, capturing his wrists a moment later. Sid stared for a long moment at those hands - bigger than his own, less fine-boned and slender, tanned and strong and capable - curled around his own pale, slender wrists. Then he looked up into blue eyes gone dark and heated with desire and wondered how he’d ever gotten so lucky.

“Let me.” Andy murmured, before pressing a kiss to each of Sid’s palms. He released Sid’s wrists, then started in on his own shirt buttons. When Andy quirked an eyebrow at him, Sid felt his heart stutter madly in his chest. “Just going to watch me, or are you going to strip yourself?”

“Sorry.” Sid murmured even as his hands started in on the buckle for his belt. He never took his eyes off Andy as the younger man stripped, quick and efficient; no concept of how to tease, just an honest desire. Sid got his fly open and then promptly forgot what he was supposed to be doing as Andy’s own slacks were undone.

Andy shot him a dimpled smile even as he dropped his trousers and stood in front of Sid in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxers. “Don’t apologize, Sid. I like that you want to look at me. I love that you want me.”

“Yeah, well, I-i-uuungh, _fuck-”_ Sid cut himself off as Andy crowded in close again, roughly shoving his pants down. Sid hastily stepped out of them, panting into Andy’s mouth as the younger man captured his lips for another kiss, this one a little more frantic; a little more demanding.

He gasped in surprise when Andy’s hands were suddenly on the back of his thighs, _lifting him._ But Sid knew if he struggled he’d likely make Andy drop him and heaven knew he trusted Andy, so Sid went with it. Mouths still locked together, Sid wound his arms around Andy’s shoulders and his legs around Andy’s waist and just let Andy take his weight. And Sid knew they were the same height now; knew Andy had always been strong...but he was no light-weight himself, did heavy-lifting every day and worked out regularly, and god knew he’d put on some weight in the last year in pure muscle. But it didn’t seem to bother Andy, who walked them to the bed and lowered Sid onto his back like it was nothing; like Sid was _delicate_ or something. It brought a flush to Sid’s face and neck and chest. It made him wonder why he’d always worked so hard to be the one in charge; to be the one doing the manhandling. Because _this?_ Andy, lifting him like he weighed nothing and moving Sid exactly where he wanted him?

It was _hot._

Andy knelt between Sid’s thighs like he was meant to be there, though he was keeping his weight off of Sid with the hands he’d braced on either side of Sid’s shoulders.

“God, I can’t believe how long it’s been since we did this...” Andy murmured, leaning down and letting his lips skate along the edge of Sid’s jaw for a moment before he dipped down lower and pressed a kiss to the middle of Sid’s chest.

“I can’t believe how long it’s been since I just...touched you.” He dragged one of his palms up and down Sid’s side, just firm enough to not tickle. “Or since I kissed you...” He scattered a series of quick kisses over Sid’s chest, in no discernable pattern. “Since I _tasted_ you.”

Sid gasped, the sound sliding into a ragged moan as Andy’s tongue flicked over his nipple ring before Andy caught it in his teeth and _tugged._ “Jesus, _fuck...”_ Sid managed to spit out and Andy laughed, his warm breath against damp skin and metal making Sid whimper and squirm under him. “I...I c-can’t, Andy, I...”

Andy lifted his head, eyes sparkling and a wicked little smirk curving his lips. One hand slipped down, cupping the front of Sid’s briefs. “Oh, I think you can...” Andy teased, though there was nothing but love and desire in his voice when he spoke.

Sid bucked up into his hand before he could stop himself, swearing softly under his breath as he felt the fabric go a little damp against Andy’s palm.

“I-i’m going to...” Sid gasped, hips hitching up again - with _out_ his permission - when Andy rocked his palm just the littlest bit. Andy leaned down, tongue tracing the curve of Sid’s pierced ear, slipping from skin to metal and back again easily, like it _wasn’t_ one of the most erotic things Sid had ever felt.

“Do it.” Andy’s voice was a husky murmur, edged with desperation and desire, but when he pulled back to meet Sid’s eyes there was the faintest hint of uncertainty there. “Come on, Sid...”

Sid wondered if Andy still doubted his own desirability; if he still worried that he wasn’t enough for Sid. And while Sid had never been one for the mess or embarrassment that accompanied coming on your pants, he wasn’t about to deny Andy this small measure of reassurance that he was wanted. It’s not like letting go of his control was a particularly difficult thing to do, anyway.

Sid let his eyes fall closed, head dropping back as he rocked up into the continued pressure of Andy’s palm against his cock. There was a barrier there, of course, but thin cotton wasn’t much of one, especially not when it was already damp with precome. Andy’s hand was hot and sure and Sid’s likes hadn’t changed much in a year so Andy certainly knew how much pressure was _just enough_ without being too much. Sid focused on the touch, and the fact that it was _Andy_ touching him, and before he’d even had much of a chance to enjoy the heat pooling low in his belly, he was right on the edge. Because this...this was so much better than his own hand and that was all he’d had in _months._

When Andy leaned in and captured Sid’s lips in another kiss, that was all it took to push Sid over the edge. He gasped and keened and _maybe_ sobbed a little bit, the sounds swallowed down by Andy. His hands scrabbled at the sheets for a few seconds before he reached up and clutched at Andy’s shoulders instead, nails biting in _just a bit._ Sid didn’t have the presence of mind to be sorry about it, though; he was busy shaking apart. A small part of him was embarrassed about the sticky-wet heat painting the inside of his briefs, but most of him was too busy melting into the mattress like a puddle of satisfaction and pleasure.

“Fuck, that’s hot...” Andy breathed against his mouth, before drawing back and looking down to see the way Sid’s underwear was clinging damply to him. “I can’t believe you did that.”

Sid laughed, breathless and boneless and feeling... _soft._ “I told you, it’s been a while for me.” He hummed happily as Andy leaned in to kiss him again, sweet for all that he could practically taste Andy’s own frustrated desire. When they parted, he shifted his hips a little and murmured. “I’m kinda sticky now, though, so...”

Andy laughed as well, cheeks flushing with amusement as he sat back on his heels and grinned down at him. “So get naked, then.” Smile going wicked around the edges, he added softly. “I’m not done with you yet.”

“Good.” Sid nudged Andy to one side and hastily shimmied out of his briefs, tossing them in the general direction of his laundry basket. “Because I’ve got a few things I _really_ want to do with you before tonight is over.”

Andy laughed again - and _god,_ but Sid loved that sound - before rolling back on top of Sid and kissing him again. It was a little sloppy, and a little off-center, but Sid tipped his head a little and compensated. Soon enough Andy was resting snugly between Sid’s legs, weight resting a little on Sid and a little on his own elbows, the only barrier between them Andy’s boxers. Which were doing _nothing_ to mute the feel of Andy’s erection, pressed firmly against Sid’s lower belly. Sid didn’t mind, though. Wanted nothing more than to feel Andy against him for the rest of forever. Savored the way the metal ball on his tongue clicked softly when it traced the line of Andy’s teeth. Took pleasure in every minute hitch in Andy’s breathing. Reveled in the way Andy pressed closer and moaned when Sid tilted his head back and surrendered control of the kiss, letting Andy lick into his mouth in turn. Delighted in the way he could feel Andy’s growing desperation; the way it translated through every kiss and touch, filling the room with something he’d thought was lost to him forever.

Because the way he and Andy had always been when they were _together_ was simultaneously the best and most terrifying thing Sid had ever experienced. It was wild, and desperate, and all-consuming. Sid had forgotten, a little, what it was like. Convinced himself that he was distorting the memories; that there was _no way_ it had actually been as...as _overwhelming_ as he remembered it feeling. But it _was._ It was everything he remembered, and then some. It was this huge thing - this enormous need - that woke up inside him when he and Andy were together; when Andy’s mouth was against his and Andy’s hands were on his skin. And this monstrous thing grabbed at Sid. It gripped him tight and _demanded_ things from him. It made him want everything he could take from Andy; everything Andy would give him and more besides. It begged for Andy’s love, and time, and attention but it was never satisfied; never sated.

It was every greedy, selfish thought Sid had ever had about Andy, all rolled into one moment; one feeling. And as much as Sid wouldn’t trade it for anything, he wondered if he should try to stay in control of it. Which was a ridiculous thought, because the way he felt was so wildly _out_ of his control. Instead, Sid decided all he could do was hold tight to Andy with everything in him and see it through.

If nothing else, it would be one _hell_ of a ride.

~*~*~*~

Andy loved the way Sid was falling apart under him. Loved the way Sid was laid bare, stripped down to nothing but skin and already boneless and pliant with one orgasm. Loved that Sid had relinquished control to him, letting Andy take him apart to the point where he _literally_ came in his pants. It was heady, and thrilling, and utterly intoxicating. Because Sid had always been the one leading; the one in control. _Sid_ had been the one with all the experience, and Andy had always felt like he was just...along for the ride. This? This was _different_ and Andy couldn't resist the urge to push for more of the feeling.

He drew back enough to take in the flush of renewed desire on Sid’s face - skin rosy beneath the goatee Andy had always found devilishly handsome on Sid’s wicked face - and asked huskily. “Supplies?”

“Wh-uh...ah...” Sid laughed, low and breathless, before flailing one hand in the direction of his nightstand. The gesture was oddly graceless for Sid and Andy found it sweetly endearing even as he crawled across the bed to reach the drawer. “In there. Ah, I think? I don’t...there’s definitely lube. Condoms, I don’t...uh, know.”

Andy froze while rooting through the drawer, glancing back at Sid with the first stirrings of nervousness since he’d made this decision back at the party. “We, uh...you and I, I mean. We never used...”

Sid swallowed loud enough that Andy could hear it, then slowly pushed himself up to sitting. “Yeah, I know. I’d always used them before you, and I got tested regularly anyway, so I knew I was clean. And you were a virgin, so I wasn’t really worried about catching anything from you, and you never asked for them, so...”

“Don’t think I really thought about it.” Andy admitted, fingers curling around the lube. There _was_ a condom in the drawer - a lone foil packet, swimming amidst the random detritus in the drawer - and he fished that out as well before turning to face Sid again, sitting close to - but not touching - the older man. “I used them with Ben, every time. He always insisted. So I...I’m clean.”

Andy tapped the foil packet and added lowly. “If you want to use it, we can.”

Sid’s mouth opened, then he closed it again, biting his lower lip thoughtfully. After a minute, he said. “I don’t. Want to use it, I mean. I...I’ve always been careful, and I was tested after my last partner, and I _trust you._ I know you’d never do anything to hurt me. And I...”

Andy waited for a minute, but Sid didn’t continue so he prodded a little. “You what?”

“I want to feel you.” Sid admitted, and his voice had gone breathy and deep and liquid in a way that pulled at something in Andy. “I’ve never been one for bottoming, and the idea of the mess accompanying barebacking as a bottom always made me cringe, but I...I _want that._ With you. If...if you want it, too.”

Andy felt his heart miss a few beats, stuttering wildly before it began to beat again, jackrabbit quick against the inside of his ribs. “You...want me to top?” And Andy was honest enough to admit he wanted that too - to admit that he’d been planning to _ask_ for that and had even been tentatively hopeful that Sid would agree - but to have Sid ask instead was something he hadn’t dared to hope for.

Sid nodded slowly, green eyes wide and dark and locked on Andy’s own. “Yeah. I do. Is...is that a problem for you, or...?” He cleared his throat, looking away for a moment before his eyes darted back to Andy’s face searchingly, and he added. “If you’d rather do it the other way, I can...I mean, that’s fine, too. I just...”

“No, it’s fine.” Andy said, maybe a little too quickly if the way Sid raised an eyebrow at him was anything to go by, but he didn’t care. “I...I want that, too.” Feeling his own face flushing, he added honestly. “But you should know that I, uh...haven’t. Done that, I mean. Ever. So, if I’m horrible...”

“I don’t care.” Sid said, and Andy might have taken offense at the laughter in his voice if he hadn’t looked so fond as he shifted his body into Andy’s space, straddling Andy’s lap and rubbing their noses lightly together. “I don’t care if it’s messy, and awkward, and lasts for three minutes. I don’t care if I don’t orgasm again. I just...want to feel close to you, in a way I’ve never been close to anyone else. Okay?”

“Okay.” Andy agreed, throat a little tight with emotion. “Yeah, okay. So, how do you...want to do this?”

“Hmmm...” Sid grinned and Andy’s heart stuttered again, because he _loved_ when Sid looked at him like that, all wicked intent and obscenity. “Well, I think I’m going to let you do most of the work, Davis.”

Sid leaned in, breath hot against Andy’s cheek before whispering in his ear. “I’m going to get on my hands and knees, and you’re going to get me all slick and open. Then, when I’m writhing on your fingers, you’re going to _fuck_ me. Sound good?”

Andy gave Sid a little shove, sending the man toppling back onto the mattress, startled laughter spilling past his lips as he bounced a bit. “Yeah.” Andy agreed, smirking down at Sid and using one hand to make a lazy sort of gesture that implied spinning. “So what are you waiting for, Sid? An engraved invitation?”

“Oooh, bossy all of a sudden, aren’t we?” Sid turned over, though, and pulled his legs up under him. He dropped his weight down to his forearms, arching his back and presenting the pale, gorgeous curve of his ass to Andy before he shot a cocky grin over his shoulder and added. “I kind of like it.”

Andy swatted Sid on the ass, barely hard enough to sting, and laughed when Sid arched his back and moaned in a way that was too loud to be anything but fake before crying out mockingly. “Oh yeah, spank me harder!” In fact, Andy laughed so hard he had to lean back against Sid’s headboard to catch his breath.

Sid was laughing as well, face buried in his arms and his whole body shaking. It was both ridiculous and oddly endearing, not to mention a little enticing because of the way his ass was still in the air. Finally, Andy got control of his giggles and Sid seemed to as well, turning to smile at Andy over his shoulder again. His cheeks were flushed with color, green eyes bright and amused. Andy couldn't help but smile back, sweet and pleased. The whole situation was new, and strange, but terribly lovely.

“I love you.” Andy murmured the words as he leaned in, brushing his lips over the small of Sid’s back. As Sid’s face darkened further with a blush, Andy slowly kissed his way up that long, slender back. His lips pressed soft words into Sid’s fair skin. “I loved you before, obviously, but now...I love you. _This_ you. The you that you’ve become, who’s open and sweet and precious in ways I can’t explain.”

“A-andy, I...” Sid’s voice was colored with embarrassment and it made Andy smile where his lips were pressed to the spot between Sid’s shoulderblades.

“Hush.” Andy murmured, letting his mouth drift a little higher even as he used one hand to find the lube. He nipped at the back of Sid’s neck and the older man’s soft gasp covered the quiet snick of the lid opening. “I don’t want reasons, or promises, or apologies. Not now.”

Andy straightened up behind Sid, taking a second to admire the long, lean lines of Sid’s form before he added. “I just want _you._ Flawed, imperfect, utterly wicked...exactly the way you are.”

Sid made a funny little sound at the back of his throat as Andy brushed slick fingers over his hole. Slender hips canted back into the touch, trembling thighs spreading a bit further apart as Sid opened for him. Andy couldn't help it; couldn't resist leaning down and pressing hot-damp kisses to Sid’s back and hips and the curve of his ass, even as he slowly stretched Sid’s body to accommodate him. He drank in the sounds Sid made - low and keening and growing steadily louder with every slow, torturous press of Andy’s fingers - and panted against pale skin that was growing slick with sweat, salty against Andy’s lips in a way that promised him this was real. Not one more fantasy; one more dream he’d wake up from, arms empty and heart broken all over again. _Real._ Real, and everything Andy had ever wanted.

“Please...” Sid was mewling now and writhing on Andy’s fingers, just as he’d promised he would. His words came out gasping; pleading; _desperate._ Nothing could have thrilled Andy more. “A-andy, I, nnngh... _please,_ I w-want...I _need..._ Andy, _now,_ please!”

“Yes...” Andy hissed, sliding his fingers free and curling himself down over Sid’s back.

The older man was practically sobbing as Andy lined himself up and pressed forward. He groaned, forehead pressed to Sid’s sweat-slicked shoulder as he was surrounded by _hot,_ and _tight,_ and _slick;_ by _Sid._ He’d never realized what it would feel like. Had imagined it would be similar to having a slicked-up hand curled around him, or even that it would be close to what it had always felt like to thrust into the welcoming warmth of Sid’s mouth. This was different, though, in a thousand small ways. This was soft, wet heat clinging to every inch of him as he drew back and yielding again each time he pushed forward. This was a delicious friction he’d never imagined. This was a litany of breathless exclamations spilling past his lips, and the way Sid shivered beneath him and panted into the mattress.

This...this was... _everything,_ and Andy could feel the tension coiling low in his belly, quicker than it ever had in the past. This wouldn’t take long, not at all, and Andy couldn't be bothered to be embarrassed about it. Not when it felt _so good._

“W-wait...” Sid gasped out suddenly and Andy froze behind him, terrified he’d done something wrong or hurt Sid somehow. As though sensing where Andy’s thoughts had gone, Sid let out a breathless laugh. “I’m fine. You’re doing good, really.”

“But?” Andy asked, lips brushing the curve of Sid’s ear as he hooked his chin over Sid’s shoulder. “It sounds like there’s a _but_ coming.”

Sid let out a choked snort and it only took Andy a second to realize why. He sighed, exasperated. “Accidental puns aside, Sid...what’s wrong?”

Sid huffed and sounded amused and fond when he answered. “Nothing’s _wrong._ But you were definitely about to come and, as much as I want that and as much as I said I was going to let you do all the work and that I didn’t care if I came again...” Sid turned his head enough to nuzzle Andy’s cheek with his nose and murmured. “You got my engine all revved up teasing me with your fingers, and I’d really like to finish properly, with your cock still buried inside me.”

“O-okay.” Andy swallowed hard, because _yeah, okay._

He wanted that, too. Wanted to know Sid had enjoyed being fucked full of his cock _so much_ that he’d come from it. Wanted the satisfaction and pride of knowing he’d made Sid come that way, when Sid had stated he didn’t normally enjoy bottoming. Wanted Sid to like this enough that he’d _beg for it_ in the future. Andy never wanted to doubt this part of their relationship again, and he’d do whatever it took to ensure that.

Taking a shaky breath, he asked. “What do you need me to do?”

“Straighten up.” Sid murmured. So Andy did, settling his hands lightly on Sid’s hips as he knelt behind him. “Shift your knees forward, as far as you can. Lean back if you have to, to make room.”

Andy obeyed again, bracing his weight on one arm stretched behind himself and wondering how the hell this position was going to work. He got his answer a moment later when Sid straightened up as well, leaning back until he was seated on Andy’s lap. Sid was panting and trembling and making soft sounds in his throat as he settled into place, making Andy wonder what, exactly, it felt like for him. He’d never had sex in this position before; couldn't image how it would feel for Sid, except that the angle was clearly a _very_ good one, if the way Sid was unsubtly rocking his hips was any indication. Since Sid was fully seated, Andy straightened back up.

As he moved, Sid moaned, low and throaty, and dropped his head back so it was resting on Andy’s shoulder. “Fuck, that feels good.” Sid turned his head and kissed Andy’s jaw, letting his teeth drag along the edge before he murmured. “Ready for me to ride you, Davis?”

Andy mouthed at Sid’s throat, setting his teeth against the tendon above Sid’s collarbone just hard enough to wring a cry from Sid before he replied. “Come on then, Phillips. Let’s see what you’ve got.” And feeling bold, he added huskily. “Fuck yourself on my cock.”

Sid laughed, the sound bright and a bit startled, though he obligingly began moving his hips. “God, that was equal parts hot and hilarious.” Sid laughed again, though it was more breathless and the sound ended on a gasping sort of exhalation of breath as he moved a little faster.

Andy ignored Sid’s words in favor of focusing on what their bodies were doing. He settled one hand on Sid’s hip, then shifted his legs further apart. Sid’s legs spread as well, because Andy’s were tucked neatly between his, and the resulting cry told Andy he’d made the right choice. He peeked over Sid’s shoulder for a moment, looking down the length of the older man’s body and watching the way it moved. Watching the rolling motion of Sid’s abs and hips; watching the shift of muscles under skin in his toned thighs; watching the way Sid’s cock was bouncing with the sway of his body. Andy brought his hand up to curl around Sid’s cock, swiping his thumb over the slick head as he stroked, and Sid’s movements sped up just a bit in response. It was heady and, coupled with the vice-like heat around his cock, Andy knew he wouldn’t last long at all.

Andy let Sid’s rolling hips do most of the work towards his own orgasm, focusing instead on trying to bring Sid off in other ways; hoping a little that the divide in his attention would help _him_ last longer, as well. Still stroking Sid with one hand, he let his other skim up Sid’s side. He stopped to toy with Sid’s nipple ring, loving the way Sid responded to him lightly tugging on the metal ring. It wasn’t long at all - a few minutes at most, if Andy was guessing - before Sid was reaching back with one arm, hooking it around the back of Andy’s neck and clawing at Andy’s shoulder as he sped up, fucking himself down onto Andy’s cock with a swiftly growing desperation and enthusiasm. Andy sped up his stroking hand in kind, dropping the other down to brace behind himself on the mattress.

Andy leaned back a bit, letting his arm take more of his weight, and Sid leaned forward in counter-balance. As much as Andy hated the space between their upper-bodies, he couldn't deny how _good_ it felt as he started meeting Sid’s rolling hips with hard, fast thrusts of his own. The increasingly loud cries spilling from Sid’s lips were certainly gratifying as well, and Andy didn’t even mind that Sid’s cock was now out of his reach as well. Sid took care of that himself a moment later, one hand taking his weight while the other slipped down to stroke himself feverishly. Andy left him to it, trusting Sid to know how to get himself off and focusing now on his own pleasure; on the rising flush of heat and need pooling low in his belly.

A few more thrusts and Sid was tightening around him with a sharp cry, his whole body going limp and boneless even as shudders continued to wrack his lithe frame. Growling, Andy curled himself over Sid’s pliant body and thrust a few more times. That was all it took for him to spill himself inside the older man, collapsing on top of him afterwards as his arms gave out, refusing to support his weight any longer.

As he panted heavily into Sid’s shoulder, the older man groaned and squirmed under him. “Davis, get your fat ass off of me before you crush me to death.”

Laughing - feeling light-headed and soft and pleased - Andy rolled to the side, wincing a little at the soft whimper Sid let out when Andy pulled out of him. “Sorry.” He said softly, smiling when Sid turned towards him and curled into him, not even minding the way Sid’s quickly cooling come was smearing all over his side. “So, that was...”

“Perfect.” Sid said, nuzzling at Andy’s chest and making a happy little purring sound. “Messy, and funny, and amazing, and just perfect.”

“Awesome.” Andy was still grinning dopily; could feel it on his own face and knew he had to look like an idiot. He felt too good to give a shit.

He closed his eyes and savored the weight and heat of Sid in his arms for several minutes before finally speaking again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Course you can.” Sid said, sounding half-asleep. “Wha’sit?”

Andy debated briefly about waiting until the next day to ask, when Sid was sure to be more coherent, but he knew it would drive him crazy until he knew. “Why’d you take your piercing out?”

“Hmmm?” Sid raised his head a little, blinking in confusion at Andy. “What piercing?”

Andy could feel his face heating with a blush and Sid’s eyes widened in understanding a moment later. _”Oh._ I just...it was a lot of maintenance. Keeping it clean and all. And...” Andy watched as Sid seemed to struggle to find the right words, giving him a chance to sort out how to say whatever he was thinking. “I got it back when I was slutting around, you know? And after you, I...wasn’t. I dated, but I didn’t do a whole lot of fucking anymore and now it’s been _months._ ”

Sid shrugged awkwardly from his position, still tucked into Andy’s side. “I dunno, I just...I hit two months without even a date and I figured, why keep it in? I was actually stoned when I got it done and I only kept it in because it hurt so fucking much getting it done that it seemed stupid to take it out right away, you know? It felt good, but...I prefer my other piercings.”

Andy nodded but didn’t speak and Sid asked nervously. “Are you...do you miss it, or...?”

“No.” Andy reassured Sid immediately, pressing a kiss to his dark hair. “I don’t care, one way or the other. I was just curious is all.” He slipped a hand between them and brushed his fingers over Sid’s nipple ring for a moment before settling back into position, adding. “I like this one, though.”

“So do I.” And Sid was back to sounding soft and amused, so Andy counted it as a win.

There was several minutes of soothing silence, and Andy was slowly drifting off to sleep when Sid whispered. “Hey, Andy?” He made a soft sound of assent to show he was listening and Sid continued. “Happy New Year.”

Andy smiled into the dark, eyes still closed, and mumbled sleepily. “Happy New Year, Sid.”

As he sank into dreams, Andy didn’t think he’d ever been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, two things:
> 
> 1) Yes, I switched up Andy and Sid's dynamic. I wanted to showcase their power-shift as well as how both Sid and Andy have changed. Andy's more confident, both in and out of the bedroom, and he's not quite content to just let his partner lead anymore. Sid is softer and more pliable; more willing to bend and give; more willing to cede control and power to Andy, in a number of ways. Sid's decision to bottom - and Andy's newfound desire to top - are meant to highlight that.
> 
> 2) This is the third time I've written a fic with a motorcycle in it. The first was a Kevedd fic and I didn't have the teenage motorcycle driver give his passenger a proper talk before they rode together because, well, he was a teen driver and they aren't always the most conscientious. The second was my other Sid/Andy fic and I don't really get into the motorcycle thing much; it's mostly just a passing mention. For this one, I have Sid do things the right way. He explains to Andy what he expects of him as a passenger - in regards to body-lean, what to do with his feet when the bike is stopped, and asking him to communicate if he needs Sid to slow/stop - and is basically a good driver. He even gives Andy gloves _and_ does a roll-over check on Andy's helmet, which is _super_ important to do when you're wearing a helmet that wasn't bought specifically to fit _you._ I wanted to give Sid better driver etiquette in this because I've seen some negative reviews because of a character's _lack_ of driver etiquette, as it pertains to motorcycles, and I wanted to avoid that here. XD
> 
> As ever, comments keep me going (and keep in mind, we've only got two parts left!) and I love it when folks drop by my tumblr (( everything-a-wolf-could-want )) to follow, or chat, or lob prompts at my head. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
> 
> ~ Sly
> 
> P.S. - I am a lying liar who lies. XD I've written _four_ fics with motorcycles, not three. The other one is a Drarry WIP fic, but the motorcycles are barely mentioned and there's no tandem-riding going on which is why I forgot about it. My bad.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter, my darlings. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ The epilogue will be posted shortly as well.
> 
> **_READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES - BEGINNING AND END - FOR THIS AND THE EPILOGUE, PLEASE!_ **
> 
> ~ Sly

Sid slid off his motorcycle, staring up at the Davis’ house with a growing ball of anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach. He’d barely made it a few steps up the walkway when the door slammed open and Molly ran out. She threw herself at him, slender arms winding around his waist as she buried her head in his stomach. Her face was red, and tear-streaked, and she was sobbing as she clung to him. Sid curled his arms around her, leaning down to rest his cheek against her golden curls, and shushed her soothingly. His throat was tight with tears as well, though, and he knew she could tell because her breath hitched in her chest and she clung a little tighter.

“I’m going to miss him, _so much.”_ Molly whispered, voice hoarse even as she drew back to blink watery blue eyes at Sid. “I...I’m going to m-miss you _all...”_

“Shhh...” Sid crooned lowly, hands cupping her cheeks gently before he leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to the center of Molly’s forehead. “We’ll be back for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Easter. Your birthday. And, of course, we’ll come visit over the summer. Andy and Hannah might come for a few weeks without me then, since I’ll have to carefully choose my days off from work, but still. You’ll see us all plenty, I promise.”

“Not enough.” Molly sniffled, voice damp around the edges still though she was clearly trying to get ahold of her emotions. “Not every day, like now.”

Sid smiled sadly, but nodded. “I know, but this is a part of growing up. Aren’t you proud of Andy and Hannah, though? They got into _Duke,_ and that’s a big deal. I know it’s far away, and I know it’s going to be hard on all of us, but you can call whenever you like and we’ll do regular video chats.”

“Molly...” Hannah’s voice had the little girl turning, pulling away from Sid at last, and Sid shot his sister a grateful smile over her head. “Come on, then. Let Sid help Andy put the rest of his boxes in his car, okay? We’ve still got to get the rest of Sid’s things - and what little _I_ have - into the moving van.”

As Molly trudged back into the house - where Sid could see Annie was waiting for her daughter and looking more than a little torn up herself - Hannah added. “Mom said you can park your bike in the garage until you’ve got a chance to drive it down. Thanksgiving, maybe, if we bring just one car back with us.”

“Thanks.” Sid continued up the walk. “I’ll move it once we’ve packed the car. How’s Andy holding up?”

Because this was different for his boyfriend than it was for him and Hannah. Andy was leaving his home; his mother; his sister. And yes, he’d have Hannah and Sid with him, but it was still a lot. Sid and Hannah had long since given up on their parents, and while they loved Molly and Annie it wasn’t the same as leaving _family_ behind. Not when they still had each other, which was all they’d really had for most of their lives anyway. So he knew this was going to be killing Andy, no matter how excited he was about college and renting an apartment with Hannah and Sid rather than staying in the dorms like most Freshmen. 

“He’s a wreck, obviously.” Hannah sighed softly, but she was smiling so Sid wasn’t _too_ worried. “But he’s holding up better than I expected. He’ll be okay once we’re there. The actual goodbyes are the hardest part.”

Sid nodded and Hannah slid her hand into his, curling their fingers together. “Come on. Andy still has a stop to make before he can help us load the moving truck and we can get on the road and I’d rather not get a later start than necessary considering how far we’re driving.”

Sid just let her pull him along.

~*~*~*~

“That’s the last box?” Sid asked as he took it from Andy’s arms and settled it in the little blue car.

“No, I’ve got one more.” Andy laughed, shaking his head. “Then I’ve just got to drop my old toys at Bonnie’s house and I’ll meet you at your place.”

Sid hummed, glancing into the open box he’d just set in the car’s backseat; it was prevented from closing by a tall lamp sticking out and he couldn't help noticing the cowboy toy inside. “If you’re giving your toys away, why’s this one not in the box with them?”

“Woody? No, he’s special.” Sid raised an eyebrow and Andy blushed, shrugging. “He was mom’s when she was a kid, and I just...I can’t imagine giving him away. I’ve had him my whole life. He was my protector when I was little, you know?”

Sid nodded and Andy gestured towards the house. “I’m just...going to go get that last box.”

Andy jogged away and Sid turned back to the car, staring at the cowboy he remembered better than he’d like to admit. He picked it up and pulled the string, resisting the urge to break the thing when that tinny voice drawled out the way it had in his nightmares for so long. _“Reach for the sky!”_

Sid glanced back at the house, but Andy wasn’t coming back yet. So he looked down at the cowboy and said. “I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I remember _you._ I’m Sid. Sid Phillips. And I don’t care what I’m supposed to think or believe, really. I _never_ stopped believing it had really happened. I _know_ it did. I know you’re _real._ I didn’t realize you were Andy’s, but...I definitely remember you.”

Sid brushed his thumb over the cowboy’s face, his mouth twisted up on itself. “Wonder if that’s why you fought me like that. Were you trying to get back to Andy? That’s when he was moving...” He curled a finger in the plastic hoop of the toy’s pullstring again, though he didn’t tug yet. “I guess I’m grateful, because I’m sure Andy needed you.”

He pulled the string and that tinny voice spoke again. _“This town ain’t big enough for the two of us!”_

Sid shuddered, then laughed weakly. “Yeah, maybe not. I know I’ll have a hell of a time sleeping with you in the same room as me, anyway, knowing what I know. Which is why I wanted to talk to you. Your toy-friends are going to a little girl who’s mom is friends with Annie. That’s Andy’s mom. Anyway, Bonnie should be a good owner and if you wanted to go with them...if you wanted to switch boxes, say, when my back is turned...well, I wouldn’t tell Andy you’d chosen to go.”

“Andy...” Sid hesitated for a second, glancing back at the house to make sure he was still alone before turning back to the toy in his hands. “Andy will be okay. He’s got me now, watching out for him. And maybe you can’t believe that, given what I was like when we met, but I...I love him. And he’s got me to take care of him. So, if you wanted to go with them...well. It’s your choice, anyway.”

Sid placed the toy back in the box, then turned around and braced his back against the side of the car, pointedly staring at the house. After a moment, he heard a very small throat clearing and jerked around. The cowboy - _Woody,_ he reminded himself - was standing in the box, blinking slowly up at him. Sid squeaked in surprise, eyes darting back to the house for a second to confirm the coast was clear before he looked back. “You’re not supposed to _do that.”_ He hissed, heart stuttering madly in his chest. “Bad enough you did it when I was a kid!”

Woody studied him for a moment, seemingly at a loss, then said softly. _“Wasn’t sure I’d make it to the right box before Andy came back. A little help...?”_

“Right, because I want to touch you when you’re _alive...”_ Sid grumbled, but he carefully scooped up the toy and stretched into the back with him, setting Woody on top of one of the flaps before carefully lifting the other _just a bit_ so Woody would be able to slip in. “Just...be good to this girl, okay? Take care of her, and I’ll take care of Andy for you. I promise.”

Woody sat down and started to slip into the opening in the box, pausing to glance back at Sid with a nervous look on his painted face. _“I know you don’t owe me anything - we’re even, after what you put me through and what we did to you in return - but if you could...if there’s ever a time when it’s right, could you...could you make sure Andy comes back for us? We’ll love Bonnie - toys_ always _love children who are good to them - but Andy is special. So if it’s ever possible...”_

Sid nodded slowly, wondering if Woody was implying what it sounded like he was. Woody nodded in return, then disappeared into the box. Hearing the screen door slap open and closed behind him, Sid quickly pulled himself out of the car and did his best to _not_ look guilty. Thankfully, Andy didn’t seem to notice a thing.

~*~*~*~

When they curled up together for their first night in their new bed in their new apartment, Andy asked the question Sid had been dreading. “Did you move Woody into the toys-for-Bonnie box?”

Part of Sid wanted to tell his boyfriend everything - he had a feeling Andy would believe him - but he also felt like that would be betraying the trust Woody had placed in him by confirming Sid’s memories. So instead, he mumbled apologetically. “It seemed wrong, separating your toys. Don’t you think they’d want to stay together, after all these years?”

Andy huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes even as he rested his chin on the arms he’d folded on Sid’s chest. “You are _completely_ ridiculous, did you know?” He leaned up and brushed their mouths together before settling back into position with a fond look on his face. “But also, that’s kind of sweet. And Bonnie seemed to really love Woody, so I’m not mad. It almost seemed like she knew who he was, even.”

Sid nodded, the tension bleeding out of him between one breath and the next once he knew Andy wasn’t going to pick a fight over Woody being gone. “I shouldn’t have done it without asking you.” He squeezed Andy’s waist with one hand, adding. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“I forgive you.” Andy murmured, eyes closing as he started to fall asleep. Sid didn’t blame him; it had been a _long_ couple of days.

And as Sid pulled Andy a little closer, savoring the sleepy sound of pleasure the younger man made and the warm, solid weight of him, he silently repeated his promises to Woody. _I’ll take care of him. And when it’s right...we’ll come and take you home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a really short chapter. I'm aware. It also slots neatly into the Canon for Toy Story Three, by referencing the toys going to Bonnie, Woody moving from one box to another, Andy off to college...you see where I'm going with this, obviously. I wanted the story to fit into the existing canon of the series as much as possible, and this chapter reconciles the story with the third movie as best I could manage.
> 
> All that's left is the epilogue, which I'll post in a little bit. Welcome to the end, darlings. ❤️
> 
> ~ Sly
> 
> P.S. - I'm curious how you all feel about Woody's special guest appearance in this final chapter. Let me know in the comments!


	23. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...a couple of things.
> 
> 1) I planned this as the epilogue over 4 years ago, when I started writing this. _So._ This has been a long time in the making, and I hope this final piece of it is enjoyed.
> 
> 2) This epilogue is actually a little bit longer than the previous (very short) final chapter. XD So that's fun.
> 
> I do hope you enjoy the last part of this story, and thank you so much for sticking with Sid and Andy on this journey of theirs! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 
> 
> ~ Sly
> 
> P.S. - Don't forget to check the final A/N at the end of this epilogue!

Woody wondered if a toy ever got used to their children growing up. He’d been through three children in his long existance - with large gaps between when his child outgrew playing with him and when he was passed on to the next one - and it never got any easier. The sharp ache inside when he was no longer cradled lovingly in small hands; when he was no longer moved around and spoken for; when he was no longer played with or even held - it never hurt any less.

Annie had been the worst, Woody thought. Partly because she’d been his first child...and partly because of the interminable wait he’d spent locked away in an attic with no other toys, wondering if he’d stay there until he finally faded into nothing. A toy away from children too long did that, after all; lost all sense of themselves and eventually became nothing but a hollow, empty shell. He’d felt that happening to him, in the years he’d spent in a dusty box, and he’d been _so afraid._ But then, one day, Annie had opened the box and taken him out and pressed him lovingly into the hands of a toddling Andy, so young he could barely speak. Woody had loved him every day since, and knew he always would.

Slowly losing Andy had been hard, but Woody had reminded himself that he’d done this before. He’d survived an attic, and this time he’d have the company of other toys. And one day, he was certain, Andy would take them from their storage boxes and give them to a new child; to _his_ child. It was what Woody had hoped for, from the first time he’d realized Andy was growing apart from him. So the choice to go with the other toys to Bonnie - the decision to trust _Sid Phillips,_ of all humans - hadn’t been an easy one. It meant risking never seeing Andy again. It meant risking never seeing Andy’s _children._ And that _hurt._ More than Woody would have thought possible.

So he’d made Sid promise to come back for them, and he held tight to that promise as Bonnie began to paint her nails and wear makeup. As she stopped playing pretend. As she _grew up._ And Woody had to give it to Bonnie. As far as children went, she was far better than most. At least once a week, she picked them up and stroked her fingers over them and brushed away the dust. It wasn’t playing, true...but it wasn’t abandonment, either. She still loved them, even if she’d outgrown their intended use.

Woody was sitting on a shelf above Bonnie’s desk, watching her do homework. He didn’t understand it, much, but he remembered enough of how things had gone with Andy to know they had a few more years - three, _maybe_ four, he wasn’t positive - before she was headed off to college. Before she packed up her childhood bedroom - her childhood _toys_ \- and decided whether to give them away, or throw them out, or pack them away for safekeeping. Woody knew she’d probably keep them, but his heart still hurt at the thought. And some small part of him still hoped that, one day, he’d see Andy again.

He heard the doorbell ring and Bonnie’s mother answered it before calling out her daughter’s name. Bonnie was grinning as she raced from the room and Woody wondered who it was she was so eager to see. He could hear her talking as she came back, loud and happy. _“...so_ happy for you, when Mom told me. And of course I still have them all, and I’ll miss them, but they definitely belong with him.”

Woody stared, unblinking for more reasons than just the obvious one, as Sid Phillips walked into Bonnie’s room with her, carrying a plastic bin with a lid. He was older - the faintest hint of grey was touching his dark hair, just at the temples - and he’d done away with the goatee he’d had the last time Woody had seen him. But Woody would never forget those vibrant green eyes, or that smile that had always seemed just a little too much like a smirk to be anything but _wicked._ He wondered where Andy was. Wondered if Sid was still _with_ him. Wondered what was going to happen now.

Sid smiled at Bonnie, and asked quietly. “Would you mind if I packed them up myself? There’s some nostalgia here for me, too. I _did_ grow up next door to him, after all...”

“Of course.” Bonnie laughed, grabbing her cell phone off her desk and nodding towards the door. “I’ve already said my goodbyes, a little at a time these last few weeks since you called. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” She glanced around the room, then added in a quieter voice. “They weren’t all his, but...you can take them all, if you like. It wouldn’t feel right, not keeping them together.”

Sid made a soft sound of agreement, and Bonnie smiled at him again before ducking out the room. She shut the door behind her, and Sid blew out a sharp breath as he set the bin down on the floor. He put his hands on his hips and seemed to be scanning the room, though his eyes didn’t find Woody up on the shelf. After a moment, the man shook his head and spoke out loud.

“Alright, Woody...I know you’re in here _somewhere._ I’ve got a promise to keep.” Sid’s voice was cautious, almost like he wasn’t sure he believed what he was doing would work. “Come on, cowboy, what’s one more break to this rule where I’m concerned?”

And that, Woody had to admit, was _very_ true. So he stood up and waved his hat, ignoring the frantic look Jessie shot him before she fell still again as Sid’s eyes landed on their shelf. _“Howdy, Sid.”_ Woody couldn't help smiling at the relieved look on the man’s face. _“Is...is Andy...?”_

“He’s great.” Sid laughed, reaching up and taking Woody down without hesitation. It was very different from how the man had touched him the last time they’d met, and Woody blinked a little in surprise.

Sid set him on Bonnie’s desk and Woody sat on the edge while Sid sat on the chair, still grinning. “We’re, uh...we got married. A few years back.” Sid held up his hand, showing Woody the gold band on his finger. “And I’ve been taking care of him, just like I said I would. And we...we’ve got a baby. Or rather, we’re _having_ a baby. It’s...it’ll be a few years, before they’re old enough to play with you, but...well, now seemed like as good a time as any to come and get you.”

 _“A baby.”_ Woody sounded awed, because it was what he’d wanted for a very long time. To be with Andy’s child. _“Is it a boy or a girl?”_

“We don’t know.” Sid admitted, looking sheepish. “Little tyke’s stubborn, which I guess isn’t too surprising since it’s a Davis _and_ a Phillips. But it won’t turn around and let the doctors take a peek, so we’re not sure.”

Woody nodded, then asked. _“Who...I mean, how...?”_

Sid huffed out a laugh. “What, you actually know enough about babies to understand why it’s odd for me to say it’s mine _and_ Andy’s?” Woody shrugged and Sid snickered and rolled his eyes before answering. “Hannah, my little sister...she’s carrying it. Andy’s the father. Molly’s offered to do the same for me, in a few years, when we’re ready to have another one. Two little kids, both related to both of us...it’s more than anyone in our position could hope for, and I’m grateful we’ve got the sisters we do, making it possible.”

Woody nodded, then jumped when Jessie’s hat landed next to him suddenly. He and Sid both looked up, to find the little red-haired cowgirl peering down at them from the shelf. _“Woody, what are you doing?”_ She demanded, voice frantic and eyes terrified as they stared down at him. _“That’s a human!”_

Sid stood, scooping Jessie up in an instant, shaking his head and tsking softly when she squeaked in fear before going limp. “I’ve known about you guys being alive since I was ten. Woody had to teach me a lesson about how to treat toys, I’m sorry to say. But you don’t have to hide around me, or be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”

Jessie sat up slowly, looking at Woody for confirmation. He nodded, and Jessie asked softly. _“You’re really taking us home to Andy?”_

“I am.” Sid nodded towards the plastic bin. “I’d like to make sure I don’t miss anyone. Bonnie said I can take any toy I like, so don’t worry if they’re new friends or old. Just...help me get everyone into the box, okay? I want to get you all into the nursery before Andy’s done at work. You’re going to be a surprise for him.”

 _“Jessie doesn’t like boxes much.”_ Woody said softly. _“Could you carry her?”_

Sid shrugged. “I mean, it might look weird to Bonnie, but sure. Or, if you can bear it for a few minutes, I can pop the lid back off as soon as I get you into the car.” He glanced around the room and noticed a few of the other toys had started stirring as he talked to Woody and Jessie. “If anyone wants to ask me anything - about Andy, or me, or the house I’m taking you to - you can do that in the car, or while I’m putting you all into the nursery. Just...remember that _Andy_ doesn’t know you’re all alive. So don’t move or talk unless you’re alone with me, okay?”

 _“You never told him?”_ Woody asked, surprised. He was sure Andy would believe Sid. _“Why not?”_

“You trusted me with this secret. And you trusted me to come back for you.” Sid brushed one finger lightly over the top of Woody’s head fondly, seemingly amused by the way Woody was nervously twisting his hat in his hands. “I wanted to be worthy of that trust.”

As more toys began to crowd close - slipping off shelves and peeking out of drawers - Sid turned and pulled the lid off the bin. “Alright, then. Everybody in. If you can’t get in on your own, let me know and I’ll give you a lift.”

Woody sat with Jessie on the desk, holding her hand, as all of Bonnie’s toys settled in for their trip. At last, they were the only two left and Sid turned to them. “What’ll it be then, cowgirl? You want me to carry you, or can you handle the box for a couple of minutes?”

 _“I can do the box.”_ Jessie said, though her voice was a little shaky. _“Woody trusts you, so I do, too. If you say you’ll take the lid off as soon as you can...I believe you.”_

Sid transferred her gently and watched in amusement as she curled into the arms of a Buzz Lightyear toy; Sid remembered him, too, though Woody had certainly made the more lasting impression. He reached for Woody and nodded towards the bin. “Ready, cowboy?”

Woody let himself be picked up and settled beside his friends in the box. As Sid grabbed the lid to close it, Woody called out. _“Sid? Thank you.”_

Sid looked down at him, surprised. “For what?”

_“For remembering us. And for bringing us home.”_

Sid nodded, watching the toys all go still and silent before he settled the lid on the bin. He hefted it into his arms, intent on getting it to the car as quickly as possible, for the sake of the cowgirl who was afraid of boxes. He never wanted to cause a toy pain again. And as he headed for the car - for home; for the nursery waiting for his and Andy’s first child; for the husband he loved more than anything - he thought of the cowboy he was bringing with him and smiled to himself.

Woody had called Andy _home._ It was a sentiment Sid agreed with wholeheartedly.

And while Sid had once thought something this peaceful, and wonderful, and happy was beyond his reach - was something he could _never_ have - he had found it anyway. And he did everything he could, every day, to make sure he deserved it.

**_~ The End ~_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say, thank you so much to everyone who's made it this far. You're amazing, and I love and appreciate each and every one of you! For everyone who's ever clicked the kudos button, thank you as well. To those of you who've commented along the way - they mean the world to me, and sometimes they were the only thing that kept me going. To those of you who patiently waited _years_ for me to finish writing, and who came back after my long absences to see this thing through with me...words cannot possibly express my gratitude.
> 
> Sid and Andy have come to occupy a very special place in my heart, and I want you all to know how thrilled I am to have finally finished this long-standing WIP. This fandom isn't a large one, but you've all been so vocal about giving me love and support, and it means that much more coming from such a small fanbase.
> 
> If anyone wants to lob prompts at my head in the future, or talk fandom/writing with me, or even just see what I'm up to now...my tumblr is always open. http://everything-a-wolf-could-want.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, comments thrill me. And I'd really love to know what you all thought of the ending - both the final chapter and the epilogue. ❤️
> 
> ~ Sly


End file.
